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15 Models Who Would Be Hotter If They Ate A Burger

Entertainment

Back in the 90s, so many models were looking like they just stumbled onto the catwalk after leaving the methadone clinic that critics of the ultra-skinny, beat-up walking coat-hangers dubbed it chic. Basically, they were so thin and sallow that it looked like they were totally strung out, and somehow this became fashionable. It was quite the departure from the healthy Cindy Crawfords and Carol Alts of the decade before.

Then, the backlash. Thankfully, some people were smart enough to realize that we probably shouldn’t encourage young women and girls — many of whom look up to fashion icons and models — to starve themselves or, you know, shoot up to get those runway ready sunken cheeks and bags under their eyes. Hence, the 2000s gave us Gisele, Tyra, and probably some other model with one name who I can’t recall at this particular moment but who was equally curvy.

In the meantime, most “regular” models have still maintained militant thinness. The former editor of Vogue Australia says it’s because since the 1980s, that stick thin frame has appealed to designers as it takes the attention off the person and keeps it on the garment. Sure, no one’s gonna notice ribs jabbing out when there’s a beautiful piece of fabric dangling precariously over it.

We’re not saying there’s anything against ultra skinny models, we’re simply saying that it wouldn’t hurt for a few of these gals to stuff a nice greasy cheeseburger in their face every once in a while.

15. Vita Sidorkina

via:pinterest.com

Vita is a stunning gal from Khabarovsk, Russia, which is just a hop, skip, and a jump from the border of China. She started modelling in 2011 when she moved to New York City at the age of 17. Since then, she’s been slaying runways, breaking hearts, and obviously avoiding trans fats. The blue-eyed blonde also supports the Voss Foundation, which provides clean water to disadvantaged countries such as Ethiopia and Congo.

In 2015 she walked the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, and two years later was named as a rookie for the coveted Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. What she doesn’t know is that Victoria’s real secret is sneaking in a Butterfinger every now and then, she should try it some time.

14. Vlada Roslyakova

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In the year Vlada Roslyakova was born — 1987 — her home country was still called the Soviet Union and the Cold War wouldn’t end until she was four years old. Her birth name is actually Elena, but believe it or not there was already an Elena Roslyakova model out there in the world, so she picked Vlada instead and off she went.

She’s modelled for an obscene number of designers such as Alexander McQueen, Balenciaga, Chloé, Dior, Givenchy, and basically everyone else that you have and haven’t heard of. Vogue Paris even named her one of the top models of the 2000s. She generally weighs about 106 pounds, though she’s been known to somehow find a way to lose a few heading into Fashion Week. What she needs to do is head into Dunkin Donuts and at least get a big ol’ Coolatta. With whip.

13. Maggi Caruthers

via:FansShare.com

Maggi Caruthers is a good ol’ American gal from Wichita, Kansas, not really the kind of locale one associates with drop-dead beauty. She’s been known to pose butt naked on Instagram, at least in a way that won’t get her forever banned from the traditionally nudity-averse platform, which means you should probably follow her if you’re into that stuff. Don’t try to come at her if you haven’t showered lately though, as she once told Maxim magazine that she finds it unattractive when a man doesn’t take care of himself physically and/or hygienically.

She also told Maxim that she loves food but looking at some of her Insta posts, we have to wonder if she meant love in a strictly platonic, friendzone kind of way. Like, I’m into you burrito, but you’re not getting anywhere near my mouth.

12. Andreea Stancu

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Andreea Stancu hails from Romania in case you didn’t gather that from her last name, and has modelled a ton of houses: Fendi, Karl Lagerfeld, Dolce & Gabbana. She’s been at it since 2003, hitting the spring show catwalks at just 16. She’s 5’11” and a 23-34-35, meaning Sir Mix-A-Lot definitely wouldn’t want none as she ain’t got buns, hun. That’s alright though, some girls are meant to grace the cover of magazines rather than the hot tubs of rap videos.

