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15 Embarrassing Confessions About ER Visits

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15 Embarrassing Confessions About ER Visits

The emergency room has more than enough exciting stories happening within its walls to spawn multiple hit television shows with what potentially goes on inside. There should seriously be a saying of, “What happens in the ER stays in the ER.” But thankfully no one really holds true to that, so we have tons of stories about some of the ER’s most embarrassing moments. From a cowboy being afraid to get a shot, to a gangster trying to treat his own foot wound from a gun shot, to of course the typical ones that include someone being treated for gas that they probably originally thought was some rare form of untreatable cancer.

ER stories are unbeatable because you can’t make them up! Yes, we see Grey’s Anatomy on ABC that pretty much becomes a war zone after a tragic fire, plane crash, train crash, and any other major disaster you could imagine. Still, sometimes the day-to-day, and of course the night-to-night, situations in real emergency rooms are much better than anything viewers see on the small screen. We can all relate to the various stories as there have been plenty of times we have wanted to rush into the emergency room ourselves. Thankfully some patients and nurses weren’t too embarrassed to share their stories on the wonderful world of the web. If they don’t provide anything but a good laugh, they did its purpose and more. Check out some of the most embarrassing stories told from the infamous emergency room.

15. Head and Shoulders, Knees, And Toes

Going to the doctor can be one of the scariest things — especially for men — because you have no idea what’s going on with your body. But of course it’s better to go to the emergency room than try to diagnose ourselves via WebMD. One wife told the hilarious story of her husband making sure he was all good before leaving the hospital. “My husband went to the doctor for his knee, which was achy and clicking. The doctor assured him it wasn’t anything serious by saying, ‘If you were to feel my knee, it does the same thing.’” Apparently the husband took this as an invitation and felt the knee, which the doctor didn’t like and asked him not to. “My husband left the room in mortified silence!” Still, inquiring minds want to know, did the doctor’s knee really feel the same as the husband’s? His knees seemed to be working just fine when he skedaddled.

14. It Takes A Village

Anyone who watches any type of medical drama, whether it be the classic hit Grey’s Anatomy or other popular ones like E.R., Private Practice, Chicago Med and so on, knows that the scenes in which someone is training are some of the best ones. On television, new interns fight for the most awkward and awful conditions that patients are fighting in hopes of snagging a good surgery. This patient’s story would certainly fit the bill. “I was getting treatment for an ingrown hair near the top of my butt and had to go to wound care. Well, the hospital was having training that day. [There were] so many people in my room that we had to leave the door open for a second. No less than eight nurses and four innocent people got a great view of my pale, white butt being shaved.” I have to say the four people might not be that “innocent” if they actually sat and watched that process.

13. When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

In this patient’s defense, it’s really hard to hold anything that is trying to come out of your body — most particularly when it comes to having to go to the bathroom. From children to full-grown adults, it’s safe to say that no one can overpower their bladder no matter how hard they try. Please consider this before reading this next extremely hilarious story.

“I went to the ER because I had a terrible stomach virus. I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t control my bowels, but the doctor ordered a CT scan because he thought I might have a gallstone. I was already doped up on morphine when they put me in the scanner. I realized I had to fart and ended up pooping my pants while being scanned. The tech saw me literally [poop] myself.” And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the patient ended their story with a big reveal that it was “caught on camera…” When you gotta go, no one can stop you.

12. Gotta Look Good At All Times

This one might not necessarily be embarrassing, but whoever did this should be ashamed. But I can’t say I’m surprised because it’s the world we live in. This patient described her moment and wrote, “I did my makeup before I went to the emergency room just in case I had a hot nurse/doctor.” Okay, we all want a Patrick Dempsey look-a-like, but I hope homegirl didn’t code on the gurney with hopes of doing a little extra contour and highlighting in hopes of meeting her next sponsor. They say you never know who you’re going to meet so I completely get her wanting to be prepared for the moment. It’s just hilarious considering she had to go to the emergency room for one reason or another. What if she was standing on one foot trying to put on mascara or something? That’s the price of beauty I tell you.

