They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. To many men, women are cryptic creatures of mystery and they’ll never fully understand how the minds of those of the opposite sex work. And with some of the odd and freaky things women do on a regular basis, men are perfectly fine with the fact that they will forever be in the dark when it comes to the logic behind some of women’s common behaviors.
Perhaps men are the simpler gender or women are too detail-oriented and nit-picky. Who knows why, but men and women may never see eye-to-eye or understand what makes each sex tick the way it does.
Men may leave their dirty, smelly socks on the floor, and think it is perfectly acceptable to mindlessly scratch their groin while having a face-to-face discussion, and women just have to put up with it in order to cohabitate and procreate. Men may criticize women for their misunderstood ways, but the ladies will never stop doing what they do. They are women – hear them roar. Usually about something you have done that has upset them. Yes, it is always your fault. Just apologize and move on.
Here are 15 disturbing things women do that men think are totally bats. Perhaps a few fellas in the world take part in these activities too, but they probably won’t fess up to their wonderfully weird ways. Does the special female in your life have disturbing behaviors like these? Probably, but you still love her anyhow.
15. Buy Clothing That Doesn’t Fit
For the ladies seeking to shed a few pounds and lose some unwanted inches on their hips and thighs, many will go out shopping at the mall and pick out clothing that is too small for their current frame in the hopes that their exercising and dieting will slim them down enough to squeeze into those coveted skinny jeans by summertime. This process will supposedly motivate them to lose weight, but all it does is discourage them from embracing their current body and buy clothing that actually fits now. Apparently, the number on the tag inside the clothing is more important that their actual body circumference. Men just try on a pair of pants and purchase the ones that fit – big gut or flabby butt notwithstanding.
14. Wear Something to a Party Then Return It
Women will spend well beyond their means in order to buy the perfect dress for a special event in order to stand out and outdo the other broads at the party. She’ll max out her credit card so she can make a grand entrance and feel confident and show-stopping. You’ll think she has gone nuts considering the rent is a week late and all you’ve got in the fridge is a six-pack of Diet Coke and some string cheese, but she’s got a plan. She will wear her designer number to the shindig, never cut off the tags, make sure it stays perfectly clean, and by Monday, she’ll be back at the store after work returning the dress for a full refund. Morally incorrect? Sure. But she’s not going to go broke just to look good for a night.
13. Squeeze Into Uncomfortable Shoes
There is something (odd) about women and their shoes. Unlike most men, comfort isn’t much of a factor when shopping for a pair of fabulous designer heels, especially if they are on sale. If a woman has her mind set on a pair of must-have shoes, she will find the size that’s closest to her actual foot size and make it work. She’ll be in tons of pain, get nasty blisters, and probably develop ugly corns, but as long as the shoe (almost) fits, she is going to wear it. Naturally, you’ll have to endure her endless complaining all night long, but don’t dare suggest that she change into flats or a pair of tennis shoes. Style is on her mind, even if she must hobble home with bloodied toenails.
12. Get Their Cuticles Cut
Most men cringe at the mere thought of it, but as part of their weekly manicures, lots of women will have the nail technician nip away at their hangnails and cuticles as if they are performing a dissection. A perfect, clean-looking nail-bed is of the utmost concern for these chicks, even if it means they could get accidently cut, or worse, contract some sort of bacterial infection from the re-used instruments at the nail salon or spa. While it is usually advised by doctors that women only ask for the cuticles to be pushed back rather than snipped, lots of gals ignore the professional warnings and go for the cut. A nice set of nails is worth the risk in the minds of these nail-obsessed ladies. It leaves the men scratching their heads, with nails that have their cuticles intact.
11. Exfoliate Their Lips
Women want smooth, flake-free, and totally kissable lips, and the men (or women) they are kissing surely love it, but in order to achieve this smooth and soft lip perfection, some women actually exfoliate their lips to remove the unwanted and unsightly gunk. They may use a toothbrush (hopefully not yours) and work tirelessly at the dead skin or even rub their pout with exfoliators made for the face and body to remove the skin. Some gals mix sugar with some other pasty substance like Vaseline and rub onto their lips until they are sufficiently soft and smooth. Guys, ChapStick may be your manly method for smooth and chap-free lips, but the gals go the extra mile for kissable lips. Who knew puckering up took so much maintenance?
10. Squeeze Everything on Their Face
If you have ever wondered why your chick has a magnifying mirror in the bathroom, it is so she can examine every mark and pore on her face in order to try to make her face look better. She will squeeze any blemish, pimple, or zit, actually making it worse, but continue to pick and poke at her imperfections until she’s sufficiently satisfied. Bye bye blackheads and no more clogged pores. She will sit in the bathroom for an hour looking for things not easily spotted with the naked eye. There is no benefit to this behavior, yet she finds the process soothing and relaxing despite the blotchiness and infections that may erupt from the squeezing and scraping. Hide her mirror and tell her she’s flawless.
9. Gossip About Their Friends
Guys don’t talk about their guy friends behind their back. If you’re friends, then you’re friends, simple as that. Women, on the other hand, can call someone their best friend one minute, and trash-talk her the next with another gal who is now her “bestie.” This disturbing cattiness is seemingly perfectly acceptable among women of all walks of life, and your girl will expect you to offer your two-cents when she’s badmouthing her friend. Agree with your woman that her friend looked like a hooch at the pool party and her other pal was a real know-it-all when you last got together. Just don’t be the one to bring it up in the first place, because then she’ll think you’re the hater. Consider female gossip sessions a way of life.
