Before you get to all the pictures of the celebrities, you’re going to learn something to impress your friends. That way, you can claim this was an educational experience and not just an excuse to stare at a bunch of famous women’s chests.
The size of a woman’s breasts has absolutely nothing to do with how much milk she can produce when she’s breastfeeding. In fact, overweight women who have large breasts can actually have trouble producing enough milk to feed a newborn infant. A healthy, flat-chested woman is much more likely to have too much milk than a large one who smokes or drinks.
Thank God we got that out of the way. Now it’s time to focus on the funbags, er, fun stuff. Which women in Hollywood produce the most breast milk? Over the last 36 months, we sent a team of 11 researchers, each with more than two PhDs, across the world surveying actresses who had breastfed children to compile the following list. We rigorously tested and retested, consulting with their doctors, dieticians, and personal trainers.
Actually, we didn’t do any of this. We’re just guessing. All of these women did, in fact, breastfeed their children, though. We can confirm that fact. But let us have our fantasies. It’s not like you can actually prove that we don’t know you’re about to find out who are the 15 Hot Celebs With The Perfect Busts For Breastfeeding.
15. Alyssa Milano
Alyssa Milano seems like one of those women who, when she decides to really get involved with something, goes at it 100 percent, and then we never hear about it again. Such was the case when she went all out with the “I’m proud to publicly breastfeed!” campaign. Really… there’s no reason to dress like Wonder Woman for the occasion. Granted, her kid got older, but we never heard her mention it again, just like her many clothing lines or the far-too-many women-in-peril TV movies she did for Lifetime over the years. It’s a been a crazy career for Milano. Hers is an autobiography we will certainly read, if for no other chapter than when her mother thought she could sue the Internet for putting pictures and clips of her daughter’s nude scenes from movies up publicly. Now, her daughter posts all sorts of photos of her own breasts feeding her grandchildren. My, how times have changed.
14. Chrissy Teigen
We’ve always been intrigued by Chrissy Teigen, and it’s not just because she thought pretending to be a DJ on Lip Sync Battle was a solid career longevity move. We can’t tell if she’s funny or not. We can’t tell if she’s smart or not. John Legend seems like a cool dude, so we imagine she’s got her stuff together. But then again, John Legend is a guy, and if we could marry a model with a beautiful face and breasts the size of Rhode Island, we might take that opportunity as they don’t come along very often. Teigen tweeted about breastfeeding online during her time nursing and had a pretty funny take most of the time. Our favorite was when she fell asleep while pumping and claimed she woke up with her boobs with a different shape than they had before. Luckily, everything fell back into place.
13. Mariah Carey
The logistics of breastfeeding twins puzzled us, so we went on Google and looked it up, and yep, mother nature provided two taps for multiple mouths. Think of it like any animal who nurses its young. You’ve probably seen puppies or kittens feeding on their mom. You can get five or six at a time there. When Mariah Carey and then-husband Nick Cannon had twins, they caused a stir after child protective services were called on them when they told people that a nurse suggested Carey drink a little Guinness beer to help with the production of prolactin, which is a yeast derivative and good for the babies. CPS thankfully found the whole thing to be laughable and let the couple go on their way but also let them know that having a sip of beer to aid in yeast production is also an old wives’ tale. Carey and Cannon were divorced long after, so Carey won’t be an old wife.
12. Salma Hayek
Salma Hayek waited a long time to have a child but breastfed the baby like the majority of mothers do, or at least try, at first. Hayek, who has spent much more time on humanitarian missions around the world in the last decade than she has on her career, was highlighted several years ago on ABC’s Nightline for helping a child in Sierra Leone who was essentially abandoned to starve by its mother who refused to continue breastfeeding. In many African cultures, mothers stop much earlier than in other parts of the world in part because their husbands pressure them. It’s not seen as proper to have sexual relations with a nursing woman, so they try to get their wives to discontinue as soon as possible. Hayek, who was weaning her year-old daughter at the time, stepped in and nursed this baby, ironically born on the same day, back to health.
11. Kourtney Kardashian
When you’re busy being famous as the fourth or fifth favorite Kardashian/Jenner sister, you’ve just got no time for silly things like feeding your children, especially if the cameras aren’t on. Of course, if a still photographer is there, you can make it look like you’re still dedicated, right? Actually, we’ll admit we’ve seen a few episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and Kourtney seems like the most grounded of the crew and, all things considered, seems to be a pretty decent mother. She could just put her babies on formula, but even when she’s busy doing things that people who are famous for no reason do, she’s still pumping away so she can give that next generation the DNA to continue the proud family name that began with their grandfather, who helped exonerate OJ Simpson. That’s quite a history to live up to.
10. Christina Aguilera
The “Genie in a Bottle” singer credited breastfeeding with being a major part of her regimen to get her body back in shape after giving birth to her son, and there’s a lot of science behind it. The average breastfeeding woman loses 300 to 500 calories per day breastfeeding, so it’s like going to the gym. In many women, it doesn’t take long for milk to stop producing when the baby is weaned, and in Aguilera’s case, she dropped many bra sizes in just a matter of weeks. It literally looks like she went to a Hollywood plastic surgeon and had major breast reduction during that period to the point that tabloids were reporting about it left and right. We don’t know what her normal breast size is, but during her nursing, she ballooned up to an E Cup, she told Ellen DeGeneres on her show.
9. Kendra Wilkinson
Kendra Wilkinson helps us answer the question, “Can you breastfeed if you have implants?” The answer to that is yes. There are a few women who experience a little extra tenderness, and of course, there are some doctors who don’t know exactly what they’re doing, and they can always botch things, but it should largely have nothing to do with the being able to feed the rugrats. It’s just a tease because it makes them think there’s a lot more available, kind of like when a guy finds out that a woman has been wearing a Wonderbra on all of their dates. Kendra got rid of her implants a few years back, but that was after her kids were done nursing. She finally reached that age where she had the celebrity husband, the nice car, the house, and she achieved a fame that was as big as she was going to get. Time to stop lugging around the moneymakers and cruise.
