So you are in a relationship and it is going great. In fact it seems like you might have what it takes to make it long term. When the two of you are together, everything is just totally fantastic. But what about when you two are not together? Then what happens? At some point you two have to leave each other alone of course, and when you do that things are bound to get weird – at least where the guy is concerned anyway.
We all know that when women are left to their own devices they just chill out, catch up on watching Making the Team and do some cleaning or baking brownies or something, right? Okay I admit it, I have no idea what you chicks do when you are by yourselves.
But one thing I do know, and that is what guys do when they are all alone. And these things could be when we are just alone for a half an hour, or when we are alone for a month. Us dudes are really pretty predictable after all. But even then, most of you ladies don’t have any idea what we get up to when left to our own devices. Well, we do all sorts of things, most of which you are probably going to think is pretty gross.
Here are 15 Gross Things Guys Do When Their Girlfriend Leaves Them Alone.
15. Creep on Exes
Okay, this might not be something that us guys are going to think is gross, but it sure is something that most of you women do. Yeah, I am going to be honest, when you are around we get kind of freaked out about you catching us stalking our exes on social media, but when you are away, we are completely checking them out. Sometimes we even message them, as it gives us that little hit like we are doing something wrong, even though we are not actually cheating on you. Does that gross you out? Well it totally should, it would make all of us guys totally mad if we thought you were doing that to us when we went away, but hey pretty much all guys are total hypocrites; you think you would have figured that out by now.
14. Eat Things Their Girlfriend Hates
I know a guy that used to be kind of a player. Every time his girlfriend would go away he would go out and party, and sometimes try and get some. He and his lady have been together for a bit of time now, so now when she goes away his routine is a little bit different. All he wants to do now is stay home and get a large meat lovers pizza. See the thing is, we don’t want to eat healthy. It is not that we mind you trying to take care of us, and shopping for us, and making us salads, but as soon as you are out the door, we are all about having something totally different to eat. And by “different,” I mean gross. I might pretend I appreciate what we just ate, but as soon as you are out the door I am all about a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
13. Creep on Women Who Aren’t their Exes
Guys like looking at, and flirting with women when they are alone. You know how I said before that we spend a lot of time creeping on women that are our exes as soon as you ladies take off for a bit of time? Well we do, but that is not all that we get up to when left alone. We also just creep on women in general. That does not mean we are going to cheat on you; get your mind out of the gutter. That is not where I am going with this at all. What we do is go out and flirt with chicks, or maybe just stare at them…for a really long time. I know this is just reinforcing all of the bad things that you women think us guys do when you go away, but hey, the reality is that we actually do all of those things that you think we do. And how gross is that?
12. Snoop Around
Oh hey, remember when your boyfriend caught you going through all his stuff and he got totally mad and treated you like you were the absolute worst person that ever existed in all of time? Yeah well we do that to you too. At some point when you have gone away we have gone through all of your stuff, and when you leave your Facebook or your email open we go through all of that, too. In fact we would snoop all the time, but we stopped. And do you know why? Well in all honesty it is because you are totally boring. I mean seriously come on, at least make us a little jealous. Although if you did we would dump you pretty much right away. You have to remember one thing about all of us guys, we are all total hypocrites, remember?
11. Listen to Awful Music
Yeah I know, we are always trying to be super cool when it comes to the type of music that we listen to when we are around you, or when we are around anyone else for that matter. In fact we often even give you a really hard time because of all the awful music that you are constantly listening to, because we are so much cooler. The thing is though, when we are by ourselves, we are even worse than you are. Or at least just as bad. We crank the absolute worst pop song that there is and act like we are the coolest. Remember when we gave you a hard time because you listened to Taylor Swift? Yeah we listen to her too. We just do not want you to know about it. In fact we don’t want you to know about hardly anything that we do.
10. Take Bad Selfies
You know how we are always making fun of you because you spend so much time taking selfies, sometimes even using a selfie stick? Seriously, how lame is that. The thing is though when you are not around we spend a lot of time doing the same old thing. You should see my phone, it is just filled with deleted selfies, sometimes I must take 30 before I come up with that one perfect one. And of course we could just have you take one for us, but then you would know that we are all totally insecure, and are worried about the way that we look. And obviously we can’t have that. Being a guy means that we get to make fun of you for doing the same things that we do, except we keep them secret. Pretty cool huh.
9. Miss You
Alright, so this might not seem all that gross to you, but I have to tell you it sure does to us. I am going to be honest though, most of the time we actually don’t miss you at all. We talk up a good game, and say all of the right things, but we don’t really mean it all that much. We could care less that you are gone. Sure, sometimes we kind of wish that you would come back, just because it is a drag to load the dishwasher, and if we didn’t have you we would have to find another girlfriend eventually, but for the most part we love it when we hear the door close and know that you are gone. But yeah, every once in a great while, we actually do miss you women, just a little bit. And seriously, how gross is that?
