It is the woman who makes the man. Think about your life without women. You’re a slob. You’re incompetent. Nobody likes you and you struggle with basic necessities. You have needed women all your life.
Your mother was there to feed and clothe you as you made your way out to school each day. Your grandmother taught you lessons you could have never learned anywhere else. Your ex-girlfriends helped you find your artistic side as a poet, painter, or songwriter.
Nowadays, your current wife or girlfriend is there to keep you grounded when your hot-headed male ego has inflated and you suddenly see red everywhere you look. The anger which consumes you is soothed by her touch.
Where would you be without these women? Somewhere surrounded by filth and flatulence. Never take for granted that somebody wants to sleep beside you at night, for you are merely one step higher than a wild animal.
Likewise, a professional wrestler is one step higher than circus freak. Another crop of male monsters who lean on women like a crutch when their bodies have been broken beyond repair.
This is a list of women who live(d) with these manic men of the squared-circle and have accepted the chaos that comes along with the life of a professional wrestler; particularly those who have worked for WWE.
The Vince McMahon-owned land of lunacy has long been a place of the great groaning wrestler who just wanted to excel at his craft but sacrificed much of his livelihood along the way. Luckily, they have good women.
These are the top 15 greatest WWE wives of all time:
15. April Brooks (CM Punk)
April (Mendez) Brooks (AJ Lee) is no ordinary girl … and that’s good. Ordinary is boring and boredom can lead to some devious behaviors. April has since hung up her own wrestling boots alongside her husband CM Punk (Phil Brooks), who now focuses on a career in UFC.
CM Punk found himself a gem with AJ Lee while working together in WWE – a modern women with her head on her shoulders, a geeky side, and a tough-as-nails attitude. In all likelihood, April will suit up for the ring again someday and hopefully her husband follows suit.
14. Stephanie Hart (Bret Hart)
Bret Hart is currently in the midst of his second marriage. His first with Julie Smadu would end in divorce after twenty-five years of matrimony. However, The Hitman would pick up the pieces and find love once again with Stephanie Washington.
Bret Hart has suffered much heartache thanks to professional wrestling. The industry has not only cost him a brother but years of his life. Thankfully, at this point in his existence, Hart has somebody to come home to at night and enjoy their company.
13. Jan Ross (Jim Ross)
The legendary voice of WWE, Jim Ross has been twice married. The second time around to a woman named Jan who has seemingly stuck by Good Ol’ JR through thick and thin as JR has been through a lot on a personal and professional level.
Why the hell did Vince McMahon make it a point to ridicule Jim Ross as much as possible? The answer is simple: Jim Ross knows more about wrestling than Vince McMahon and for that he must pay. At least the Boomer Sooner had Jan on his side during these hateful times.
12. Michelle Calaway (The Undertaker)
Michelle Calaway (Michelle McCool) is the bride behind the heartbeat of the WWE. Mark Calaway, known the world over as The Undertaker, married Michelle back in 2010; bringing his grand total of wives up to three.
However, the longstanding WWE figure is getting on in years and while there is a considerable age gap between the two, we must subscribe to the notion that it truly is “just a number.” Fans of The Undertaker should enjoy knowing that there is a beautiful woman on his human side.
11. Rena Lesnar (Brock Lesnar)
Brock Lesnar is the most legitimate ass kicker in the make-believe world of WWE. “The Beast” is far from being just some silly little wrestling nickname. Brock Lesnar lives his life in Beast Mode. Which is why, a woman to help tame “The Beast” is necessary.
Bring in Rena Lesnar who is of course better known as provocative WWE Diva, Sable. Rena, who is ten years Brock’s senior has seemingly found comfort in the arms of a man more animal than most.
10. Stephanie McMahon Levesque (Triple H)
Well, we all know the story of Paul Levesque (Triple H) falling for the daughter of the boss during a storyline and the outcome of that courtship. Paul Levesque and Stephanie McMahon are not only husband and wife but the future visionaries of WWE.
