When it comes to getting it on, most people think that guys have no insecurities at all. Nothing could be farther from the truth. While outwardly, dudes act like they’re totally secure in the bedroom, on the inside, a lot of men are totally lost and trying as hard as they can not to show it. Of course, once a guy has a lot of experience, he probably isn’t insecure, right? Nope, when it comes to women, having a lot of experience is something that can make a guy insecure too.
There are so many things a guy could be worried about, I could write a book about it and not just a list. That’s in sharp contrast to what most people think: that doing the deed is all about fun and things of that nature. People say, “You’re in bed with a woman that you find totally attractive, and it’s go time! What are you worried about?” Well, for most guys, the answer to that is pretty much everything. In fact, a lot of guys end up coupling with someone mostly because they just don’t feel like going through the anxiety of trying to hook up — and what comes next in the bedroom.
So, don’t worry guys; you aren’t alone, there are literally millions of other guys out there just as freaked out as you are. Just for the record, though… I am not one of them.
Here are 15 things that guys are insecure about in the bedroom.
15. Making Too Much Noise
Making noise when you are doing it is totally natural, of course. You don’t want to be too quiet because if you are, she might not know that you’re having a good time. But there is a fine line between verbally expressing yourself in a way that shows that you are having a blast and grunting like a water buffalo that was shot in the shoulder. Even worse are weird and awkwardly enthusiastic yells. However, if you start thinking about all the sounds you’re making, it’s just going to affect your performance in all sorts of other ways, which we will get to later on in this list. No matter how you slice it, the sounds coming out of a guy’s mouth while he is engaged in the act tend to be things that men worry about.
14. Being Too Dominant
Most women like a dominant guy. Being an alpha male is almost always attractive to a woman. Like everything else, though, there’s a very fine line one should be careful not to cross, lest he goes overboard. In this case, the fine line is drawn between coming across all manly and in charge and acting like you’re with someone you’re paying by the hour. Obviously, just like I said, you do want to come across like you know what you’re doing and maybe, even like you’re the one in charge. But you want to be careful not to come off like you’re a schoolyard bully. This distinction is often hard to figure out for a lot of guys, and when they’re between the sheets, they spend a lot of time trying to figure out whether they’re acting all manly or actually turning a woman off completely by acting in a way that is too dominant.
13. Having to0 Many Partners
A woman likes a guy that’s experienced; there’s no doubting that at all. Her body is not as complicated as most guys fear, but neither is it as simple as many men think. Thus, women like a guy who has some experience and knows his way around the bedroom. The keywords here, though, are some experience. Women don’t like a guy who’s been around too much, and men are often worried that they are that guy, or are turning into him. This insecurity, however, usually only applies if the guy actually really likes the woman. If not, then who really cares what she thinks about him having a lot of partners? But if a guy is with a woman that he really likes, then he’s probably going to be careful not to seem too experienced by being a bit too good. But don’t worry; most of you don’t have to worry about this one.
12. Not Having Enough Partners
This one has been experienced by every single guy in the world at one time or another. It’s absolutely terrifying to start doing the deed with a woman when you’re not sure you’re going to be able to do it right. What if it ends too soon? What if she can tell how inexperienced you are? Should you tell her you have no idea what you’re doing, or should you try and bluff your way through it? All of these thoughts will just run through your head over and over again until you’re either about to lose your mind or on the verge of screaming as you run through the door. But you won’t because you’re so happy you’re actually getting some. This goes away in time, but when it’s happening, it can cause so much anxiety that it can be crippling.
11. It Being Awkward Afterwards
This one never goes away. What do you do when it’s over? Of course, you always picture things going amazingly, that you’ll both just fall into each other’s arms and talk all night. But guess what? That pretty much never happens. Usually, it ends and either gets super uncomfortable right away or becomes super uncomfortable really soon. And then what do you do? Pretend to be asleep? Just get up and leave? Wait until she falls asleep and then go through all her stuff? Okay, that last one is probably not a good idea. But yeah, when you are doing it with someone who’s not all that close of a friend, or maybe even someone that you honestly don’t know at all, or that you do know but can’t stand, then it can be a big insecurity.
10. Being too Fat
So you think that it’s only women that worry about how they look when they take their clothes off? Well, you’re dead wrong. A lot of guys freak out about it, too. They just spend all of this time trying to talk up a woman and act like they’re some sort of player, and then they take off their clothes, and they just become a big gooey mess. And who likes that? The fact of the matter is, most women are not going to bug out if you’re not sporting a six pack and going to the gym every day. But hey, is this article about reality, or is it about insecurity? The thing is, it really doesn’t matter a whole lot what the woman is thinking; what matters is what the guy is thinking. And if he’s not in good shape, doing the deed can be terrifying.
9. It Taking Too Long
This one is a good one. Things have been going great and she’s totally satisfied, and it’s time to bring it to a thrilling conclusion. Except you can’t. You’re trying, she knows you’re trying, but it just keeps going on and on and on for what seems like forever. The whole thing goes from what was initially totally romantic to something more in line with the Bataan death march. In fact, you start worrying that she’s going to begin watching television over your shoulder because it’s taking too long. If this happens, just remember, there could be worse things: you could be a guy who lasts all of a minute. But again, this is about being insecure, not reality, and this is the type of thing that could really get into a guy’s head.
