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15 Things Only D-Bag Celebs Say On Twitter

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15 Things Only D-Bag Celebs Say On Twitter

Anybody on Twitter knows that the whole idea is pretty fun. The messages are meant to be short and sweet. You only have 140 characters to work with. You can tweet in mere seconds. This leads many users to publish some hilarious one-liners, or complain candidly about nearly anything. Plus, this social media must-have is not uber popular like Facebook, so you can tweet whatever silly remark you want, and you don’t have to worry about your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle and cousins all reading and judging your posts.

But when it comes to celebrities, we nobodies act as the celebs’ surrogate nosy family members. We read celebrity tweets and laugh, or become irate. We judge each of their 140 characters with the utmost scrutiny. Many celeb tweets are just plain dumb. Other celebs try to act intelligent, and are often misinformed or naive. Sometimes celebrities expose their dark side, or their creepy thoughts, or their extreme arrogance. Any of these examples, especially the latter, can classify the tweeting celeb as a major d-bag.

On this list you will find instances when celebs failed on Twitter. We can all relate. Twitter is an even playing field, and we can make the same mistakes as millionaires. So let’s read up, laugh and judge, and try not to make the same awful tweets like these celebrities made.

15. Sharing Location, and Hate

This one is a double offender. First off: Why all the hate? What is the matter with Twitter users writing passive-aggressive tweets, which are in this case very homophobic? You may be an intelligent, talented and funny man, Alec Baldwin, but by the looks of this tweet it also appears that you dislike all gay people. That’s not cool. Just because you didn’t get enough caramel in your latte, don’t throw shade on all of the “queens” of the world. Some celebs don’t even realize that their tweets are hateful. It’s almost like innocent hate, but that still doesn’t make it right. And what is Alec hoping to get out of this, anyway? Does he want “JAY” to get fired? That’s just plain mean, on a serious level. Secondly, we don’t care where you are right now! D-bag tweeters constantly post about the concert or ballgame they are attending. Or in this case, and even more annoying, we know the damn coffee shop they frequent.

14. Hitting Where it Hurts

Oh, man, look at this bully. I can’t believe he’s actually the President of the United States. It’s unreal right? How can a man with so much publicly hateful and rude remarks, which were published for all to see on social media, actually get elected? He’s the most toxic user on the entire website. What does he know about Arianna Huffington‘s marriage, anyway? Like he should talk. Dude is on his third wife. He has had two marriages fail. You’d think he’d have some compassion, knowing firsthand the difficulties of divorce. Nope. Also, he’s being sexist. Like the man just walked out on the woman, because she was the sole problem in the relationship. The worst thing about this d-bag is that he wrote this tweet to deliberately hurt feelings. This was intentionally written to make Huffington feel like an idiot, for a personal event, which Trump had nothing to do with. Is this supposed to be funny? I’m just not seeing the humor here. Hopefully in the future Trump can change his ways and win over his millions of doubters, but his past is riddled with blunders, so it won’t be easy.

13. Revealing Creepy Thoughts

Why in the world would a father tweet a picture of his daughter like this? Yes it’s true Brooke Hogan looks very hot in this image. Her legs are perfect, crossed with a tight black skirt, and high heels. Maybe a father would like to show some pride and tweet this image, but the text makes the image even worse. Hulk could have tweeted, “Waiting for the wedding to begin with my daughter.” I’m not sure if that’s what they’re doing here, but a little context would help the situation. Just saying, “Brooke’s legs,” leaves way too much to the imagination. He might as well have said “Brooke’s hot,” or “Brooke’s body.” It’s almost like we hear the Hulkster‘s inner monologue, and he’s so captivated by the hot legs that all he can think is… Brooke’s… legs. That’s your daughter, dude! Control yourself.

12. Getting Yourself Fired

There are two ways that this tweet actually happened. Either the account got hacked, or the guy/girl who had the social networking job, hated their workplace so very much. In either case, the results are hilarious, only because it’s honest. StubHub truly is an awful business. I’m not sure if they’re in bed with Ticketmaster or what, but every time I try to buy some tickets, they’re sold out, and then I look on StubHub and there’s hundreds of tickets still available for three times the original price. How can this be legal? And the artists and athletes are pissed about it too. They’re not getting any cuts from the scalper price. They should make venue tickets like airplane tickets. Print your name on the stub and bring an ID. It’s that simple. But it’ll never happen, because somebody is banking. Everybody is getting screwed, except StubHub. They’re raking it in! And it now seems like it’s not a very pleasant place to work either. That’s terrible news.

