Looks are everything in Hollywood, but that doesn’t necessarily mean one has to be a perfect ten like Margot Robbie or Brad Pitt to be a star. There’s a place for everyone, so long as one is ready, willing, and able to expose their less desirable features. Marilyn Manson is scary-looking, and has made millions due to the shock value of his style. Mayim Bialik has embraced her geeky side on The Big Bang Theory. And Anna Nicole Smith staged a glorious comeback when she tipped the scales.
More and more, we find that the beautiful people are being pushed aside in the entertainment business to make way for people that are downright unattractive. And these “ugly” people are finding that their careers are successful because of their looks…not in spite of them.
This may be due to changing societal mores, as the public wants to see “real people.” Or, this may simply be a new trend, much like reality shows. Or, it could be that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and standards of beauty are evolving. Take a look at this list of 15 stars that have made careers out of being unattractive, and then you decide for yourself.
15. Kelly Osbourne
How Kelly Osbourne continued her career after the MTV reality show The Osbournes is beyond our comprehension. She can’t sing, despite having Ozzy Osbourne as a father. She isn’t fashionable, despite having the style icon Sharon Osbourne as a mother. And she isn’t nice, or funny, or charitable. Our best guess is that her schlumpy appearance appeals to the unwashed masses, who see a little bit of themselves in her. Kelly doesn’t even try to put on the Ritz. She makes a point to shave her head, revealing an unsightly skull. She loses weight, then gains it back. And the less said about her clothing, the better. Still, she’s the first person to criticize others on Fashion Police and social media. Kelly’s attitude is her most unattractive feature of them all.
Now how about a joke about Kelly?
We’re not saying Kelly is ugly, but when Siegfried and Roy’s tiger saw her, he bit his own jugular.
14. Lena Dunham
Lena Dunham deliberately tries to be unfortunate-looking. It’s what made her a star. No, it wasn’t acting or producing the HBO series Girls. It wasn’t writing her memoirs in her twenties. It wasn’t even endorsing Hillary Clinton. What made her a household name was that she flaunted her below-average body on television–warts and all. But she showed more than just warts and poorly drawn tattoos. She bared all–from her pear-shaped bottom to her downstairs hair to her surprisingly small breasts. Never before had the world seen a woman so eager to show off a body that was far from beach-ready.
13. Seth Rogen
Seth Rogen is the “guy next door” type…if you were living in a food desert. So why is he so popular? Because he’s relatable. Men aren’t threatened by him because most are better looking than he is. Women aren’t distracted by his looks because he doesn’t have any. So he is the perfect person to play hapless guys in movies like Knocked Up and The Neighbors. He’s basically the new Ben Stiller, and we all know how “hot” he was on screen.
And just so our readers don’t think we’re being unfair and only roasting the women, we’ve got a zinger for Seth.
12. Prince William
Prince William used to get press back in the day for being incredibly gorgeous. Add to that his being charming, intelligent, and rich. It was indeed a fact that he was destined for greatness. But then, the hand of fortune came down cruelly on him. Not only did he suffer the loss of his mother, but he lost his hair and started bearing an uncanny resemblance to his father, Prince Charles. Prince Charles is one of the goofiest-looking guys around. Were it not for his British accent, he’d have no admirers at all…at least appearance-wise.
Yet, Prince William gets more press now than ever before. It’s a real head-scratcher, and definitely has to do with the world’s fascination with royalty. But, beneath all that is the notion that the public gets a cheap thrill out of looking at him and being bewildered over and over again about his fall from grace. It hasn’t helped matters that he recently tried to relive his glory days dancing at a club while on vacation. He looked ridiculous flailing his gangly limbs in a sweater and trousers.
Maybe it’s a British thing that people across the pond just don’t get, which is an entry to our Prince William joke:
Back when he was single, William’s idea of romance was giving his girlfriend a Nuva Ring on their anniversary.
