I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – we live in a world of endless crappy sequels and reboots. We saw a record number of them in 2016, and it looks like 2017 is going to be more of the same. While there are a lot of movies to get excited for this year, some movies seem destined to be absolutely terrible. Some of them are not sequels, and show at least some originality in their amateurism. But let’s be honest, we’re about to get hit with a barrage of sequels, and it’s not going to be pretty. Will Hollywood’s tactic of promoting endless sequels be successful in getting fans of the original movies to buy tickets? Or will we finally catch on and say no to this rehashed, regurgitated filth?
I want to make one thing clear: some of these movies might actually turn out to be good. This is only a prediction, so please don’t burn me at the stake when these movies come out and you decide that you actually liked them. I’m not a fortune teller and I have no idea what these movies will be like. I am however fairly certain that the fourth movie in a series is going to be nowhere near as good as the original (especially if the original wasn’t even that good to begin with). I mean, can you even think of more than 5 sequels that actually lived up to the original? We all know what happened to Star Wars, and that kind of thing is very common these days.
15. Boss Baby
The first movie on our list is Boss Baby. As you can see, it looks pretty lame. It’s not a sequel or a reboot, but it is yet another animated film from DreamWorks Studios. It looks like the continual stream of animated films is going to continue for another year. But lately, these animated projects haven’t been performing as well as they have traditionally, like back in the glory days of Shrek. Recently, a film called Mars Needs Moms bombed hard. In fact, it was the biggest box office flop of any animated film in history. Will Boss Baby beat that record? I have to admit, it stands a pretty good chance. The story is about, you guessed it, a baby boss who takes all the attention of his parents for himself, leaving his younger brother lonely and sad. His younger brother then goes on a journey to win back the affection of his parents, while the Baby Boss tries to sabotage him. It sounds pretty uninteresting, but Steve Buscemi plays an evil CEO, so that might just save it.
The first reboot on our list is Baywatch. While it’s true that the first Baywatch series was awesome, it’s also true that the quality of the reboot has a huge chance of being dismal. While this movie will probably be terrible, its saving grace will be its strong cult-following, as that’s almost guaranteed to fill seats at the theater. Whether or not it will be a box-office flop depends on its initial reviews, although box-office success is not necessarily an indicator of whether or not a movie is good; there are plenty of god-awful movies that have been huge box-office successes. Baywatch features shots filmed in Miami, and was directed by Seth Gordon, starring Zac Efron and The Rock. It’s most likely going to be presented as a semi-parody of the original series, which might make it actually somewhat bearable. But if they try to make it too much of a parody, that might turn off some of the die-hard Baywatch fans who love the series.
13. Smurfs: The Lost Village
Yes, that’s right, there is going to be another Smurfs movie. Smurfs: The Lost Village will be the third installment in the Smurfs movie series, the first one having been released in 2011. At first, it seems inconceivable that they would be releasing yet another Smurfs movie, seeing as the first two were absolute garbage. Rotten Tomatoes reported an average score of 4 out of 10 for the original film and Smurfs 2. So why did they decide to make another one? It’s the same answer for a lot of the world’s questions: It’s about the money. The first movie grossed a whopping $500 million on a budget of about $100 million, making it a huge success despite its terrible reviews. So unless this newest movie is going to be much better than the previous two (which seems unlikely), Smurfs: The Lost Village will probably be a terrible movie.
12. Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets
We now move on to a science fiction movie that seems doomed to fail, Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets. This film is directed by the legendary writer and filmmaker Luc Besson. This is the guy who wrote the screenplay for The Fifth Element. Despite having such a major name attached to it, this film seems unlikely to succeed, both in the box office and in terms of a critical reception. Many people are comparing the film to Jupiter Ascending, and pointing out that so-called “space operas” do not do well in today’s day and age. Jupiter Ascending was both a critical and box-office flop. Unlike Jupiter Ascending, however, Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets already has a huge cult-following. That’s because the film is based on a French comic book series called Valérian et Laureline, which sold 10 million copies worldwide. But will the film live up to the comic book’s reputation? That remains to be seen, and in truth, seems unlikely.
