2010 was just a few years ago, wasn’t it? No way, 7 years? It’s been 7 whole years?! It all feels like just a while ago that Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the United States. That BP had an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that destroyed the ecosystem for hundreds of thousands of animals. That we had some of the strangest weather fluctuations the world had ever seen since the early 1800s. How can it already be almost a decade ago since all that happened?
Time really does fly by. The United States now has a new president who makes Obama look like the most popular commander-in-chief of all time. Oil-spills and man-made disasters occur so often they’re hardly making headlines. And our climate is so subject to wild changes that our seasonal categories seem almost irrelevant. In fact, our world is chugging along so fast, we’ve hardly noticed the major changes we’ve made in our lives as we’ve tried to keep up with everything going on.
And we just can’t choose to stay stuck in the past either. It’s a vital part of life’s social contract that we learn to move on and leave some of our habits behind, although a lot of them aren’t even big deals, really. But just in case some of us have failed to take note of some of the new rules as they were written, here are fifteen things we did in 2010 that are no longer acceptable today:
Planking has to be the most ridiculous and most useless teenage fad to have ever swept the nation (although the mannequin challenge is a close second). It involved people laying down like a plank in an inconvenient or dissonant place — say, at the base of an escalator, on top of a pool ladder, or on their classroom desks. We’d have to admit it was cute and quirky at first, but then it got incredibly annoying real quickly. It even got dangerous, with people blocking walkways and roads or falling off of precarious perches. These days, if we see a guy plank, we can safely assume he’s had a heart attack or stroke — or perhaps — that he’s been in a comma since 2010 and just recently woke up. Stupid, dangerous, and totally annoying.
14. Have a Slide-Text Phone (Or Non-Smart Phone)
These things used to be the coolest phones back in 2010. Anyone that still had a flip phone after these things came out was way behind the times and needed to get with it. Actually, they were designed with the needs of texters in mind, so that they could easily go through their phones in an easy manner with one hand and one thumb, while still enjoying a full-sized computer layout keyboard for their rapid texting needs. Because, OMG, our BFF Jill cannot wait that long for a response. These days though, if you have a phone that isn’t an iPhone or an Android or some other kind of Smart Phone with a digital keyboard built into it, it’s fair to assume you’re either homeless or a serial killer. No one even has these phones as burners anymore, what with all the apps you can get for that. (Seriously, there are burner apps — check them out!)
13. Play “The Game”
You were winning it for about seven years, until just now. Now, you have lost the game. We’re sorry. Deeply, truly, and genuinely sorry.
Whether you wanted to or not, you started playing the game a long time ago when some pesky and annoying person (a child, most likely — whether an actual one or one in terms of mental maturity) described it to you. And if for some strange reason you haven’t heard of it before, we’re about to ruin it for you… The Game is, well, a game that you win as long as you’re not thinking about it. As soon as you think about it, you lose, and the game restarts. It’s stupid because it’s just a headache! There is literally no fun part about playing the game except ruining it for other people, which is such a dick move. If someone makes you lose the game today, they deserve a swift slap in the face. (Except us… we’re exempt. Because we’re on your computer, and you don’t want to slap your computer)
12. Play Red Dead Redemption for Days Straight
Red Dead Redemption was a Wild West-style video game that gave you the freedom of Grand Theft Auto in the setting of West World. It was pretty freaking amazing and was one of the first few open world games (besides Grand Theft Auto) to start adopting really cool themes. Following the heels of more successful open world games like Fallout 3, the game was released in May of 2010, and it grew so popular that it triggered a wave of similar games, including the incredibly popular Oblivion game, Skyrim, which was released a year later.
Back when Red Dead was first released, it was totally understandable (hell, maybe it was even expected) for players to hermit themselves away with the game for days at a time to continuously improve their character and play out the missions. Today, doing that would be really uncool. Yes, it’s acceptable to go back and play Fallout 3 or Skyrim once in awhile these days, but for some reason, not so with Red Dead. Good news for fans of Westerns, though: the game has announced its sequel, which is set to be released later this year. So you’ll be excused to play a Red Dead game for hours on end again!
11. Get Excited About XBox Kinect
Back in 2010, we were still coming down from the hype of the exciting Wii, where we could interact with a game screen through the actual movements of our hands. (Can you even remember that? A time when you were waiting with excited anticipation to play on a Wii?) Xbox wanted in on some of that action and announced that they would release, by the end of 2010, a device to turn an Xbox into a Wii-type device, if you so chose. The Xbox Kinect would connect to your console and track your body movements so that you could give your avatar your movements in real time. Pretty cool right?! We couldn’t wait! And then we actually played with it… and promptly just wanted to play Wii again. Or rather, just wanted to go back to normal gaming. Yes, it was close to a more immersive gaming experience, but it wasn’t what our bored minds were craving. Nowadays, if you want immersive gaming, you don’t look for it in an Xbox Kinect or a Wii; you get a Virtual Reality player.