8. Tweeze Every Stray Hair
Men couldn’t give a rat’s ass if they had a nose hair that was hanging an inch outside their nostril or if their ear hairs are beginning to form an earmuff. Women, on the opposite end of the spectrum, will pluck and tweeze any errant hair, even if it is so small and short that you couldn’t see it with a telescope. She always has a pair of tweezers at the ready so she can pluck a wayward eyebrow, get rid of an unsightly hair above her upper lip, or if she missed a single bikini line hair when she last shaved in the shower. You probably wouldn’t even notice if she had coarse hairs on her chin, but she notices everything, and a hair that doesn’t belong will be ripped off her body in two seconds flat. Blame society for the fact that women ought to be as smooth as silk, but your gal gives right in as she tweezes tirelessly.
7. Get Botox
Why grow old naturally and gracefully when you can painfully inject your face with poison to turn back the hands of time and achieve a plastic and unnatural appearance? Sure, dudes have been known to get an injection at the plastic surgeon’s office or while they’re at the dermatologist, but women are getting Botoxed at outrageous rates that men will never reach in this lifetime. When creams, potions, and lotions just won’t get rid of those pesky crow’s feet and unsightly frown lines, a little squirt of the good old Botox will smooth everything out and freeze a woman’s face in time. If you can’t tell if your dame is happy or angry anymore, blame the Botox. And be sure to constantly remind her of how youthful she’s been looking lately.
6. Get Brazilian Waxes
No pain, no gain, right ladies? Yes, women (insane ones) will get hot wax slathered on their nether-regions and have it swiftly ripped off by a total stranger in order to achieve a completely nude vajay-jay. This is no ordinary wax job – the Brazilian procedure removes every hair down there, even the ones you can’t see (unless you’re a gynecologist). Pubic hair trends come and go, from the full bush to the pre-pubescent hairless kitty. But dare any red-blooded man to have all his hair down there torn off under the glaring lights of a nail salon’s back room, and he’ll be running for the hills faster than you can heat up a vat of wax. Yes, this is a disturbing procedure, but lots of fellas enjoy the end result.
5. Coo Over Strangers’ Babies
It’s a rare sight to see a man ooh-ing and aah-ing over a baby, unless it is his own. But females will go crazy over any baby they see, even if they have no idea whose it is. Go with your hormonal gal to the grocery store and you’ll be sure to find her chatting up a stranger and letting her know how stinkin’ adorbs her little bundle of joy is. Men, on the other hand, think all babies look alike, and most aren’t all that cute. Red and wrinkly, those crying, drooling blobs may as well be aliens from another planet. But women go ape sh!t over little ones to the point of obnoxiousness. Just tell your girl that you agree that you’ve just encountered the cutest baby you’ve ever laid eyes on, and finish your grocery shopping in peace.
4. Cry During TV Commercials
Those damn Hallmark card commercials are killers. You want to make fun of your girlfriend or wife as she shamelessly weeps over the greeting card commercial about mothers and daughters who live thousands of miles apart, but if you dare say a word about the tears streaming down her face as she sits on the couch eating a bowl of popcorn, you’ll be toast. So your chick will continue to get all mushy as the sappy TV commercials pull at her heartstrings, and you’ll be considered the cold-hearted louse who has no feelings and doesn’t deserve any more popcorn. Disturbing as it seems, get used to the fact that your girl is going to form an emotional attachment to actors pretending to be family members who miss one another terribly. Hand her a Kleenex and keep your snarky remarks to yourself.
3. Feel Guilty About Eating a Pint of Ice Cream
If you eat a tub of ice cream, you feel happy and satisfied, but if your girl indulges in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, she won’t be able to forgive herself and she’ll instantly regret her sugar-fueled binge. She will say how fat and gross she is and promise diet for the next 3 days. And if you dare to whip out the mocha fudge swirl in front of her as she’s choking down a kale salad, you will be scolded and shamed as well. She always claims to have the self-control to take just a single scoop, but there she is, back at the fridge eating straight from the container until the ice cream is all gone. Somehow, this is all your fault and you think she’s disgusting. So much for going out for milkshakes this weekend.
2. Employ the “Silent Treatment”
If your girl is suddenly and obviously super quiet, she is not getting all “Zen” on you. She is completely pissed off and she has decided you’re not talking to one another. The silent treatment may seem wonderfully peaceful for a while, but it will become frustratingly unbearable after a few hours, especially when you can’t remember where you keep the dog treats and she won’t help you find them. Your dog now hates you as well. In order to get things back to normal, you must assume you’ve done something wrong. At least she thinks you have. Retrace your steps and figure it out and apologize with a note, considering she won’t talk to you. Silence may be golden, but the silent treatment is never glamorous.
1. Wear Makeup to the Gym
The gym is a place to sweat it out, get in shape, and work on your form and figure. But for lots of women, heading to the gym bare-faced is not an option. They will put on a full face of makeup in order to feel presentable at the gym, as though they were headed out for a night at the club or a nice restaurant. Not only does this disturbing behavior make you want to rip your hair out considering you must wait an extra half hour for her as she puts on her false eyelashes and lipstick, but nobody could care less whether or not she is wearing makeup in the first place. It is going to run off her face as she perspires anyhow and it’s a total waste of energy. Maybe it’s time to invest in a home gym to avoid the worry about being seen without caked-on foundation in public.