Reality stars’ lives are supposed to be an open book; that’s what they signed on for. We see all their dirty laundry as they wave it proudly for television-viewing audiences to watch with an awkward feeling as though we’re creepy peeping Toms doing something shameful. The only difference is that we’re sitting on sofas in our own homes peeping at our big screen TVs instead.
From cat fights to real fights, from a little partying to heavy drinking, from hooking up to shacking up, we’ve seen more reality stars than we can count live out their lives on TV so we can judge them with no holds barred. We’ve seen relationships come and go, make-ups and break-ups, marriages, separations, divorces, and new romances. We’ve also gotten a taste, or an idea, at least, of what some of these reality stars are like in the sack.
Obviously, we don’t have first-hand knowledge (well, at least most of us anyway), but based on what we see on their respective shows and how they interact with their dates and mates, we can get a pretty good sense of how these reality stars perform between the sheets. “Game” has a lot to do with how things will go when these guys and gals go “all the way.”
10 of these reality stars suck in the bedroom (figuratively) and 5 of them are rock stars (and potential p*rn stars). Heck, the pay rate in p*rn is probably better than what they’re fetching on reality TV!
The 10 we say suck in bed will probably deny it, but if you’re going to bare all on TV, then we get to chime in and take a wager as to how good (we think) you are in bed. Hey, at least we’re talking about you. Wasn’t that your intention when you signed your reality show contract?
OK, time to move this discussion into the bedroom…
15. Suck: Gordon Ramsay from Hell’s Kitchen
50-year-old Gordon Ramsay of reality cooking show Hell’s Kitchen seems like hell on wheels no matter which room he’s in. His temper is hotter than a 450-degree oven, but this doesn’t mean he’s steamy in the sack. The UK native is married, but with all the time he spends cooking in the kitchen, he may not have much time left in the day to get his honey all hot and buttered. His angry demeanor must not be a turn-on, and his crude vocabulary isn’t anything close to the tender words of love songs and poems. Maybe he’s a darling when it comes to romance, but from what we can see on TV, Ramsay is a ball of stress and frustration. Hey, maybe some time in bed with his wife will relax him a little, but that may mean doom for his TV show. We’re used to Ramsay the way he is — a mean cooking machine.
14. Suck: Jon Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8
If a man with 8 kids isn’t enough to turn a woman off, perhaps Jon Gosselin’s recent stint as a stripper in Atlantic City will be the final nail in the coffin to make a gal run for the hills. We’ve seen Gosselin on reality TV with his now-ex, Kate, as they lived out some trying times while they raised their 8 kids for all the world to watch. When the couple divorced, he seemed to become an alleged “deadbeat dad” and had some questionable relationships and odd jobs. To each their own, but the fact that he’s now a stripper is a surprise, to say the least. Do you know anyone who wants to see Gosselin remove his clothing and gyrate his hips to R&B music? If so, she’s the only person who would want to get in the sack with this reality dud.
13. Suck: Mike Sorrentino from Jersey Shore
Remember Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from the hit reality show, Jersey Shore? The cast was perpetually wasted, had sex with anything that moved (or didn’t move much, for that matter), and when they weren’t out clubbing, their motto was “GTL” — gym, tan, laundry. Heck, everyone has their priorities, but when they’re all superficial, a real connection can’t be made. And with all the booze Sorrentino has consumed in his lifetime, it’s not too probable that he’s any good in bed. He either is too sloppy and clumsy to perform well or passes out before anyone has even gotten his or her clothing off. Sure, he’s boasted about having lots of sexual partners, but have you heard about any woman bragging about his stellar performance in bed? Seems like a losing “situation.”
12. Suck: Caitlyn Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians
This is a delicate one since Caitlyn Jenner has only been “Caitlyn” for a short time. But whether Bruce or Cait, Jenner is not likely very hot and heavy in the romance department. Sure, winning Olympic gold makes a person limber and agile, but sports and sex aren’t on the same playing field. Plus, Jenner doesn’t seem to be all too interested in letting loose in the seduction department. Yes, for many years, as Bruce, Jenner had a lot of personal issues to manage, but aside from those times in bed conceiving children, it’s hard to imagine there was any other romance going down on a regular basis. All speculation, naturally, but watch any rerun of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and most would concur. Maybe now that Jenner’s finally open as a woman, things will spice up in her sex life, if that’s what she wants. She’s pretty much an open book, so stay tuned to hear things straight from the source.