8. Being Bad at Talking Dirty
This should go without saying, but since this is an article of this nature, I’m going to say it anyway. If you’re nervous about talking dirty in the bedroom, then you probably shouldn’t do it at all. There are so many men out there that think it’s a requirement that they talk dirty while it’s going down, so they pressure themselves to let go of a steady stream of oral filth all throughout. Let me tell you something: this is absolutely not true. In fact, most women can’t stand it when guys talk dirty to them. But still, guys not only insist on doing it, but they even get totally worried about not being good enough at it. This, of course, is what is known as a thinking error, but if you identify with most of this piece, then you must be used to experiencing it.
7. Ending Too Soon
Of all the ones on this list, this may possibly be the biggest. I remember my very first time. I was so into her and was so excited that she and I were finally together and that I was going to get it on for the very first time. Well, needless to say, the whole thing lasted about ten seconds, and needless to say once again, it was totally embarrassing. This is the type of thing that guys worry about, and honestly, for this one, there’s actually a reason to worry. While most women are nice about it, believe it or not, they were probably actually planning on doing it for more than 30 seconds. And if you want to talk about awkwardness afterward, this is probably the most awkwardness-inducing scenario of all. If you don’t believe me, just take off all your clothes and apologize to the next person you see. Awkward, isn’t it?
6. Not Having Any Idea What They’re Doing
This one is true only for a very particular subset of insecure guys, but it’s one that might be the worst insecurity of all: worrying about not having any idea whatsoever about what they’re doing. Of course, in reality, you should just do your thing and act naturally. The whole thing is not rocket science, after all. But still, with all that being said, it can be intimidating if you don’t have the experience to know whether or not the moves that you’re doing are actually accomplishing what they’re supposed to do. Some guys will even google things on the Internet or buy and read books about techniques that are supposed to be used to make women enjoy. The reality is, though, that what women enjoy is a guy that’s relaxed and confident.
5. Boring Her
There’s probably only one thing that a guy worries about more than being bad in the bedroom, and that’s being boring in the bedroom. At least if you’re bad, then she might remember you, right? But if you’re boring, then she’d just want the whole thing to be over with so she doesn’t have to care anymore. In fact, a lot of the things on this list are a result of guys worrying that they’re boring: they try and talk dirty, to be dominant — it goes on and on. Once again, the best thing to do is just to be yourself. Women can smell the fear on you; they really can. Of course, me saying that only makes it worse for guys that are super insecure, and I know that. But hey, I wrote it anyway. No one ever said I was a nice guy.
4. Her Having an Ex That Was Better
This one is more specific to guys that are in relationships and not ones that are just hooking up. The thing is, a guy with a steady girlfriend is probably always going to worry that her ex was better than he is. Well, that’s if he’s insecure. There are a lot of guys out there that wouldn’t worry about it at all. But to an insecure guy, something like this is going to get into his head and rattle around pretty much forever. Are you better in bed than her last boyfriend? Is she wishing you would do things more like he did? Is she missing him right now? These are the kinds of questions that can drive an insecure man literally out of his mind, especially if the ex was the one that dumped her and you’re worried that she still wants him back.
3. Losing It
Ahh yes… this is a fear that many guys face, and like many other things in life, once you get worried about such things, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you worry about things going wrong down there and not being able to maintain what’s going on, then it has a much higher chance of it happening. And then, if it happens once, it’s more likely to happen again and again. Before long, a guy with this issue is going to go out of his mind with insecurity, to the point that it is going to rent space in his head for a long time. I don’t know what to tell you with this one because obviously, if you have this problem, it really is something to be insecure about. But I will tell you one thing: worrying will just make the whole thing way worse.
Yeah, you knew I was going to get here sooner or later. While some guys worry about being too big (yeah right, who are we kidding?!), most guys worry about the exact opposite type of thing. And the thing is, most of them shouldn’t. Size is something that’s not that big of a deal — unless, of course, you’re really severely lacking in that area, and then you probably are going to be insecure for real. If that’s the case, I would probably suggest that you become like the most handsome, richest, and most sensitive guy in the world. And even then, you’re probably still going to be pretty insecure about how you’re lacking in that particular area. Some things are just hard not to be insecure about, and sadly this is right at the top of that list.
1. Getting Her There
Alright, you’re really into her, so you want to know that she was satisfied with your amazing performance, and you hope that she wants to do this with you again sometime. Well, how are you to know that you have both of these things covered? There’s only one way. You need to know that she has reached the point of no return, and it’s all because you are just so incredibly awesome at what you do. If this doesn’t happen, it will make you insecure not only with her, but with all sorts of other women in the future. Think about this the next time you consider that it’s wrong for a woman to fake it. She’s not just doing it so she can go to sleep; she’s doing it because she wants you to feel great about yourself.