Now while some of you guys might be thinking, “Ha, my girlfriend isn’t crazy!” as you skip past this title, we’re here to tell you how you could very well be next, my friend. You may be dating crazy women and not even realize it yet. Sure, you met this amazing girl, and you fell in love instantly. You’ve been together for a while now, and everything seems perfect. Psychotic women aren’t always easy to identify. In fact, they’re experts at hiding their inner crazy and can pull off appearing normal. But what’s “normal” anyway? And don’t we all have a bit of crazy in us? Maybe, but ya gotta draw the line somewhere…
It happens to the best of us. One moment, you think you’re with the perfect girl, and the next you’re a visitor to Crazy Town with nothing but a one-way ticket. Lucky for you, we’re here to offer a few tell-tale signs that you’re dating a potential Aileen Wuornos or worse. There’s stock standard woman behavior, crazy-ish behavior, then full on psychotic.
Just think of us as being sent here by the dating gods to let you in on a few signs to look out for. How did we do this? Well, after years of experience, a string of awkward first dates, and over a dozen failed relationships, we have the inside story.
Can’t tell if your girlfriend or your mate’s girlfriend is secretly loco? We can! Share the post, and let’s raise a few red flags before they go off the deep end…
15. Catishes You
We all know that if she sings her exes praises one too many times, uses you for money, or has a way of alienating you from your friends, it’s tickets for her. What about if the sneaky fox catfishes you? You know — sends you a Facebook invite from a fake profile to see if you would fall for another woman flirting with you?
Next thing you know, she’ll be sneaking a peek at your texts over your shoulder and going through your call history when you have a shower. Enter another red flag on the long list of crazy, and before you know it, your girl will be asking you for your phone password or email password. Don’t say we didn’t warn you…
14. She Uses Intercourse as a Weapon
If big-screen movies and regular sitcoms have taught us anything, it’s that men will do anything for sex, and women will do anything for love. Unfortunately for us, women now know this, too, and it’s so easy for them to get us to do anything they want.
First thing they do is withhold sex, and it’s always the crazy ones who are that much better in bed, giving us that much more reason to cave. If her bedroom etiquette is out of this world and has you thinking she’s perfect — hello, first red flag. Is getting lucky really worth dealing with all the crazy? While we’re sure a whole bunch of you are sitting there nodding your head thinking “yes,” we’ll appeal to the intelligent few. We feel for you, John Wayne Bobbitt…
13. She Has a Texting Obsession
If it’s a fairly new relationship, then you’re probably in that phase where everything is exciting. Date nights, phone calls during the day at work, and the late-night texts — it’s fun to be in constant contact with one another to ensure you that everything is okay. But there’s constant contact and there’s constant contact where she has a full-on texting obsession. You see, it’s only a problem when missing her call or text leads to hundreds of calls and texts until you answer. Hello, red flag number two.
It’s only a matter of time before it escalates, and then you can look forward to those irate voicemails, pitched voices on the receiver end, and multiple texts instead of multiple orgasms. And when you try to return her message, you’ll be bombarded with essay upon essay in text form, and she’ll be hostile for a few hours. One surefire way to tell if your girl isn’t dealing with a full pack is to keep an eye on her texting temperament.
12. She Expects You To Read Her Mind
We’re going to go out on a limb here and dare say that most women expect you to read their minds. Unfortunately, we’re no Nostradamus, and we’ve consistently failed to read women’s minds. The best that we can really do is empathize with their feelings and be kind to her moods, but often, this isn’t enough for women.
Women want kind, sensitive, and mind-reading men, while men want women to not expect them to be mind readers. It’s a constant struggle. Gentlemen, we don’t know much about women, but the among the few things we do know are that things are never “fine” when women say that they are and that you should never ever say those jeans make her look fat. Also, when she’s make-up free, never forget to tell her she looks naturally beautiful.
11. She Constantly Asks You If You Love Her
Psychotic women are notoriously suspicious and constantly have a string of questions ready to throw your way. Now while she may not be a certified bunny boiler, you do need to watch out as this is another red flag. Soon, she’ll be asking you questions about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doing, and who you’ve been doing it with. Next, she’ll ask you if you love her, and this is when it becomes truly exhausting.
But how do you know if your girlfriend has advanced beyond the semi-stalker insecure stage and advanced with flying colors to the full-blown crazy stage? Oh, you’ll know. Let’s just say the less rational her accusations, the closer you are to getting ice-picked in your sleep. Enter a new red flag, and it’s time you run free with the wolf pack once more. #singlelife
10. She Follows Up on Her Last Calls and Texts Again and Again
Psycho girlfriends make ideal partners for psycho boyfriends. For us regular folk, we’re quite frankly screwed. Damned if we do, and damned if we don’t as nothing is ever enough. Soon, you’ll be standing on the edge and will be mere steps away from entering the dark side. Don’t let her take you with her.
Another tell-tale sign to watch out for is the number of missed calls that appear on your screen. Does she follow up from her last call or text again and again? Heaven forbid you don’t answer on the first ring — all hell will break loose. Beware of the Ring Master…
9. She Stalks You
These days, if it wasn’t on social media, it didn’t happen, so social media posts play a huge role in even a casual night out on the town. This is great for your online presence but even better for your psychotic girlfriend as now, she can not only spy on you at an event but after the event as well.
