In a world filled with over-sharing on social media, TMI between friends, and WikiLeaks, we feel totally comfortable discussing bathroom habits because nothing is taboo anymore. Pop culture enthusiasts trace this back to when Dr. Oz appeared on Oprah and discussed what a person’s poop can say about one’s health. After that, there was no turning back. People were eyeballing the brown in their toilet bowls like they were FBI agents studying a mug shot. They told their friends when they pooped in the shape of a comma–just like Dr. Oz said you should if you eat enough fiber. People were taking pics of their excrement if they thought it had a passing resemblance to Napoleon Bonaparte and his famous hat and then showing them to their friends. And many asked themselves after looking in the bowl, “When did I eat corn?!” Even Oprah said that all anyone wanted to talk about after Dr. Oz’ spot was poop, poop, poop! And why not? Everyone poops and everyone pees. It’s what makes us human.
The side effect of all this is that people share intimate bathroom details more than ever. It might seem gross to some, but others find learning about strangers’ bathroom habits to be freeing because FINALLY, people are talking about what goes on behind closed doors. People no longer have to feel alone with their bodily functions. What people have discovered is that everyone has clogged a toilet (or two), became creative in wiping one’s bottom when all the toilet paper is gone, and peed in a Snapple bottle out of necessity. And most people will own up to wetting their pants as adults, having skid marks on their undies, and neglecting to flush the toilet.
Even celebrities have quirks in the bathroom. Terrence Howard doesn’t have toilet paper in his bathroom…not even for his guests. He thinks that the best way to get clean is to use baby wipes. Lena Dunham admits to getting UTI for failing to urinate after being intimate with a man. And Sheryl Crow even advocated using one square to wipe off (like a Navy Seal) as an effort to reduce waste. That might work for the guys, but girls have two areas to clean…not just the one.
This piece has 15 celebrities and their most laughable, more embarrassing, most relatable bathroom habits. Never fear, because we kept all the best ones at the top of the heap.
20. Jenny McCarthy: Pretty Pees
The first big ad campaign Jenny McCarthy was in was for Candies shoes in the 90’s. Now sold at Kohl’s, they used to be the “it” shoes to have before anyone ever heard of Manolo Blahniks or Louboutins. What made the shoe brand such a hit was that its ads featured Jenny McCarthy sitting on the toilet with her panties down. Tame by today’s standards, but hot for then’s. The ads were extra cheeky because we all pictured Jenny at home alone in her own powder room. It was titillating until we remembered all her gross-out humor. When she was on Singled Out, she’d pick her nose, fart, and belch. Just imagine what her bathroom’s condition is in. There’s probably mold on the sink, ring around the tub, and floaties in the toilet.
19. Jennifer Lawrence: Untouchable
Jennifer Lawrence isn’t shy about sharing her bathroom habits. Fans were shocked when she went on Letterman and admitted to pooping her pants numerous times due to gastrointestinal issues. However, she didn’t stop there. J-Law admits that she frequently fails to wash her hands after using the bathroom. WTF? Her co-star from Mockingjay, Liam Hemsworth, added that Jennifer “likes to literally come back and put her hand all over your face.” She’s even admitted to habitually peeing in sinks. She said, “When two girls go into a bathroom someone’s gotta take a sink. I actually like taking the sink.”
18. Lindsay Lohan: Powder Room Princess
Unless you are a coke fiend, you likely don’t want to go into a bathroom with Lindsay Lohan. A camera at a celebrity hot spot caught her allegedly doing the drug in a public restroom. We know that sort of activity was all the rage in the 80’s, with movies like Less Than Zero, but in real life, Lohan came across as a real degenerate. The bathroom wasn’t one of those marble-encrusted powder rooms, but had dingy metal doors and toilet protectant sheets in the stalls. A person could snort a line and wind up inhaling some pretty rank stuff.
17. Katy Perry: A Fart By Any Other Name Would Smell as Rank
Russell Brand revealed TMI about Katy Perry back when they were married when he said she was a gassy girl. He claimed she ripped some pretty big ones for her size. People totally believed him, because that was back when they were young and in love so he had no reason to lie. Apparently, Katy’s gastrointestinal issues are still pervasive according, to radio host Michael Yo. The tabloids reported that after his show, he went over to say goodbye and give her a hug. But Katy just walked by him while letting loose a real growler of a fart. Ew.
16. Mariah Carey: Bathing Beauty…Or The Beast?
Mariah Carey came across as a hot mess when she appeared on MTV’s Cribs and climbed into the bath in front of the camera. Not only was the action judged to be a desperate cry for attention, but it was just plain bizarre since she got into the water with a towel on. The whole episode was legendary because she said her bathroom was her favorite place in the house but she only used the shower once because it had too many knobs. She needed her assistant to help her get dressed and refused to show her bedroom. Instead, she opted to show off a guest room filled with fan mail and butterflies. One would think that the backlash from the episode would deter her posing for pics in the bathroom, but that simply wasn’t the case. Since then, she’s permitted herself to be photographed in bubble baths as well as bathing with her dog.
