If I start going on about things in the ‘eye of the beholder,’ most of your eyes will glaze over and the scroll wheel on your mouse will start whirring as you glide down to the pictures of hot chicks (which many of you may do regardless). Unless maybe the ‘it’ in the eye of the Beholder is a +2 dagger of evil slaying (shout out to my nerds out there). Hot sports wives and DnD references in the same article, who does this guy think he is?
But truly, this article is going to have 10 very hot women in it. There are going to be many more very hot sports wives not on this list. Some of you might think #9 or #3 or someone else is the hottest. Well, this is my list, and I’m the Beholder shooting lasers from my eyes, so to speak.
One of the numerous benefits of being an athletic superhuman/sports icon is that the money and the status affords you the opportunity to meet models and celebrities and basically anyone you’d like to meet. Unfortunately, that also comes with the territory of tumultuous marriages, ugly lawsuits, and sometimes the abrupt end that comes when the ill-spent money disappears. Also, that thing called privacy basically evaporates and the whole world seems to know every struggle or discordant moment that befalls you.
I’m sure none of that would dissuade the athletes from the path they’ve trotted down, though. After all, they’ve had the chance to get hitched to beautiful ladies like this:
10. Lauren Tannehill
Probably the most hilarious moment of the HBO series Hard Knocks when they covered the training camp of the 2012 Miami Dolphins was the absurd amount of attention paid to rookie QB Ryan Tannehill’s wife Lauren. You can understand why, though. Spend most of your time watching huge sweaty guys smash into tackling sleds, each other, and even their own beds at the end of the day would make the sight of a beautiful lady like Lauren feel like a visual oasis. The two of them met at Texas A&M where Ryan was the starting quarterback. Jeez, that has to be tough for a rookie when his wife is paid that much attention. I can only imagine the endless ribbing he endured for that. At least he could go home and be consoled by Lauren at the end of the day. Tally one for Ryan.
9. Kristin Cavallari
This 27 year old TV icon famous for her role in The Hills is married to NFL’s version of the Grinch, Jay Cutler. At least the guy knows how to sling it all over the field. They had something of a tumultuous relationship, getting engaged and then calling it off within a few months in 2011. They later reconciled, and she was pregnant by early 2012. They would finally marry in June, 2013 in Nashville. They recently revealed Kristin is pregnant again, expecting their second son. She has a net worth of $1.5 million, a nice thought for Jay to know his lady also can make bank on her own.
8. Brooklyn Decker
Brooklyn Decker, the Ohio born daughter of a pacemaker salesman has certainly climbed high as a model, also doing some work as an actress in unfortunate movies like Battleship and Just Go With It. This very easy to look at 26-year-old married former tennis star Andy Roddick in 2009, and is a devoted Tar Heel and Carolina Panthers fan. Her family had moved to Matthews, North Carolina when she was young. Her career as a model began after she was discovered by a prom dress maker as she was wandering around a mall in Charlotte. She has a net worth of $4 million, and she’s bravely stated publicly that she has struggled with an eating disorder (what a shock). Snarkiness aside, the more models that come out and express their struggles with eating disorders, the better we can understand what these women do to themselves to fit unrealistic standards of the modelling industry.
7. Paulina Gretzky
Okay, so maybe she’s just engaged, so what. It seemed criminal not to include Paulina Gretzky given that she is both daughter of NHL legend Wayne Gretzky and engaged to Golf Pro Dustin Johnson. She was 87th on Maxim’s hot 100 list in 2012, and probably gave Wayne a series of heart attacks as she grew into a gorgeous young woman sure to be in the limelight given her lineage, if you want to call it that. Her prominence on social media implements like Instagram was well known, and she was definitely a connoisseur of the selfie. Her net worth is, well, a whole lot of pics on the internet and probably an inheritance from her father. Nice.