As far back as 2005, critics were calling her “severely starved-looking,” which in the fashion world is often code for “needs to walk in several more shows.” And boy did she. It’s only too bad she didn’t walk the catwalk at the mall food court just a few times.

11. Candice Swanepoel

via:scripto.org

Candice Swanepoel hails from a superlab in South Africa where a team of scientists genetically engineer some of the most beautiful women in the world using a proprietary technique consisting of witchcraft and, I dunno, stem cells or something. She’s been on the scene since 2003 and in 2010 was made a Victoria’s Secret Angel. In 2013, she graced the cover of the VS Swimsuit catalog and was chosen the lucky Angel to wear the ridiculously expensive Fantasy Bra for that year’s Fashion Show. The Royal Fantasy Bra featured an insane amount of precious stones set in 18 carat gold with a 52-carat ruby in the middle and cost an even more insane $10 million.

Though she always looks runway ready, some have expressed concerns that she’s gotten just a bit too thin in recent years. I have a solution for that: a burger or twelve.

10. Abbey Lee Kershaw

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Abbey Lee Kershaw of Australia has been modelling since 2007 and has worn the title of supermodel for many years now. She boasts an impressive 13 body piercings, with two in her nose, one in her belly button, nine in her ears, and one nipple ring (ouch). She also has an assorted collection of small tattoos.

In addition to modelling, she paints and plays drums. Most recently, she’s been doing quite of bit of acting, so you probably recognize her more from Mad Max: Fury Road or Office Christmas Party than you do from the September 2008 Rodarte runway show at which she fell in heels.

Really, she’s already smokin’ hot, so it would only take like a Whopper Jr. to put her over the top here.

9. Bridget Malcolm

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Victoria’s Secret model Bridget Malcolm gets a lot of crap from people who say she needs to eat more, but she insists she eats constantly. “I eat pretty much constantly – it’s awesome – and focus on higher calorie foods,” she told a fan seeking diet tips. “My favorites are nuts such as almonds, walnuts, avocados and fats and oils. I never bought into the whole rely on carbohydrates thing in the vegan world.”

Oh right. We didn’t mention that she’s vegan. She is. So, a veggie burger, then.

If you have something to say about her body, she isn’t having it. “I am extremely fit and healthy… I have worked hard to look like this and am proud of my body,” she said in a Stella Magazine interview. “I may not be the curviest but I am a woman who has every right to look the way I do.”

8. Erin Heatherton

via: aestheticshub.com

Erin Heatherton is just a regular girl from regular Illinois, and was discovered by a modelling scout while on vacation in South Beach. At 17, she left Skokie for New York and has been working non-stop since. She’s been featured in ad campaigns for XOXO, Diesel, Lord & Taylor, H&M, and Lacoste to name just a few. She first walked in the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show at 19 and continues to do so, only as an Angel these days.

Seeing she’s from the same place as those two bratwurst-eating fatties in the old Da Bears skits on Saturday Night Live, it’s shocking she doesn’t have slightly less meat on her bones nor cholesterol in her arteries. Might we recommend the Illinois State Fair sometime, we hear they have fried butter on a stick.

7. Magdalena Frackowiak

via:fashiongonerogue.com

Magdalena Frackowiak is a hottie from Poland who got her start when her mom sent pictures to a modelling contest and the rest is history. She has done so much work since that Vogue Paris called her one of the top 30 models of the 2000s. She even made it into the coveted Pirelli calendar in 2011, which was photographed by Karl Lagerfeld.

Still, she’s had some scary skinny moments in her career. One in particular left her with arms that looked like they might crumble away if she dared to lift her hands up. SO, here’s the deal, Magdalena, we’d like to offer you several large burgers of your choice. You can even get avocado and bacon if you want.

6. Lily Aldridge

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Lily Aldridge is another Victoria’s Secret Angel who could really use a sandwich or two. She got her start with Abercrombie & Fitch when she was 16, and was named the face of clothing brand XOXO in 2014.

