There’s nothing wrong with seeking a casual hookup, so long as your partner understands that’s all it is. Being upfront is important. But there’s a catch. You don’t want to be too upfront because that’s creepy, and it spoils the fun of an impromptu hookup.
The perfect one-night stand ends without strings, regrets, or awkwardness. Lucky for you, it’s very possible to seduce a paramour in a single evening, and end said evening without feeling sleazy or finding yourself attached to a grade-A, stage-5 clinger. Society’s rules have changed, and there are plenty of people (men and women) who are down for casual encounters, and despite what you may be thinking, they’re not all relegated to Craigslist.
It’s one night of your life, and it can be memorable or forgettable — or you could lose a kidney, or even worse, end up in a relationship. The point is, you want to find someone that’s worth your time, who’s clean, and who’s as excited about casual sex as you are. Without skills, this is akin to finding a diamond in a trash heap. With the right intelligence, however, this is very easily doable.
If you make any of the classic rookie mistakes, though, your chances of engaging in coitus with an attractive stranger reduces significantly. Don’t let this happen to you. The following lists everything you need to know so you don’t end up going home alone. Basically, it’s a how not to screw up a one-night stand.
15. Go Right For It
Online, you can get right to the point, but don’t expect good results. Perusing Backpage, Craigslist, or anything similar isn’t going to get you laid. An author at Mashable tried Craigslist’s “casual encounters” section for a week, and the results weren’t good: “I received about a half-dozen responses each day. Most were scams, some were men, some were prostitutes, and just one was legit.”
Craigslist’s “casual encounters” section is full of willing partners, sure… If you can afford them. It’s probably the easiest way to get laid, but do you really want the added risk? If your date isn’t a prostitute, your date is a scammer, carrying a disease, or simply desperate for a free meal. Craigslist provides no so much casual, but rather, uncomfortable encounters — with seedy and detestable people.
So don’t go right for it. For example, if you’re sending out random D pics, you’re overselling yourself. However, it’s not the same for women, who can easily land a hookup with a random V pic, but you’re not going to come across as safe that way, so downtown action is probably unlikely. Keep it light, folks.
14. Go Out With A Buddy
A single friend is a real crutch in a one-night-stand situation. If you leave your friend so you can chat up a potential hookup, your friend is going to feel left out. This is the dreaded third-wheel situation, which can leave your friend or your paramour the odd man out. What’s worse? Your potential hookup may find your friend more interesting, and you could end up the third wheel.
Also, never plan a one-night stand when you’re out one-on-one with a roommate, which is an even worse scenario. It basically guarantees an awkward drive home: the three of you going back to your place, maybe you’re trying to land a kiss in the car but your roommate’s hanging out in the backseat, then once home, hopefully, your friend gets the hint and goes to bed, but there’s no guarantee of that. Overall, the three of you hanging out will make seduction that much more difficult. It’s not worth the trouble; there are just too many parameters.
Ideally, you’ll go out in groups of three or more. It helps if your friends understand you’re motivated to get laid. It’s even better if they have a similar goal in mind. This ensures they’ll support your endeavor, even if you ditch them and leave with a sexy stranger.
13. Sound Like A Pervert
A lot of guys put the proverbial foot in their mouths. In a Reddit thread entitled “Weird Stuff Guys Say to Girl,” women were asked to detail the worst experiences they’d had. Most girls found their nights ruined by men who said pervy things, such as a poster who was approached in a bar. The guy said to her, “I mean, you’re not really pretty enough to date, but if you wanna have sex I’m down.” Another woman reports a guy told her, “Looks like you’re stuck between a rock and me,” when they were both sandwiched in a small space.
Those men didn’t know those women, but wanted to. They were trying to be cute, and instead came across as gross. So instead of using cheesy pickup lines or pulling crude gags, why not try touching and directness. Try placing your hand on your date’s back or whispering something in your date’s ear. If your date’s responsive, then wait until the moment is right and gradually direct the conversation to sex.
Flirting is a delicate dance. It requires confidence, not crudeness. Give your partner time to open up about sex. Ask probing questions, such as, “How do you like to relax?” or “What are you looking for?” If the answer is something casual, be upfront. You can say, “I’d like to take you home tonight.”
12. Leave Your Home A Mess
If you’re heading back to your place, make sure it’s clean, or don’t bother. Hotels exist for a reason — spend the money on one rather than bring a potential hookup back to a filthy pad. A dirty home can spoil the mood and leave your paramour feeling uncomfortable and unwilling to jump into dirty sheets.
Who can blame them for not wanting to get down and actually dirty? Beforehand, clean your house top to bottom. Get all the nooks and crannies, and pay special attention to your bathroom and bedroom. Clean the dirt and grime, and don’t forget to organize your cupboards too. Snoops exist.
You don’t know your hookup that well. They may be a snoop, and you don’t need them discovering something weird, such as mental health prescriptions or hemorrhoid creams. Hide that stuff.
It’s also a good idea to have some light snacks in the house. When you’re Netflix and chilling, you don’t want to load up on cheesy dips which will leave you feeling fat and bloated. Try chips and salsa or pretzels instead.