10. Talk About the Finale of Lost
Lost was one of the greatest television sensations of the 2000s. It started back in 2004, with the story of an Oceanic flight disappearing over the Pacific and the world thinking the plane had vanished. The survivors then had to tangle with making harsh tropical conditions manageable by learning to hunt, build shelters, and deal with wildlife. But they also had to deal with mysterious forces, like all those who had been on the island before them, those trying to return to it, and the supernatural forces that were inhabiting the island’s darkest corners. It really was an amazing show, and everyone was crazy pumped for the ending. Then, when the finale arrived in 2010… we were all left stunned. We won’t spoil it for you if you haven’t seen it, but know that every fan lost their shit over the ending. Either they got it and thought it was profound and beautiful, or they thought it was dumb and plain unfair that so many questions were left unanswered. We’ve tried fighting it out; we’ve tried to definitively determine if it was a good or bad ending. But in the end, none of us were really willing to compromise on our opinions. So we came up with an unspoken pact: don’t talk about it. And that pact remains in effect today, just as it should.
9. Get Excited When Talking About Windows 8
Windows 7 was supposed to be a grand improvement from the previous operating system, so we were all understandably so excited for it. In fact, they had us so pumped up that we were all led to believe we no longer had to buy Macs! PC was upping its game, and Mac users were soon going to be the jealous ones! And then they released Windows 7 in 2009 and… what the hell? It sucked. It was terrible. It was like a high schooler had made an operating system for his school project and released it to the world. It just didn’t work! It shut down and crapped out on us all the time; it simply couldn’t handle the basic demands of being a computer’s operating system! But Windows knew they’d messed up and made a big promise: “Windows 8 is going to be completely different, like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Modular. Sleek. Easy to use. Perfect!” So we got excited. Again. Well Windows 8 actually turned out fine, but it’s not something we should still be talking about in 2017.
8. Get Drunk on Four Lokos
Oh, Four Lokos. That disgusting swill of a drink. If you were able to get drunk on these things back in the day, you would know how awful they were (even though they were admittedly able to get the job done). If you didn’t get to savor these gross little beauties, we’ll do our best to explain their torment. They tasted like a suicide version of every energy drink you’ve ever had (Monster, Red Bull, Nos, etc.) combined, then mixed with unknown kinds of alcohol — it could’ve even included rubbing alcohol, we’re not entirely sure. And yeah, Four Lokos was a popular drink back in 2010, but today, most people would struggle to get tipsy on them with all the lawsuits the company has faced. Four Lokos has had to deal with all types of lawsuits from ones that accused them of advertising to underage drinkers to ones that claimed the company’s highly potent recipes actually masked the effects of alcohol poisoning. However, the company has thus far managed to stay belly up, but you won’t find the old Four Lokos recipe around anymore… and that’s probably for the better.
7. Call a Cab
Imagine this scenario: It’s a Friday night. You’re out drinking (not in a huge city with cabs on every corner, but it’s still a sizable city). You’re drunk. You need a ride home. So what do you do? Ask the bartender to call you a cab? Uh, no. These days, if you ask a bartender to call you a cab, they’re going to look at you like you’re insane (or, at the very least, like you’ve drunkenly lost your phone). No one calls cabs anymore! You call an Uber or a Lyft, obviously. It’s cheaper, easier, more convenient, more personalized, and sometimes genuinely safer. In fact, cab companies are really struggling these days because their outdated model just can’t keep up with how convenient and safe the new ride-sharing apps are. Plus, with GPS trackers and easy-to-program prepay systems and ride-preference settings, you don’t even really need to communicate with your driver. So you don’t even need to be coherent when riding home from the bar — uber cool!
6. Wear Neon Plaid Shirts
Plaid has gone in and out of style so many times, it’s kind of difficult to keep track of when it’s okay to wear it or not. Actually, it was huge in the nineties, went out of style for a while in the early 2000s, came back in around 2010, went back out of style, and is now making another comeback. Or is it? Maybe the fact that no one really keeps track of whether it’s in or out anymore is the reason it just keeps coming back, and we keep wearing it. But you want to know why it went out of style around 2010? It was because of the damned neon plaid shirt.
