I didn’t grow up with Jurassic Park the way everyone else did. I was just a little girl when the movies came out and wasn’t interested or allowed to see the movie. I ended up watching the movie as an adult when it was rereleased in 3D, so I came to it with the eyes of an adult. While the movie is a ton of fun to watch once you turn off your brain and suspend disbelief about a theme park with living dinosaurs, there are a ton of holes in this movie. It’s easy to chalk up our love for this movie to 90s nostalgia, but once you really think about how ridiculous this movie was, it’s kind of impossible to defend it. There are leaps in logic that are hard to wrap your head around and dumb moves made by the characters that don’t make any sense. The same is true of Jurassic World, which stars Chris Pratt and came out recently.
Some of the dumb holes in the Jurassic Park series have to do with the characters. They do very dumb things, like forget how to operate flashlights, hide badly from velociraptors, and play fetch with giant extinct monsters with mouths bigger than them. Others have to do with the story itself. Still, others have to do with bone-headed things that shouldn’t have happened, like the spelling errors that made it into the movie. This isn’t even getting into Jurassic World, where those dumb things continued to happen. Here are fifteen things about the Jurassic Park series that will never make sense, but we let slide because we love the movies so much.
15. Check The Trackers Before Opening Gates
There are dumb decisions, and there are dumb decisions. By far, the dumbest decision made in any Jurassic Park movie is the decision made by Owen in Jurassic World to waltz into the Indominous rex’s enclosure to check on it. For one, it’s a dinosaur that can camouflage itself, so not seeing it doesn’t always mean that it’s not there. For another thing, the observation deck allowed him to see the enclosure pretty well, so he didn’t really have to walk in. More importantly, though, all of the dinosaurs have trackers. Why didn’t they just check the trackers to make sure the dinosaurs were all where they were supposed to be. The entire plot of Jurassic World hinges on this monumentally dumb decision. Even if Owen thought the invisible dinosaur was out, all he needed to do was check the tracker to see where it was. It doesn’t matter how it got out at that point, it just matters that you bring the invisible predator in. Instead, he walks into the enclosure and leaves the door open, giving the dinosaur the opportunity to sneak out.
14. No One Can Spell In Jurassic Park
I didn’t catch this at first, but once I saw it, I couldn’t help but laugh. This is from the scene where Nedry steals the DNA of the different dinosaur species in the park, and way more labels are misspelled than there should be. For example, the label on the left is actually supposed to read “stegosaurus.” There’s another label in the movie that spells “Tyrannosaurus” with one N instead of two. While we can excuse misspelling things in most other professions, mislabeling something in a lab setting can mean very bad things for your experiment or your subjects. If nothing else, the fact that the names of dinosaurs are misspelled on labels in a theme park that has living dinosaurs in it is enough to make me question whether the characters are actually experts on dinosaurs or not. At first, I thought it was a fun little blooper, but I have the sneaking suspicion that no one bothered to check the spelling on the labels because they didn’t think the audience would be able to spell the names of the dinosaurs anyway. That’s not really expecting much of your audience.
13. Who Sends Kids Here?
Now, I’m not a parent, but even as a first time viewer of this movie, I knew that sending your kids to an island of living dinosaurs was probably a bad move. It’s an even worse move once you realize that it was an untested island. Sure, Grandpa Hammond is a scientist who was involved with the island, but at the time the movie began, a velociraptor had already killed someone. This is a terrible time to bring your grandchildren to visit the island, even if you think your work is about to get scrapped by the experts coming to certify it. If anything, that’s even more of a reason to not bring your grandkids. Also, what parents would say yes to their kids going on this kind of field trip? I don’t care if your parents are the most permissive and cool parents in the whole world: they still wouldn’t let you go to Jurassic Park while it was still untested.
12. What Are These Fences Keeping Out Exactly?
The original Jurassic Park had these big electric fences that looked awesome, especially as the cars were driving by. They looked great and all, but as we learned in the first movie, the electric fences mean nothing when the power goes out. Jurassic World had the same issue. Honestly, when I saw Jurassic World, I was expecting new problems with the fences considering that they’d learned from what happened in the events of the original movie. I was expecting fences that could withstand Armageddon, let alone some pesky dinosaurs. But no, they set up the same dumb electric fences as last time. Jurassic World doesn’t even really mention the fences either. It just goes to show that nobody learned from their mistakes, which is about as dumb as a person can get even if they’re not hanging out in dinosaur zoos.
