On the surface, if you’re a single guy and she’s a single lady, dating a WWE women’s division wrestler seems like it would be a cool thing. You’d be the envy of thousands of guys around the world, be able to check off “date a quasi-celebrity” on your bucket list and get to know a side of somebody who is largely defined by the character they play.
If you’re a wrestling fan, the benefits are probably insane. You’re going to get free tickets to the best events, free merchandise and likely get to know some of her co-workers. This is like hitting the lottery as a WWE fan, and odds are, she’s not going to kick you out of the bathroom when she’s showering. What’s not to love?
Well, a lot of things. You’re always going to be the guy who dated the female wrestler. Keep in mind, to wrestling fans people like Sasha Banks, Bayley and Charlotte are beautiful, talent women who are some of the best to perform their craft. To somebody just flipping through the channels wondering why Modern Family isn’t on the USA Network on Tuesday nights anymore, these women are looked down upon.
Who cares what people think…I’m dating a WWE superstar. That’s true, and you shouldn’t care what others think, but you should think about all of the extra baggage that’s going to come with dating somebody in the spotlight who has a very unique job. It may seem like nothing but a bed of roses, but look closely and you’ll find many, many thorns sticking out. Don’t do it, man. Just don’t. There are so many headaches and we’ll begin to just scratch the surface here. In case you’re ever placed into a position to make a decision, here are 15 Reasons You Never Want to Date a WWE Woman Wrestler.
15. She gets to grab other hot women, but you don’t
We’ve always wondered about jealousy issues with those people who are couples and one chooses to work in the adult entertainment industry. How does a guy watch the girl who is supposed to be totally devoted to him pawing away at a different guy even if it supposedly just acting? Well, let’s flip it. What would that actress think if her boyfriend starting hooking up with girls if he wasn’t in the industry? She’d hate it. It’s the same thing with a WWE wrestler. You’re stuck there home alone every Monday or Tuesday night while she’s on the road. You can’t have girls over to your apartment because it would be cheating, but there she is, with her legs and arms wrapped up all over other women, mocking you in front of the country. She’s wearing what is basically her underwear pushed up against ladies you’d get in trouble for looking at in real life. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun.
14. Only one of you should have man hands
We’re never going to claim that current crop of WWE women wrestlers aren’t, for the most part, good looking. We love to look at them not just standing around, but also when they’re doing their thing in hand-to-hand combat, We can’t recall another time in the history of the company females offered both looks and in-ring ability to such complementary levels. That said, these are athletes who work out, lift weights, grapple with each other and are constantly smacking their hands on the canvas. You think any woman is able to keep her hands looking dainty and lamb’s wool soft? Nope. Her hands look like she runs the cement mixer at a construction site. If you liked what the janitor of your elementary school’s hands felt like…nevermind. You’re going to have to get beyond those paws if you’re going to be with a WWE woman.
13. She demands entrance music wherever she goes
Almost every day of their life, your would-be girlfriend walks out in front of a crowd while a song plays. For Charlotte, it’s a remake of her father’s classical theme made famous by the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. It’s a neat song, but it’s going to get irritating if you’re dating someone like Sasha Banks and she makes you run into a restaurant in front of her so you can give the hostess a copy of Sky’s The Limit. How many times in your life are you going to be able to handle hearing “Had a Dream I Hadn’t Made It” every time she walks into a room? Look at Bayley. The girl can’t help but dance to her music. You think visiting your parents’ house on Thanksgiving is going to happen without her music playing as she sits at the dinner table?
12. She may be tempted to break the rules
Where was Paige for much of 2016? The WWE will never advertise it, but she failed drug tests twice and spent most of the year suspended. What about Eva Marie? Bad test. Now, we’re not going to pass any judgment or suggest we can ever know for sure what happened, but the girl you will potentially date will have a lot of bad substances at her disposal and if she starts to think she can’t make it in her profession naturally, could she possibly turn to chemical enhancement? Or might she get injured and get hooked on painkillers as so many wrestlers have? Peer pressure and fear for your job can make a person do things they might never otherwise. How comfortable are you going to be knowing that your girlfriend is just one bad test away from making you looking like the idiot for dating the woman who can’t get by without a little help.
