Not everyone can get away with a crime. If we all think long and hard, we can come across on, two, or maybe a dozen times where we’ve done something illegal and just by the stroke of luck were able to avoid getting into trouble. For others, maybe Lady Luck skipped you that day and you have found yourself fined or even spending some time in jail for a crime that you wished now you didn’t commit. That regret is normal. We’re human, we do the crime, we do the time, and hopefully, we never do it again.
However, animals are wired differently. Sure, we can teach them commands and tricks to obey because animals and pets are smarter than we give them credit for. Yet, when an animal does something wrong, do they deserve to be arrested? We’re not talking about a puppy being taken to the pound or a cat being locked up in some feline jail — we’re talking about real, human, big boy jail. Believe it or not, there have been times where police officers have felt the need to take animals into custody and keep them in jail for a number of reasons. Sometimes they can’t find their owners and authorities need to keep the animals under lock and key until they’re available. Many times it may be the only option to contain an unruly animal until the more proper authorities come to retrieve them. Still, you need to put that thieving goat in jail because we all know he’s really a man who turned himself into an animal. True story.
15. Police Car Damaging Goats
In the last few months we’ve seen the effects of violent protesting, but back in 2013, officers were dealing with some police-hating goats. Indian authorities became highly frustrated with a group of goats who repeatedly damaged their vehicles. As annoyed as they were, officials ignored the incidents as just animals gone wild, but the straw that broke the camel’s back came when 12 of them climbed onto a brand new police vehicle. They dented it, broke the glass and wipers, and scratched off the paint. When police arrived to see the damage only three goats remained, but they were able to track down the animals’ owner. They filed a complaint against the 37-year-old woman and arrested the three remaining goats. The animals were later released to the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) and fortunately for them, never had to stand trial.
14. Spying Swan
When you think of a swan, you think of something graceful, elegant, and beautiful. If your citizen in Egypt who remembers this case, you might think of the lovely, white bird as a spy for the French. Reports state that Egyptian authorities detained and arrested a swan who they say was trained to work for security services in France. A man noticed this particular swan spy in a group of his other feathered friends, but the only difference was that this bird had electronic devices attached to him. After an investigation, it was determined that the device was just an innocent tracker that was placed on the bird by French scientists. Adding a further twist to this story, the bird wasn’t even a swan; it was a stork. They had the stork behind bars and stared at the thing for hours. How could they not know?
13. Border-Crossing Elephant
The subject of protecting our borders has been a heated political discussion as of late, but while President Donald Trump is concerned about building a wall so that undocumented Mexican immigrants can stay out of America, India had their hands full with a different sort of border hopper. Bhola the elephant needed serious medical attention after he was hit by a truck. The accident left the animal blind and handlers were desperate to move him to the next state for treatment, but the police didn’t want to allow it. After multiple illegal attempts, Bhola was arrested and taken to the police station where he was said to be quite the attraction for locals. His owner never showed up to claim him, so Bhola was handed over to the Wildlife SOS, taken to a rescue, and introduced to a nice lady elephant. That’s one way to get a woman.
12. Drug Smuggling Cat
Criminals will try anything to get some goodies into prison. They’ll use their loved ones, including their children, to get them whatever paraphernalia they need to build up their reputations, keep up their drug habits, or get them items that they can trade. Russian prisons are no joke, and getting anything in or out of them requires much skill, determination, and creativity. Leave it up to the inmates at a prison near the city of Syktyvkar, nearly 600 miles away from Moscow, to come up with a clever idea.
Officials became suspicious when they saw a mysterious cat entering and exiting the prison walls. When they finally caught him, they found he was duct taped with mobile phones and chargers to drop off to inmates. The cat was temporarily arrested, but he was able to avoid a long prison sentence.
11. Murderous Cow
The territory of Sango Ota, Ogun state, in southwest Nigeria is one of interesting beliefs and customs. That rang true when one day, a group of young friends met up together to prepare for a carnival. As it happens with ragamuffin youths, the boys got into a bit of a scuffle and then one of them broke a bottle and stabbed another. Unfortunately, 24-year-old Azeez Salako bled to death at the scene.
Everyone in the group ran off so by the time police arrived there wasn’t anyone left around except for a lonely cow. Now, the cow was there because it was scheduled to be sacrificed during the carnival, but the officers, who come from a place that’s steeped in witchcraft, believed that the cow was just the perpetrator who tried to mask their identity by turning themselves into cattle. The cow was arrested and taken to the station.
10. Drug Cartel Parrot
If there’s one thing you have to look out for when investigating drug cartels, it’s their sneaky, look-out parrots. In Columbia, authorities were conducting an undercover raid on a location but kept hearing the sounds of a parrot making strange noises. They soon realized that the parrots on the property were trained to tip off their owners when someone was lurking around. Police would go on to seize 1,700 parrots who all acted, at some point, as spies. And these birds didn’t just make random noises; they said phrases such as, “Run, run, you are going to get caught.” While many people did get away, four men were arrested along with the birds, and police found marijuana, a stolen motorcycle, and hundreds of weapons.
9. Murderous Elephant
Those elephants in India just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. Thechikottukavu Ramachandran, an elephant whose name is just as long as he is big, is reportedly the tallest domestic elephant in India. At the temple festival in Perumbavoor, the elephant went crazy and ran amok, killing three women in the process. No one could control the raging animal whose fury couldn’t be tamed in the slightest. The elephant was finally captured, taken into custody, and faced charges. One would think that after an incident like that the only natural conclusion would be to euthanize the elephant, but instead the owner had to pay a fine to the families of the dead women. The animal was forbidden from participating in any events in the future and was held under supervision of its owner.