With a simple hashtag search, she can find whether you were even at the place you said you were, if you’re in the background chatting to other girls, and if there’s any incriminating evidence.
But that won’t stop the crazy there. Before you know it, she’ll be bumping into you all over the place — the gym, the coffee shop across the road from your work, and even in the bar on guy’s night. It’s no coincidence, trust us. If she’s stalking you like a psycho, then chances are, she is one.
8. She Tries To Make You Jealous – Especially on Social Media
It’s the beginning of the end when you’re in a relationship and your girlfriend is trying to make you jealous both in real life and online. It screams insecurity, and insecure women cannot be trusted. Hello, bunny boiler and another red flag.
It’s all very simple, really. If you’re off the market, then she should want everyone to know that and should be proud to have you as her plus one in life. She should be posting pics with #couplegoals as her hashtag and have you included in her Facebook profile pic. No one wants to date a clingy, jealous psycho who creates drama, and someone that stirs the pot cannot be trusted. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, then what do you have besides the makings of a psycho ex-girlfriend…
7. She’s a Fan of Drive-bys
One of the first signs of a crazy girlfriend is walking out of the shower into your room only to find the 3 messages you hadn’t gotten around to replying to were opened and read, and your phone is no longer flashing with new notifications. The other would be catching a glimpse of a car’s headlights as it creeps past your house in what appears to be a drive-by.
This behavior only escalates, and soon, your landline will ring, and it will be your darling bae just checking to see if you really are home and thus able to answer. Let it be known: your perfect girlfriend is keeping tabs on you, and boy, is she keeping tabs. Careful though… crazy is contagious.
6. She Runs Hot and Cold
She hates you, she loves you and she wants to make you the father of her children she thinks you should break up. This is the mood of a psychotic woman and one that is forever changing with each passing hour. Her moods go up and down like a toilet seat at a mixed party and you’re the one left feeling crazy.
Yes, she can talk to you about her bad day and have a little moan or two, but the last thing you want to hear is an hour of negativity and then be accused of not seeing how hard her day was. Would you really want to commit to a negative person who’s constantly seeing the glass half empty?
5. She Makes a Scene in Public
Let’s be honest. Everybody enjoys a scene when it’s happening to someone else. If you’re out in a public place and your girlfriend starts yelling at you or having it out with you in the middle of a packed bar on a Friday night, hello, red flag.
Things usually escalate quickly, and then you can really look forward to the main show. Cue crying out of control, verbally insulting you, and maybe even a slap or two. If you stay together, you’ll go home, make up, and forget about it, but chances are, none of your friends will.
4. She Gives You the Silent Treatment
Sometimes, there’s only one thing worse than a woman who talks too much– and that’s when a woman will not talk to you at all. Enter the silent treatment — just another tell-tale sign and a reason to head to Splitsville. Sure, sometimes a good helping of silence is a silent treat rather than a treatment, but it’s also another psycho woman’s weapon in her arsenal.
Along with crocodile tears and incessant nagging and withholding sex, it’s an effective means to getting her own way. There’s a huge difference between taking some time to cool off and move past things and outright ignoring your better half. In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows. In the wise words of Elsa — let it go.
3. She Gets Embarrassingly Drunk Every Time You Go Out
Tipsy girls are all kinds of fun; all guys know this. Drunken girls are even better to party with, but embarrassingly drunk girls are just that — embarrassing. Sure, they have low inhibitions, and they’re ready to welcome a great time. There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend being in the mood to party, but the problem begins when she’s doing all the lying on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet at a fancy restaurant.
There’s a thin line between intoxicated and being the girl who loses her shoes at 8 PM and has eyeliner smudged across her face like she’s Marilyn Manson’s protégé.
2. She Checks the Timestamps on All Your Social Media Posts
Thanks to the introduction of social media, crazy girlfriends can now take things up a notch to a whole new level of crazy. On any given day, she could stalk you on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and even uncover your 90s profile off of MySpace. Now, she can read every tweet you’ve ever posted and scroll through your Instagram followers to see every profile you’ve ever followed.
Thanks to Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp, she can also check the timestamp of your last login. No doubt, your girlfriend will go on to check every single timestamp she can get her hands on so that she can compare it to the last received message she has from you. If you think you’re able to lie to her and say your phone was dead, you just might be the crazy one…
1. She Says She’s “Fine”
The only worse thing you could do is to follow-up her response with “What’s wrong?” Thanks to buxom brunette Max from 2 Broke Girls, we have a breakdown of its true meaning, and we weren’t surprised in the slightest to see that “fine” doesn’t mean fine at all.
In fact, it’s way worse and only reveals just how dire the situation really is. The scale goes: great, good, okay, not okay, I hate you, fine. So clearly, when a woman says she’s fine, she’s most certainly not fine and is just telling one of her many other white lies. It’s even been said to be the most told lie in the English language followed closely by “I have read and agreed to the Terms and Conditions”. If your woman is telling you she’s fine and she really isn’t, it’s just another reason to get the hell out of there. Single life is calling; perhaps, it’s finally time to answer…