11. Suck: Ramona Singer from The Real Housewives of New York
Ramona Singer is recently divorced from Mario, her ex, so the 60-year-old is now back on the dating scene with guns blazing. She goes out on the town with her reality show cast mates regularly but seems to have an awkward and embarrassing manner when it comes to basic flirtation and meeting men in general. She puts on an overly sexy act which makes her look like she has no idea what the dating world is like today. Things are different from when she first tried to woo her ex Mario into her arms. For someone who’s so overtly full of herself and constantly lets the world know how great and sexy she looks for a woman of her age, she must be trying to cover up for her shortcomings. And those shortcomings may just be her agility and ability in the boudoir. Plus, she’s so damn talkative that any possible suitor wouldn’t be able to handle all the bedroom chitchat.
10. Suck: Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms
50 isn’t so nifty for Dance Moms star, Abby Lee Miller. Without having seen her, fellas may think that Miller, as a dance teacher and choreographer, would have a stereotypical dancer’s physique, but she’s actually battling her weight in the public eye. Not to say a larger woman can’t be sexy, but it takes more than looks to turn someone on, and Miller is known to be a real “B-word,” not to mention, she recently pleaded guilty to bank fraud, landing herself a year in the slammer. Not too sexy. With all the drama and negativity going on in Miller’s life, the last thing you’d expect is that she has the time or the energy to tend to a lover in bed. And with her mean-spirited attitude, it would be a miracle anyone would even give her a first date, let alone a chance to be intimate. Miller is not a killer in the sack.
9. Suck: Lisa Vanderpump from Vanderpump Rules & The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
As a prim and proper restaurant owner and millionaire, it doesn’t seem like Lisa Vanderpump would be a freak in the sheets or anything close to it. She wouldn’t want to mess up her fancy silk bedding or her freshly-styled hairdo. Plus, although it seems like she and her hubby Ken get along well, there isn’t much sizzle between them, at least not as seen on television. While her Vanderpump Rules much-younger cast mates are always talking about sex and relationships, Vanderpump may offer advice, but she’s never one to share her own private bedroom secrets. But that’s OK; she’s a super gorgeous woman with a head full of brains and lots of business savvy. You can’t be a winner in all areas of life, and it doesn’t seem like Ken is much of a tiger in bed, unless he has a stash of Viagra on his nightstand.
8. Suck: Nick Viall from The Bachelor
Nick Viall from the most recent season of The Bachelor may have bedded countless of women, but not one has come out and said he’s a stud between the sheets. In all the irritating interviews and post-show TV segments, many of the women sent home by Viall seemed bummed that they were not selected as the object of his attention and given that coveted “final rose,” but perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. If you follow the old adage that a man’s moves on the dance floor indicate his sexual talents in the bedroom, then his recent stint on Dancing with the Stars will tell ya that his hanky-panky prowess may be subpar. At least The Bachelor boy is getting more than his deserved 15 minutes of fame, which is about 14 minutes longer than the showoff probably lasts in the sack.
7. Suck: Hank Baskett from Kendra On Top
Wide receiver Hank Baskett may be a winner on the football field, but as for playing the field? He may need to put in some more practice time. While Baskett is married to reality darling and former “girlfriend” of Hugh Hefner, Kendra Wilkinson, it seems as though his pussycat demeanor and alleged romp outside the marriage makes him a dud in the sack with his wife. She seems like she’s the one in control in all areas of their lives, so why should their behavior in the bedroom be any different? Wilkinson seems to be a free sexual spirit, and Baskett seems to just lay back like a lump and watch his wife do her thing. Baskett is a handsome fella and has a fit body, so perhaps eye candy is enough to keep his wife satisfied. But all that lying and crying Baskett has done on TV is not appealing, no matter his fame and fortune.
