Paris Hilton was the ‘it’ girl of the 00s. Tall, thin, blonde and rich, she was like the girl at school who we always wanted to invite us to her amazing poolside parties at her daddy’s mansion.
Paris was born to being Paris Hilton – one of the heirs to the Hilton hotel fortune, Paris became a model as a teenager, signed to Trump Model Management. By 2001, at the age of 20, Paris was becoming famous on that party circuit to which you and I will not be invited to, dear reader.
In 2003, just before the first season of The Simple Life went to air, Paris’ raunchy, video ‘1 Night In Paris was released and Paris was catapulted into the zeitgeist as one of THE faces and bodies of the noughties.
Think Paris Hilton and think tiaras, small dogs, Von Dutch caps, Juicy Couture, colored sunglasses and a LOT of pink. That’s hot.
Not that Paris has really ‘reinvented’ herself as of late, but at 36, Paris is still a power player. While she may not be the name on everybody’s lips she is definitely still around. She DJ’s for more money per night than many people make in a year, she has made a ridiculous amount of paper from all her perfumes. Don’t feel sorry for Paris for being knocked off her pedestal – she is doing just fine.
Just like the rest of us, unless we have lived a life of pure good sense and unadulterated judgement, (in which case get off my list for being boring) Paris has done and said some stupid things. Here are 15 times Paris did something really stupid.
15. When Paris Failed Geography For Real
I am a bit of a geography buff, also I am one of those irritating people who sigh sadly when people don’t know things I feel they should know.
Paris probably has waaaaay too much going on to bother her head with things like capital cities and country names. Paris’ name is a European city though, so maybe…… no. No it’s ok, she doesn’t need to know everything.
Anyway, in 2011 Paris tweeted this gem “No, no, I didn’t go to England; I went to London.”
This beautifully punctuated tweet caused some sneering, but I could see how she could get confused.
No, no I can’t. There is no real excuse for this. Although she has come out recently and said that the ‘dumb blonde’ thing was all an act so…. Maybe it was a joke.
14. When She Got Bitten By Her Kinkajou
A kinkajou is a little rainforest critter a related to a raccoon. Are they cute? That’s debatable.
Paris had a pet one and called it Baby Luv.
After years of being the alpha butch tough and strong butch killer kinkajou, it objected to that name and bit Paris while she was playing with it, sending her to emergency for medical treatment.
While veterinarians wanted to euthanize the little critter in case it had rabies, Paris refused to let them kill her toothy pet, despite the fact that it could have spread rabies to other people. Luckily no-one got rabies and Baby Luv’s special toxic kinkajou saliva did not hurt Paris.
13. When Paris Made ‘That Tape’
I am on the wall a bit about this, because it definitely made Paris the Paris we all know and possibly love. But on the other had she should definitely have been asked for her sober consent to be in the video AND to release it.
When 1 Night In Paris was released just before Paris achieved maximum Paris saturation with her show The Simple Life, Paris was upset about its release, claiming that she was ‘out of it’ when it was made and that she had not given permission for it to be released.
Rick Salomon, the person who spent the one night, um, WITH Paris, sued her for defamation, and she countersued.
They settled out of court and she was awarded $400,000, although she later said that she did not receive any money for it, and that any money made from it should have been given ‘to some charity for the sexually abused or something’.
12. When David Letterman Mocked Paris On His Show
Jail is stressful, and probably even more so for people who are used to having money and status. For poor writers on the other hand it can seem like three free meals a day, just joking. Or not.
Nonetheless, after being in jail for less than a month, Paris went on David Letterman, and immediately regretted it.
While she wanted to talk about her future, her perfume, her movie Repo! The Genetic Opera that was coming out and her clothing line, Letterman was determined to laugh about the jail food, her friends in jail and mock her for being in jail longer than Nicole Richie’s 45 minutes for drug and dangerous driving.
“Now you’re making me sad I came because you are hurting my feelings” said Paris.
11. When Paris Introduced Us To Kim Kardashian
When Paris unleashed Kim Kardashian on the general public, Kim was quite literally someone who Paris would pay to clean out her closet, (which I think makes Kim resourceful and clever, but what would I know). Kim, the brightest shining star in the plastic reality tiara of fame, came out from the shadow of Paris and soon eclipsed her, destroying their friendship.
Just like Paris, Kim had a private tape that rocketed her reality TV show to the dizzying heights of super stardom, riding slightly on the pink fluffy coattails of Paris and knocking her off the top spot.
Does Paris regret her friendship with Kim? Probably, considering that she drew Kim into the spotlight as a replacement for Nicole Richie when they had a falling out. Also considering she referred to Kim’s famous derriere as ‘cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.’
10. When Paris Thought Coke Was Gum
In 2010 Paris pled guilty to possessing cocaine in Las Vegas and confessed that she had lied to the arresting police officer that the cocaine that had been found in her purse was not hers. This guilty plea kept her out of jail.
Paris thought better of her lie and admitted that the cocaine was hers and was not gum, which is what she had originally claimed she had thought it was.
However OUTSIDE of the USA she had already gotten out of trouble in South Africa for denying that she had marijuana, so I guess she thought that if it worked that time…..
Paris has previously served time for driving on a suspended licence, before which she had been arrested for a DUI.
9. When Paris Advertised Alcohol After Being Caught Drunk Driving
In the noughties, Paris Hilton advertised sparkling wine in a can called Rich Prosecco. She even got painted gold for the ads.
