Nothing sucks more than a kissing scene gone wrong.
When your love life stays stuck in the pits, you obviously want the characters on screen to portray a much different story. Like reality, movies disappoint you too, especially when the intimate scene goes awry, like in the 2011 thriller The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. An expert at hacking, Lisbeth (Rooney Mara) threatened powerful men, like her case worker. He ended up sodomizing her.
Even though Lisbeth (and the audience) thought that she would hook up with the r*pist for fast cash, he enacted a much more sinister plan. Other characters, like Mara’s, also tugged on a heart string or two of their viewers, like in the drama Requiem for a Dream. Following the lives of four addicts, the film focuses on the horrors and depravities of addiction. Jennifer Connelly, a main character, relinquished her own identity for heroin. As her boyfriend and friends fell further into drug abuse, she also followed suit.
Towards the end, she even sells her body for the narcotic.
Instead of cutesy love scenes of her and her man, the audience instead sees flashes of her and other women naked, vulnerable, and surrounded by perverted powerful men. But the film industry plays upon people’s emotions. Sometimes, a butchered “love scene” makes for a more captivating movie.
As much as you want to shield your eyes and turn away, you stay glued to your seat. The train wreck keeps you entertained, just like the 15 other train wrecks you’re about to read below.
15. Makes Any Man’s Girl Look Sane
Rosamund Pike played the villain of the century in the thriller Gone Girl.
While she seemed like a cool chick in the beginning, she soon flipped the script by faking a pregnancy, domestic violence, and her kidnapping! She legitimately makes any man’s girl look sane, especially after her “love scene” with Neil Patrick Harris. She and Harris went to his bedroom, and, as Pike got on top, she pulled out her shank and slit his throat. The poor guy’s blood covered the sheets, not to mention Pike. She turned the sticky situation into an advantage, though.
14. Watch Out For Predators
Maggie Gyllenhaal won brownie points with her performance in Sherrybaby.
Just released from prison to complete her probation, Gyllenhaal tries to both stay clean and reconnect with her family, especially her young daughter. However, her tenacity and determination crumbles when conflict and substances, like booze and s*x, seep back into her life. Throughout the entire movie, every man takes advantage of Gyllenhaal s*xually. They prey upon her vulnerability and, while the scenes seem steamy at first, they can step into creepier, seedier territory.
13. Speaking Of Predators…
If you failed to see The Wolf of Wall Street in theaters, then you only missed awkward s*x.
Even though Leonardo DiCaprio looks like the definition of a hunk, his character in the movie suggests otherwise. From driving high off Quaaludes to pissing off the FBI, actor DiCaprio made sure people hated the person he portrayed; even the weird, ostentatious intimate scenes played a part in people’s disdain. However, one particular scene really killed the mood. When he hired a dominatrix to shove a candle up his butt, viewers saw DiCaprio in a much different light (illuminated by the red candle, obviously).
12. Like The Necrophiliac And Vampire
No wonder people always say, “At least it’s a better love story than Twilight.”
Even though Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson embodied the perfect couple back in 2008, their romance onscreen looked completely messed up. So many questions arise within each saga; why did Stewart only go for a dead man, and why did she stay with a guy who is literally out for blood? Her attraction never made any sense, and her relationship grew and grew more cheesy with each new movie. But the final chapter, Breaking Dawn, increasingly enhanced the cheesiness with Stewart and Pattinson’s cringe-worthy love scene.
11. Protection In The Bedroom
An accidental pregnancy or STI either makes or breaks a relationship.
Just look at Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen‘s affair in the movie Knocked Up. During a night out with her sister, Heigl comes across a cute, funny guy (Rogen) at the club. Since she wanted a good time with a good guy, she went back to Rogen’s place. However, in the midst of passion and drunken revelry, their awkward scene turned into a nightmare when Rogen failed to put on a c*ndom. Heigl got pregnant immediately, which completely changed her life forever.
10. And Don’t Make Your Partner Cry
When you watch Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, you also watch his attempts to “do the dirty”.
While he embarks on a lighthearted comical journey, his past encounters with women are borderline uncomfortable. In one particular scene, people see Carell as a young collegiate with the woman of his dreams. As they become more physical, Carell becomes more antsy. He lets his nerves get the best of him, so, when she sucks on his toe, the man accidentally breaks her nose with his foot. With blood gushing from her nostrils and tears streaming down her cheeks, their date obviously ended with a trip to the hospital.
9. Take Notes From A Therapist
Yes, you read that correctly.
