Committing yourself into a relationship is one of the most difficult endeavors a person can ever face. Being a couple is hard work. Sometimes, even the smallest decision, like agreeing on what movie to watch, can lead to an hour-long debate. Either partner must choose whether to surrender, compromise, or battle. Although difficult, relationships are truly rewarding. You both gain a best friend, counselor, and lover. Ultimately, you can start a family together and share the most personal experiences.
Again, relationships are not easy and I’m just talking about normal people. Throw fame into the mix and everything becomes more complicated. Wealth and love don’t mix easily. The largest egos are the ones most easily shattered. Lust for a lavish lifestyle can be mistaken for attraction to an individual. And when actors kiss strangers for a living, the dreaded “showmance” can become more powerful than anticipated.
So, how difficult is it for a couple to survive in Hollywood? This list takes examples from both sides of the line and we chose to err on the positive. Many couples have divorced within days of their vows, while others have stayed loyal for decades. The latter certainly deserves a round of applause, and you can’t knock the former for trying.
15. LONG: Seth Rogen & Lauren Miller (13 years)
Seth Rogen and his wife, Lauren Miller, were married in 2011 but their relationship began in 2004. We all know Seth from his various comedies like Pineapple Express, Knocked Up, and This is The End. He got his start alongside the all-star TV cast of Freaks and Geeks. He says his secret to a successful marriage is quite simple, and revolves around two necessities in life—food and TV. “If our relationship works, the only thing that we do is watch a lot of television,” Seth said on Entertainment Tonight. Lauren agreed, “And we eat a lot of buffalo wings.” Seth then concluded, “Buffalo wings and television. That’s the key to a perfect marriage.” The two have much more in common than that. Both are extremely creative and are working in Hollywood as both writers, actors, and producers.
14. SHORT: Britney Spears & Jason Alexander (55 hours)
Britney Spears really gave some warning signs of her mental state when she married her childhood friend, Jason Allen Alexander, in 2004 for a shocking 55 hours. That is just a little over two days, folks. That’s one weekend. She must have been pretty drunk, or on drugs or something. Of course, we’ll never know all the truth because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. It’s interesting that she ended up doing a residency show in the town she was married in. Do you think good old Jason attends the show now and then? Whatever type of guy Jason may be, he certainly can’t be as big of a d-bag as Kevin Federline. At least Jason is just a regular guy and didn’t leave a pregnant girlfriend or take up backup dancing as a career. Poor Britney! She has had such dramatic ups and downs. It’ll make for a great bio pic someday.
13. LONG: Matt Damon & Luciana Barroso (14 years)
Matt Damon has been in Hollywood for much longer than many people realize. He made it big in 1997 when he and pal Ben Affleck won an Oscar for writing Good Will Hunting. But Damon’s first major film was in 1988 with Mystic Pizza. His habits of hard work and perseverance may have helped his acting career and his marriage. Here’s what he told Us Magazine about being hitched, “I think marriage is insane. It’s a crazy idea but I love being married to my wife. But I’m lucky I found my wife. And I guess maybe, if there’s any secret…it’s to feel lucky.” Damon met Luciana Barroso at a bar off set while shooting Stuck On You, perhaps the worst movie of his career. But he was lucky to take the role for other obvious reasons.
12. LONG: Jay Z & Beyonce (18 years)
Here is our first couple that involves stars who are equal in stature within the entertainment biz. They began dating 18 years ago. Married since 2008, they’ve had some very public problems. Remember the elevator incident, when Bey’s sister, Solange, smacked Jay Z and accused him of cheating? Well, it seems those allegations were true, but just like any couple, they had to make a decision. Should we end this now or is it worth one more chance? The latter seems to have worked, thanks in large part to Beyonce and her own musical therapy. Every track on “Lemonade” seems to be laced with remarks about Jay’s infidelity, and some are less subtle messages. Bey begins her opus with “You can taste the dishonesty, it’s all over your breath.” Later, she gets mad and crazy, going through nearly every stage of grief. The album communicated to her musician husband and he listened.