11. Using Abbreviations

What in the hell are you doing, Kate Gosselin? This is the most annoying tweet I have ever seen. No wonder you have slipped into obscurity. So why is it that she extended the word “Hello,” but can’t write “today?” She wrote 2day instead, which is only going to save one character, and wasted her time by switching over to numerals from letters. If she would have just written “Hi!” instead of “Hellloooo!” she could have saved seven characters. That means she’d have plenty of room to write out the words, “2day” into today (twice), “4ward” into forward, and a “2” into the proper “to.” Also, since she’s counting, she used the word “it’s” when it was supposed to be “its”, so she wasted a character right there. Nobody gives a crap about apostrophes or grammar, but the most d-baggy thing is that you can’t even read the damn message. It’s like deciphering a secret code. Remember the game show Bumper Stumpers? When contestants guessed what jumbled license plates were supposed to mean? This tweet is more annoying than that.

10. Tired Racist Clichés

Alright, Sonny John Moore (yes, that’s his real name). You can’t even think about saying the n-word. What is the matter with you? Have you lived in a cave your entire life? Are you so “cool” with that goofy nickname that you somehow deserve the right to use the word? No. The answer is no, white boy. You cannot, under any condition, use the n-word. Come on Skrillex, haven’t you seen Pulp Fiction? Quentin Tarantino is white as can be, and he used the n-word freely. The Oscar winning director claimed he was trying to overuse the word to desensitize its power and destroy its meaning. Well, guess what? That cinema nerd’s little tactic did NOT work. It was a complete failure. This is a total cliche, Skrillex, you should know better. Isn’t that cute– the white boy wants to say the n-word — just for fun, of course. Well too bad, bro. Not cute. You can’t say the n-word and not be racist. And it’s spelled “allowed,” damn it.

9. Asking Questions to be Cute

Now this is such a charming and insightful tweet, right? Kourtney is definitely the cutest Kardashian, and her question surely inspired waves of research in the scientific community. Of course they don’t have d**ks! They have other ways to project their sperm, but they surely don’t have a p*nis. Does a fly have a d**k? How about a bee? Don’t be ridiculous. A d**k is a term designated for mammals, hopefully humans. This is just a silly question asked only for the purpose of being cute. It harkens back to Jessica Simpson on The Newlyweds, when she asked Nick Lachey if Chicken of the Sea tuna was fish or chicken. Of course it’s fish, it says tuna on the damn can. It smells like tuna, for crying out loud. People do this though, especially girls. It’s a d-bag move. Don’t ask question if you know the answer. Don’t ask if you don’t care what the answer is. And above all, don’t ask questions to be cute.

8. Making the Private Public

Don’t get the wrong idea on this one. We’re not talking about the Anthony Wiener stuff like sexting someone and accidentally putting it on your Twitter. Former NBA star, Ray Allen, did something similar when he tweeted a very risqué comment about an intimate encounter with his girl. The words were so explicit that he probably meant it as a text, not a public tweet. The same goes here with Lance Armstrong. Seems like he thought he was either texting or using Twitter’s private message option. Only true d-bags get those two confused. There’s a pretty big and obvious difference between the two formats, or maybe, as in so many of these odd tweets, alcohol may have been a factor. Remember Lance? He was the undisputed king of cycling until a doping scandal stripped his titles. He also fought a brave battle with cancer and won. The bad news is he made those yellow rubber bracelets a popular fad for way too long.

7. Blatant Self-Promoting

Bill Cosby, what a shame. This guy felt like he was the father of America for a while. If you grew up watching The Cosby Show or eating Jello Pudding Pops, you just loved the guy. He could do no wrong. He was funny, wise, and had a penchant for some great jazz music. But then, in 2013, bam! The sexual assault victims started pouring in. The Coz was accused of drugging beautiful aspiring actresses and models, unbeknownst to them, and then taking advantage of them, sexually. I’m sure you’ve heard this news by now, but it’s still shocking that this man was capable of such repulsive behavior. He is going to court for it now, and I think his lawyers are trying to postpone the case, and postpone the case again, morbidly waiting for the old man to die. He has already admitted that he’s completely blind and has been faking his sight for two years. What other secrets does this guy have?! This tweet was sent out as PR, a blatant self promotion, trying to combat the assault allegations, and bad press, but it went horribly wrong. Most comments called him out as a r*pist.

6. Asking for Retweets

Asking for retweets is similar to the blatant self promotion category. There’s a fine line there. You see people talking business on twitter all the time, and it’s a total d-bag move. We don’t care if you have a new e-book, or iTune. The reason we don’t care is because you already tweeted that promotional message eighty times this week. So there is no chance in hell that we will retweet your stale information onto our own personal page. So please stop asking. Now, in this case the retweet strategy totally backfired on the beautiful Rita Ora. This girl is absolutely gorgeous, there’s no doubt about that, but her talents are just so-so. She allegedly made herself famous by sleeping with the right people, including Jay-Z, Bruno Mars, Drake, Bieber and more. But to us ordinary folks, who didn’t get laid, we aren’t half as impressed with her singing or acting. When Rita sent out this tweet asking for 100,000 retweets to drop her single, but she topped out at around 1,000. How embarrassing. Instead of admitting her overconfidence, the blushing beauty claimed her account was hacked. Yeah, right.