6. Suck: Theresa Caputo from Long Island Medium
Theresa Caputo from reality show Long Island Medium may be able to communicate with the dead, but how do her actions in the bedroom translate? Well, if she’s always seeing ghosts who’ve crossed over, she may not feel comfortable getting her freak on with her hubby because can’t those dead people see her, too? Plus, with all the sticky hairspray and those long fake nails she wears, getting it on with the medium may be a big challenge. Sure, it seems like Caputo and her hubby have a great marriage, and they enjoy the spotlight and the fame they’ve achieved on reality TV, but some marriages are all about love and companionship, not foreplay and negligées. As long as Caputo’s seeing spirits, she won’t be seeing much time in the bedroom.
5. Rock: Khloe Kardashian from Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Once unpleasantly known as the “fat, funny sister,” Khloe Kardashian is definitely no longer the “ugly duckling” of the bunch, not that she really ever was. But Kardashian’s honest and blunt attitude and no-holds-barred behavior makes us believe that the tell-it-like-she-sees-it girl is also a does-it-like-she-means-it vixen in the bedroom with her man of the moment. She’s now totally embracing her newly fit and curvy body, and steamy sex appeal oozes out of her every pore. She’s dated some of the biggest and most famous hunks of the moment, and she’s definitely getting down and dirty with each and every one of them. She’s no wallflower in her public life or behind closed doors, and she’ll be the first to admit it. Kardashian is definitely keeping up with her sex life!
4. Rock: Kandi Burruss from The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Kandi Burruss is no stranger to sex. Along with her fame as a successful musician and songwriter, she’s also a business owner with a sex-toy line. She’s open to discussing her sex life and sex in general on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and her husband always has a wide grin from ear to ear. Surely, she tries out her sex toys before they go to production, so the couple’s sex life must be new and exciting all the time. Heck, they just had a baby, so you know they’re getting it on. Burruss has also mentioned that she and her man are open to threesomes, so who knows what else she’s into? With such an open-minded view on sex, certainly, Burruss is a queen between her queen-sized sheets with her king.
3. Rock: Brandi Glanville from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
44 is the new 22 for Ms. Brandi Glanville, who loves to be as sexy as she can possibly be at all turns. She was once married to the hot actor, Eddie Cibrian, but that relationship was over when he was caught cheating with country superstar LeAnn Rimes on the set of a TV movie. But Glanville didn’t waste any time jumping back into the single life and dating around. She went for younger guys, older gents, and all sorts of other men in between. She dresses provocatively and acts in line with her looks. She loves her wine and going out with her girlfriends to flaunt her body… she was a model, after all. Glanville doesn’t shy away from discussing her sex life during interviews and on reality TV, and her free sexual attitude surely makes its way into the bedroom when she’s with her lover du jour.
2. Rock: Fredrik Eklund from Million Dollar Listing New York
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but this Swedish fish has been already hooked in by his equally hot hubby, artist Derek Kaplan. Yes, Fredrik Eklund of Million Dollar Listing New York is rich, handsome, and ready to rule the real estate world. He’s on top of everything in life, and that includes his alone time with his man. Eklund is a winner at anything he puts his mind to, so there’s no way that his sex life is suffering. He keeps in super shape, he’s tall and slim, and he seems to know all the right moves both personally and professionally. Not to mention, in order to make ends meet back in the day, Eklund appeared in a few p*rnos, so he must have picked up a few tricks to use in the bedroom.
1. Rock: Erika Girardi from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Erika Girardi is the wife of a much older fella, and he’s super-rich and wildly successful in the legal arena. But that’s not enough to keep this blond and busty reality star satisfied. She also goes by “Erika Jayne,” a sultry singer and nightclub performer known for her sexy style, provocative lyrics, and erotic performances. She’s 45-years-old, but Girardi’s still a knockout, making us believe she’s a lioness in the bedroom. Sure, her main man may be far older and grayer, but with the sex appeal his wife has, he must fare just fine in between the sheets. That “little blue pill” can do wonders. Girardi famously went to a party on her reality show without wearing any underwear, so she must not be too uptight!
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