11. The Lego Ninjago Movie
The next movie on our list is The Lego Ninjago Movie. This movie looks very likely to fail. Lego has shown that it is more than capable of making good movies, with the success of 2014’s The Lego Movie. This film was a huge box office success, grossing almost 470 million dollars on a 60 million dollar budget, and earning an average score of 8.2 out of 10 on Rotten Tomatoes. But can The Lego Ninjago Movie repeat this feat? It seems unlikely. Lego proved that it can make good movies, but in a way, the novelty of Lego movies has worn off. Do people really want to go see another one? It seems like the best thing to do for Lego would be to take their winnings and move on, rather than risking the creation of an additional movie. This one will be harder to sell because of the fact that it’s not a broad, general Lego movie like The Lego Movie, it’s more specifically centered around the Ninjago line of toys. For this reason, it may appeal to only a few people.
10. Amityville: The Awakening
Yet another sequel on our list, Amityville: The Awakening seems questionable at best. For one, sequels are rarely as good as the original, and secondly, the original movie wasn’t even that good! It scored a meager 23% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Actually, when I say original, I mean remake, because the 2005 version of The Amityville Horror was actually a remake of a 1979 film of the same name. So what we’re getting here with Amityville: The Awakening is a sequel of a remake. When the 2005 film came out, the man who it was loosely based on, George Lutz, called it “drivel,” and even tried to sue the production company. According to reports, Amityville: The Awakening was originally slated for release in 2015, but was delayed due to “test screening responses.” What this seems to suggest is that the movie was so bad that they had to go back and spend a year editing it so it was marginally better.
9. The Nut Job 2
The second animated film on our list seems as sure to fail as Boss Baby. The official title for this film is Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature. What’s that? You’ve never heard of Nut Job 1? Neither has anyone else. That’s why this movie looks destined to be a massive flop. Actually, the original film did pretty well at the box office, grossing about 120 million on a 42 million dollar budget. This is another entry on this list that was originally slated for a much earlier release, but was pushed back years. The reason for this delay is unknown, and one can only speculate. But a real possibility is that the movie was so terrible that they had to go back to the drawing board and rethink the whole thing. Honestly, I’m relatively certain that the film will do very well in the box office, as there is a whole army of kids who will beg their parents to let them go see cute animated squirrels. But that doesn’t change the fact that this film will probably be terrible.
8. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Do we really need another Resident Evil movie? Apparently the answer is yes, because Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is slated for release on January 27, 2017 in the United States. This will be the sixth Resident Evil movie made. These movies are unique in that the sequels weren’t actually much worse than the original 2002 Resident Evil movie, but they were equally as bad. Rotten Tomatoes has consistently given these movies a rating of around 20 to 30%. So it’s not like these movies are getting any better, but then again, they’re not getting any worse either. Since this entire series already has a history of failing miserably, it’s a safe bet that the latest installment will do the same. Even though the movies aren’t getting any better, they consistently do amazingly in the box office, as the latest film, Resident Evil: Retribution made over 240 million dollars on a 65 million dollar budget. So though it’s probably going to be very mediocre, expect to see millions flocking to see Resident Evil: The Final Chapter when it hits theaters.
7. Annabelle 2
Yet another horror movie on our list, a lot of people are questioning whether or not Annabelle 2 will be a success in 2017. Like the other sequels on this list, we can get a good idea of what this film will be like by examining the original. Annabelle was a 2014 horror movie that did amazingly at the box office. It had a relatively small budget of only about 6 million dollars, but grossed over 250 million dollars worldwide. Despite this commercial success, it was actually a terrible movie. It received poor ratings across the board, with an average rating of 4.4 out of 10 on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics called it “cheap” and a “rip-off.” The last comment is a result of its obvious similarities to the Chucky movies, where a demented doll terrorizes people. So seeing as how the original was so poor, the sequel will probably be of the same vein, probably even worse.
6. Saw: Legacy
A lot of people love the Saw movies, so they will probably be champing at the bit to see the latest installment. However, the newest film in the franchise Saw: Legacy might disappoint them. Let’s examine this sequel for what it is: an obvious attempt to cash in on the success of the originals. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad, but past movies that have been made with similar motives have a history of being predictably bad. In the past, there have been six Saw movies, meaning this will be the seventh. What’s funny is that the last Saw movie was called Saw: The Final Chapter. Obviously it wasn’t the final chapter, was it? It looks like whoever’s making money off these movies decided that having 4 Lamborghinis just wasn’t enough! The first Saw movie was relatively well-received critically, but since then, the ratings have been dropping with the release of each sequel. Unless Saw: Legacy is going to break the trend of 6 previous crappy sequels, it looks like this installment is set to be the worst yet.
5. xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage
That’s right people, Xander Cage is back again with xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage. This will be the third installment of the series. The first movie was actually not bad; it had action, suspense, and a lot of thrills. It was by no means a groundbreaking piece of cinema, but it was entertaining. The second film, xXx: State Of The Union, was a complete bomb. On a budget of 84 million dollars, it only grossed 71 million, meaning the film actually lost money. Despite this setback, Vin Diesel seems persistent in his goal to bring the franchise back from the dead. Many people say that the second film failed because Vin Diesel himself had to drop out of the film at the last minute. Let’s be honest, the whole reason people go to see movies like xXx is to see Vin Diesel kick ass and take names. So maybe the fact that Vin Diesel is returning for this newest installment will make the difference in the quality of this film. However, they’re going to have to do something amazing if they want to shake their already soiled reputation due to xXx: State Of The Union.
4. Fifty Shades Darker
A lot of people are probably jumping for joy at the news of the Fifty Shades Of Grey sequel. The majority of the population, however, is letting out a long and miserable groan. This is cinema at its worst. But we all knew it was coming. The amount of people that got hyped up for the first movie pretty much guaranteed the fat cats at the movie studios would try to cash in on that success with a sequel. And that’s exactly what this film is going to be: a cheap, brainless film that’s only purpose is to take your money. Who knows, it might be a good movie, but I have a feeling the majority of people that walk out of the cinema after watching this will feel like they just wasted their money. The original movie, despite its obvious commercial success (over 570 million dollars at the box office) was poorly received by critics. It earned an average rating of 25% on Rotten Tomatoes, and a score of 4.1 out of ten on IMDB. Considering all of this, Fifty Shades Darker seems certain to be one of 2017’s worst movies.
3. A Dog’s Purpose
Looking at the poster for this movie, it’s hard not to burst out laughing. The funniest thing of all is that this isn’t meant to be a comedy, it’s dead serious. Well, in truth, it’s been described as a drama-comedy, but it looks pretty soppy and emotional to me. This movie gets points for doing something original, and as bad as it looks, at least it’s trying to be original. Not a lot is known about this movie, but my suspicion is that it’s going to be one of those movies where the dog can talk and so on. And I don’t know about you guys, but I absolutely hate those kinds of movies. Believe it or not, this movie was based on a book, so even if it’s terrible, it’s almost guaranteed to draw in the fans of the novel. But will that be enough to save it from flopping at the box office? Maybe…
2. Paddington 2
Did you absolutely love 2014’s Paddington? No? Well too bad, because you’re about to get hit with a sequel. To be fair, if you said you didn’t like the original, you’re in the minority, because most people loved this movie. It not only did amazingly well in the box office, but critics had only words of praise for the original Paddington. It grossed over 288 million on a budget of just over 50 million. Rotten Tomatoes gave it an almost unprecedented score of 98% positive reviews. So why am I predicting the sequel to be a failure? Because of the simple fact that almost all sequels are failures. There are plenty of examples of sequels to brilliant films that have paled in comparison. So it doesn’t really matter how good the original film is, because statistically sequels always tend to be awful. In any case, you can see for yourself when it is released this year. Funnily enough, a third Paddington film has already been confirmed, further lending to the idea that this is just an effort to cash in as much as possible on the first film.
1. Insidious: Chapter 4
Yes, that’s right, the fourth Insidious movie is going to be released in 2017. This is yet another sequel, and by now you probably know how I feel about sequels. Although the first film did relatively well, it wasn’t that great by any stretch of the imagination. So it really had no right to go for even one sequel, let alone three. But when you consider how much this movie made, the reason the studios are milking this franchise like a fat cow is obvious. The original movie made almost 100 million dollars on a budget of just 1.5 million. Now that’s a profitable movie. The second and third followed on this amazing trend, grossing over 100 million dollars on budgets under 10 million dollars. So you really can’t blame them for trying to get their money’s worth. But the fact remains that these movies have never actually been very good.