Stephanie is a women of great beauty and power and definitely someone who you would want on your side. There is something about Stephanie that gives the impression that she is going to ride with The Game until the gas tank is empty.
9. Dana Warrior (Ultimate Warrior)
Being the wife of The Ultimate Warrior had to be an odd undertaking considering the kind of man Warrior was while alive. Warrior is considered a wrestling legend to some and a completely overrated Superstar to others; either way the man was an eccentric.
Prior to Dana, The Ultimate Warrior was married to stripper – a relationship that would last for the better part of a decade. However, Warrior would move on and find Dana, with whom he would start a family and spend the remainder of his days.
8. Trisa Laughlin (Tommy Dreamer)
Trisa Laughlin – wife of Thomas Laughlin (Tommy Dreamer) – may best be remembered for her time in Extreme Championship Wrestling as Beulah McGillicutty where she served a major role in an epic feud between Raven and Tommy Dreamer.
Apparently love did exist in the Land of Extreme as Trisa and Tommy would find themselves romantically linked off-screen. The happy couple from ECW would eventually get married and have twin daughters.
7. Vicki Funk (Terry Funk)
Terry Funk is by far one of the most insane and intense professional wrestlers who has ever lived. The Funk does not die; and neither does his love for his wife. Funk married his wife Vicki way back in 1965 when life looked like something else.
The Funks spent much of their time together living on a ranch in Texas – having two daughters along the way and going through the motions of a Terry Funk existence which usually included pain …a hell of a lot of pain.
6. Tamara Nash (Kevin Nash)
Running with The Kliq back in the ’90s could have found a man in a number of sticky situations and tight spots. Especially during the darker days of Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, and Sean Waltman.
However, Kevin Nash and his wife Tamara survived the ’90s before separating in the early part of the new century, only to find their way back to each other and reconcile their differences, thus moving on and moving forward.
5. Crystal Jacobs (Kane)
Glenn Jacobs (Kane) is a long-standing WWE employee who is unquestionably Hall of Fame bound once his career officially comes to an end. In 1997, when Jacobs debuted as Kane, a whole new character and a future legend was born.
Throughout his entire run as “The Big Red Machine,” Jacobs has been married to a woman named Crystal who has stood by his side all these years, which is no easy task as the life of a WWE Superstar requires much time spent away from home.
4. Sonya Szatkowski (Rob Van Dam)
Sonya Szatkowski – wife of Robert Szatkowski (Rob Van Dam) – would spend much of her time on the road traveling from city to city with her enigmatic husband while he quickly rose to massive levels of popularity.
In professional wrestling, who better to have as a travel companion than the woman you love? Sonya is a cancer survivor who has proven that toughness and determination can take a person a long way in overcoming obstacles.
3. Rebecca Hickenbottom (Shawn Michaels)
Yes, there was a time when Michael Hickenbottom (Shawn Michaels) ran wild in this world. Hickenbottom was once the top star in WWE and his attitude and outlandish behavior was said to have made the former champion look and seem like a complete dick.
However, HBK found the Lord and a former Nitro girl to help heal his tormented soul. Rebecca Hickenbottom married the WWE legend back in 1999 and has toughed out every HBK-related storm.
2. Kitty Toombs (Roddy Piper)
Roderick Toombs, best known as “Rowdy” Roddy Piper has left a void in the professional wrestling world with his recent passing. Toombs turned the Piper character into one of, if not the greatest heel the industry has ever seen.
Throughout his life, Roderick Toombs was a quiet man who liked to keep to himself outside of the business. Toombs was married to a woman named Kitty with who he lived with atop a mountain to maintain serenity.
1. Collette Foley (Mick Foley)
To be the wife behind the hardcore legend …such is the life of Collette Foley who has been with Mick through all his hard-fought and brutal battles. Through every bump and bruise and every day that has been taken off his life due to the professional wrestling industry.
The wear-and-tear on Mick Foley’s body is so bad that Collette must help the former WWE Champion put his socks on due to Foley’s lack of mobility. Any woman who will help her man put his socks on his rancid feet is a definite keeper.