In talking to Life & Style about her pre-Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show diet routine, she insists that she most definitely doesn’t starve herself. “Being an Angel, you’re in shape all year long, but before the show, you amp it up a lot,” she said. “I start about two months ahead, so I can get in top shape healthily and steadily and have time to feel good.” Although she enjoys wine, she cuts that out ahead of the show.

You know what goes good with wine? Steak. Steakburgers. Now we’re talking.

5. Anna Selezneva

via:coda-craven.org

Anna Selezneva is a Moscow-born model of Russian and Armenian descent. Oddly enough, she was discovered in 2007 at a McDonald’s. Yes, as in the hamburger place. She was then signed to a Paris modelling agency and since then, she’s been tearing up the runway, blowing up magazine covers, and appearing in all kinds of print ads. She’s done advertising for everything from clothing to fragrances to eyewear.

Anna is known for her totally unique street style, as well as her characteristic — and incredibly charming — nose. Plus she’s drop dead gorgeous, let’s be honest here, so that’s really what she should be most known for. Unfortunately, she might be a bit too close to drop-dead if you know what I mean.

But here’s an idea: let’s meet up at that McDonald’s you were discovered at and pick up a couple Bolshoi Maks. And fries. Supersized.

4. Irina Lazareanu

via:theredlist.com

Irina Lazareanu is exactly what you want in a model, as looking at her is like looking at a piece of art that just kinda looks like it might be a human being if you look hard enough. She’s originally from Romania, but moved to Canada when she was four years old. At 13 she went to London to study ballet but that dream was cut short when she injured her knee. At 17, she went to a Quebec modelling call because she needed to pay rent and as it turns out, she was totally born to model.

Her most distinctive trait is her style, which she says comes from a particular time and place. “I’m very influenced by the whole 1960s–1970s London era, not only in terms of my clothes but also in terms of the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the writers I read. Those influences probably translate into my personal style in an unconscious way,” she said in an interview.

What doesn’t translate is a desire for a big greasy burger. I’m getting hungry just looking at her.

3. Snejana Onopka

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If you can pronounce Snejana Onopka’s name without Googling it first, I’ll give you a cookie or, if you’ve gotten hungry as you’ve worked your way through this list, a burger of your choice. Snejana — Miss Onopka if you’re nasty — comes from Ukraine, where she was discovered by a model scout in the capital city of Kiev at the age of 15. Photographer Steven Meisel in particular is obsessed with her and considers her a muse.

Still, she says her mother is her biggest fan of all, telling Teen Vogue “My mother collects tear sheets of everything she sees me in.” We’re wondering if her mother has bookmarked the backstage interview [warning: it’s in Russian] at which Snejana admitted that the models “basically eat nothing”? Put down the nothing and get yourself a burger, girl.

2. Chanel Iman

via:fashionologie.com

Chanel Iman is an American model born in Atlanta, GA but raised in Los Angeles; her mother is half Korean and half African American and her father is African American, no doubt contributing to her absolutely beautiful, unique look. She first signed with Ford Models at 12, she opened her own clothing store, she’s been in a Beyonce video, and she even released her own video game. You guys! This girl works.

Funny enough, this Victoria’s Secret Angel says that if she weren’t a model, she would probably be a professional chef. When she returns home to Los Angeles, she goes directly to In-N-Out for two cheeseburgers — no onions or pickles — french fries, and a chocolate shake. Wow, well you sure showed us didn’t you, Chanel! Disregard your appearance on this list.

1. Cintia Dicker

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Cintia Dicker is a Brazilian-born model of German descent with awesome red hair, blue eyes, the best sun-kissed glow you’ll ever see on a ginger, and even her own swimwear line. What she doesn’t have is an inch to pinch.

Cintia has appeared in ads for Ann Taylor, Macy’s, L’Oréal, and tons more, and was in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition for five consecutive years beginning in 2009. Many of you may recognize her from her spots for American Eagle Outfitters, in which she attempted — in her underwear — to sprinkle freckle glitter across the otherwise boring brand.

Do you want to know the funniest thing about Cintia Dicker? “Dicker” is actually German slang for fatso. In other words, someone who eats way too many burgers rather than someone who could use one.

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