S*x therapists can help their patients discover the psychology behind their s*xual inhibition, libido, and performance. Both men and women travel from across the world to meet with the specialized therapists. In the movie called The Sessions, a man desperately wants to lose his virginity. He hires one woman, played by actress Helen Hunt, to help him out. Even though the film taps into awkwardness and emotions, love, compassion, and respect also come into play.
8. And Don’t Sleep With Douches
Man or woman, you probably slept with at least one jerk, just like Kristen Wiig did in the movie Bridesmaids.
During the prologue, Wiig and actor Jon Hamm develop an unhealthy relationship with each other. Even though she desperately wants to date him, Hamm focuses more on his other conquests and how she compares to them. Even though Wiig’s friends urge her to dump the douche, she continues dating him anyway. Their “love scenes” are always hard to watch, especially when Hamm starts talking; he even commands her to leave his home after they do the deed!
7. Just Sleep With Yourself
At the end of the day, find comfort with yourself.
No matter how horrible your partner treated you, nothing feels better than quality time with yourself. Even though your alone time should never feel awkward or uncomfortable, sometimes your night just goes AWOL, like in the thriller Black Swan. Plagued with very intense pressure from her mother, instructor, and fellow ballerinas, the fragile, frail dancer Nina (Natalie Portman) completely loses her mind; she loses herself. And one scene heightens her lost behavior when she masturbates in her bed…with her mother asleep in a chair near her.
6. Don’t Sleep With Your Stepdaughter
When you watch a movie like Splice, be prepared for the weird and the taboo, like incest and bestiality.
Adrien Brody plays the character Clive, a geneticist who creates a part-human, part-animal with his own wife’s DNA. While they made the hybrid together, their relationship mars over time, especially when the unique creature grows older. In one scene, she actually has s*x with Clive, which makes for an uncomfortable situation. After all, Clive mimics a father figure to the cat-like, goat-like, human-like creation. Instead of respecting what mimics his stepdaughter, he instead takes advantage of her.
5. Or Any Of Your Co-Workers…
In the movie Brokeback Mountain, the two men work together for several months in an isolated landscape. They have each other, a couple horses, and flocks upon flocks of sheep. Between the aesthetic of scenery, lonely nights, and warm fires, the men develop way more than a friendship; their souls intertwine as lovers. Even though their romance blossoms, it meets obstacles. From a disapproving boss to heartbroken wives, their relationship looked doomed. Their first “love scene” set the mood of heartbreak from the beginning.
4. Just Keep Your Affair A Secret Instead
If American Pie’s Jason Biggs got the memo, his other classmates would still be kept in the dark.
But life for the high school student proved to be anything but. When he decided to take the most popular girl back to his room, the awkwardness ensued from the start. Not only did a few accidents happen along the way, but his first experience between the sheets became the talk of the town. Why, you ask? He accidentally allowed his computer’s camera to capture the entire ordeal, so everyone saw what he packed, not to mention lacked. Poor Biggs. From violating an apple pie to exposing himself to his entire school, the guy never caught a break.
3. Because The Deed May Be Super Bad
When Evan (Michael Cera) and Becca (Martha MacIsaac) hooked up in the movie Superbad, their problems went beyond a lack of c*ndoms.
The two wanted their first time to be special, but their partying got in the way of performance. As they climbed into bed together, Becca’s drunkenness dampened the mood. Even though she tried to turn Evan on by talking dirty, other phrases quickly killed their vibe. Between her polite “Thank you” to “They said that would happen in health,” the pair already looked doomed. However, when Becca literally puked her guts out on the sheets, their sexy session turned very sour.
2. Or Super Creepy…
During the Eyes Wide Shut prologue, a cult demands Tom Cruise to remove his clothes.
While women would kill to see Cruise in his natural element, the circumstances make for a very sinister and not sexy situation. Encircled by masked followers, they initiate him into the group through a degrading, demeaning, and humiliating process. And his vulnerability makes people wonder. Is director Stanley Kubrick trying to warn the public of Hollywood’s elite? Even though Cruise only played a character in a fictitious film, he and the cast bring to light the possibility of the seedier underbelly of the rich and famous, like the Illuminati.
1. But ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ Regardless
Hilary Swank stunned viewers with her role in the docudrama Boys Don’t Cry.
She played Brandon Teena, a transgender man who suffered a violent r*pe and murder. Because he lived a life much different than any other Nebraskan, they punished him with inhumane unimaginable horrors. His death in 1993 highlighted the hatred transgenders face every single day, and his adaptation raised even more awareness. Swank even won an Oscar. Her transformation on screen riveted the world, especially when her character was r*ped by two men once considered friends.
The scene’s no love scene; it butchered love into pure hate.
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