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15 Celebs Who Are Cursed In The Pants

Entertainment, High Life
15 Celebs Who Are Cursed In The Pants

What hangs between a man’s legs, often referred to as his manhood, is often his pride and joy. Unfortunately, the majority of men feel that their p*nis size is inadequate, despite the fact that women say they’re more than satisfied with their partners’ size. So, many people will tell you that size matters, but in the end, it actually doesn’t. Unless you’re on the extreme ends of the spectrum, either way too small or way too large, the size of your p*nis doesn’t matter to your partner. You don’t need to be blessed between the legs to be great in the bedroom. You just need to be confident and know how to use the tools that you were born with. If you’re not gifted down below, who cares? Just live your life like you’ve got the biggest d*ck in the locker room.

This list features a number of Hollywood hunks, action stars, and other high-profile celebrities that men aspire to be. If it weren’t for their past lovers, you would have no idea that the men on this list had small p*nises. While some of these men are comfortable with their package, others have mentioned that they feel insecure with what they’ve got. Yes, even men with a net worth of millions feel inadequate — and that’s what people should pay attention to.

15. Nas

Carmen Bryan authored the book It’s No Secret: From Nas to Jay-Z, from Seduction to Scandal, a Hip-Hop Helen of Troy Tells All. In her book, Bryan reveals everything hip-hop fans have wanted to know about: what it’s like to have relationships with Nas, Jay-Z, and Allen Iverson. It’s important to note that this gossip-based book is based on her own personal opinion but still somehow reflects the celebrities’ package size and the quality of their sexual performance.

According to Bryan, while Jay-Z has a p*nis like a “baby’s arm,” “the neck on a giraffe,” or an “elephant’s trunk,” Nas had a very average p*nis. These two rappers once had the greatest beef in hip hop history, constantly hurling diss tracks in the other’s direction. Thankfully, this book hadn’t been released at the time of these diss tracks; otherwise, Jay-Z could’ve used Carmen’s own words to win.

14. Howard Stern

For years, Howard Stern has complained that his p*nis is less than ideal. Though the actual size of his p*nis is unknown, Stern claims that he has an inch member when completely flaccid, with the hair nearby longer than it. However, Stern alleges that he measured himself when fully aroused and was slightly above average. Nonetheless, he’s repeatedly claimed that his member is less than ideal for any woman, and his inadequate size may shed light on a number of contests Stern has held on his radio show.

More than once, Howard Stern has offered a prize for men with small p*nises. In 2006, Stern held a contest to give a free trip to Mexico alongside numerous p*rn stars to whoever contestant had the smallest p*nis. Some men who thought they were inadequately built left the contest after seeing how unfortunate some of the other contestants were built. In another contest, Stern promised to set up a date between a hot girl and a man with a very small p*nis. In both contests, the men had to reveal themselves on air — to Stern’s amusement.

13. Johnny Knoxville

Johnny Knoxville is known for his antics both on and off screen. It’s hard to determine whether or not it’s just his Jackass persona that’s crazy or if it’s just him. He’s definitely the most mature and well rounded of the Jackass castmates, but he’s had his fair share of goofs over the years. For example, Johnny Knoxville literally broke his p*nis during one of his stunts. As a result, his p*nis looked like “a sock that lost its elasticity” and had to use a catheter twice a day while he recovered.

Before his Evel Knievel-esque stunt that ruined his sex life, Knoxville claimed that he was “pretty much generally horny.” With no shortage of women throwing themselves at him, Knoxville is without a doubt experienced in the bedroom. But in a brutally honest interview, Knoxville said that his p*nis “looks like an egg in a nest. This girl once said to me, ‘Who are you going to satisfy with that little thing?’ I said, ‘Me!'”

12. Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt has always scored with the hottest actresses in Hollywood. Before Angelina Jolie, he was with Jennifer Aniston, and before that, he was with Juliette Lewis, an actress that Hollywood has forgotten. When her fame was starting to die off, people approached her to ask what it was like to sleep with Brad Pitt.

In one of these instances, Lewis told a drunk bar patron, “He was no big deal, if ya know what I mean,” making sure to put an emphasis on the word ‘big.’ In other words, Brad Pitt isn’t as perfect as we all like to believe. Even Hollywood’s hottest star has flaws.

If you doubt the validity of this story, consider that the size of Pitt’s package is a running joke within his circle of friends. George Clooney once slapped a “Small Penis Onboard” sticker to the side of Pitt’s car. As you can imagine, Pitt wasn’t too impressed with Clooney’s prank. Whether it was harmless ribbing or poking fun at Pitt’s insecurities is hard to say.