We were all guilty of owning one such piece: a plaid shirt colored in such bright neon that it seemed we were all lumberjacks on our way to a rave. It was horribly gaudy, tacky, and straight up unattractive; in no setting was that shirt cute! In fact, if anyone wears shirts like these today and it’s not for a flapjack brunch party, that person deserves to be cruelly made fun of.
5. Or Wear Excessive Sequins During the Day
Oh my god, the sequins. Whoever invented sequins was a sadistic sort of person, and so was the fashionista that told everyone they could wear them during the day. For a while in the late 2000s, sequins (the shiny, reflective, little bedazzlements on clothing) were on everything. We mean EVERYTHING. Purses, belt buckles, tank tops, jumpers, jean butt pockets, EVERYTHING. And we’d even wear all these things during the day! Sequins first became popular because when women danced at night, the sparkling dots emphasized the ladies’ graceful movements. But then we began wearing all this stuff like it was casual wear! Look, nobody wants to have a human disco ball sitting in class with them or at the quarterly meeting. And if you dare step outside, you’re going to blind everyone around you and scare away all potential mating partners. So just… don’t do it. It’s just not okay to wear that much shiny stuff while the sun’s still up.
4. Or Wear Silly Bandz
These skinny, flimsy, stupid pieces of rubber were the bane of our existence in the late 2000s, especially if you ever had to interact with any youths. Silly Bandz were little rubber bracelets that kids would buy (ahem, make their parents/babysitters/strangers buy) that were shaped like other things if you took them off of your wrist. Some were branded, like Spongebob Silly Bandz, Tangled Silly Bandz, Pokemon Silly Bandz. But there were a bunch of other generic ones, too, like Farm Animals Silly Bandz, Pets Silly Bandz, Space Silly Bandz — it really was downright silly how many of these rubber thingies there were! Kids would trade them like they used to trade Pokemon cards, except these were way lamer. In fact, because of how distracting they were to children in school (how were they even distracting when they weren’t interesting at all?), they’ve since been banned from most classrooms, making Silly Bandz a thing of the past. And hopefully, things stay that way.
3. Like Guys With the Bieber Cut
Justin Bieber got crazy famous in the United States right around 2010. That’s when his hits like “Never Let You Go,” “Baby,” “Somebody to Love,” and “Eenie Meenie” hit the top of the charts. It’s also when every prepubescent girl in the world (and some full grown women, even) started losing their shit over this sixteen-year-old starlet. His whole image was endorsed by Usher, and though the Biebs was known for his tough-big-boy clothing and spunky attitude, he was really best known for his swooping hair cut. His chocolatey brown hair scooped down to his eyebrows and he’d do the classic hair flip by tossing his neck back (in a jerking movement that made every grandpa cringe). For a while, every little boy wanted that haircut because it’s what all the girls loved. These days though, the haircut is mostly only popular in the lesbian community — but to be fair, some girls still really love it. Just not on silly little boys.
2. Wear Sparkly Uggs in Public
Sure, you might have inferred from the rule on this list forbidding wearing sequins in the day that sequin-covered Ugg boots would also be out of the question. But this was such a serious and significant problem in 2010 that we just have to single it out and make sure you all realize that this is totally, entirely, and utterly inexcusable and unacceptable footwear. Do not wear your sparkly Uggs in public ever again! Back in 2010, however, people wore these things everywhere (along with their sloppy buns and sweatpants) and thought that it was okay that they were completely lazy dressing up because at least their ugly, bedazzled house slippery boots looked shiny and expensive. Which was dumb. Sparkly Uggs are the ugliest, stupidest, silliest things anyone has ever had to spend money on (a decent amount of money, too, with each pair going for around $100). Shame on anyone who still has them tucked away in the back of their closet in 2017! Throw them out!
1. Describe Justin Bieber as “Cute”
Anyone who knows anything about pop culture hasn’t been able to describe Justin Bieber as cute for a long time. It was at around 2012 that all of Justin’s fans started realizing that he wasn’t the adorable little heartthrob everyone thought him to be anymore. As it turned out, he was a jerk to all of the crew members that worked on his shows (or even just worked on other shows but had to deal with his guest appearances). He was a selfish boyfriend. He spent a lot more time drinking and getting high on recreational drugs than he did pining after his fans. To be fair, Justin has since roasted himself on Comedy Central and tried to tone down his ego — but we’re all pretty clear on the fact that he’s still as self-centered as anyone in the industry. And we’re even more certain that he hasn’t been cute since… Well, actually, he’s never really been cute. And he’s certainly not cute in 2017.
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