11. The WWE Universe is full of socially inept people
If you’re reading this list it’s either because you’re hoping to see some sexy pictures, you love professional wrestling or some combination of the two. People who don’t like wrestling often lump wrestling fans together as undereducated socioeconomically disadvantaged rubes. While we know that’s not completely true – somebody is buying those $10,000 WrestleMania seats – every stereotype generally has a basis in reality and watching fans interact with wrestlers is one of the areas that can often make you grimace. Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone likely don’t get addressed as John MccLane or Rocky when being bothered at dinner, but many fans will talk to the wrestlers like what’s happening in the ring is real life…even if it’s 2 a.m. in a hotel lobby or 5:30 a.m. in line at the airport. How irritating is it going to be now that you’re the guy who has to take 50 cell phone pictures every day you know your girlfriend hates?
10. She has friends who can mess you up
Yes, wrestling is predetermined. Yes, they are not trying to beat each other as senseless as they are portraying. That said, it takes a tough person to withstand the grind of being a professional wrestler. There’s working out, eating well, taking bumps and occasionally catching a stray kick or punch. People like that know how to fight in real life too. Do you think that when the inevitable disagreement happens with your girlfriend who works for the WWE, that any former intercontinental or tag team champion is going to side with you? Of course not. Now, it’s not just the catty friends dissing you that you’re used to in a normal relationship, you also have ego-driven muscleheads who want to tear you apart. The company Christmas party might end with you at the bottom of a ravine somewhere in Stamford, Connecticut. It’s safer to keep your distance from people with friends that physically dominating.
9. Every hug turns into a belly-to-belly suplex
There’s this unique phenomenon known as muscle memory. It’s basically the process by which you teach your body to do something physical that otherwise isn’t natural. With enough repetition, it becomes natural. In baseball, it’s why players still take batting practice every day. In football, it’s a why a lineman still attack tackling dummies during pre-game warmups. Planning on dating a female wrestler. A hug turns into a belly-to-belly suplex. If they fall down and you try to give them a hand, be careful, because odds are they’ll try to roll you up into a small package and get a pin that’s not happening, or she’s going to whip you to the ground and apply an armbar. These ladies are working 20-minute matches several days a week aside from any practice. They are trying to nail their ring instincts. It just may result in a few bruises for you.
8. The hair dye budget gets excessive
Now, we know that most girls do something to color their hair. It’s just the way girls work these days: They post pictures that would make their family cringe on Instagram and they are constantly pouring chemicals onto their head. But do you think Eva Marie’s candy apple red hair, Becky Lynch’s flame orange locks, Sasha Banks’ magenta tresses or even Charlotte Flair’s platinum tribute to her father come from a box you find at the supermarket? Think again. If you’re the kind of couple who pool your money together, you might as well kiss your shampoo and Supercuts budget goodbye. Suddenly it’s going to be all about the hair and you’re going to be paying for it, not her. Instead of spending quality time on her day off with you at home, she’s at the hairstylists asking to look like something out of Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. You sure know how to pick ‘em.
7. She’ll retire early and be living at home with you
We’re not going to talk about the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young here because they weren’t women wrestlers, they were antiques come to life, and let’s be honest…you wouldn’t have wanted to date either of them. A potential girlfriend is a potential wife and a potential wife is partner you have to split bills with. Unless her first name is The and her last name is Undertaker, making a lot of money in wrestling probably won’t happy. Women don’t make nearly what the men make and women don’t last nearly as long. There’s a reason all of the female Hall of Fame inductees look good. It’s because they’re 10-to-20 years younger than their male counterparts who often stay in wrestling until the age of 50. Yeah, it’s cool to date a celebrity, but eventually that celebrity fades and you’re left at home with a woman who once was somebody and only sources of income are working the bad end of the autograph room at comic-cons.
6. You’re stuck listening to her complain about rope and canvas burns
Maybe it’s not politically correct to say, but boy don’t the ladies love to complain about every little thing, professional wrestler or not. Are we right guys or what? With most women, it’s doing their makeup wrong or getting cut off in traffic or having a friend passive aggressively diss them on Twitter. It’s going to get a lot weirder when your girlfriend is a WWE wrestler. There’s going to be a whole new world of complaining and it’s just going to start with the burns she gets running the ropes and taking bumps on the canvas mat. She’ll probably complain the wicker of the kendo sticks are too cold or the announcer’s table is too hard to put their opponent through. They’ll complain that their action figure looks nothing like them and they look like a fool making a face in the opening credits of their weekly television show. Do you really want to listen to this kind of stuff. It’s bad enough when regular chicks do it.
