Californication gave us seven years of hot hook-ups between an erratic alcoholic writer and an endless supply of beautiful hot babes. See, the whole point was that David Duchovny‘s character, Hank Moody, was a writer who had had one wildly successful book, followed by years of writer’s block. His major hobbies were snorting cocaine and drinking way too much alcohol. Oh yes, we should also point out that Hank was a card-carrying s*x addict…like he could not get enough. Does that sound like a dream premise for a hot TV show? Well, it was…big time. The show was funny, quirky, hot, and sexy with an inclination to delight its viewers with topless babes, in and out of the sack. Hank Moody was the kind of guy we loved to hate. Sure, he was a jack*ss, but he was a funny jack*ss who managed to seduce beautiful, hot women as fast as he could find them. There were hot and smart ones with professional careers that ended up in Hank’s bed. There were working girls, strippers, dominatrixes, and adult stars (actually quite a lot of them) that gave Hank what he wanted. And some of his male co-stars had their fair share of hot hook-ups, too. So, let’s take a walk down memory lane and recall some of the 15 hottest Californication hook-up babes.
15. Eva Amurri
Whoa! Being the failed writer that he is, Hank decides to go in for a spot of teaching. Well, surprise, surprise, his class is full of babes, including a hot chick called Jackie. Now, Jackie’s rack is worth checking out in some of her topless scenes. So, Jackie is sitting in class and her long legs and short skirt are totally distracting our Hank. Then, Hank being Hank, hits a strip club…guess what? There’s our Jackie, dressed in even less than she had on in class, lovingly writhing and wrapping herself around a stripper pole. No prizes for guessing what happens next. Yep, in the sack. She was featured on the show in 2009 and has done turns on TV’s House and The Mindy Project since then. Eva Amurri probably inherited a lot of hotness from mom Susan Sarandon.
14. Carly Pope
In Californication, the women are divided into hot and dumb and hot and smart. Annika Stanley is very hot and very smart. Carly Pope nails her role as a reporter for Rolling Stone. She and Hank met at a friend’s house and, after a bit of heavy flirting by a swimming pool, end up downing a bottle of wine and sleeping together. Those scenes were some of the hottest Californication lust fests ever. But at the end of the day, Annika Stanley was a reporter and she was interested in Hank not just for his equipment and his stamina, but also because she thinks he had some secrets. And trust us, he did. For most of the time, Hank manages to stay one step ahead of Annika, but there are times when you think she is going to win the day.
13. Michelle Nordin
In the very first Pilot episode of Californication, Hank Moody is, as is often the case, suffering from writer’s block. He can’t seem to get anything down on paper. So, in a spoofy scene, he’s in church and talking to Jesus, asking for help. Before Jesus can do anything, a hot young nun appears and offers to clear his head by blowing him off. Hank is fantasizing about the smoking hot nun and just before the action begins, Hank wakes up. It’s all been a dream! But guess who was next to him? The same chick from the dream sequence. Only now, she’s not a nun, but a very naked blonde, named Heather. Oh well, Hank thinks, might as well clear my head with her. And he gets on with it. Brazilian Michelle Nordin has also starred in TV shows Burn Notice and CSI: Miami.
12. Madeline Zima
Well, good news! Whether it was the nun or Heather or whoever, Hank overcomes his writer’s block and writes a treatment for a novel. Meanwhile, he’s sleeping with an underaged girl called Mia, played by hottie Madeline Zima. Now, Mia was something of a nut case. She does stuff like punching Hank while they are doing the deed. Apparently, that didn’t slow the guy down one little bit. Afterward, Mia goes on to blackmail Hank by threatening to reveal what they’ve been up to between the sheets. Don’t forget, she’s jail bait. Oh, by the way, she also steals his book. Turns out it awakens her sexuality, or some such. Awakening or not, she then goes on to publish the book under her own name. The book is called F*cking and Punching.
11. Michelle Lombardo
Michelle Lombardo and her bod have graced the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. So, it was only fitting that when she hit Californication, she played the role of “The Surfer Girl.” You know, she’s the kind of babe in a bikini on roller skates headed for the beach. Before she gets there, she runs into Hank and ends up back at his place where they spent a fun evening of getting high and listening to classical music. Then, they hit the sack. The only thing is, when Hank woke up the next morning, she was gone…so were his records and his guitar. A pretty heavy price to pay for a hot one-night stand. And to add insult to injury, Hank had no idea what her name was. But by the end of the episode, there’s Surfer Girl back on his doorstep to return the loot. So, a two-night stand? Hank is a slow learner.
10. Judy Greer
Judy Greer played Trixie, the working girl, in a string of Californication episodes. Of course, Hank becomes an occasional “client” and they get hot and heavy between the sheets. In one scene, Hank was snorting cocaine using Trixie’s backside as a table. Then, he came up with a classic Hankism: “You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s a** and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it’s not gentlemanly.” So, he kind of cares about her…but not much. See, for a working girl, she’s pretty classy. So Hank did a pay-as-you-go thing with Trixie. He usually manages to pay up. But at one point, he went to bed with her, knowing full well that he didn’t have the money to pay her. It doesn’t end all that badly, considering Trixie’s right hook.
9. Bridgetta Tomarchio
You may have noticed that Hank Moody has a thing for strippers, working girls, and the like. Enter Veronica, played by Bridgetta Tomarchio. How can we sum her up? Veronica’s a stripper, a world class adult star, and, oh yeah, she moonlights at “Madame Veronica,” a dominatrix. You can roll up and watch her strip, watch her movies, and then hire her and her whip to punish you. Hank was in s*x addict heaven when Veronica was around. She could literally do it all. In real life, Bridgetta is probably best “known” as the spokesperson for ExtenZe. Think “natural male enhancement” and late night infomercials featuring a happy and “satisfied” Bridgetta. Like stripper/adult star Veronica, Bridgetta will do just about anything if there’s money in it. She and Hank got on fine. We like her too.