11. LONG: Jessica & Jerry Seinfeld (18 years)
Jerry Seinfeld comes to mind as one of the ugliest dudes ever to land some of the hottest chicks. Of course, you’ve seen his old 1990’s sitcom Seinfeld and there’s all the opinionated nonsense and the “not that big of a deal” conflicts. It truly is the show about nothing. But besides the uber whacky neighbor antics, the show was sort of believable. It’s set in New York which is a nuts place to live, so the reality of the show kind of worked. Real, that is, except for Seinfeld landing ultra hotties like Teri Hatcher, Kristin Davis, Amanda Peet, and Courteney Cox, just to name a few. Jessica Seinfeld also seems way out of his league, but the marriage has worked. Jessica has made a name for herself by writing bestselling cookbooks that hide healthy ingredients like spinach in junk food, like brownies.
10. SHORT: Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries (72 days)
Poor Kris Humphries. His life totally sucks now and Kim ruined it. Well, it was his own dumb fault for falling for her crap. But if he had never met her, his life would probably have been way better now. I went to a basketball game he played a couple years ago and fans were still booing the guy for marrying her. The dude has made some bad decisions in his life. Another arguably incorrect path he chose was selecting the sport of basketball over swimming. As a kid, Kris swam against future Olympic gold god, Michael Phelps, and beat him numerous times. Nobody knows for sure if Kris could have kept up that pace. But if he had, his face would have been on the Wheaties boxes. Plus, he would have been in the pool all the time and never had time to meet Kim. Oh well, hindsight is always twenty twenty, right?
9. LONG: Jada & Will Smith (23 years)
This couple has been married for twenty years and has been together for even longer, but the secret to their success is not the traditional one. Many rumors in Hollywood surround the couple and claim that they have a very “open” agreement. Will Smith has even said that if he wants to sleep with another woman, he can just ask Jada. And Jada has sad that he’s a “grown a*s man” and can do whatever he wants as long as he can wake up the next morning and still feel good about himself. So, some have suggested that Will slept with Margot Robbie and Jada slept with Marc Anthony. But it’s all good! What the couple is more worried about is their children who are so cocky and arrogant, it’s nauseating. Will has even admitted that his progressive child-raising strategies may have backfired. Nearly everyone in the entire world can agree on one thing—Willow and Jaden are annoying.
8. LONG: Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne (34 years)
Here’s another couple who’s still together even though it has had some major ups and downs. If we’re taking sides, you have to blame Sharon on this one. What is she thinking? She should have known when Ozzy started biting birds’ heads off at a meeting with record executives, that the dude might not be hubby material. She has left him and come back numerous times over the years; the latest being in the fall of last year, when Ozzy admitted to banging his hairstylist. But Sharon keeps taking him back and it’s all rather comical. “You know what, my hubby as I call him a dirty dog, he might be a dirty dog,” Sharon says, “But he’s my dirty dog. I’ve known him since I was 18 and I’m 64 can you believe it?”
7. SHORT: Jennifer Lopez & Chris Judd (16 months)
Chris Judd married Jennifer Lopez for a very short time, beginning in September of 2001 and ending in January 2003. They only dated for about a month beforehand. This was never going to work out. But for some reasons, every dude in Hollywood wants to marry JLo. She is simply irresistible. Her latest boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez, is already talking marriage and they’ve only dated for a month or two. Do your homework, bro. I know JLo is hot, but I think she may have a bit of a curse when it comes to hubbies. She keeps getting divorced. Why in the world would you want to even consider marrying her? There are plenty of other beautiful women out there. But there must be something about her. Ben Affleck saw it. So did Marc Anthony, Bradley Cooper, Wesley Snipes, and Puff Daddy. There were other dudes that weren’t famous too. Her first husband, Ojani Noa, was a waiter when he met her. What’s he doing now? Well, he just won the rights to air some old footage of their honeymoon which he insists is not p*rn, but we hope he’s lying.
6. LONG: Matthew Broderick & Sarah Jessica Parker (26 years)
Here’s another long relationship that is going through some major turbulence. Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have been seeking counseling and living separately in adjoining condos. This way, their kids can still have access to both parents at once while staying the hell away from each other at the same time. Rumors suggest that they may have a wall between the two condos removed, should the counseling work and everything smooths itself out. Broderick has said that the secret to marriage is being nice and giving SJP special gifts now and then. SJP has said that the key to marriage is honesty. The couple certainly is trying to keep it together. A few years back, Broderick was caught cheating with a 25-year-old hottie and she dished the details. She said he only showed up for a half an hour, which included the hello, the act, and goodbye.