11. Why Does An Invisible Dinosaur Even Exist?
Honestly, one thing that genuinely made me angry about watching the new Jurassic World movie was the idea that someone thought it would be a great idea to make an invisible dinosaur. The invisible ones caused quite enough damage during the original series! The Indominous Rex is a mystery in the movie, but we know that it has the ability to camouflage itself. This is a profoundly dumb ability to give a dinosaur, and the fact that it was able to use the ability to escape its enclosure serves everyone in the park right. The whole point of Jurassic Park is to see dinosaurs, right? Why would you give an awesomely cool dinosaur the ability to be invisible when the whole point of its existence is to be seen. This is putting aside the fact that this thing was designed to be a better predator than any other dinosaur to keep interest up about the park. Giving the thing invisibility is just a terrible idea. On top of that, you’ve spent billions of dollars on something that might not even be seen. Everything about this monster is dumb and makes me angry.
10. Bad Decisions And The T-Rex
Everything about this scene made no sense. Basically, the T-Rex enters, and that’s when Donald jumps out of the car. The kids stay in the car, freaking out that Donald “left them.” This makes no sense to me at all. Sure, they were in shock, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t have gotten out of the car with him if they wanted to stay together so badly. Even if they did, they were actually the smart ones. They stayed in the car while Donald got eaten by a T-Rex. My thing is that they were complaining about it when they’d actually done the right thing. That being said, Donald really should have stayed in the car. He’s essentially abandoning two defenseless children by getting out of the car because he was (understandably) freaked out. To be fair, those kids were a lot smarter than he was by staying in the car because if they’d all gotten out together, the movie would have been a lot shorter.
9. No Automatic Controls On The Gyrospheres?
The gyrosphere was probably my favorite part about Jurassic World just because of the visuals. Personally, I’d love a car that looked like this. The issue with the gyrospheres is that there’s no reason why people should have them and be able to take off with them wherever they want. When the kids are in the gyroscope and everything is popping off, the only thing they get is a warning to go back to the park. There are no automatic controls that take over that can take the guests back to the park or anything. Basically, if you don’t know how to get back to safety and you have dinosaurs chasing you, you’re not getting back. There’s no reason why the gyroscopes shouldn’t have the ability to guide the guests back to safety, but they don’t. This is a terrible idea and it puts the park guests in danger. People getting eaten aside, this is also a great way to end up drowning in lawsuits. Minimal safety measurements should include not letting people go off on their own in a dinosaur park with nothing but a clear ball between them and death. (It’s still a really cool visual, though.)
8. Why Are Flashlights So Hard?
Remember the scene with the kids and the flashlight? Everything about it was weird. First, Lex uses the flashlight as a signal to let others know that they’re in danger. Once that happens, she realizes that using light as a signal while being chased by a T-Rex is a colossally bad idea. That’s when she should have turned off the flashlight…except she didn’t. She took her sweet time turning it off. While it’s understandable that a T-Rex chasing you will make you a bit stressed out, especially if you’re a kid that’s way over your head, later parts of the movie have her using electrical boards with ease. Electrical boards are way harder to deal with than flashlights. Something about this seems weird: why was it so hard for her to turn off a flashlight at that specific moment? It just seemed like a way to add tension while sacrificing common sense.
7. Why Is A Newbie Feeding Velociraptors?
While Jurassic World came out during the time of peak Chris Pratt and it was cool watching him feed the velociraptors and all, this is a prime example of how the new movie reached even dumber heights than the old movie. The whole reason Owen is even in the enclosure is that a new guy got yanked off a bridge by a pig and fell in. There is no reason why a new hire should be anywhere near the velociraptors, especially not in a position where he could fall in. Zoo employees make sure to maintain a safe distance from the animals they watch over with good reason. You can’t just walk into a tiger enclosure and start feeding them without training, so there’s no reason why that should be happening at a literal dinosaur zoo. The requirements for even being around the dinosaurs should be really stringent, and this scene proves that Jurassic World kind of didn’t care.
