There is no shortage of celebrity beach photos out there in the world. That might be because of the overabundance of celebrity these days. Unfortunately, some of that is due to reality television. Love it, or hate, it has produced some of the most iconic celebrities in the past decade. That includes every single one of the Kardashians. As well as Gordon Ramsay, Simon Cowell, and every member of Jersey Shore.
Now it stands to reason that with so many celebrities, and so many celebrity beach photos…there should be a decent amount of undesirable beach photos. And that’s why you’re here. Below are fifteen bad beach photos of celebrities that you should just never Google. And you’ll never need to because you’ll have seen them here anyway. Many of you will not feel bad for any of these people, but it must be said that celebrities are people too. In spite of what so many seem to think.
Now the range of celebrities here is pretty big. From former nineties babes, to sitcom stars, and from pop singers to, of course, some reality TV personalities. There are even those from certain news stories, who found their celebrity in a different way. But surely you don’t care how they hit their celebrity. All you care about is seeing the bad beach bodies we just think you should never Google. So dig in!
15. Mama June
For anyone who ever dared to watch even a moment of the ridiculous reality show Honey Boo Boo, you may recall the messed up, and borderline abusive mother from the show: Mama June. Lampooned perfectly in an episode of South Park, Mama June does have many cartoon-ish qualities, indeed. Much of it has to do with her incredibly awful attitude, and her strong desire to be a star. Which she now essentially is, thanks to the plague that is reality TV. Regardless of what makes her a celebrity, she’s still not like to be desirable on the beach. Yes, of course that’s in big part due to her body type anyway. People love seeing smoking hot celebrities getting wet and dirty at the beach. That’s not something people are going to want to see from Mama June. Though it does seem she’s taking up work as a lifeguard.
14. Tara Reid
Well…who knows what to say here, really? Tara Reid used to be one of the hottest parts of the late nineties/early 2000s. But for some reason, something drastic happened to her. Maybe it was because her big hits had already happened, and her career was waning slightly. Regardless, the above photo is of the once smoking hot Tara Reid. If you look closely enough, you can still see just how she was striking at one time. But now there’s a sort of vacancy behind her eyes; an almost strung out quality. And with the incredible amount of weight loss that she’s experienced over not an incredibly long amount of time…she really isn’t looking healthy at all. You may not want Mama June after you on the beach…but considering Tara Reid looks as though she could almost be carried by the wind, it’s a legitimate question as to which is worse.
13. Donna Simpson
Alright…so this isn’t exactly a beach photo (that’s something you don’t want to Google). And who exactly is this woman? This is Donna Simpson. Now her celebrity status is a little different than most on this list. She gained her notoriety from the news. In 2008, she expressed her goal to become the heaviest woman on Earth. She’s still working at it, and people pay to watch her eat online! She is the heaviest woman to give birth. A birth which took thirty doctors in order to work through the over five hundred pounds she was then. She is now well over six hundred pounds. “In a typical day I’ll eat four burgers and fries, a loaf of bread with peanut butter and jam, four servings of meatloaf and mashed potato, a large pizza, a chocolate cake with ice cream and cream, 12 cupcakes, two cheesecakes and fizzy drinks.”
12. Dog: The Belly Hunter
Wow. Dog really looks disturbed by what he sees in that photo. But that’s alright, because surely every reader is also. Besides never being able to get over that mullet, Dog has really not got many redeeming qualities. First off, it looks like he spends either way too much time at the beach…or at the very least in a tanning bed. This chubby lobster with blonde, straw-like hair is well past his “sell by” date. Now one has to wonder: does he actually just go and hang out on the beach on his spare time? Or is he hunting for some sort of bounty here? Maybe trying to scout out those beach bodies who haven’t paid their bail bonds? I mean, he’s not carrying his gun, or flak jacket, or flashlight…But on the other hand, maybe he’s trying to hunt booty instead of bounty. And isn’t that a far more terrifying thought?
11. Alanis Morissette
Alanis has got the right idea. She just doesn’t care anymore (if she ever did). Especially when so many people didn’t love her, even when she was a music icon. She had a little bit of a comeback in the past decade, but there’s not much to go on from there anymore. Anyway, it’s good to know that, after all of this time, she still doesn’t care what people think. Considering this woman used to be about as thin as Tara Reid in that entry near to the top, this might be a healthy change for her. But in the eyes of the paparazzi, it’s just the beginning of a huge, downhill plunge. Either way, there aren’t many who found her very attractive back in the day…and I guess now there are even fewer people who find her hot. Especially when all one can do is look at the ill-matched swimsuit, and the bundled up rat’s nest that is her head of hair.
Ok, now here’s the thing. Rihanna doesn’t look awful in this photo at all. On the contrary, she looks pretty damn good. Trim, and put together (even with the unmatched top and bottom to her swimsuit). And while Chris Brown might just be gearing up to skip a stone along the water…that’s really not what it looks like. Given the tumultuous relationship between Rihanna and Brown, no one can really look at this photo and think much else. Sure, the angle is a bit wonky, and he’s clearly behind, and off to the side of her. But that action shot really must conjure up some bad memories for Rihanna. Fans of hers or not, it’s just too easy a thing to see, looking at this photo. It just feels wrong. But hey, at least you get to glimpse a pretty darn good beach body in this article after all.
9. Lena Dunham
Dunham looks pretty stunned in this photo. Maybe it’s her reaction to making this list…though she can’t really be surprised by that. After all, the intense vibrance of her swimsuit sort of attracts attention. That, and the fact that everything around her swimsuit doesn’t seem to properly fall into place. Dunham is best known for her HBO show Girls which just recently had its series finale. She was also just recently hospitalized as it happens, but not for anything to do with her look above. It was due to her endometriosis, which is by no means laughable. And ultimately, she might not actually look all that bad in the photo above if she just stood up straight. But instead, she’s got a posture very reminiscent of Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. And no one really wants to be compared to him, do they?
