The basic principle of acting is for someone to become something they’re not, and one of the things that the actresses on this list surely are not is downright ugly. Yet, despite their non-ugliness, each of the actresses who make up the 15 spots on this list were made to look so for a movie role, just one of the many things people will do for money. For the actresses on this list, being ugly takes a lot of work. Whether it be by prosthetics, makeup or just a severe lack of care, once-hot actresses went from incredibly attractive to gross for their craft. Some of them transformed so much from hot to not that they won Academy Awards for it. Well, for being ugly and good actors, but there’s no need to split hairs. Since most movies are chockfull of sexy people, the uglies stand out like sore thumbs, sore, wounded and ugly thumbs.
Maybe we’ll deal with the phrasing we decided on up front. Some of you may be offended by “downright ugly.” We, too, recognize that it may not be the most politically correct way of putting it, but we’re truth-tellers, and truthfully, these characters are fugly. Remember when Romeo said something about a rose smelling just as sweet if it had another name? Well, Romeo was a freakin’ kid, what the hell did he know? You can’t just change the rules halfway through the game. We call people ugly so that, when we use words like hot, gorgeous and beautiful, they hold more weight. We wouldn’t want beautiful people to suffer because of some lesser humans, they already have enough to worry about. Here are 15 downright ugly movie characters played by super hot Hollywood actresses.
15. Chyler Leigh, as Janey Briggs
The film Not Another Teen Movie had a lot of powerful messages in it, but the most important of all was its handling of the “ugly pretty girl” trope. Janey Briggs, played by the gorgeous Chyler Leigh, is ugly. That much is apparent. She’s got a terrible ponytail and glasses. It’s almost impossible to see the beauty behind those atrocities, but the filmmakers challenge this, asking the audience to look behind the frames and beyond the updo to see the beauty underneath. When Janey takes off the glasses and lets down her hair, the transformation is complete and magical. She becomes a beautiful young woman and we instantly forget the old Janey. It’s a sore spot to discuss with girls because the ponytail and glasses look has been a long-time standard, especially in the 90s, but Not Another Teen Movie dealt with it with caution and with care.
14. Demi Moore, as G.I. Jane
Just hold on. We’re not talking about Demi Moore today, even though, at 50, Moore is still looking real nice. For this entry, however, we’re talking about Demi Moore from 20 years ago. Back then, she was everything anyone could ever want in a woman. Super good-looking and probably good at other stuff. We’ll be honest, we don’t know anything about Moore except that she was incredibly attractive until she shaved off that beautiful long hair for G.I. Jane. You know, Moore didn’t look all that bad with a shaved head, but compared to where she was at, it was a bold move. The worst part of it all is that the poor girl did it all over a movie that no one cared about.
13. Rooney Mara, as Lisbeth Salander
Somewhere out there, beneath the sounds of screaming death metal, the people who like Lisbeth Salander’s style are shaking their leather-gloved fists at us for putting Rooney Mara’s Lisbeth Salander on this list. Mara is about as sweet as they come and she is truly beautiful, but in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, she looks… different. You can say that Salander is a beautiful person underneath all that crap, but how the heck are we supposed to focus on anything other than those awful bangs, or lack thereof? We know that bad things have happened to this poor girl and her wardrobe and style is a way of rebelling, but the innocent people of the world shouldn’t have to pay for the crimes of a few bad men. Salander, by walking around with that hideous haircut is punishing us all.
12. Christina Ricci, as Penelope
It’s amazing what a super gross nose can do to a pretty face. You take 95% of the gorgeous Christina Ricci and add 5% pig to her face and you’ve got a hideous beast. Yeah, we saw the movie. We get the point: beauty comes from within, or something like that, but movies lie. Fargo claimed it was a “true story,” and it wasn’t, so don’t expect us to take all movie messages to heart. Beauty very clearly comes from the outside, and, if this movie teaches us anything, a good percentage of beauty comes from the nose. There are many legends about pig-faced women, often morality tales about something or other, but this one has a much different message. Ricci is hot, pig-faced Penelope is not.