6. Everything About The Kitchen Scene
While the T-Rex scene was pretty crazy, the really scary guys in this movie are the velociraptors. They’re relentless and way smarter than the larger and less well-proportioned T-Rex. The velociraptors in the movie were actually able to open doors, for crying out loud. This scene had my heart in my throat as I was watching it, to be honest: the whole thing is tense and really good movie-making. However, after the credits rolled, I realized that there’s a huge hole in logic here: how did the velociraptors not eat the kids? Part of the reason I was so stressed out watching this scene is that I thought the kids were actually going to die thanks to the velociraptors being as smart as they are. There were points like the picture above where the dinosaurs are literally inches away, and then they just walk on by like there’s nothing to see there. The kids were dumb to hide in this way, but the velociraptors were even dumber because they didn’t even bother to follow their noses to find the kids. Hide and seek really shouldn’t have been that hard for them.
5. Nedry Tried To Make Fetch Happen
Remember Nedry? He was delightfully dumb. This is the guy who thought it would be a fantastic idea to play fetch with a dilophosaurus, which was a spectacularly bad idea. He spent a lot of time trying to talk to it and even tried to get it to play games. Sure, this idea might have been smart if Nedry was trying to do that so the dinosaur would run after the stick, giving him time to run away. The problem is that he doesn’t do that. Once the dinosaur is done humoring him, he just sort of…walks away. He didn’t think it would be a risk to do that, which is why it’s so weird that he engaged the dinosaur in any way whatsoever. Maybe he did it so he could casually walk away instead of running, giving the dinosaur a reason to run after him, but it didn’t really play out that way for me as an audience member. It just seemed like a way for the writers to add humor to their movie while subtracting logic.
4. The Instruction Video
One of the big parts of Jurassic Park is the instruction video made by Hammond. It explains how the dinosaurs were made and it’s got a few cute video tricks in it, including the one where Hammond talks to the video version of himself. The problem with this is that there’s no way for us to know who this video is for. If it’s for the scientists, it seems like a ton of work for one video that’s probably full of information that the scientists already know. However, if it’s for the guests, that means that in order for that cute video trick to play out, Hammond would need to be in the screening room all day for that part of the video. Nothing about that makes sense since Hammond would definitely have better things to do than to do that every day. If it was just for that one time viewing for the sake of that group of guests, it’s still a lot of effort to go through for one video. Regardless, all of this screams of a lack of planning.
3. Do Kids Solve Everything?
At the end of the movie, Ellie actually seems happy. She sees Alan hanging out with Hammond’s grandkids and smiling with them, and we’re supposed to infer that this means that Alan wants to be a dad now. That’s all well and good, but does Ellie realize what they had to go through for Alan to wear that smile at that moment? You’d almost think that Ellie is cool with the dinosaurs eating people and everyone almost dying, including herself and two kids, just because of the fact that Alan (might be) ready to start a family now. That’s kind of…ridiculous. For all she knows, he’s smiling because he’s glad to have lived through the ridiculous ordeal of people being eaten by dinosaurs. This is putting aside the fact that he lived through the terrible decisions of other people, too. This seemed weird to me when I first saw the movie, and it’s definitely weird now.
2. Why Were The Cars So Special?
At the beginning of the movie, we meet Hammond’s grandkids, who are ecstatic by the idea of getting to get around the park using these special electric cars that don’t need drivers. The cars run on a track in the middle of the road, and it looks like a lot of fun. There are even amusement park rides based on this, which are a ton of fun even for people like me who hadn’t seen the movie at the time. The cars come with touch screens, which makes the kids even happier. While I understand that the concept of a touch screen to keep kids entertained in cars was kind of a novel concept back then, compared to how innocuous touch screens are now, you’d think the cars would pale in comparison to the living, breathing dinosaurs. Technology is great, and so are all of our touch screens, but dinosaurs are cooler and will always be cooler than touch screens. You’d think kids would get that, but these kids didn’t.
1. Why Is This The Logo?
I don’t know about you, but nothing about the dinosaur skull screams “fun time.” Nothing about the dinosaur skeleton even really represents what happens at Jurassic Park. This just reeks of false advertising. This is the kind of logo you’d want for a dinosaur museum or even a dinosaur themed restaurant. Instead, it’s the logo for a park that has real dinosaurs walking around. This might not even be false advertising, it might just be bad advertising. Sure, the park in itself was a horrible idea, but they didn’t know that when they made the logo! They could have put a living dinosaur there and even made him friendly looking to attract families looking to go on vacation. There’s no other place like Jurassic Park, so there’s no reason why the advertising for the place needed to be so dumb.
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