“Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried…”
That’s just one of the many funny Chuck Norris facts floating around on the Internet. In 2005, the Chuck Norris Fact Generator was published to the web. It went viral because it’s very funny. It produced gems such as these: “Chuck Norris was once on American Idol. He won using sign language” and “Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.” And, my personal favorite, “There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.”
Who didn’t enjoy a good Chuck Norris meme occasionally? For a long time, he was a real American hero. The man is an impressive Karate black-belt champion with 183 wins and just 10 losses. Oh what’s that? You didn’t know Norris could lose? He can and he does. I’ll say it now: he’s a big loser. Frankly, he stopped being cool in 1974 when he retired from the International Karate Championships. He went on to star in some bad films, and put his foot in his mouth repeatedly.
It was all well and good when no one knew his inner thoughts. Then, he went public with his conservative opinions and started attacking innocent people. Based on his current reputation, I doubt Norris would have been selected to be the subject of memes and random facts. Had we known in 2005 what we know now, Chuck Norris would have remained in obscurity where he belongs. Unless you are anti-gay, it’s highly likely you’ll find most of the following very offensive because Norris has proven himself to be a hypocrite and an a**hole.
15. He Cheated On His Wife And Had A Love Child
Chuck Norris is a staunch conservative Christian. He’s authored several Christian books, and he writes for WorldNetDaily, a conservative Christian website where he routinely judges the personal lives of other people. He is a devout Baptist even going so far as to advocate for teaching creationism in schools. This is all his personal preference, and I have no problem with Norris’ religious beliefs. I simply find it hypocritical that he advocates so strongly for traditional Christian marriage when he himself cheated on his wife.
He cheated on his first wife, Dianne Holechek. Keep in mind, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” is in God’s top 10 list, but that doesn’t matter to Norris. Apparently, it’s perfectly okay to cheat on your wife and father an illegitimate child, but only if you’re the subject of world-famous memes and a karate champion. His daughter, Dina, wrote to him when she was 26 years old and told him he was her father. They reportedly have a close relationship, which is great, but doesn’t change the fact that Chuck Norris is a hypocrite.
14. He Wrote A Bigoted Article About The Boy Scouts Of America
Chuck Norris has a history of promoting inequality. He’s anti-gay, and in 2012 he accused President Obama of being part of a conspiracy to undermine the “core values and beliefs” of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA). It is Chuck Norris’ opinion that dismissing gays from the BSA is as fundamentally American as apple pie and baseball. He argued that the “century-old policy to ban gays” is integral to the Boy Scouts. Because the success of a youth organization is dependent on its exclusionary and bullying policies? Or, does he simply believe that straight children won’t benefit from learning wilderness survival skills if they’re side-by-side with gay ones?
Norris has never spoken openly about a real problem with the BSA, which is the sordid history of child sex abuse. He writes that the Boy Scouts is an institute of moral sanctity, and has a responsibility to uphold traditional values; however, there are more than one thousand files on alleged pedophiles preying on scouts, and that’s just a record of abuse between 1965 and 1985. Is this the moral sanctity he is fighting for?
Too bad for Norris, the BSA went ahead with its plan to allow openly gay youths in 2013 and changed its policy on scoutmasters in 2015, and guess what? The kids have fared just fine. In fact, it’s widely reported that the organization is “more robust than they have been in many years.”
13. His Name Isn’t Even Charles
Chuck is the standard nickname for someone named Charles, but Chuck Norris isn’t named Charles. His actual name is Carlos Ray Norris; although, he has a Spanish name, he isn’t Spanish. He was named after Carlos Berry, his family’s minister. He got the nickname Chuck while serving in the air force, and for whatever reason used it as his stage name when he started acting in movies. Doesn’t Carlos Ray have a way more badass ring to it? It does, but Norris obviously feels that Chuck is a more fitting name for him.
As far as cultural heritage goes, Chuck is mixed-race, but it’s hard to tell by looking at him. He’s mixed-race, Irish and Cherokee. His mother, Wilma, is Irish. His father, Ray Norris, is Cherokee Indian. You can definitely see the Irish in his ginger hair and beard. Unfortunately for Chuck, he grew up in an openly racist time (the forties and fifties), and was bullied for his heritage. It’s sad that someone who has experienced the ugliness of racism turned out to be such a racist himself…
12. He Wrote Bad Poetry About The 2008 Presidential Election
Chuck Norris isn’t what I’d called a prolific writer, but that doesn’t stop him from publishing drivel. In 2008, he published a poem (written in poor taste) about the election. It accused the Obama administration of coming for his money and tearing the country apart. It’s hardly clever, and was followed by an open letter to Barack Obama describing how he could win the respect of Mr. Norris, something I doubt Obama cares about.