15. Kim Kardashian: The Royal Flush
One of Kim Kardashian’s first major purchases was a self-flushing toilet from Japan. It was reported that she bought it because she was super terrified of people not flushing the toilet at her house. For someone who makes a living off of her rear, it’s ironic that she’s so afraid of what comes out from the other end. But this is classic Kim. She tries to control people all the time, like when she installed velvet rope on her patio to make sure party guests didn’t walk on her manicured lawn; or how she travels with her own paparazzi so she has the final say about what candid pics are released of her.
The biggest reason we don’t want to use the bathroom after her, though, is because it is often the setting of her selfies. This girl can’t take a crap without lugging her phone along. She probably has cameras everywhere in her bathroom, so that she can capture herself at all times–and us!
14. Josh Duhamel: Bathroom Brawler
There are a lot of men in Hollywood that you don’t want to use the facilities after. Seth Rogen definitely stinks it up, James Franco likes to eat while sitting on the porcelain throne, and Leonardo DiCaprio is so eco-conscious that he probably makes guests wipe with their hands when they come to his house. But Josh Duhamel takes the cake. The story goes like this: Josh was taking for…ev…er in the bathroom at a nightclub. We guess he just couldn’t pinch it off. Well, the man that was next in line started banging on the door. Josh’s friends yelled at him to get out because someone was waiting–that someone was Motley Crue member Tommy Lee. Josh still didn’t come out, so his friends screamed that Tommy Lee was in line. Josh reportedly said, “Tommy Lee? Who cares?!” Once Josh emerged from the bathroom, Tommy punched him square in the jaw!
13. Jessica Simpson: Cleanliness Isn’t Godliness
Jessica Simpson is known for being a slob. It goes a lot deeper than keeping a messy house and being photographed ripping into a bag of cheese curls like a starved raccoon. It’s been reported that she doesn’t brush her teeth, because she thinks it’s unhealthy. And her hairstylist has said that Jessica only washes her hair once a month in order to keep her in strands in tip-top shape. What other bad habits does she have? She probably doesn’t believe in using feminine hygiene products like deodorants or wiping her own butt. But we’re not judging…
12. Megan Fox: Don’t Drink The Water
According to Hollywood lore, Megan Fox grew up in a home where money was tight. She said that her mother would water down household items to make them last longer. For example, she would water down the milk as well as the dish soap. But water’s not free, so Megan got in the habit of not flushing the toilet in order to save water. For folks in California, this isn’t unusual and is often encouraged. However, Megan has the habit of doing this at friends’ houses. More than once her friends have gone to use the bathroom after her visit, only to find a hot mess.
11. Angelina Jolie: Real Breasts, Fake Smile
Apparently, Angelina Jolie really comes clean in the bathtub. She reported that she is somehow very open about her feelings when she’s in the tub. So back when they were together, Brad Pitt used to encourage her to take baths. She said, “It’s easier to talk when you’re naked … Get naked with me, and I’ll talk!” Of course, things do change. When she filmed By the Sea with Brad, there was a scene of her in the bathtub and it showed her breasts. Angelina was uncomfortable with showing her breasts on film since she had a double mastectomy, so she insisted on having her intimate parts removed from the final movie.
10. Helen Mirren: Safety First
Sexy senior citizen Helen Mirren, made waves when she posed for a topless photo. People applauded her for being so brave at such an advanced age. Frankly, we don’t think the pic took much courage since she’s hiding behind the bathtub and isn’t full frontal. For all we know, she could be wearing a strapless cocktail dress in there. But, whatever. The fact is that we don’t want to use the bathroom after her because her personal bathroom is probably covered in safety gear for the elderly. It would take away from her appeal to see a shower chair, grab bars, and a toilet riser with handles.
9. Britney Spears: Oops! She Did It Again
Britney Spears hasn’t had a real career in years, but that doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about her half-baked attempt to resurrect her image. Remember the bathtub scene from the music video Everytime, when she drowned in the bathtub as a result of a head injury sustained from a paparazzo? It was the one she wore the red Kabbalah bracelet in, even though that trendy religion was passé long before the video. The point is, now that Whitney Houston and Bobbi Kristina Brown both died as a result of bathtub drowning, the phenomena seems all too real. So we don’t want to use the bathroom after her for obvious reasons.