11. Jude Law

Women seem to be polarized about Jude Law. Some find him absolutely irresistible, while others struggle to see the appeal. Regardless of how you feel about his looks, Law is one of the most accomplished and talented actors to be working in Hollywood. He’s received more award nominations than we can keep track of and has proven himself time and time again in his theater performances.

While he’s one of the most prolific actors in Hollywood today, what some people are curious about is what Jude Law is packing in the pants department. Soon after Law was caught having sex with his nanny, rumors emerged saying that he was lacking in the bedroom. It wasn’t long until a nosy paparazzo managed to take a photo of him completely naked. The photo led The New York Post to comment that the photos of Law prove that all Brits have small p*nises.

10. Shia LaBeouf

Since becoming an adult, Shia LaBeouf has been scrutinized by so many people that he must be verging on a mental breakdown. He’s come pretty close in the past. In 2005, he threatened his neighbor with a knife. In 2007, LaBeouf refused to leave a Walgreens and was arrested for misdemeanor criminal trespassing. Then, there was the plagiarism accusations, another time when he disrupted a Broadway musical, and his bizarre live-stream protest of Donald Trump‘s presidency. Just like most former child stars, LaBeouf is a little off his rocker.

When auditioning for the film Nymphomaniac (2013), LaBeouf was asked to send pictures of his penis to producers. LaBeouf was hesitant to do so, which led reporters to believe that he was insecure about what he was bringing to the bedroom. After a little digging, reporters found a 2009 interview that LaBeouf did for Playboy.

In the interview, LaBeouf told Playboy about the first time he ever had sex. According to Labeouf, he put a pillow underneath her to maximize penetration. In his own words, he said, “I’m not extremely well-endowed, and clearly this wasn’t the move.”

9. Jon Gosselin

Being a man myself, there are some men on this planet that I hope have small penises. It’s definitely petty, but it’s my way of wishing misfortune on the jerks of the world. Jon Gosselin is one of those jerks. After watching his marriage fall apart due to his own apathy on his reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8 (now Kate Plus 8), I know I’m not alone in saying I hate the guy. It was to my great satisfaction that one of Jon’s ex-girlfriends came forward to talk about what he was like in the bedroom.

Hailey Glassman, one of Jon’s ex-girlfriends, told reporters that Jon’s penis was “tiny, tiny, tiny!” In the interview with Steppin’ Out, Glassman said she would ridicule Jon about his size to his face. You may think that Glassman was salty about a bad breakup with Jon, but sources close to Kate revealed that she often joked about his manhood. According to the source, Kate would joke about Jon’s size to her friends and family and often called him “Stubby” to his face to mock him.

8. Daniel Craig

Daniel Crag is possibly the best James Bond of all time. Yes, I’m incredibly biased because I’ve grown up knowing him as Bond, but you have to admit he’s the perfect actor for the role. He’s absolutely jacked, charming, and manages to stay level-headed both on and off screen. But, originally, longtime fans of James Bond doubted that Craig could meet their expectations. Four Bond movies later (and a fifth one on the way), you’ll find few people who have anything negative to say about Daniel Craig.

The only thing that Craig can be criticized for is the size of his p*nis. While promoting Casino Royale, Craig told British tabloid Life Style Extra that he had used a p*nis double for his nude scenes. According to the tabloid, Craig was “not confident his appendage would measure up to the expectations of 007 fans and asked for stand-ins to do the nude scenes instead.”

7. Enrique Iglesias

This is going to be massively disappointing for a number of women to hear. Their favorite Latin stud has a small p*nis and talks about it regularly — like, more often than anyone should talk about what they have below the waist. Depending on the interview, Iglesias will either tell reporters that he has a small p*nis or tell reporters that he’s never said that he has a small p*nis. It’s incredibly confusing, but overall, it points to the fact that Iglesias is probably insecure about what he has below the belt.

In an interview with Bang Showbiz, Iglesias told the reporter, “I’d change my penis if I could. It’s way, way, way too small.” In another interview with Page Six/NYP, he said, “I go skinny-dipping if there’s no paparazzi around. There’s not a lot to show off.” But perhaps the best Iglesias self-roast is when he told The Houston Press, “I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it’s really embarrassing for people — you know, from experience.”

6. Eminem

Eminem may be a cunning linguist (and perhaps the best rapper of all time), but he’s not the greatest lover. Eminem’s ex-wife, Kim, told a Detroit radio station that Eminem was “not very well-endowed” and added that sex with him was actually bad. Kim took it a step further to say, “If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill because otherwise, it does not work.”