11. Emma Stone, as Allison Vandermeersh
Before Matthew McConaughey was getting stuck in Oscar films, he was acting in the movies that mattered: chick flicks. One of the very best of these films, was Ghost of Girlfriends Past, a film about love and overcoming one’s fears of commitment. In the film, the lovely Emma Stone plays the Allison Vandermeersh, McConaughey’s first love. Though the film leaves the interpretations up to the viewers, it’s fairly obvious that all McConaughey’s women problems stem from his hideous first girlfriend, Vandermeersh. You would have self-esteem issues too if you’re first girlfriend was a frizzy-headed freak with braces. Stone has very big features, which works really well for her when she uses them to her advantage, but she can also use them to make crazed and unpleasant faces too, which she does in this film like every second.
10. Jennifer Aniston, as Claire Simmons
Take the wildly attractive Jennifer Aniston, add a bunch of floppy weight, throw a fake scar on her face, put some rings under her eyes and give her a bunch of frumpy clothes, and you have Claire Simmons, the protagonist in Cake, who is the nightmarish version of Aniston. Simmons is like the last picture in Aniston’s “your life on meth” series. Really, she’s not that bad, but next to normal Aniston, Simmons is a long way off. The irony of this all is that Simmons, Aniston’s character, lives with chronic pain, a pain only equaled by our own after seeing our beloved and sexy Aniston made to look like a casual. Even though there was some Oscar buzz, we’re confident that if we just be quiet about Cake for a while, Simmons will just fade away and we can have Aniston proper back where and how she belongs.
9. Charlize Theron, as Aileen Wuornos
We felt it necessary to put Charlize Theron‘s Academy Award winning performance as the serial killer Aileen Wuornos in Monster up front because everyone knows she’s going to make the list anyways. Since Wuornos is a twisted murderer, we have no qualms about calling her hideous. If we were smart, we might think twice about this for fear of being put on a list. Huh? Oh, nevermind, she was given a lethal injection back in 2002. Well, it took several pounds of makeup to make Theron look she way she did in that film, which makes sense because this woman is a treat to look at. It’s amazing that even though Charlize Theron is walking around there right now, living and breathing, there are still people who don’t believe in angels. This woman is the epitome of hotness but, when she played Wuornos, she was a human hippo, just remarkable.
8. Cate Blanchett, as Bob Dylan
Cate Blanchett got a lot of praise for being the only female actor to portray Bob Dylan in I’m Not There, but we don’t know why. Sure, her acting was stupendous and the role was a brave choice, but she looked disgusting. What was she thinking playing a man who looked like a woman that hadn’t washed or brushed his/her hair in several months? That’s just really confusing. Maybe we should add in Queen Elizabeth from Elizabeth here too because that character was ugly too. Because of that film, the only thing film fans are ever going to remember about Queen Elizabeth I of England is that she was ugly.
7. Drew Barrymore, as Josie Geller
They didn’t call Barrymore‘s character Josie Geller in Never Been Kissed Josie Grossie for nothing; they called her that because she was, in fact, grossie. Look at the hair, the makeup, the outfit, and what the hell is that on her teeth? In an attempt to make Drew look like a high school student, the makeup team grossified the blonde bombshell into a trainwreck. Even in her batsh*t crazy days, Barrymore never looked as bad as she does in this film. Don’t’ worry. To wash the image out of your eyes and memory and recall what Barrymore really looks like, you’re only a few quick Google searches away. It’s also a little alarming that the students and staff didn’t notice that a middle-aged woman was pretending to be a teenager. Barrymore may have only been about 24 at the time, but she lived a very full and very hard 24 years, so she looked every minute of those years.