Here’s a few highlights from Chuck’s terrible poem: “When all of a sudden/There arose such a noise/I peered out of my window/Saw Obama and his boys.” Sound familiar? This is an obvious rip off of beloved Christmas classic, Twas the Night Before Christmas. “He snatched up my money/And quick as a wink/Jumped back on his bandwagon/As I gagged from the political stink.” That’s just terrible rhyming. Chuck should stick to karate and leave the political commentary to professional writers.
11. He Tried To Give Expendables 2 A PG-13 Rating
Depending on your opinion of The Expendables 2, you maybe think Chuck Norris is a terrible person simply for participating in that geriatric sh*t show of a sequel. To make matters worse, he worked extra hard to strip the film of its R-rating, and he almost got away with it too. Chuck, who is an enemy of curse words, argued that the film’s language was too profane, and the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) agreed.
Too bad for Chuck, the PG-13 rating was withdrawn. The bad language was reintroduced to the film, and the R-rating prevailed. The film wouldn’t have been the same without the bad language, it amped up the cheese factor and it made it memorable for action fans. The Expendables franchise is an obvious cash grab for the actors, but even a cash grab should be mildly entertaining.
10. He Encouraged People To Protest A Hate Crime Law
Chuck often uses his platform to push his political agenda, which would be okay if he didn’t repeatedly spread lies and half-truths. On his column for Townhall.com, he encouraged his readers to protest the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act. He falsely accused the act of protecting pedophiles, which is entirely false.
The bill expands on current hate crime laws to include protections for people based on gender, sexual orientation, and disabilities. So, basically if you’re targeted for crime because you’re gay or in a wheelchair, the offender can and will be charged with a hate crime. This goes both ways. In the highly unlikely scenario that one is attacked for being straight, that is a hate crime under the bill.
Even prominent Republican representatives noted that the bill did not protect pedophiles. Pedophiles aren’t considered disabled and “sexual orientation” is defended by the government as “consensual homosexuality or heterosexuality.” That’s not pedophilia, but that didn’t stop Chuck from suggesting that if Americans support the bill, they’ll be providing “elevated protection to pedophiles.”
9. He’s Been Accused Of Racism
Chuck Norris and his wife did not want President Obama to be elected to a second term. That’s his opinion, and everyone’s opinion matters. That’s what makes America free. To each their own opinion… I’m not going to argue if Obama was a good president or not because that’s not the point. I understand there are two major parties in this country. What I don’t understand, is why he and his wife would refer to a second Obama term as “1,000 years of darkness,” as she so ignorantly quoted from a 1964 President Reagan speech.
Unfortunately, that isn’t Chuck’s first topical brush with racism. He refuses to acknowledge that an Asian, Bruce Lee, helped him succeed in the film industry. He got his start in a Bruce Lee film, was given major roles by Bruce Lee’s production, yet when asked who he thanks for his success, he has never acknowledged Lee’s role. He shows zero gratitude for Lee’s help, but will publicly thank Steve McQueen for his role in Chuck’s film career.
8. He Helped Spread The Birther Movement
To be considered a legitimate president, you must be born in the good ole USA. You can’t be born elsewhere and govern this country. It’s a good law. It means our presidents truly have American values, and aren’t abusing their position to benefit another country. The birther movement contained a group of individuals, such as Donald Trump and Chuck Norris, who believed that President Barack Obama was not a legitimate president because he wasn’t born in the United States.
The birther movement stirred up a ton of controversy, and Chuck was one of those who demanded to see the President’s birth certificate. Chuck had this to say about the movement, “If the birther movement is truly full of a bunch of conspiracy-fringed kooks or ‘zombies’ as the Los Angeles Times proclaims, then prove once and for all that you are a naturally born citizen by posting your original birth certificate. And all the controversy will fade away like the pains of childbirth.” Except the president did produce his birth certificate, proving himself to be a naturally born citizen, and the controversy continued anyway.
7. He’s A Terrible Actor
Chuck Norris can’t act. He was a fierce martial artist, but he’s no Marlon Brando or Daniel Day-Lewis. He routinely tops lists of the worst in Hollywood, including Rotten Tomatoes list of the worst. The movie critiquing site named him and Jennifer Love Hewitt the worst actors of the last 25 years. Consider the films he’s acted in. Forest Warrior? Braddock: Missing in Action III? There’s a reason you haven’t heard of these movies: they stink.
Before any of Chuck’s movies come up in a Google search, you’ll find pages and pages of websites dedicated to Chuck Norris facts. No one searches for his movies unless they want to be very disappointed. Consider that no one has even bothered to rate his performance in Top Dog on Rotten Tomatoes. It has a zero percent rating. And, he’s routinely dissed for his performance in The Expendables 2 because it was awful.