5. Loving Yourself

If you’re writing an article about d-bags, and you don’t include Justin Bieber, then you should probably be arrested and locked away for life. This guy is possibly the biggest d-bag to ever walk the earth. He doesn’t get any better. We kept thinking, oh yeah, he’s talented, he’ll mature, he’ll grow out of the being a douche stage. Nope. Not even close. This guy will have one righteous moment when he seems to be getting normal, and then he’s out walking barefoot in the park and trying to feed squirrels, with his bodyguard in tow holding his shoes. Then he’ll get in a fight with another celeb, and get his butt kicked again. Or he’ll sleep with another starlet you’ve been fantasizing about, and throw her to the curb like a piece of garbage. Once an apple turns rotten, it’s never fresh again. Too late for the Biebs. Maybe when he’s 60 he’ll stop being a d-bag, but I doubt it. In this tweet he is so arrogant that it makes most people sick. Wake up, 13-year-old girls! He’s a jerk! Can’t you see?!

4. Revealing Too Much

Here’s another all time d-bag champion that all d-bag lists must include or suffer the consequences. Kanye is the douche of all douches, and what makes it worse is he’s a dad. He’s raising little mini d-bags now. Okay, that was too low– leave the kids alone, right? Let’s focus on Kanye and how insanely odd he is. Most of his tweets you read and wonder, “Is this guy for real?” Is this a joke or is he seriously thinking this stuff? In the tweet above he is raving about not getting the right type of design on his rug. Does he think that anybody on Twitter can relate to this? I’m sure it’s the nicest $10K rug any of us have ever seen, but the dude isn’t satisfied because it lacks chubby, naked baby angels. This man is truly an odd duck. He revealed way too much on this one. It’s strange, right? If you have any embarrassing and awkward opinions that no other person can relate to, please don’t tweet them.

3. The Humblebrag

Here we have the pop-rock goddess known publicly as Katy Perry. She is one of the hottest most intriguing starlets on the planet. Recently her songs have taken a turn towards the political realm, which is great news. We need more political angst in music. Remember that classic dad rock from the 1970s? They were b*tching about Vietnam and Nixon, and the music meant something. It was visceral and passionate. Now here we are again in a political climate where most artists are pissed off, and in a way, that’s a good thing. Hopefully they will feel inspired to record their best music yet. In the meantime, Katy fell victim to this tweet, a subtle yet obvious humble brag. Oh, you did so much exercising (brag, brag, brag) so now you’ll eat junk food, just like non-dieters (so humble). Actually, the humblebrag on twitter can be way worse than this example. Many tweets include statements like “this dress makes me look fat” and then there’s a pic of a girl looking so hot, it’s insane. Be honest, people. Humblebragging needs to stop. Don’t be a d-bag.

2. Angry Typos

Sometimes people like to air out their frustrations on Twitter. They have something that has been stewing inside them for days and it just needs to come out. They pick up their smart phone in the heat of fury, and type out a tweet that will put all of their haters to rest. But guess what? If you are going to throw shade on your haters, you better proofread your damn tweet. Anger without precision is stupidity. And then, the haters win again. You accomplished nothing and are now more aggravated than ever. It’s a rule to live by: don’t tweet angry. Anger can blind you. And don’t tweet drunk either. You’ll make the same stupid mistakes. Whatever happened in R&B diva Mary J Blige‘s life to inspire this tweet? Who knows? We do know that this tweet did not help her situation one bit.

1. Vague Exclamations

The unspecific exclamation is one of the most abused tweets of all. Don’t get excited about something we know nothing about. How in the world can we relate, and share in the excitement? If it’s some kind of in-joke, then that’s a total d-bag thing to tweet. Also, one exclamation point is plenty. Celeb tweets like these are just asking for comedic ridicule. If you ever watch Conan, or subscribe to his YouTube channel, you may have seen this reoccurring segment, where Nick Offerman, aka Ron from Park and Recreation, reads tweets of young female celebrities. The video-shorts feature Nick, in his woodworking shop, hacking away at some project, and then looking up at the camera and reading a tweet in the most sober way. Then there’s a moment at the end of the tweet, where he stares at the camera like, “What is wrong with the world?” and it’s pretty funny. Speaking of Conan, his twitter feed is one of the best. It’s hard to beat his crafty one-liners like: “My daughter asked me not to come drunk to her school play. Too bad, I really wanted to see it.”

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