11. Speaking Of One-Legging It…

“I just broke my foot … when I went to the emergency room, it was the most embarrassing thing ever.” Of course this part isn’t really embarrassing at all. I mean, back in the day it was kind of cool to have a broken limb and have to walk around school on crutches. But how this person broke their foot is what makes it even funner. “How did I break my foot? I dropped my iPhone on it…” Ha! That’s both hilarious and embarrassing. There might not be a study on it but there has to be at least 90 percent of people who have dropped their iPhone on a certain part of their body. I would have to check “forehead” if I was taking a survey for it. The bright side for this mysterious patient is that it wasn’t on their face. Even though a foot is probably just as painful.

10. How Did A Sharpie Get In THERE?

Emergency room moments don’t only fall into the category of things that make you go “hmmm…” but also makes you wonder, “How in the heck did you do that?!” Seriously though. The ER is probably full of people who found places that the general public doesn’t even know exist. Let’s just jump right into the facts. “I got a Sharpie stuck in my butt last night and had to go to the ER.” Again, how? Were you just so plastered that you lost track of your black Sharpie? Were you studying for a test and fell asleep on it? How in the world… like, the entire globe… do you get a Sharpie marker back there? But wait there’s more. They added, “There are now 14 people I can never look in the eyes again. Driving 30 miles for Walmart for now.” That might be for the best.

9. Can One Really “Escape” The ER?

There’s only one way to find out apparently. One doctor explained a patient’s story for them and told it probably the best way possible. We all know that one can check into the emergency room, but how do you check out when you get to the point of being held involuntarily? Make a plan for a great escape of course. “A daring young man who was high on meth decided to plan his great escape from the ER. He was able to climb into the drop ceiling, and was making his way out of the room… until he fell through the ceiling. He landed on the floor at the foot of the stretcher and ended up breaking his arm…” Well if anything, that landed him a few extra days in the hospital jail bed. At least it was a fun and unforgettable journey in the air conditioning vents if anything else.

8. Gird Your Loins

Yes, you’ll at least want to after hearing this disgusting and embarrassing story. A patient was experiencing constipation, which is clearly nothing new. But when he tried to use a toilet bowl brush in the completely wrong way, things went all the way left when he used the handle to go into his… buttocks, which of course got stuck. One doctor recalls, “He was unable to remove it without horrific pain. EMS was called, and he was transported to the ER with the bushy tail feather dangling from his butt. With the help of his new wife comforting him on one side of the stretcher and moderate sedation, the doctor worked from the other end to dis-impact the toilet brush…” Wonder if that new wife was having second thoughts because that is certainly one very interesting way to start a marriage. But at least just like many of these stories, it’s a good laugh.

7. First Time Mom Jitters

I think it’s more than safe to say that anyone who has had the amazing privilege of giving birth to a child wants to make sure that nothing goes wrong from the time a test comes back positive to beyond the days of the precious baby’s arrival. So it’s no surprise this mom went to great lengths to make sure her child was okay. “I just went to the ER thinking something was seriously wrong with my daughter (I’m 30 weeks pregnant). She was hiccuping. Way to overreact for this first time Mama.” Oh, that’s not overreacting at all. Doctors for new moms probably have voicemails that are full at all times as the unborn child uses the mommy’s uterus and inner body parts as a jungle gym. Thankfully the child was safe, but we can probably assume this story will live on for quite some time in their lives.

6. No, The OTHER Pair…

This story really made me chuckle and it could cause you to do the same. One patient explained she was seeing a doctor because she thought she had been hit with pink eye. “[The doctor] had a VERY thick accent, and after taking a quick look at me he said, ‘Take off your blouses!’ to which I gave him a very shocked look. I reached down to take off my hoodie. He gave me a confused look back and said, ‘No, no’ — pointing to my eyes — ‘your GLASSES.’” Two things about this story — why in the world would a doctor seeing you for pink eye have you take off your shirt? Just curious. The second question is why would you actually proceed to do it? Good thing this doctor stopped it before it went too far and the hospital ended with a lawsuit that he could have seen coming with every step she hesitantly made.