8. Brooke Banner
Banner is “The Blonde,” a hot babe giving Hank the eye from a convertible at a traffic light. Hank picks her up, with a spot of “doing the deed” on his mind. They head back to her place and it looks promising until The Blonde’s baby starts screaming and crying and Hank, not the fatherly kind, decides to get the heck out. The catch? Hmm…well, The Blonde has recorded her own little private adult DVD starring herself and poor old Hank. More stuff for Hank to hide, as if he didn’t already have enough to worry about. The good news is that Brooke Banner is a real life, busty, lusty adult star who some websites say has appeared in over 300 adult films. Presumably, none with David Duchovny as her co-star. But, we’re still looking. Brooke reportedly has a thing for rich, older men. There’s a surprise. Not!
7. Natalie Zea
Hank Moody is a drifting kind of a guy. Besides being a writer with an almost permanent writer’s block, he dabbles in drugs and alcohol. Oh yeah, and he’s a card-carrying s*x addict. So, tired of his hassles in California, he decided to moved back East to New York. There, he hooks up with a hot and smart urban chick named Carrie, played by classy babe Natalie Zea. And they are smoking hot. However, Hank grew tired of Carrie and New York. So when he decided to move back to California, Carrie took exception to his decision and burned down his New York apartment before going on to making an attempt at drugging and killing him. She didn’t succeed and so, leaving murderous Carrie behind to face the consequences, Hank goes back to California to all those working girls and strippers. Home sweet home!
6. Rachel Miner
Rachel Miner plays S&M Dani. She has a thing for her boss, Charlie, Hank’s agent and best bud who was old enough to be her father. The only thing is that Charlie was married. Charlie and his wife Mercy decided to have a threesome with Dani. She does something with a nipple clamp that ends in a dash to the nearest ER. Well, after that, Charlie wisely decided to stay with his wife and S&M Dani took her revenge and dumped on him big time by showing his bosses a video of Charlie giving himself a hand job during office hours. In real life? Rachel was briefly married to Macaulay Culkin and is a practicing Scientologist. No word on the S&M thing.
5. Maggie Grace
We all know Californication spent virtually all of its time in and around the sunny beaches of Los Angeles and Hollywood. Hank is jumping from one bed to the next, alternating between lady lawyers and ladies of the night, when he runs into Faith, played by luscious Maggie Grace. Faith is a rock groupie, a young hot thing who jumps into bed with rock stars whenever she can. She’s even turned herself into a kind of muse to the rockers. That means they talk to her after they’ve “done it.” Anyway, it is no surprise that Faith turns Hank Moody’s head and they end up, in and out of bed, having a fine time. There was talk that Faith might get her own spin-off show. But it didn’t happen. She has done a turn in the Twilight franchise as Irina.
4. Carla Gugino
OK, we already know that after Hank got over his writer’s block by fantasizing about a nun, he did a bit of statutory r*pe when he slept with Mia, the underage girl who punched him when they were “doing it” and then stole his book. Well, he ends up being charged with the statutory r*pe of Mia, together with an assault on some poor guy who got in the way of Hank and what he wanted. In marches a hot and smart lawyer by the name of Abby. Things get very unprofessional between the two, as in very hot and heavy. Things (just about) turn out okay for Hank. If Carla Gugino looks familiar, she previously was a wonder kid star of such shows as Saved by the Bell and The Wonder Years.
3. Carla Gallo
Carla Gallo plays Daisy, an adult star who Hank’s agent Charlie, signs in the wake of the embarrassing “holding your own” scandal. Daisy is perfect for adult films, because she is lusty and has a great pair of girls. Not Charlie’s type at all, but the guy hooks up with her because he’s lost everything and is desperate to find new clients. In a really funny scene, he ends up bailing her out of a gonzo “slam van.” Think big van, guys and girls and cameras making very adult films. And he promises her all kinds of things he (and we) knows he can’t deliver. It doesn’t end well.
2. Addison Timlin
Addison Timlin and her rack impressed Californication fans over and over and over again. She played busty, hot and ever so scheming Sasha Bingham, an actress who wants Hank to rewrite a screenplay of his best-selling book so she can star in it. They do a lot of “negotiating” in hotel rooms. Nothing much ever comes of it, but they keep it up anyway. We are also happy to report that Sasha does the topless thing now and then on the show. Impressive, to say the least. You should see that topless selfie in a bathroom mirror. Steamy. Now, Addison is an “okay” actress. But her main selling point? Her impressive “girls” and, by the way, a great singing voice.
1. Natascha McElhone
Natascha McElhone is Karen van der Beek, a classy blonde architect who has this “on again off again” thing with bad boy Hank. She knows she should kick him out of her life and out of her bed, but then there is a certain hot chemistry between the two. She can’t help herself. And, we know Hank can’t help himself, even on the best of days. Plus, the two have a daughter together. They were in and out of beds and back seats of cars all through all seven seasons of the show. And Hank and his serial philandering give plenty of babes the chance to blackmail him so Karen doesn’t find out what a snake he really is. David Duchovny has said he wanted the writers to kill Hank off at the end. They didn’t, but it isn’t entirely clear if, in the final episode, Hank and Karen are actually on or off or in bed or out of bed.
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