6. Adriana Lima
For all those who recognize Adriana, it feels like she’s married to Victoria’s Secret given how often she has been featured by the risqué clothing company. Born in Brazil, she is in fact married to Marko Jarić, a longtime NBA and Euroleague basketball player. She is famed for saying publicly in 2006 that she was a virgin and waiting for marriage. As it turns out, Marko was the lucky guy, and they have two daughters together, Valentina and Sienna. She has performed a few small roles on television and short films, but that is dwarfed by her modelling career. She’s sort of the Derek Zoolander of models in that she seems to be always making the same sultry look. Coupled of course with her extraordinary hotness. Net worth: $35 million.
5. Anna Burns
The incredibly hot wife of all star slot wide receiver Wes Welker is a former Hooters Caldendar girl. Anna also achieved the highest honor of objectification in being the 2005 Miss Hooters International. How they met is something of a mystery, but they sure enough got hitched in 2012. Her lone blemish among public opinion was her outspoken criticism of Ray Lewis‘ past on her Facebook page after the Ravens beat Welker’s Patriots in the 2013 AFC Championship game. She later would apologize, blaming her competitive spirit as the impetus for her social-media outburst. Looks like you got yourself a bit of a fireball there Wes. Well played.
4. Victoria Beckham
Tori Beckham, or Posh Spice, as she probably no longer likes to be called, is definitely a multi-talented hottie. Despite her fame being made as a member of the Spice Girls, she’s probably even more well known for her influence in fashion. Undoubtedly iconic as a trendsetter and style enthusiast, she’s done modelling and representation for a number of fashion designers and clothing companies. She has a net worth of $49 million big ones. She’s also married to retired football (soccer) superstar David Beckham, whose sports fame she apparently had no idea of when they met at a charity event. They have four kids together, sons Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz, and Harper, their daughter. The two sure get a lot accomplished as a power couple. David is about to create his own MLS franchise in Miami, and she’s gone as far as a voice actor in Spongebob SquarePants. Take it easy, you two.
3. Jaime Edmondson
Okay okay, so she’s only engaged too. But I mean, come on. She’s just too hot not to put on this list. This Playboy Playmate was also once a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, along with having the dubious distinction of being on the Amazing Race twice. This 35-year-old beauty is also engaged to Evan Longoria, third baseman for the Tampa Bay Rays. They also have an adorable baby girl, Elle Longoria. They are taking their time, though, planning to get married in 2016. Kudos to them two, it’s the turtle that wins the race. Besides, they already have a kid together so, the horse is pushing the cart with his noggin.
2. Hayden Panettiere
New York girl Hayden Panettiere has come a long way from Palisades where she grew up. Most notable for her role in Heroes where she played a cheerleader, this 24-year-old gorgeous gal has been acting since before her first birthday. Nowadays she’s recognized from her work on the new series Nashville for which she’s received two Golden Globe nominations for best supporting actress. For you nerds out there, she even voiced Kairi in Kingdom Hearts I & II. Hayden has had an on-again off-again relationship with World Heavyweight champion boxer Wladimir Klitschko, but they got engaged in October of 2013. This adorable blonde-next-door has a net worth of $10 million.
1. Jessie James
Well, we’ve landed at number one. My head is swimming with photos of done-up models and singers, and it’s pretty tough coming to an order on this list given the extreme hotness of all the aforementioned ladies. But glance at a few pictures of Jessie James and my confidence in the order is restored. I mean, come on. In the words of Jim Carrey, she is smokin’. This girl has some chutzpah, too. She was rejected repeatedly by numerous country record labels before she took the time to improve her craft as a country musician, and it paid off as she released her first album in 2009. She’s done pretty well for herself in love, too, marrying wide receiver Eric Decker of the Denver Broncos (a handsome fellow, I daresay). They announced she was pregnant in September 2013 and the two are expecting a girl.
And for those of you clamoring that Gisele Bundchen isn’t on this list, well, I don’t think she’s that hot. There, I said it. I shall start a fire now in which to hurl all the hate mail.