Fans of Eminem are quick to dismiss Kim’s claims about Eminem’s penis. For the uninformed, Kim and Eminem had a very public and very ugly divorce. The pair of them were constantly ridiculing the other to reporters, constantly taking jabs at each other. Eminem expressed his frustrations with Kim through a number of songs, one of which is a fantasy in which he kills her as she begs for her life.

5. Nick Lachey

Nick Lachey is best known for dating Jessica Simpson as she became a household name. Despite having commercial success as a pop star, Jessica Simpson owes her success to the reality show Newlyweds that revolved around her and Lachey when they were first married. It was a show like no other. Without it, reality television — and Jessica Simpson — wouldn’t have been as popular as they are today.

With that in mind, Simpson and Lachey had a very public and ugly divorce. Despite “saving herself” for marriage, Simpson’s first night with Nick after their wedding was less than ideal. In her own words, “Nick’s small package was a problem sometimes, like the first time we had sex, to tell you the truth, I didn’t really feel much. I fake the whole thing; I felt really sorry for him. I still loved him, though.”

4. Ashton Kutcher

You either love Ashton Kutcher‘s childish characters or you think that he’s a bit of an arrogant douchebag. But regardless of what you think, you have to be impressed by the number of actresses he’s bedded over the years. Though he’s now settled down with Mila Kunis — and we are all jealous of that fact — Kutcher was married to Demi Moore for seven years.

While Kutcher and Moore were still dating, Brittany Murphy took a jab at the couple saying, “I suppose the crux of their relationship means to him that age doesn’t matter, and to her, size doesn’t matter.” Years later, Mila Kunis accidentally fueled the small package rumors when she mentioned to James Corden on The Late Late Show that Kutcher’s p*nis looked like a carrot. When the host told Kunis that carrots are small, she panicked and said it looked more like a beer can.

3. Daniel Radcliffe

Daniel Radcliffe has somehow managed to find a way to distance himself from his role as Harry Potter. Genuinely, when I see Radcliffe in photos, movies, or on talk shows, I don’t make the connection that he starred in some of my favorite childhood movies. Today, Radcliffe focuses his artistic talents into a number of artsy roles, either behind a camera or on stage. However, there are a few instances that Radcliffe has expressed insecurity about the size of his package.

During the filming of a full frontal scene in Equus, an insecure Radcliffe took to blaming shrinkage — also known as cold weather — for the size of his package. Radcliffe also had to appear naked for one of his roles on stage. When reflecting on the experience, he said, “You tighten up like a hamster. The first time it happened, I turned around and went, ‘You know, there’s [sic] a thousand people here, and I don’t even think one of them would expect you to look your best in this situation.’ I am terribly self-conscious.”

I guess there isn’t a spell for increasing your confidence in — and the size of — your package.

2. Tom Arnold

Despite never having a massive career in Hollywood, Tom Arnold was able to bed — and marry — comedian Roseanne Barr, who starred in the sitcom Roseanne. The couple met before either was particularly famous, and their relationship flourished when Arnold became sober. The couple was married for four years before splitting. Arnold, clearly the more unsuccessful of the two, didn’t take any alimony during the divorce. That said, the breakup was pretty nasty.

While appearing on Saturday Night Live, Roseanne said that Arnold’s p*nis was a shocking 3 inches long. In response, Arnold said that even a jumbo jet would look small if it landed in the Grand Canyon. A few years after the fact, Tom Arnold publicly stated that he wanted to thank Arnold Schwarzenegger for making his package look bigger because of a line of enhancing supplements he has for sale. But, in Tom Arnold’s mind, he believes that he’s average.

1. Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger is one of the old school rock ‘n’ roll legends who’s an absolute sex icon. Even at 74 years old, as the founding member of Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger could hook up with just about any woman that he wanted to. Hell, now that he’s been knighted, he could steal your girlfriend just by mentioning that his official title is now “Sir.” For most of his career, Jagger’s selling point was that he was a male sex symbol. Women wanted him, and men wanted to be him. His money was made through his music, but his fame was found through his image.

When Jagger’s bandmate Keith Richards released his memoir Life in 2010, he stated that one of Jagger’s lovers, Marianne Faithfull, couldn’t have had very much fun with Mick’s “tiny todger.” Jagger was pretty pissed. On the band’s 50th anniversary tour, Jagger demanded that Richards apologize, which he did. Nonetheless, the damage had been done. We all know that Jagger is more experienced sexually than a room full of people combined, but we’re all left wondering if he’s lacking below the belt.

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