5. LONG: Bono & Ali Hewson (40 years)
Bono has been married for 34 years but his first date with his wife, Ali Hewson, was 40 years ago. When asked what the secret to his long marriage is, he said the opposite of most celebs, “We feel the red carpet has kept us close. If things are going around, we say, ‘Let’s do the red carpet, certainly.’” Bono added, “It’s just been a great ride, a magic carpet ride.” Now, we Irish folks have the stereotype for being major bullsh*tters, and I think Bono may have been blowing smoke for that quote. Everybody in Hollywood knows that the red carpet sucks. It’s a microscope and an interview nightmare for most couples. How many single stars have brought their mom to awards shows so they wouldn’t have to meet the press with a new lover. Another thing Bono, we had to Google what your wife even looked like. Oh, yeah, she loves going on the red carpet. We see her there all the time. Yeah, right! Have another pint of Guinness and give us some advice we can believe next time, pal.
4. SHORT: Drew Barrymore & Tom Green (163 days)
Tom Green is not hubby material. He is a weird, goofy guy, who can tell lies and tell the truth without you ever knowing if he’s joking or not. Between him and Ozzy Osbourne, Ozzy may be the better choice. At least he’s transparent, and will tell it like it is (that is if you can understand his mumbling). With Tom Green, he has this cerebral sense of humor that’s surreal. He could bring you a raw egg for breakfast in bed and then get upset if you didn’t eat it. Really, Tom? Or are you joking? I’m sure that Drew thought the unpredictable factor was attractive at first. Think it through, Drew. Marriage is the exact opposite of unpredictable. The good news is, she came to her senses 5 months later, which isn’t too long of a waste of time, I suppose.
3. LONG: Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson (28 years)
Tom Hanks is the definitive actor of a generation. He’s been in some of the best movies in recent years and is one of the few actors who have been able to transition from comedy into serious drama. He began on the sitcom Bosom Buddies and then made films like Bachelor Party and Splash. His touching yet funny performance in Big really launched his career to the next level. Then, he won back-to-back lead actor Oscars for Forrest Gump and Philadelphia. Hanks also seems like a pretty normal type of guy, right? He’s been married to Rita Wilson since 1988, but what many don’t know is that’s she’s his second wife. His first marriage to Samantha Lewes lasted 9 years. Lewes is the mother of Colin Hanks, Tom’s doppelganger, actor son.
2. LONG: Bill Cosby & Camille (53 years)
Oh, man, not Bill Cosby. What happened, bro? Dude was allegedly drugging women and getting away with it for decades. And all the while, he remained married to his wife, Camille. What’s the secret to this marriage? Well, it’s definitely not honesty. The fact that he’s such a manipulative creep is slightly worse knowing that he did it all when he was a married man. How many accusers have come forward now? Over 50, last time we checked. Now Cosby claims that he’s been blind for two years. The old man’s body is shutting down. His lawyers keep postponing things with the morbid hope of him dying before the trial. My question is, how are they going to find a jury for this case? Everybody knows Bill Cosby. We all loved him during his run on the Cosby Show. How the mighty have fallen.
1. SHORT: Katy Perry & Russell Brand (14 months)
This entry is going to focus on Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s failed marriage. But first, let’s list the honorable mentions. How about Lisa-Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage? They were married for 107 days. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock—when did this even happen? Their marriage lasted 122 days. Why did they think that would work? Renee Zellweger and country singer Kenny Chesney divorced after 128 days. Renee has a thing for musicians, also dating Jack White for quite some time. As for Brand and Perry, their marriage, like so many famous pairings, fell victim to what Brand called, “the undulating nature of fame.” In a recent interview, he said he still felt “very warm towards her” but has since moved on and had a child with an unknown aspiring actress. Perry has remained silent about the whole breakup, claiming that it’s a private matter that should be kept that way.