8. Snack Like Crazy
Yeah, this is a big one. Sometimes when you are gone we just put on a game and eat like 2 whole sleeves of Oreos, or maybe just buy a whole bag of Cheetos, and just murder the entire thing. Who is going to stop us? You? I don’t think so; you are not around so it is going to be party time in pretty much every way possible, and snacking is no exception. If you have not figured out the overlying theme here yet, well it is that guys are total fakes. We are going to pretend we are all into doing the Whole30 with you, and cutting out all sorts of sugar from our diets, and as soon as you walk out the door, we are going to eat like pigs, and snack on anything we want. Does that sound gross? Well I guess it kind of is, but we don’t care.
7. Check Out Some Weird Adult Movies
You obviously knew that this one was coming. When you are around there is always a chance of getting caught, so this is kept to a minimum, or perhaps it is not done at all. This all depends on your attitude around such things, and to be honest, it also depends on how scary that you are. I have had some girlfriends that could care less, or even get into it a little, and I have had others that act like I am the spawn of Satan for even thinking of such things. Either way, no matter what kind of woman you are, you can just bet your old bottom dollar that when you go away, this kind of thing totally ramps up. If you want you can just pretend it is because we are lonely without you, but to be honest that is not it at all.
6. Pleasure Ourselves…A Lot
Okay, I have two things to tell you about this one, and they are both going to probably bum you out but hey, honesty is important. First of all we pleasure ourselves when you are around too. I know you like to think that we are just dying to do it with you all the time, but to be honest, quite often we like doing our own thing, and if you don’t think that we do, all that means is that you have not caught us yet. With that said, this obviously totally ramps up when you are away and we are left to our own devices. All of a sudden what was supposed to be done quickly and secretively becomes something that is done openly and with no shame. You may call this gross, but I call it awesome. Now that I mention it. Be right back.
5. Talk to Ourselves
Yeah, you know how we like to appear like we are super cool and that we have it all together when we are around our girlfriends, but the fact of the matter is, we do the same kind of stuff when we are by ourselves like you do. You know when guys get ready for work they just grumble and complain out loud about how much everything is such a drag? You probably think that is for your benefit, or that it has something to do with you. Well let me tell you, nothing could be farther from the truth. We would do that stuff whether you are around or not. Basically guys are pretty much nuts, and us hanging around with women, or even other guys, is the only thing that keeps us from showing that off all of the time.
4. Fart like Men
I know that a lot of women think that things are bad in this area even when they are around; how could things possibly get any worse? Well even though you might think that we are just letting them rip with impunity, we are always holding back, even if it is just a little bit. When we are by ourselves, we just burp and fart like crazy. This is actually one of the finer pleasures of being alone. We are just animals after all, and let me tell you, when we are by ourselves we totally enjoy going to town and being as gross as we can possibly be. What causes shame when you are around, becomes a source of pride when you are not. And don’t forget all of the snacking and the meat lovers pizzas, those don’t help.
3. Space Out
This may not seem all that gross, but then again you have not really seen us do it, since you are not around and all of that. I am not talking about just being mellow and spacing out a little bit, no, I am not talking about that at all. What I am talking about involves laying on a couch for hours, with our hands in our pants, drooling like crazy. Maybe there is a game on the tube, maybe there is some beer involved, none of that really means much of anything in the grand scheme of things. What means something is that we have decided that we are not going to move anytime soon, and there is nothing that is going to shame us out of that. While you may consider this to be gross, most of us guys consider this one of the finer things in life.
2. Wear Your Clothes
Yeah we do this sometimes. Now I am not talking about being the kind of person that wears your clothes as some sort of kinky thing, although I am sure that a lot of your boyfriends do that, too. No, what I am talking about is just wearing your sweatpants, hoodies, and you know, whatever else, purely because of total laziness. It takes a lot of energy to do laundry you know, and while you are gone, most guys are not going to do anything that they do not have to. Why should we bother doing laundry when all of your clothes are laying around? I had a girlfriend once that was 5’11”, it was like having a whole new wardrobe. You may call this gross, we guys tend to call it expanding our resources.
1. Sleep like the Dead
Yeah, we really only get up for two reasons in the morning, either because of work, or because we know that if we don’t you will start bugging us. When you are not around we could care less about getting up and dealing with stuff, in fact we might even be a little bit hung over, which is going to make us stay in bed for even a little bit longer. Yeah we know, you think the whole thing is kind of gross, us laying around and doing nothing all the time, eating huge pizzas, snacking and pleasuring ourselves. But you know what, we don’t care. The only reason that we act differently most of the time is because you are around. While you think it is gross, for us we are on one long big vacation, it is like going to Disneyland all by yourself every day.
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