Pick-up lines are hardly ever a good idea. If you want someone’s attention, the best way to get it is to have a meaningful conversation about their interests in life. Find out what you have in common and discuss. Easy, right?
Despite the fact that most people know this, others still try their luck with pick-up lines. Most times, it just ends up being hilarious, either on purpose, or because it sounds so awkward it’s funny. Seriously though, how many times have you actually used a pick-up line successfully? If your answer is more than once, then congratulations! You’re one of the rare few that can pull it off without sounding lame or creepy.
We’ve searched through the silver screen catalog to find the funniest pick-up lines for your entertainment. There are lines that range from comedy classics like Austin Powers (we’re sure you can remember most of those) to more recent blockbusters like 17 Again. You might want to stay away from using these the next time you want to impress someone… unless they’re movie buffs like us. Which one is your favorite?
15. “You could be drinking whole [milk] if you wanted to.” – ND, Napoleon Dynamite
Napoleon Dynamite is one of those movies that you don’t expect to like, but end up loving. The movie was so weird, but funny that it gained a cult following, with everyone talking about ligers and wearing “Vote For Pedro” shirts shortly after its release. The movie follows the painfully awkward Napoleon, a 16-year-old in high school, as he… wait, was there even a plot? Anyway, Napoleon is socially awkward and that was enough to keep us entertained. The first half of the film consists of Napoleon and his buddy Pedro, securing dates for the school dance. Napoleon has his eyes set on Deb (who is at times even more socially awkward than he is). In one hilarious scene, he goes up to her during lunch, notices her beverage of choice and says, “I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.” So smooth…kinda like milk.
14. “I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.” – Lloyd Christmas, Dumb & Dumber
When you think of ‘90s comedies, Dumb & Dumber never fails to come to mind. It’s just a classic, with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels at their finest. In the movie, Carrey’s character, Lloyd, falls in love at first sight with the red-haired Mary Swanson. After a bunch of crazy antics and a long trip to Aspen, he finally gets Mary to go back to his hotel room. While she’s in the washroom, he rehearses telling her he likes her. It’s not that bad; he says, “I’m crazy about you. I’ve never felt this way about anybody…I feel like a schoolboy again…a schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.” But, when Mary returns and is actually in front of him, he blurts out, “Mary…I…I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.” Ha! That’s the power of nerves—they just get the best of you and make you say crazy things. We’re sure we don’t need to tell you this, but don’t say that to a girl unless you want her to run away or call the cops.
13. “I just want to tell you that you look like my dog.” – Alex, 17 Again
You might not think much of Zac Efron or the movies he stars in, but 17 Again is one that you should definitely give a chance. Not only is it hilarious watching Mike (played by Zac Efron) try to fit in as a middle-aged man trapped in a 17-year-old’s body, but the pickup attempts in this movie from Thomas Lennon’s character, Ned, are hilarious for a PG-13 movie. One memorable scene involves Alex (Mike’s son) talking to a girl he likes. He is so nervous, that the best he can come up with is: “I just want to tell you that you look like my dog.” Yeah, that’s not something you tell a girl, even if you don’t like her! To make things even worse, he goes on to explain, “Your hair looks like my dog’s hair. No, it’s shiny and soft. We give my dog special food. It’s got flax in it. She’s a sweetheart. Well, she died.” Of course, his crush then asks, “So, I look like your dead dog?” Poor guy.
12. “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.” – Ron Burgundy, Anchorman
Most of us have seen Anchorman. But, for those who have been living under a rock since 2004, it’s about Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), a famous anchorman for a TV station. He has pride like no other and has old-fashioned views about women. At a party, he tries to seduce his love interest, Veronica, but fails by having a moment that makes even Kanye West seem humble. He says, “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” Needless to say, the woman was not impressed by that line. Word to the wise: you don’t tell people you’re a big deal, you show them. Or better yet, don’t think so highly of yourself!
11. “But I can’t guarantee you that you won’t not regret it.” – Jacob, Crazy Stupid Love
In Crazy, Stupid, Love, Gosling’s character, Jacob, tries to pick up Hannah (Emma Stone) at the bar by saying: “I guarantee you this: you’re never going to regret going home with a guy from the bar, that one time, that was a total tomcat in the sack. But I can’t guarantee you that you won’t not regret it.” Say what? Luckily, Hannah is a law student so she didn’t fall for it, stating, “That was a double negative.” Jacob responds with, “You’re a double negative.” What a wise guy, but Hannah is smart enough not to give in to his fancy lines. Unless you’re trying to give her a headache (or your name is Ryan Gosling and you starred in The Notebook), don’t try this on a girl.
10. “We should mate.” – White Goodman, Dodgeball
Humans are animals, right? We do things animals do—eat, sleep and reproduce. But, we also do so much more like, like think and ponder our existence. White Goodman (Stiller), a fitness guru in DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, doesn’t seem to realize that humans have come a long, long way. When trying to pick up a girl, Kate, White accidentally reveals his true desires by saying, “We should mate” (much to the Kate’s shock). He then tries to correct himself by saying, “Date! I said we should date sometime, you know, socially.” Kate responds by saying she almost threw up (we would, too). You’d think that he’d give up or get the hint at that point, but he just keeps going by talking about vomit! Trust us, no girl wants to hear about that.