8. Angelina Jolie
We mentioned with the Mariah Carey entry that it is indeed possible to breastfeed twins at the same time — or any two babies theoretically. Just ask Salma Hayek. Angelina Jolie actually gave it the old college try, but this once busty beauty just didn’t have it in her, preferring to go one-after-the-other. She gave an interview to People Magazine saying it was just too tough to try them at the same time and felt like she was trying to juggle a couple of footballs. The babies nursed for almost four months, but Jolie had to give it up because “that’s about all I could do.” At least she was able to have a couple of her own kids and have the experience. Not long after, she underwent a voluntary double mastectomy, removing both breasts since a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer had claimed so many women in her family.
No matter what Shakira did in her career, whether it was Pepsi commercials or serve as a judge on The Voice, and no matter what she does in the future, including take over the United States military, declare herself a dictator and become a modern-day Evita, will she ever do anything more memorable in our eyes than record that one line about her boobs from her early hit “Whenever, Wherever.” As it turns out, it may not even be true. She sang, “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains.” We’ve never confused any woman’s breasts with mountains, but we now wonder if Shakira’s offspring heard the song and thought milk comes from mountains. Mom probably had some explaining to do. It’s still the most unintentionally funny line of any song in the last 25 years.
6. Scarlett Johansson
According to the Internet Movie Database, as of her appearing in Ghost in the Shell, Scarlett Johansson has acted in 56 different movies or television shows. She has also appeared as herself 126 times on everything ranging from late night TV talk shows to Saturday Night Live. She’s still got decades left and shows no sign of fading in the beauty department. She’s been married twice and had a daughter with her most recent husband in 2014. All of this screen time means one thing: in about 10 years, when her daughter is 14 or 15 years old, she’s going to have to listen to a lot of gross boys say, “You’re the luckiest person in the world since you got to be breastfed by Scarlett Johansson.” Kids can be cruel. They can also be incredibly accurate.
5. Gisele Bundchen
One of our favorite things about the relationship between Tom Brady and his wife is watching how careful he is about everything he says in public and how she could not care less. Every time Donald Trump claimed they were great friends, you could see Brady wince, because true or not, he didn’t want to get asked about political questions. It was so dicey, he skipped visiting the White House, citing personal obligations, when the team visited after the Super Bowl. That afternoon, Gisele posted a link to an anti-Trump environmental rally on Twitter. When it came to breastfeeding, she rankled a few feathers by announcing her belief that a law should be passed forcing all women to breastfeed for the first six months of their baby’s life. She also claimed it was a great way to lose the post-baby weight, a claim her fellow model Adriana Lima publicly took exception with.
4. Alicia Silverstone
Alicia Silverstone still acts, according to the Internet; it’s just not in anything you’ve probably ever seen. We watch a lot of TV and movies, and we’ve never seen the stuff, to think we were in love with Silverstone back in the day. There was a time when she was the hottest actress in Hollywood, but it was for one role she did so well she could never escape it: the ditzy valley girl, Cher, from Clueless. Despite the fact that her character could now star in a sequel with a daughter old enough to be Cher, Silverstone has probably seen her career come and go. It didn’t help that she went all hippie for a while there, extolling the virtues of pre-chewing her toddler’s food and serving it mouth-to-mouth like a baby bird. She breastfed her son for a year, long by most standards, but not completely over-the-top. If you think she’s right on the money, when she wasn’t busy acting in stuff you heard of, she wrote a parenting book.
One of the most militant groups out there are women that are pro-breastfeeding and will shame those who opt not to breastfeed their kids. They will also try to shame those who opt to not breastfeed for a long time. Of course, some of these ladies breastfeed their children until they are three or four years old, but we’ll withhold judgment on that. Beyonce caught the wrath of the most militant of these folks when she nursed baby Blue Ivy for only about nine weeks after delivery. Considering how many babies in the world are fed formula and grow up to be perfectly normal and how many serial killers were breastfed, it’s hard to find real data suggesting Beyonce did anything wrong. The only thing we can fault her for is breaking up Destiny’s Child when we know they had at least two more good albums left.
2. Miranda Kerr
It’s almost been one of our pet peeves that Miranda Kerr came along probably just five or six years too late for her career to be as big as it truly could have. She just missed that crazy huge supermodel explosion that would have made her a household name. Yeah, most people know her face, but it’s not like people recognize her the way they do Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell. Born at the wrong time aside, she has had a sweet career, and her offspring are lucky to have some of the best DNA on earth when it comes to looks. If those kids aren’t beautiful, they’re going to hear a lot of “But you’re mom is Miranda Kerr and for crying out loud, you were breastfed. We have the photos. What happened?” That will probably be followed by, “Is your mom going to hang out with us by the pool today?”
1. Elizabeth Hurley
Despite now being north of 50 years old, Hurley looks as good as ever, and we still consider her honeymoon scene with Mike Myers in the Austin Powers sequel where she walked around topless but hid the goods with such items as, of course, melons. Hurley gave birth to her only son in 2002, and, despite being closer to 40 than 30, knew she could still get mileage out of her famous body, so she scheduled a C-section instead of doing it the old-fashioned way, which caught her some flack in the media. And like a lot of pretty women, she really knew how to pick them. The kid’s father, American businessman Steve Bing first denied paternity until being forced to take a paternity test. Hurley, you’ll remember, has a long-term relationship with Hugh Grant, which was broken when he chose a really nasty prostitute over her.