11. Try To Meet Someone Randomly
You probably think a nightclub is a go-to place to find attractive and loose people looking to hookup. Except they’re not. Clubs are too noisy, there’s too much competition, and there are way too many distractions. Plus, you need to be able to have a conversation to start a seduction.
A bar isn’t a good option either. Sure, there’s typically a quiet patio. You can go there to talk, to schmooze the smokers (because it’s scientifically proven — no it isn’t — that people who smoke are far more likely to hook up). Plus, if you’re not a regular, you’ll probably end up scoring with someone known for taking a new person home each night, and that’s how you catch scabies.
And if you’re thinking you can hook up at a grocery store, dog park, or otherwise booze-free environment, think again. These locales are “cute-meet” zones, designated for those individuals who are seeking a relationship.
Really, the best place to find a willing partner is online. “Dating” apps are convenient because most people understand Tinder is a hookup app, and Hook Up Dating (a lesser known app) basically sells you as someone looking for nothing more than casual sex.
10. Plant The Dating Seed Too Soon Or Too Late
You need to plant the dating seed early on in your conversation. But don’t ask for a date right away, as this could come across as creepy or desperate; instead, plant a meet-up seed. Just talk about what it would be like to meet-up, and (if possible) make them think it was their idea. In every conversation, get them excited about going out with you. It should be all you talk about, and it builds excitement. Plus, it will get you together faster, which avoids the pitfall of getting too close while texting.
Because, if you want a one-night stand, you’ve got to start a conversation. Maybe you matched on Tinder or exchanged numbers in a bar — after which, the logical next step is chatting. It’s here that you may make the grave mistake of getting too close.
When you’re chatting with a potential paramour, there’s only a small window of time where it’s considered casual. If you wait too long, the window closes on your one-night stand. You’ll know each other, and there are only two things that can happen when you know each other: a friendship or a relationship. Neither of those outcomes is the one-night stand you’d hoped for.
9. Get Too Drunk
It’s happened before: two sloppy people stumble out of a bar together, make out on the cab ride home, and then hop into bed together. There’s a reason it’s called social lubricant. It’s certainly one way to have a one-night stand, but where’s the memorability and enjoyment?
If being inebriated doesn’t slow down the equipment needed (whiskey d—k), the inevitable hangover is sure to dampen the experience. There are worse things that could happen, too. You, or your partner, could pass out. You could vomit. The chance for untold misery is much higher when you’re piss drunk and trying to hook up.
Plus, there’s the whole issue of consent. If you didn’t discuss sex before a drunken stupor, the event could take a dark turn. Things could happen that would make someone, even you, uncomfortable. One partner could feel taken advantage of, the sex could end abruptly, or one or both of you could end up regretful and remorseful in the morning. If you’re a drinker, slow down if you’re desiring a sexual outcome. This will intensify the pleasure and help ensure the event is a positive one.
8. Fail To Show Interest
It’s important to show interest in your partner. Duh! Showing interest in sex is not enough. Sex is an idea; it could happen, but there’s no guarantee. The person sitting beside you is real. You’ve got to make a real concerted effort to get to know your potential partner. Yes, one night will reveal only superficial knowledge, but it will help to pique interest.
It’s basically mental foreplay. Ask questions. A lot of ladies and dudes forget this crucial part of communication. Ask questions, and really listen to the answers. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk because your partner will be able to tell, and this is a turn off for most people.
You can tell someone likes a conversation through their body language. Look for body language cues, such as steady eye contact, frequent smiling, and hair touching. If your partner licks his or her lips or reaches forward to rub your arm or give you a playful push, you’re doing really really well.
7. Don’t Look Your Best
If you look grimy, you’ll come across as a sleaze no matter how tight your game is. Dirty, unkempt clothes can make you appear untrustworthy, dirty, unsafe, and rude. Don’t let your clothes speak poorly of you.
You’ve got to look your best for a one-night stand, especially considering the whole experience is about delighting in the physical. Your physical appearance doesn’t have to be perfect, but you should be showered, well-groomed, and dressed in clean clothes. Choose clothes that are appropriate for the venue. Add a spritz of cologne or perfume, but don’t overdo it.
Alternatively, you don’t want to overdress for the experience. Just like too much cologne, overdressing is overdoing it. It can overwhelm your date. Keep things calm and casual. Don’t wear jeans to a fancy restaurant, but don’t wear a tuxedo either. Keep it as minimal as the venue allows. The point is to appear effortlessly attractive. If this is tough for you, consult a stylist.
6. Bring Up Other Lovers
Don’t talk about your sexual history. I repeat: do no talk about your sexual history. You may think that regaling your paramour with tales of your sexual conquests can land you in bed with them, but you’re wrong. No one wants to know how many people have worshiped in your temple.
There are a few reasons talking about your previous sexual partners can stall a potential hookup. You could inadvertently make your partner jealous. They may wonder if you’re making them feel jealous on purpose, or if you’re comparing them to your exes. This insecurity doesn’t come with a side of sexual desire. It’s actually a fast lane to resentment.