Now, I don’t see a thing wrong with sparkling wine in a can. I don’t see a thing wrong with any wine in any container – bucket, vase, shoe. I am not a person with any standards at all. But Italian winemakers are a little more picky than me, which isn’t hard, and they objected to the use of the name Prosecco and the use of the Paris Hilton with that product.
This all took place post DUI arrest, and internet commentators wondered if perhaps Paris was the best person to be advertising alcohol at all.
8. When Paris Got Into A Stunt Plane Thinking It Was A Joyride
Actually, the stupid person here was not Paris at all.
When Paris went to Dubai to attend a hotel opening, she was offered a 15 minute aerial tour of Dubai. Paris got on board with a group of strangers she did not know were actors. The plane then went though a series of stunts with alarms going off, designed to trick Paris into thinking that the plane was crashing. Needless to say, she was terrified, and a camera captured every minute of her fear, and then told her at the end that it had been a prank.
Paris said at the time that she was going to sue for emotional distress that she experienced in the fake crash, but so far nothing has happened in that direction that we know of.
7. When Paris Was Homophobic
You would think that Paris, being such a party girl and so glittery and shiny-bright, would have had loads of contact with gay people and be anything but homophobic.
And yet in 2012 Paris had to publicly apologies for remarks that left the gay community (and allies and friends and families and just other people) reeling with horror.
An audiotape surfaced in which Paris could be heard saying that gay men were disgusting for sleeping with people they didn’t know, and ‘probably had AIDS’. Paris’ candid conversation was taped while riding in a cab, and basically she should have kept her mouth shut.
“Gay guys are the horniest people in the world’ They’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS….I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You’ll like die of AIDS.’
6. When Paris Bought An $8000 Puppy
I would think that Paris was perfectly within her rights to purchase whatever puppy she likes, as long as she takes care of it.
However PETA, the People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals, do not agree and have taken her to task for buying such a pricey pooch.
The tiny little teacup Chihuahua caused an internet splash, with PETA dubbing Paris ‘Paris the Puppy Pimp’.
$8,000 isn’t a lot for Paris to spend on a puppy though, in 2014 she bought a Pomeranian puppy for $13,000.
Internet animal lovers have slammed Paris for spending more than $20,000 on two dogs, when that money could have saved countless shelter dogs. But she needs dogs that will fit in her two storey $375,000 doghouse! Not just any mutt from the shelter would match all the décor.
5. When Paris Embarrassed Her Grandfather So Much He Disinherited Her
Paris was born into money. She grew up knowing that she would always have money because her family had so much money.
Paris was disinherited by her grandfather, Barron Hilton, and lost $60 million.
First ‘1 Night in Paris’ and then her stint in the slammer embarrassed him so much he decided to leave her only $2.5 million and donate her share of the rest of his billions to a charitable organization so that his family doesn’t profit from money that they have not earned.
I guess that the older generations still like to hold an element of control over their family to try to ‘keep the good name’, and Paris was a bit too much of a black sheep for him. That’s ok Paris, the black sheep are usually the most interesting at parties. And they have the prettiest wool. And they can earn their own money DJing.
4. When Paris Was A Singer
Paris has been a singer over and over again actually, releasing a number of EDM songs over the years. The most well known of her songs was probably Stars Are Blind, but she has released a number of others.
Look, were they really stupid? I mean she is probably a better singer than a lot of us and the clips are bright and shiny. You can actually find demos of her singing Britney Spears’ “Toxic” and clips of her singing a cappella and you know there are worse singers.
She got roasted for her singing career though – as if she wouldn’t. When someone bases their brand on being narcissistic and manufactured then haters are gonna hate.
3. (The Many Times) That Paris Forgot Her Panties
I have to say that if this is sheer forgetfulness, then Paris needs a checklist when she leaves the door.
I don’t mean to be bossy, but on numerous occasions we have all seen Paris’ lady-bits exposed to the elements, and it just seems avoidable.
From tiny little dresses sky high thigh slits, Paris has had ample opportunity to get some air down there by herself or with fellow Commando fan Britney Spears.
But is it a mistake, Paris, is it? One time might be a mistake, to do it more than once seems like rank carelessness or deliberate crotch flashing.
2. When Paris Was Racist
There is no excuse for racism or homophobia.
Paris’ former friend, Brandon Davis, has come out swinging that Paris is racist.
Brandon said he ended his relationship with her because of her attitude, saying racist slurs against Jews (Brandon is Jewish) and also using the ‘n’ word.
Paris was also quoted in the book Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead: Journeys Into Fame and Madness by Neil Strauss as saying “And actor and I were making out(Vin Diesel), but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and I made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one.’
Hilton’s legal team is denying that this quote has any accuracy at all.
1. When Paris Went to Australia And Hooked Up With Australian Idol Rob ‘Millsy’ Mills And Then He Sang About It
Everybody loves an Australian, and I say this as an Australian.
When Paris came to Australia in 2003, she did the party circuit (of course) and first met young Millsy at an Australian Idol after party, and then they hooked up later at another party. The next day he was photographed on her balcony, and history was made. They met up a number of times after that and Millsy claims that he was the person who first watched her infamous tape with her after she was sent the tape by her lawyer.
So far so good.
But Millsy turned out to be a bit of a kiss-and-tell hookup, because in an embarrassing display of childish braggadocio, Millsy decided to sing a cover of Frank Sinatra’s ‘I Love Paris’ on Australian television.
When Paris feigned not knowing who he was in 2016, I think that she had had enough of a small time performer who had used her name to further his career.
We’ve all had that one guy, Paris.