8. Snooki: Jacuzzi Uzi
Snooki is famous for being gross. From chowing down pickles, to getting sucker-punched by a dude, to hooking up with unattractive people. She made a name for herself by happily doing what most people would shudder over. Most of her antics were fun to watch because she was only hurting herself. However, her most disgusting moment was peeing in the communal hot tub on Jersey Shore. We’re not exactly sure which episode it happened on, but she did admit to it. The worst is, she also encouraged others to do so. When Deena had to urinate and didn’t want to get up out of the hot tub, Snooki just told her to pee in it. The funny thing is that Snooki was sitting in there with her. We totally think there should be a term for peeing in a hot tub, since the Guidos on the show had a special name for everything. We suggest “Jacuzzi uzi!”
7. Lady Gaga: AKA Lady Caca
Lady Gaga has admitted to suffering from bulimia in the past. We feel bad for her because she obviously had to overcome some serious obstacles in her personal life in order to be the star that she is today. However, we have to point out the obvious in the fact that she spent a lot of time with her head in the toilet. We don’t know what would be the worst—the sight, the smell, or the taste! On the flip side, we also think it’s kinda gross to repeatedly put your rear in a bowl someone just puked in. There’s just no good side to any of it. Meanwhile, Gaga seems to have moved on. In this pic, she’s wearing a dress made out of toilet paper. Talk about re-purposing.
6. Cara Delevingne: Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In A Tub
Here, pansexual model Cara Delevingne is getting cozy with three girls in a bathtub while smoking a cigarette. Is she post-coital? Probably. Is this shot hot? Most definitely. Over the years, celebrities have posed for shots in the bathroom that pop culture has embraced. There was that pic of Matt Damon brushing his teeth in the tub on the cover of Vanity Fair, and the one of Whoopi Goldberg bathing in milk done by Annie Leibovitz. This one of Cara is definitely less well-known, but is equally as compelling.
5. Ryan Lochte: Bathroom Bad Boy
Ryan Lochte is an embarrassment to the United States of America. The guy got tanked with a bunch of Olympic athletes in Rio, and then trashed a bathroom. A gas station bathroom, no less. Then, he famously lied about it before skipping the country. What a loser move. People would have had more respect for him if he’d paid a prostitute or trashed a hotel room—you know, like normal celebrities. But a lousy urine-soaked public bathroom? How uninspired. At least every time he drops a deuce, he’ll be reminded of what a piece of sh*t he is. Ironic, huh?!
4. Alicia Silverstone: Making Some Room
Alicia Silverstone loves her vegan lifestyle. It keeps her weight down and makes her healthy. Her favorite thing about it, though, is that it makes her poop more—as in several times a day. This is because vegans eat a lot of fiber. She boasts that she’s in and out in no time because she doesn’t have to strain. While that frees up some time for her, it’s not good news for anyone that uses a low flow toilet after her. Poop stinks—now imagine a bathroom that is pooped in several times a day. No amount of “Poo-Pourri” is going to reign in that odor. Of course, it could be worse—she could be composting her own feces. And here’s a fun fact: Alicia used to wet her pants as a child, so her brother nicknamed her Pee-cia.
3. Marilyn Monroe: Supposedly Suppositories
Marilyn Monroe was many things—beautiful, talented, troubled. She was also known for skimping on personal hygiene. Those that knew her best revealed that she rarely bathed. She even discouraged her maids from changing her sheets, because she liked to lie in them after she and her lovers were intimate. Even in death, her bedroom was as messy as a teenager’s.
While Marilyn eschewed bathing for reasons unknown, she embraced suppositories. She used them to spruce up to relieve constipation and to help meds be delivered into her system more quickly. The current theory regarding her cause of death is that she died of an overdose administered via a suppository.
2. Victoria Beckham: Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
Victoria Beckham is one of the most stylish women in history. But she doesn’t wake up like that—not by a long shot. She lathers, she rinses, she repeats. Then, she starts in with the exfoliation, the self-tanner, and the makeup. Then she styles her hair. The list goes on and on. A person’s kidney could explode waiting for her to get out of the bathroom. So, while we are sure her bathroom is luxe and smells like an English rose garden, we just don’t want to go in after her. It’d take less time for the Spice Girls to release another album than for her to make an exit.
1. Caitlyn Jenner: The Wiz
Half the people support Caitlyn Jenner in her advocacy for transgendered persons to utilize whatever bathroom they would like; the other half don’t. This is hardly the forum for political debate. What we will say is we are totally over the whole thing—that was so 2016! Some stars use their celebrity power like Princess Diana to walk among landmines and speak up regarding their elimination. Other stars like Angelina Jolie and Oprah give comfort to babies dying of AIDS in third world nations. Caitlyn’s crusade, in true Kardashian-esque form, is for bathroom rights. It must be nice that the biggest problem she has is where to take a squirt, when millions of people don’t have clean drinking water, let alone indoor plumbing. Caitlyn likes to make a big stink about where one can do his or her business. Meanwhile she won’t even tell us if she has a penis or vagina. That doesn’t pass the smell test!
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