9. “So…Do you like cheese?” – Duke, She’s the Man
In She’s The Man, Channing Tatum’s character, Duke, is not good at talking to girls (let’s just pretend that that’s realistic). So, he gets some help from his roommate, Bynes, who is really a girl named Viola, disguised as a guy. Viola tells Duke to pretend he’s talking to a girl casually. She advises him to ask some questions, but he is at a loss. So, she suggests he asks about cheese. Duke laughs and asks, “Do you…like…cheese?” Sure, maybe this line will work if you look like Channing. Otherwise, don’t try it! We mean, unless you’re a cheese aficionado and can actually carry on an interesting conversation about cheese, this line will just make you look weird.
8. “You’re everything I never knew I always wanted.” – Alex, Fools Rush In
Sometimes, guys try too hard… and it’s painfully obvious to a woman. But, sometimes, a guy just says whatever comes to mind, without really filtering it or considering if it makes any sense. There’s a prime example of this in Fools Rush In, the ‘90s rom-com starring Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry. Alex (Perry) tells Isabel (Hayek), “You’re everything I never knew I always wanted…I’m not even sure what that means.” Yeah, that one’s a mind twister for us, too. If we interpreted it correctly, he’s basically saying she’s everything he always wanted, but he didn’t realize he even wanted it until he met her. Right? Sure, let’s go with that. Guys, it’s nice to just speak your mind, but make sure your thoughts make sense first. It’s best to just be as simple as possible when it comes to these things.
7. “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” – Fred, Hall Pass
Hall Pass is filled with pickup lines. What can you expect, though? It’s a movie about a couple of guys (named Fred and Rick) whose wives give them a free pass to do whatever they please for a week. So of course, they don’t pass up the chance to flirt with attractive women. When they go to a club, Fred (Jason Sudeikis) brings a sheet of pickup lines to use on the women there. They’re all pretty funny (and some are too inappropriate for us to mention), but one of the most iconic ones—which guys actually use in real life, sadly—is “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” If you try this out on a girl, which you shouldn’t because it’s so corny, hopefully she isn’t an ursinologist who actually knows the answer. If all goes as planned, she’ll respond with a “no” and you can say, “Enough to break the ice!”
6. “You give me premature ventricular contractions.” – Emma, No Strings Attached
No Strings Attached is a rom-com about two friends (Emma and Adam) who decide to have a physical relationship with—you guessed it—no strings attached. In one scene, Emma (Natalie Portman) says, “You give me premature ventricular contractions.” This is met with confusion, but she clarifies it, saying, “You make my heart skip a beat.” It probably isn’t meant as a funny line, but it’s funny if only for the fact that no one would actually say it in real life. The only situation where this line might actually work is if you’re trying to pick up a med student, a doctor or some other healthcare worker that would actually understand it.
5. “The word of the day is legs.” – Stifler, American Pie Book Of Love
In American Pie Presents: The Book of Love, Scott Stifler goes up to a girl and says, “The word of the day is legs. You see the thing is, I was thinking we could go back to my place and… spread the word.” Oh gosh. This is exactly the type of pick-up line you’d expect to hear in American Pie, though. After all, the series is known for its crude humor. In real life, however, you can expect a slap across the face if you ever say this to a woman. No self-respecting woman of even a little bit of intelligence would ever fall for this line.
4. “Did you know that Pack Man used to be called Puck Man?” – SP, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
If you’re a fan of Michael Cera, you’ve seen Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. In this film, he reprises his typecast role as a geek. He says to Ramona Flowers, “Did you know that Pac-Man used to be called Puck Man, not because it looked like a hockey puck, but because ‘Puck’ means mouth in Latin. But the creators changed it to Pac-Man because they were worried that people would change the ‘P’ to an ‘F’.” Unless the object of your affection is a Pac-Man addict, this line won’t work as a pick-up line. But, who knows? She might be impressed by your knowledge for totally random things.
3. “Your hat has sequins.” – Andy, 40-Year-Old Virgin
Can you believe that The 40-Year-Old Virgin came out 11 years ago? Doesn’t that make you feel old? Even so long after the movie was first released, we still use some lines from it. That just goes to show what a classic it is. One line we shouldn’t use, however, is a pick-up line used by Andy (after all, he is a 40-year-old virgin). When a woman (Nicky) tells him that he has kind eyes, he replies, “Thanks. Umm…your hat has sequins.” Wow. If you want to compliment someone, don’t just describe the obvious. Go further and tell them what you like about it or relate it back to their looks or personality. For example, he could have said that even her hat’s sequins can’t outshine the sparkle in her eyes or something along those lines.
2. “You can be Little Red Riding Hood and I’ll be The Big Bad Wolf.” – Jacob, Twilight Eclipse
In Eclipse (the third installment of the cheese fest that was Twilight), Jacob says to Bella, “Wanna play a game? You can be Little Red Riding Hood and I’ll be the Big Bad Wolf.” For those of you who don’t know, because you were smart enough not to waste your time watching this horrible series, Jacob is a werewolf and Bella is an ordinary girl. So, the line is kinda fitting, considering their characters. That doesn’t make it a good line, though! Honestly, we can’t decide if this one is hilarious or just plain creepy. What’s hilarious is that a screenwriter actually chose it as a good line to include in the movie.
1. “Do you wash your pants in Windex?” – AP, Austin Powers
When you think of hilarious pick-up lines in movies, Austin Powers is guaranteed to pop into your mind. Seriously, is there anyone more obnoxious in his efforts to win over the ladies? There are so many lines we can choose from his catalog; they range from the corny (“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”) to the completely inappropriate. One of the funniest is “Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.” Way to get straight to the point while adding in some creativity! This line is hilarious because it’s downright ridiculous. Seriously, which girl would this line work on in real life? The answer is probably none unless they’re a huge Austin Powers fan, of course.