5. This Is Your Brain On Vinegar

A few nurses had a good laugh or two (or three) after a mother complained about her daughter spilling vinegar on herself. The accident resulted in a really bad red rash (in case you’re ever wondering of the wonderful power of vinegar). So the nurse pointed out, “Well I’ve never heard of a rash from vinegar, but I guess it’s possible.” Another nurse added, “Ask her if it was boiling at the time it spilled on her.” Of course this seems crazy but the second nurse reminded them she had seen many things in her long time as a nurse. So the first nurse asked, “Was it hot?” The mom’s response? “Yeah, it’s been real hot here today.” Lady, what? The hilarious part is that she wasn’t even the one who got this mysterious rash with vinegar. But maybe the impact of not knowing what was going on with her daughter made her not be able to think properly. I hear vinegar does that to you.

4. The Not-So-Brave Cowboy

This is a perfect story that reminds us that cowboys are not as brave as they appear to be. One registered nurse detailed her night with a cowboy in the emergency room. Maybe he was a self-proclaimed one. “He had been wrestling at a rodeo and got ‘horned,’” the nurse explained of his situation. The interesting thing is that as painful as it sounds, it’s probably considered an honor in the cowboy world. Anyway, the patient insisted that the nurse give him something to ease the pain, so she suggested a shot, which he made it clear he was not here for. “Oh no ma’am you’re not giving me a shot. I hate needles. Don’t you have a pill I can take?” She put things into perspective for him and said, “If you can take a horn in your side, you can surely take a needle in your backside!” Hey, at least he was polite about it.

3. The ER’s A Gangster’s Paradise?

One nurse dished on her experience with an unnamed patient who was a known gangster — well a mobster as she put it. Apparently he had gotten into a physical altercation with someone else of a like mind who went as far as shooting off the patient’s toe. Yes, you read that quickly. But the story continues as he tried to fix it himself before he had to come in and get treated with a professional. It looks like that didn’t stop him from not only flirting with the nurse but willing to go to great lengths to make her… rich, I guess. “Oh, you’re married?” he asked. “Does your husband have life insurance? I can work something out…” While he might have been completely joking, I don’t doubt that a guy who comes into the emergency room after trying to treat his own gun shot wounded toe can’t snap two fingers to make that happen.

2. Getting High Off Your Own Supply?

So this story is a pretty hilarious one but I can completely understand why it would be embarrassing for anyone in this position. The patient explains it with, “Little embarrassing when you have to go to the ER and the doctor checking you goes don’t you work here?” To make matters worse, it might be safe to say this person didn’t have a choice but to go to this hospital. I’m guessing Seattle Grace from ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy was full? The patient ended the story with, “Was hoping he wouldn’t notice.” Now, this goes way beyond a waitress getting caught eating food off a customer’s plate in the back and even could be worse than a car salesman going for a ride in a company car — especially when it comes to what he or she checked in for. But the fact that the ER worker recognized her probably made for more awkward days at work than she was prepared for; after she recovered of course.

1. Oh…It’s Just Gas

One emergency room visitor reminded a doctor that he might want to quit his day job after the anonymous patient’s visit. Apparently the patient checked himself into the emergency room after he experienced really bad gas — which all of us can relate to by the way, at least anyone who would be willing to admit it. Anyway, they explained the story and said they waited in line for an entire two hours before they had to see a doctor (something else other ER patients can understand). When they did, the doctor simply pushed on their stomach. This is clearly something they could have done at home themselves after looking up a few methods on Google, YouTube, and probably even Pinterest. But it’s what happened next that makes this story extremely embarrassing and cringeworthy. “I farted in his face,” they said. “He was hot. I still hate myself.” I think the fact that the doctor was upset makes this story all the more hilarious.

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