8. Mariah Carey
Now here is an interesting example. Mariah Carey used to be a hit pop artist back in the nineties. But she reinvented herself to try and become a hit reality television star. And she hasn’t failed that miserably…which is really surprising, considering how ridiculous her show is. As it may have been noted by now, overweight celebrities are both very common, as well as the cause of even greater media coverage. This ends up making celebrities even bigger (in a different way). Carey has taken to that notion very clearly. When she’s laying down in the ads for her show, her chest might be the only thing that people notice. But this front view, and the awful cut of her swimsuit, really puts focus on the big beer belly she seems to have developed. It’s amazing what can happen to a celebrity when their star begins to fade. Any publicity is good publicity though…
7. Leonardo DiCaprio
This is perhaps one of the scummiest photographs of DiCaprio to have ever existed. And that’s saying a lot considering what films he’ been in, and who he’s slept with over the years. Not very far into his forties now, you can see that beer belly taking over things. And boy does he ever look haggard with the full beard covering his pretty boy looks. And that topknot…I’m pretty sure 2012 called and said it wanted its look back. With that stern look on his face, and the plastic bag in hand, one can’t help but wonder one of two things. Is it just really bright, and he’s just emptied his lunch bag? Or does he see his lunch on the beach, and plans to use that bag to catch it? Either way, that is one odd look for DiCaprio that surely everyone could do without. So make sure, if ever you’re searching for photos of this guy…avoid the beach.
6. Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer is probably best known for her Comedy Central series, Inside Amy Schumer. Now at the risk of coming across a little too callus, or mean…One wonders how much of what is inside Amy Schumer in the above photo. The rat’s nest sitting atop her head, for example. She’s got nothing on Mama June or Donna Simpson, but hey, at least just like Mama June, she’s being active. That’s more than can be said for most of the fairly large beach bums in this article. It is kind of crazy though to look at this photo, and picture Amy Schumer. She really does not look like this at all on screen. And that begs the question: Is this the real Amy Schumer? Is she just perpetually airbrushed otherwise? There’s a reason these beach photos are so awful…this is what normal people look like, and we aren’t interested in seeing ourselves on the beach. We want smoking celebrities!
5. Rebel Wilson
And what a rebel she is! This Australian actor actually has quite a career under her belt. She’s been in the business long enough to get some decent credits. But ultimately she’s best known for her role in the feature film, Bridesmaids. Though the rest of her career is worth the checking out. Not surprisingly, she is somehow also well known for photos like this. It seems that the media virtually has a burst of pleasure every time someone large goes out to the beach. Scratch that, the media just loves to see a celebrity in a bad light. It just so happens that the beach is where many of them are caught looking not especially celebrity-like. It does seem that Wilson is either slightly annoyed, or just doesn’t give much of a crap about what the media thinks of her though. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. It allows articles like this to cause less of an uproar than it otherwise would.
4. Jamie Lee Curtis
Once known as the “Scream Queen”, it’s not hard to think about why Jamie Lee Curtis might be called that now. Instead of being the one so able, and willing to scream…she’s the cause of the screaming. To be fair, she’s fifty eight years old, so one can’t expect too much of her. Especially when most of the women on this list, who are almost half her age, are at the very least twice the size of her. But still, there’s something of the greying, almost man-ish figure in this photo that makes one want to cringe at least a little bit. And even though she’s one of the smaller of the celebrities to grace this article, her swimsuit does make me think of a killer whale. It’s just something about the rotund, and sheer black outfit. That, or almost like the thorax of a black beetle. Truly still the “Scream Queen”.
3. Adam Sandler
Ok, so for starters, this is actually perhaps one of the least chubby photos to have ever been taken of Adam Sandler in the history of his career. That being said, it does look exactly like he’s stealing someone’s child. Even if it is his own, she looks more than a little concerned. And he doesn’t look too happy about it either. So this photo has got a couple reasons why someone should not Google it. First off, it’s strange to look up child abduction in an image search. And secondly, no one wants to see Adam Sandler wandering the beach in nothing but draping, cargo-like trunks. It’s just not a good look for him…like most other things. But hey, people are at least still talking about him, and I suppose that makes him relevant enough. They’ll talk a lot more when they think he’s stolen a child also.
2. Courteney Cox
Ah! It’s The Creature From The Black Lagoon! Oh no, wait…it’s just Courteney Cox. Truly a joke: Courteney Cox is still wonderful. Even though the most unfortunate thing she could have ever done, was inject that crap into her face. Botox is not the way to go. It makes people think you’re a sea creature when you’re at the beach, instead of Courteney Cox. Is she applauding something here, or is she rubbing her hands together, joyously examining her next meal? Is that a look of excitement? Or are her eyebrows just permanently held up by the work she’s had done to her face? So many questions for the once beloved sitcom actor who was basically just known for being the sassy, hot character in the show. But hey, at least she could still have a career on a show like Surface (if it lasted longer than a season).
1. Roseanne Barr
Well at least her look hasn’t changed that much since her TV show back in the nineties. She still looks eternally pissed off. And in actuality, this is Roseanne Barr, having lost some weight since her hit show. That still doesn’t change how tragically old both her and the style of that swimsuit must be. As mortifying as it is, it almost makes me wonder what her tattoos used to be of, before the passage of time. And maybe that’s why she looks so cross in the photo above. She just instinctively knows that such a look is eventually going to make it online where people will both gawk at, and weep over it. But hey, at least she’s still out and about. She really was a hilarious part of the nineties. The craziest part of this photo is that she was likely the crabbiest thing in that body of water at the time. And given the sea life, and amount of infections around the beach…that’s saying a lot.