11. Janice Dickinson
Janice Dickinson was the first supermodel, or so she claims. We weren’t even in diapers yet when she was at the apex of her career, yet she managed to have a resurgence in recent years. But it wasn’t because she was beautiful. It was for the exact opposite reason. She lost her looks. Fans and critics just can’t get their fill of ogling her wrinkled skin, overly plump lips, and lopsided breasts. And of course, they love her foul mouth from cursing like a sailor to making Bill Cosby accusations. Janice is no dummy, so she will take attention however she can get it, be it positive or negative. You’ve got to respect a woman with the cojones to be able to take as good as she gives.
So, we know she won’t mind some good-natured ribbing:
We’re not saying Janice only has one thing on her mind, but she did once sleep with a guy for a syringe and a bottle of Botox.
10. Khloe Kardashian
Khloe Kardashian has been able to ride her sister Kim’s coattails for a decade. This is perplexing, because no one thought she’d last this long. But Khloe found a niche market—being unattractive. You see, many people are turned off by Kim’s beauty. They feel like her looks are unattainable and they hate her for it. But Khloe is relatable, because she’s an average girl looking at her best. She’s embraced her flaws, and spoken openly about being called “fat” and “ugly.” As a result, she has a certain amount of credibility and people listen to her advice on life, fashion, and dating. She’s gotten some work done here and there, but she hasn’t done a 180 like little sister Kylie Jenner. Khloe knows that her persona would be kaput if she were too pretty.
Still, we find her assaulting to the eyes. So in the spirit of being mean Internet trolls, here’s a joke at her expense:
Khloe is a strong, empowered woman. That’s why she always enters a room nipple first.
9. Miley Cyrus
The more rich and famous Miley Cyrus gets, the less attractive she becomes. Usually, it’s not an inverse relationship. Just look at Princess Diana, Caroline Bessette-Kennedy, and Kim Kardashian. The simple answer is that Miley doesn’t have the foundation for beautiful looks, so she has chosen to eschew the usual path of stardom. She’s discovered that the more outrageous she looks, the more publicity she gets. So, she’s cut her hair, worn wacky costumes, and kept her tongue wagging out of her mouth like a St. Bernard. It works because there are so many lovely women in Hollywood that she stands out like a sore thumb when she looks like a dropout from the Insane Clown Posse.
Miley is everyone’s favorite pans*xual, even if it’s just a gimmick for her. So we are sure she won’t mind us poking fun at her:
Miley wanted to buy stock in Planned Parenthood, but her accountant told her it was a conflict of interest.
8. Emma Stone
That’s right, Emma Stone is on this list! Take a good hard look at her, and you’ll see she’s an unattractive celebrity. Her skin is pale, her hair thin, and her mouth as wide as a drive-in movie screen. If Ronald McDonald and Ed Sheeran had a baby, it would be Emma Stone. Meanwhile, the audience eats it up with a spoon because in today’s society, it’s almost a bad thing for a woman to be too beautiful. Just look at all the backlash Megan Fox got in her heyday. Emma succeeds in Hollywood because she can play the “every woman.” And with people these days eating more and exercising less, the “every woman” has gotten a lot less beautiful.
Here’s a little known fact about Emma:
Emma never says “Thank you.” We’re OK with that, because we know she’ll never say “I do” either.
7. Kevin James
Kevin James is unstoppable. First, he hit it big on The King of Queens, then he transitioned to the movies, and now he’s staying alive with the sitcom Kevin Can Wait. How does he do it? Some of it is talent, but a lot of it has to do with his physique. He plays his size for laughs. Add to that self-deprecating humor about his laziness and low intellect, and he hit upon a recipe for success. People enjoy watching people who are less fortunate than they are. TV and movies aren’t all escapism when the leading man is a perfect ten. Kevin is keen to that, and has capitalized along the way.
Kevin is first and foremost a comedian, so we know he will appreciate this joke about him that is meant in the nicest way possible:
Kevin doesn’t believe in late term abortion because he thinks life begins at conception. We believe in late term abortion because we’ve heard Kevin’s comedy.
6. Jonathan Banks
Jonathan Banks is a god to Breaking Bad fans. He played Mike Ehrmantraut, who was a “fixer” of sorts for drug kingpin Gus Fring. Jonathan is an incredible actor, which almost detracts from his appearance–almost! His skin is thick and sun-damaged, his nose is too big, and his ears are curled in a manner reminiscent of Sloth’s from The Goonies. But what does Jonathan care? He plays his offbeat looks for plenty of cash. He has appeared on Modern Family, Better Call Saul, and Horrible Bosses 2. There are plenty of roles for unique-looking folks, if only they are brave enough to play them.