6. Angelina Jolie, as Salt
In a frightening scene in the spy film Salt, the almost always beautiful Angelina Jolie dressed up as a male naval office and the effect was the stuff of nightmares. The man looks like Jolie but a hideous version of a her, the male version of her. The eyes are feminine and, of course, the lips, but the masculine features make the whole thing confusing and off-putting. There’s a weird uncanny valley thing going on here as well, which makes the viewer feel a bit ill, instinctively. Of the prosthetic mask she wore, Jolie said, “Brad wouldn’t kiss me either, he wouldn’t go there,” which would make you think her ex, Brad Pitt, either isn’t gay, or he just doesn’t like kissing repulsive things.
5. Anne Hathaway, as Fantine
People say that Anne Hathaway‘s version of “I dreamed a dream” is beautiful, but those people must have been listening to the soundtrack because it’s near impossible to focus on the music when you’re watching the film, Les Miserables. All we could pay attention to was what Hathaway looked like after she cut off all her hair. Talk about sacrifice for art! Is it a rat? Sure, she’s meant to look destitute and desperate, but you’ve got to ease us into that kind of ugly. An ostrich? It’s mean to say. We know that. But you’ve got to wonder if the fame and fortune from Les Mis was worth it. Maybe it’s an alpaca. People already have a weird hate thing for Hathaway, but this look doesn’t help her cause. Hell, we’re starting to hate her as we write this. No, it’s a rodent of some sort. That’s what it is.
4. Thesy Surface, as Margaret McPoyle
Margaret McPoyle is a disgusting deaf-mute character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. McPoyle’s got a little too much mustache and a little too few eyebrows. We need two but we only get one from McPoyle. That’s approximately 50% less than the proper amount of eyebrows. Margaret’s homely wardrobe and unappealing facial expressions make her look even worse and her incestuous relationship with her brother really tops it all off. The craziest thing about McPoyle is that she is played by a little-known actress named Thesy Surface. Speaking of surface, Thesy is really hot, like surprisingly hot. Who would’ve known? Weird name too.
3. Halle Berry, as Leticia Musgrove
Like Charlize Theron, Halle Berry got so ugly for Monster’s Ball they gave her an Academy Award. Sure, there were some other factors that contributed to the win, but the ugliness was the primary condition. Berry has the kind of beauty that you want to store and keep fresh, trying to make it last forever, but the filmmakers in charge of Monster’s Ball just didn’t care about all that. They made her skin look weird, he hair look nasty and other stuff too. It’s possible that they simply just didn’t put makeup on her face, but let’s not get into specifics. Whatever happened, we don’t like it. Not one bit. Berry played a grossed-out crackhead back in Spike Lee’s 1991 Jungle Fever as well, which was another ugly character for the stunning actress, but Leticia Musgrove is better known and therefore more disgusting.
2. Salma Hayek, as Frida Kahlo
The artist Frida Kahlo wore her thick single eyebrow as a badge of honor and freedom when she was alive. To her, it marked her ability to look how she chose to look, which is an empowering concept. When the beautiful Salma Hayek wore a monobrow to portray Kahlo in the film Frida, she looked sickening. Yeah, it’s harsh, but it’s true. C’mon, be honest with us and be honest with yourselves. You felt a bit queasy watching it. Hayek also wore a light mustache to really unleash her inner ugly. Hayek made some comments afterward about regretting all the work she’s put in to make herself look attractive when Frida showed how unnecessary that all was. Stop it! Stop it right now, Salma. You take that back.
1. Nicole Kidman, as Virginia Woolf
The great Virginia Woolf is known for her beautiful writings and her beautiful mind, but it turns out she was also dreadful to look at. This was news to us as well. When Nicole Kidman was cast in The Hours, we thought, dang, Woolf must have had it going on if Kidman is playing her. But, no, no she did not have “it going on.” To transform Kidman into the homeliest of women, makeup artists spent 3 hours a day hiding the pretty. They then smacked a big ol’ schnoz on her face to cover all that goodness underneath. You have to wonder if Woolf became a writer to hide that face. Maybe that’s why all writers get into the craft. Wait a second…
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