6. He Can Barely Read
“Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.” That’s a random Chuck Norris fact, but it’s a hell of a lot funnier if you watch the video of him attempting to read memes and “facts” about himself. He stumbles over every word, and seems unable to keep up with the teleprompter. Can Chuck Norris read? Yeah, but only at like a fifth-grade level.
It’s crazy that Chuck, who struggles with simple reading, thinks he’s smart enough to advise the American people. He once suggested that millennial voters weren’t patriotic because they don’t vote for conservatives. If you ask me, voting is one of the most patriotic things a person can do, but Chuck only agrees if you agree with his worldview. Hear that kids? Either follow the misguided opinions of one of Hollywood’s most undistinguished actors, or be labeled unpatriotic by said actor.
5. He’s Plagiarized Hateful Content
Chuck Norris claims he is not an Islamophobe, yet he frequently publishes content that is fearful of Muslims and encourages others to be fearful of Muslims. Okay, so we’ve already established that he’s kind of racist. That makes him a terrible person, and that is my opinion. What’s a fact and not an opinion is that he’s plagiarized a lot of his islamophobic content from other publications. He plagiarized entire paragraphs from the Middle East Quarterly.
He’s actually published anti-Muslim content that he stole from a Muslim magazine, so he’s using their own content against them. That’s not only ironic, it’s hypocritical. Not only that, but he’s routinely accused of copying-and-pasting content from other sites into his columns without attributing the actual writers. What’s worse? When called out for plagiarizing a 2009 Daily Telegraph paragraph, he refused to comment and he deleted the paragraph, copied word for word, from his column.
4. He Violates His Own Martial Arts Code Of Honor
Chuck Norris’ martial art is Chun Kuk Do, which comes with a code of honor. Chuck considers himself a Chun Kuk Do master, but is he really? He certainly seems to routinely violate its code of honor, so I don’t think he’s quite the master he considers himself to be. Consider that the code calls on martial arts to “maintain an attitude of open-mindedness” and “maintain respect for those in authority.” Chuck Norris maintains neither of those things.
Number three on the code is: “I will continually work at developing love, happiness, and loyalty in my family.” Except he cheated on his first wife and had a child with his girlfriend who he didn’t meet for 26 years. Number four on the code is: “I will look for good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.” Except he is staunchly anti-LGBTQ rights… Number five reads: “If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.” Except he routinely puts down gay people and has said terribly things about President Obama.
3. He Advocates For Christian Prayer In Public Schools
Consider that one of the fundamentals of the constitution is freedom of religion. Chuck Norris claims to care about America and its values, but Chuck doesn’t advocate for any other prayers in schools except for Christian prayers. That’s unfair considering the amount of Jewish, Muslim, atheist, and other religious students attending schools in America. Unfortunately for non-Christians, Chuck’s advocacy for teaching the Bible in school has taken hold in many schools across America.
He started a grassroots campaign to teach the Bible in public schools, and now 37 states offer the bible as a textbook. Separation of church and state means nothing to Chuck. He’d lose his mind if the Quran was taught in schools, but advocates for Christian religious education. I’m not saying students shouldn’t learn about religions, but they should be taught about all the world’s religions, not just the one Chuck subscribes to.
2. He Is Against Vaccinations
Chuck Norris isn’t just anti-vaccinations, he’s also anti-science, including anti-genetically modified organisms. Vaccinations and genetically modified organisms saves lives, but that doesn’t stop Chuck from condemning them in his column, which could be considered a conspiracy column. He falsely claimed to his readers that the government was covering up a link proving that vaccines cause autism. There is zero evidence of this, but that doesn’t stop fake news spreader Chuck Norris.
Unfortunately for the rest of us, anti-vaxxers are endangering lives. Anti-vaxxers are using loopholes, such as religious exemptions, to send their unvaccinated children to school. Do you want your kid attending school with a kid who hasn’t been vaccinated against chickenpox or rubella? Yeah, me either. This movement is causing massive outbreaks of preventable infectious diseases, including pertussis (aka whooping cough) and measles. It’s not safe out there, and people like Chuck Norris who have a platform are continuing the spread of lies and misinformation.
1. He’s The Celebrity Spokesperson For An Anti-Gay Group
“…the great majority of traditional marriage advocates…are American citizens who are following 5,000 years of human history…” Chuck Norris spoke these words at a National Organization for Marriage event, which is an anti-LGBT group. He is their celebrity spokesperson, which is unsurprising if you consider his history of speaking out against the LGBT community.
As with the Boy Scouts, Chuck cites tradition as a reason to advocate for marriage inequality. He’s cherry-picking what deserves historical tradition and what doesn’t. Consider that it used to be legal to chemically castrate homosexuals and beat your wife. Lobotomies were another legal practice, and marital rape was legal (if it was a husband raping his wife). I’d like to know Chuck’s opinion on these archaic traditions… Actually, no I wouldn’t.