We don’t know much about Jonathan, but we get the sense that he’s the sort of guy that you’d enjoy having a beer with. So we’re sure he won’t mind if we roast him a bit. It’s not like he’s going to read these jokes or anything, right?
Jonathan can do something most guys can’t—wear skinny jeans without having a bulge in the crotch.
It’s a good thing for singer Adele that music videos aren’t what they once were, or else her career never would have taken off. It’s unfair that singers are expected to be gorgeous, because looks and talent often don’t go hand in hand. But that’s the world we live in. Just look at Adele’s contemporaries—Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift. Still, a myriad of fans have embraced Adele especially because she doesn’t fit into the mold of supermodel looks. She’s the underdog, and many root for her for that fact alone. Adele knows which side her bread is buttered on, because she hasn’t dieted drastically, gone platinum blonde, or under the knife.
But just because we’re proud of her, doesn’t mean that she’s exempt from a little teasing:
4. John Goodman
John Goodman played a good-natured, blue collar schlub on Roseanne for years with great success. But after he left the show, most people thought he was out for the count. Then a miracle occurred. He started getting serious movie roles and became regarded as a great character actor. He is certainly a skilled performer, but his unconventional looks helped him in a strange way. Many handsome men vie for the lead role in a film, but since John has never been an Adonis, he was able to go after roles that had less competition. Plus, his looks set him aside from others in the industry because he contrasts so sharply with what an actor on the silver screen “should” look like. If John were more attractive, he’d likely be out of work.
We’re big fans of his, but we can’t go soft on him. John, this joke is for you:
John, how can a guy that pulls out so often not be able to do a pull-up?
3. Steve Buscemi
Steve Buscemi has made an entire career out of being unattractive. When you put together his pale skin, buggy eyes, and thin physique, it’s like a train wreck–you can’t look, but you can’t look away. In his early days in the entertainment world, we’re sure his looks worked against him. However, once he started to get roles, his quirky face was an asset. No amount of special effects or makeup can make anyone look that unusual. This gave Steve an extra something to his performances. He was able to play strange characters so well because he also looked the part.
Now, an interesting fact about this writer is that she is from the same part of New York as Steve, and her great-grandmother was a Buscemi. But don’t think for a minute that that means this writer will go easy on Steve when it comes to getting laughs. Here it goes:
People say Steve is a bad tipper. That’s not quite right. He always tips for a job well done. That’s why he always gives the guy in the bathroom stall next to him a twenty.
2. Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga has been criticized for not being a natural beauty. Most starlets aren’t, so we can’t fault her for that. But instead of going the standard route of plastic surgery, starving herself, and becoming addicted to spray tans, she chose to dress in a way that accentuated the positive and eliminated the negative. Lady Gaga makes it a habit to wear wigs, crazy costumes, and a full face of heavy makeup. Fans responded favorably to it, from buying her albums to copying her style. Had she not been so outlandish, she would have been a one hit wonder at best. Her only challenge now is to keep it up and not run out of fashion-forward ideas.
Lady Gaga, here is a joke inspired by you!
Lady Gaga is such a loose woman that she walks around with her fly down. It was easier than carrying around an “Open for Business” sign.
1. Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer has made a career out of being self-deprecating, especially in terms of her looks. We don’t have to avert our eyes when we see her, but she’s no flawless beauty either. What may be the most unattractive thing about her, though, is her personality. She seems to consider herself the queen of comedy. She’s forgotten that women like Joan Rivers and Phyllis Diller paved the way for her back in the day. And female comics like Kathy Griffin and Lisa Lampanelli kept the torch going. Yet, Amy thinks that she’s the only woman who can write a joke. While she’s way funnier than the overrated Tina Fey, Amy is on cloud nine right now and doesn’t understand that her career is finite.
So in the spirit of joke writing, here’s one at Amy’s expense:
Amy’s idea of a good romp in the sack is a white bag full of Castle Burgers.