5. Having to lie to her about how nice her costume looks
There’s nothing that test you as a boyfriend more than when the girlfriend says, “How do I look?” It’s only a slightly less loaded question than “Do these pants make me look fat?” We all want to say, “No, it’s the fat that makes you look fat” but we’re smarter than that. If you’re going to be dating a WWE superstar, you’re going to have to deal with a lot more of this. Let’s be honest, the WWE ladies through histories have great bodies, but not the best faces. Butterface issue aside, the costumes need to be complementary, in cut, style and color. You’ve got ladies who always look great like Sasha Banks…of course it doesn’t hurt her husband does the costumes. Then you’ve got people like Bayley who look like Rainbow Brite’s surly cousin. So, if you’re going to make the mistake of being with a woman wrestler, we’re going to give you the correct answer: “Oh, wow! There are a lot of fans who are going to like that look!” Now you’re off the hook.
4. Never being able to say “But It’s Fake!”
Have you ever had one of those girlfriends who comes home from work and drones on about how her day went, telling stories full of people you don’t know, in situations you don’t quite understand, regarding things you could care less about. You think she’d realize you don’t bore her with your work stories and you feel bad when you snap or are caught daydreaming, but this is nothing compared to when you have to listen to a million stories about how Naomi caught her with a stray kick or how Becky Lynch didn’t slap her thigh at the right time to make the hitting sounds. Call her fat. Call her stupid. Call her whatever you want. Just DO NOT say to her “But It’s Fake!” Yes, it may be predetermined, but if you insult her like that your day is not going to end well.
3. Everybody knows she can kick your butt
At the end of the day, there’s one truth about your situation if you’re dating a WWE women’s’ division wrestler. While not always the case, the odds are greatly in her favor in a physical altercation. Maybe she’s not as strong as you, but she knows hand-to-hand combat, even if choreographed and with the amount of work she has to put in the gym, we’d put our money on her in a fight. Now, we’re not suggesting you should try to get in a fight, nor are we condoning the fact she could probably mop the kitchen floor with you. All we’re saying is that if you opt to date a WWE wrestler, you’re agreeing to the unspoken social contract that everybody knows your girlfriend is tougher than you. If you think anybody is ever going to let you forget that fact, you’re just fooling yourself. You’re going to be the guy with the wrestler girlfriend who could beat him up. And people will laugh at you and say you’d better stay in line. Is that really worth the 20% discount on wrestling T-shirts she gets?
2. She’ll have temptation to date the dudes at work
John Cena and Nikki Bella. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. Edge and Beth Phoenix. Edge and Lita. Lita and Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy and Reby Sky. Mickie James and Kenny Dykstra. Tyson Kidd and Nattie Neidhart. Renee Young and Dean Ambrose. Rusev and Lana. Big Cass and Carmella. Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella. Zack Ryder and Emma. Brock Lesnar and Sable. Enzo and Liv Morgan. Booker T and Sharmell. Shawn Michaels and Whisper. Stacy Keibler and David Flair. Jimmy Garvin and Precious. Cody Rhodes and Eden Stiles. Goldust and Terri Runnels. New Jack and Terri Runnels. Simon Diamond and Dawn Marie. Tammy Sytch and Chris Candido. CM Punk and AJ Lee. Jimmy Uso and Naomi. Tommy Dreamer and Beulah. Randy Savage and Elizabeth. The Miz and Maryse. The Undertaker and Michelle McCool. Chris Benoit and Nancy Sullivan. Kevin Sullivan and The Fallen Angel. Marc Mero and Sable. We could keep going, but we hope you get the point. Backstage at a wrestling show is where relationships are made.
1. Her strength and flexibility in certain situations is intimidating
Have you ever been golfing or skiing or played tennis or even horseshoes with somebody who is really good? You may be decent, but their skill will just knock you out of the water and feel inferior just standing next to them. A typical male fantasy is to have happy time in the bedroom with a female gymnast, but how about a female wrestler? Not only do they have crazy flexibility, but most have abs you could bounce a quarter off of and thighs that could crack coconuts. And we haven’t even talked about the ones who like it rough. Rough? These ladies get thrown through wooden tables and do moonsaults 12-feet onto somebody standing below. You think you’re going to be able to survive all this on a nightly basis? It sounds fun to try once or twice, but give it a week and you’ll be on the injured reserve list.