8. Assaulting Ass
Near a ranch in Chiapas, Mexico, a burro went wild and found itself on the wrong side of the law after it bit 63-year-old Genaro Vazquez in the chest and kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez when he tried to rescue his friend. Hernandez ended up fracturing his ankle and in total, it took six men to wrangle the fighting burro. Not knowing what else to do with the donkey, the police arrested the animal and took it into custody. It sat inside the drunk tank until its owner, Mauro Gutierrez, came to retrieve it. He had to pay $420 in medical bills for the men before he could get his angry donkey back. No word on why the burro was wandering around beating up people in the streets. Maybe one too many tequila shots?
7. Spying Pigeon
We have another spy on our list, but this time it comes in the form of a pigeon. Back in 2010, Indian police captured a pigeon that they believed was spying on behalf of Pakistan. The bird was spotted by a resident in India who became suspicious after they noticed it had a ring around its foot. There was also a stamp of a Pakistani phone number and address inked across its body. Police believe that the pigeon was sent to drop off a note, however they believed it already reached its destination because no note was found on him. The bird was taken into custody and kept under high-security supervision after an extensive medical examination. Pigeon keepers on the Indian side of the border say that Pakistani pigeons look different than Indian ones and with a little training, people can easily tell the difference. It doesn’t include having a phone number and address from Pakistan written on the side.
6. High Speeding Monkey
Now, this isn’t necessarily the monkey’s fault and he should have never had to take part of the wrap for this. A Washington man thought it would be a good idea to get on the highway and have a little fun behind the wheel. Like many others who have a need for speed, this guy cruised at a speed of 112 miles per hour before he began to exit the highway at high speeds, which is already a bad idea. He lost control of his vehicle and hit a rock in a yard. The driver attempted to flee the scene by jumping out of the car and running off with a monkey on his back. Like, a literal monkey sitting on his shoulder. Officers who responded found the man — and the monkey — hiding nearby. The poor monkey was later released but his owner had to stay behind bars for a little while longer.
5. Homeless Monkey
Not having a place to live should never be a reason why a person should be arrested, but that was the case for a group of Russians back in 2003. A macaque monkey thought he hit the jackpot when he was adopted by a wealthy Russian family in Biysk, Siberia. Like many people who bring monkeys into their homes without proper research, the family soon learned that the animal was too much for them to control. Instead of turning it over to authorities, the monkey was dropped off on the street and soon found a new home with a group of homeless people. There he was cared for while living in the crew’s squat, but it all took a dive when police raided the area. Everyone was arrested, including the monkey, since it was a crime to be homeless. It was determined that deporting the monkey would be too expensive so it was later sent to the Novosibirsk Zoo.
4. Flower Eating Goat
Gary the goat couldn’t help himself from having a little snack every now and then. Police in Australia claimed that Gary made it a habit of chomping down on the flower bed outside of the Museum of Contemporary Art. Frustrated, they fined both the goat and his owner, Jim Dezarnaulds, $440. Not surprisingly, a judge dismissed the case against the man and his pet, stating that neither party is responsible for the flower-eating. It wasn’t as if Jim deliberately brought his goat down to the museum grounds in order to have him feed on the flowers, and it isn’t as if the goat purposefully ate the flowers as an act of defiance. Therefore, neither Jim nor Gary could be held accountable for the crime in question. The pair left the courthouse victorious, and after the story went viral on Facebook, Gary became an internet sensation. No word if he still makes trips to the museum in order to feast on his favorite flowers.
3. Man-Biting Monkey
A little nibble here and there never hurt anyone, but 32-year-old Justin Debree may not agree with you. Florida resident Brad Berman was the proud owner of a simian monkey named Mookie that he didn’t have any problems with. He would take the monkey out and about with him, as he did one day to the local convenience store. Outside, Justin approached Brad and Mookie and asked if he could pet the monkey. Before a yes or no could be given, a car drove into the parking lot and startled Mookie, causing him to lash out and bite Justin on the shin. Brad claimed that Mookie had never bit anyone before and Justin wasn’t seriously hurt by the bite. The police were called and Mookie was taken away to be examined. He thankfully was registered with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission and didn’t have rabies. He was, however, sentenced to 30 days of house arrest for his crimes and had to spend his 20th birthday at home. Brad was upset Mookie’s big celebration had to be cancelled.
2. Thieving Witch Goat
In another case in Nigeria where a man allegedly turned into an animal to conceal his crimes, police arrested a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery. A group of residents captured the goat and took it to the police station telling authorities that the goat was a man who used black magic to transform himself in order to escape. The vigilantes said that they were patrolling the neighborhood when they came across two men who were trying to steal a Mazda 323. When they saw that they were caught in the act, they took off running while the group gave chase. According to the group, one of the men got away while the other turned into a goat. Authorities kept the goat in custody for quite some time, but admitted that they couldn’t keep the goat in jail on the basis of mystical information and had to release the animal — or human — back into the wild.
1. Cat Panty Burglar
Hopefully your panties are under lock and key, because according to police, there was a literal cat burglar patrolling homes and looking for underwear. A couple felt inclined to turn in their thieving cat to authorities after they discovered that he was bringing home strange panties after roaming around the neighborhood at night. Peter and Birgitt Weismantel didn’t want their neighbors to think there was some sort of pervert on the prowl, especially because many of the underwear belonged to children, so they called the police to alert them of their pet’s kleptomaniac behavior. Panties weren’t his only object of choice; the cat also stole gloves, socks, and somehow was able to get home a paint roller. At first the couple thought it was cute that their pet would bring them presents, but then they just became disturbed. The kitty now has to be kept under lock and key and home because he can’t seem to keep his paws to himself.