Your potential partner may begin to feel inadequate. Maybe you’re more experienced. Worse still, those feelings of inadequacies may fall on your shoulders when your potential partner admits to being more experienced than you. You don’t want your partner to think you can’t satisfy them.
Finally, you could come across as a walking STD. Your partner may start to fear that you’re not careful about your sexual health, and then think twice about going home with you. It’s important to have open conversations about sexual health, but in this case, you may never know your partner is feeling grossed out.
5. Get Caught In A Lie
If you don’t lie, you don’t have to worry about getting caught in a lie. If you’re married, you’ve got Ashley Madison. There’s no excuse to trick actual single people into casually boning your cheating ass. If you’re lying to make yourself look good, don’t. Just don’t. It’s not necessary, and it’s more obvious than you think.
Unless you work for the government, you don’t know how to conceal your “tells” — the little tics that give away your trickery, and they’re inherent to most people. Most people can’t point out a tell, but after a while, it becomes subconsciously obvious. Something about your tone or facial expression will give you away. Your partner may not call you out on this, but something will click, and they’ll want to get away – even if they don’t exactly know why.
If you accidentally expose your lie, you’re in for a worse fate. You could end up lectured, bitched out, and dropped like a bad habit. Worse, if your potential one-night stand is a close social connection, expect your friends and other singles to find out you lied. It’s just not worth it, so don’t even try it.
4. Be Rude To A Server
Even if the service is terrible, resist the urge to say anything. Most people consider rudeness toward service people deplorable behavior. Don’t be that guy or that girl. Conceit, pompousness, and impatience are major turn offs.
Service people are bartenders, servers, cooks, general managers, movie theater employees — the list goes on. In general, there are two ways you can be rude to a service person: through behavior and through verbal remarks. Popular dating website, eHarmony, says, “Behaviors include eye rolling; making eye contact with your date as if to say, ‘Can you believe this loser?’; interrupting the waiter; sending and resending food back to the kitchen; making silly, tiny demands that border on sadism in an effort to upset and annoy the waiter; frustrated sighting; and making under-the-breath comments.” No matter what you think, your smug behavior doesn’t make you seem wealthy or appealing.
“Verbal remarks include outright attacks about how the waiter doesn’t know how to ‘be a waiter;’ commenting on the waiter’s incompetence or stupidity; and mocking the waiter’s pronunciation of menu items.” It should go without saying that this is true of communicating with anyone in the service industry, not just waiters.
3. Text All Night Long
Unless you’re calling a cab, Googling something because you were asked to, or checking into a movie or restaurant, you shouldn’t have your darned phone out. Keep it in your purse or pocket. Not only is this respectful, but it also allows for more eye-contact, which is flirting. Plus, you won’t miss a moment to be physical should one arise.
If you’re constantly checking your phone, your date may wonder if you’re waiting to hear from someone else. You could be texting your mom, but your partner is going to think it’s another lover. They’re going to feel insecure and jealous, and your chances of hooking up are going to fly out the window.
The Washington Post published an article titled “Date Lab: How a woman sees it when a man looks at his phone on an outing.” The woman in the article, Nana, found it rude when her date took out his phone. They’d just agreed to get their shared dessert to-go, but as a result of her date taking out his phone, Nana had second thoughts. “I think, at any point, when a guy takes out his phone and checks it during a date, he’s not interested.”
2. Pick The Wrong Venue
If your date is at a concert or nightclub, you’re not going to have an opportunity to talk. You’ll barely be able to hear your own thoughts in these establishments. Then again, if you eat at a super fancy restaurant, you could come across as smug, pretentious, or you could alienate a date who’s more relaxed and laid back. Worse still, you’ll come across as someone seeking a relationship and not a one-night stand.
You want to impress, but not overwhelm. Ask your potential paramour out for a drink, and take them to bar where you know loud music won’t supersede your ability to make a connection. It’s okay if you’re planning to get food. Some websites warn against this, but if you’re planning on being upfront, you don’t have to worry about a little dinner leading you into relationship territory.
If you’re planning on eating and also want to do some drinking, meet at a bar/restaurant. Get there a couple minutes early, and choose a table that’s far from other humans. Ideally, you’ll sit in a circle booth, which gives you the opportunity to get closer if you want to. Make sure to stand up and give a hug when your date arrives.
1. Have Your Eyes Elsewhere
Okay, so your date isn’t the one. That doesn’t mean your eyes should be scanning the room for someone else. You’ve set your sights on this person, and your goal is to get them in bed. Be upfront and honest with yourself about that, but still be attentive to your partner. Just because it’s only one night doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay attention.
Don’t admire anyone but your date, unless this is something your date has expressed an interest in. If it’s not part of the sexual experience, it’s rude and you shouldn’t do it. Control yourself, or at least wait until your date excuses themselves to use the restroom.
If you’re showing more attention to your food, booze, or phone, your potential paramour is going to notice. Unless he or she is doing the same, you need to put the focus where it belongs. And, believe me, if they’re doing the same, you’re unlikely to get laid. You’ll need to put the brakes on those distractions and put the focus back where it belongs: on the two of you.