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15 Photos Kane Doesn’t Want You To See

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For almost two decades, Glenn Jacobs has been performing as Kane, one of the most enduring, not to mention terrifying, characters in the history of WWE. Under the Kane gimmick, Jacobs has held the WWE World Championship, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, the WWE Tag Team Championships, and a variety of other titles in the company. The guy has performed in some of the most high-profile matches of all time and played a major role in WWE’s victory in the Monday Night Wars. His ability to remain consistently interesting and constantly reinvent himself has made him a fan favorite even when he is supposed to be playing a heel. Although Jacobs has not retired from in-ring competition, he has pretty much cemented his spot in the WWE Hall of Fame.

A large part of Kane’s success comes from the mystery which has surrounded him since his WWE debut. Much like his kayfabe half-brother The Undertaker, Kane likes to lay low while not in the ring and has managed to maintain some air of intrigue even in 2016.

However, there is no shortage of embarrassing, zany, or downright mind-bending images of Glenn Jacobs to be found for a guy who is willing to look for them. From publicity shots of Jacobs under different, failed gimmicks to candid photographs of him with friends and family, there are dozens of pictures which The Big Red Machine would prefer fans of professional wrestling did not see. For this article, we have gathered some of the most shocking photos of the man from Parts Unknown for your pleasure.

Here are 15 photographs Kane does not want you to see.

15. Big Red Lifeguard

15. Big Red Lifeguard -

Via bros-destruct.livejournal.com

Kicking things off is this photograph of Glenn Jacobs taking in the sun from a balcony near the sea. Judging by his bulging muscles and head of blonde hair, it was taken sometime before or just after he signed with what was then the World Wrestling Federation.

This picture is notable for a number of reasons, including the fact that Jacobs looks a great deal more relaxed than he does in most other out of character photographs. This is likely because he had not yet adopted the Kane gimmick and had no need to worry about being captured without his mask or usual horrid sneer. In fact, here he appears closer to a lifeguard than to The Big Red Machine.

Among the many reasons Kane would prefer this picture not get out is his stance, which is more than a little effeminate and totally at odds with his on-screen character.

14. The Devil’s Favorite Lecturer

14. The Devil’s Favorite Lecturer -

Via commons.wikimedia.org

Any fan who does not keep up to date with the hobbies and outside antics of WWE Superstars will be surprised to learn that Kane, the pyromaniac feared and respected by fellow wrestlers in equal measure, has a keen interest in politics. In fact, he is a staunch supporter of the libertarian movement and was a passionate endorser of Gary Johnson in the 2016 US election.

When he is not in the ring, Kane has been known to make appearances at political conventions, discussing his views and outlining how he believes the United States can be returned to its former glory. In this picture, he can be seen suited and bespectacled, lecturing a crowd of political junkies and attempting to convert them to his worldview.

13. Dog Lover

13. Dog Lover -

Via youtube.com/RidDaBest

As well as libertarian politics, Glenn Jacobs has long been fascinated by dogs, especially if the dogs in question are commonly associated with female or homosexual owners. I know that seems like a joke, but in this picture, Jacobs can be seen happily holding a recently groomed dog, surrounded by images of other canines on the wallpaper and in framed photographs.

If we go by his head and facial hair, it is safe to assume that this picture was taken sometime during Kane’s Raw run during the early 2000s, just prior to his unmasking in 2003. It is also safe to assume that he was moved to shave his head after the superior hair of the doggy pictured here convinced him that he could never pull off long hair.

12. Penn And Teller And Kane

12. Penn And Teller And Kane -

Via pwmania.com

Kane has, on occasion, been used as comic relief. Most notably played for laughs was his tag team with Daniel Bryan, Team Hell No, which actually turned both men into major stars. However, the actual Kane character has never been shown to have a sense of humor. For that reason, this picture of Glenn Jacobs with comedy magic duo Penn and Teller will take many fans by surprise.

The picture looks to have been taken shortly after his return as “masked Kane” in 2011 and shows The Big Red Machine grinning from ear to ear as he rests his gargantuan arms on the shoulders of the Las Vegas icons. Perhaps the most surprising thing about this photograph is that while Kane towers over Teller, the smaller member of the duo, he is almost matched in height by Penn Jillette.

11. The Big Red Nosed Machine

11. The Big Red Nosed Machine -

Via pinterest.com

Kane has always been fond of inflicting pain on his opponents, taking more joy than is normal in watching them suffer and usually beating them far beyond what would be necessary to claim a victory. For that reason, it is more than a little startling to see The Big Red Machine wearing a big red nose.

This photograph was taken to show Kane’s (and WWE’s) support of Red Nose Day, a day traditionally dedicated to raising money for children in need. Of course, we should all be happy that somebody with the net worth of Glenn Jacobs has an interest in helping those around him. Jacobs’ charitable donations are not just limited to Red Nose Day. Several reports have claimed that he makes monthly visits to hospitals across America, bringing toys to sick children and taking the time to talk and pose for photos.

10. Dog Lover 2.0

10. Dog Lover 2.0

Via pinterest.com

I speculated that the previous photograph of Kane with a canine friend was taken just before he was unmasked at the hands of Triple H in 2003. If we try to place this one using the lack of hair on Kane’s head and face, it is safe to say that it was taken during his initial post-unmasking run.

While he may have lost his hair and mask, Kane did not lose his love for dogs. In fact, it looks like it may have doubled in size. In this picture, he can be seen reclining while holding a pair of puppies who look thrilled to be meeting a WWE Superstar.

Despite holding two adorable dogs, Jacobs is not smiling in the photograph. This is likely a slight attempt on his part to remain true to his on-screen character.

9. Ditching Dutch

9. Ditching Dutch -

Via shitloadsofwrestling.tumblr.com

Before being given the Kane gimmick in the second half of the 1990s, Glenn Jacobs performed as some pretty ridiculous characters, many of which we will look at during this list. First up is Doomsday, a masked character Jacobs performed as just before signing with WWE.

In this picture, Doomsday can be seen in the ring alongside Dutch Mantel, whom many fans will recognize as Zeb Colter, the former manager of Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio. A quick look at Doomsday shows you why Kane would like to leave the gimmick in his past. He is decked out in a leather mask and chest harness, which isn’t something many would associate with destructive masculine men.

Another reason Kane would like to keep this picture hidden is the fact that Dutch Mantel later went on to play a pretty controversial character on WWE television, which would impact his political career should he decide to go down that route after retiring from the ring.

8. Loving Husband

8. Loving Husband -

Via youtu.be

Despite being portrayed as hideously ugly, the Kane character has actually had some pretty good luck with the ladies. He has been in on-screen relationships with a number of female talent and even impregnated Lita before a debuting Gene Snitsky ruined it all.

Behind the scenes, however, Jacobs has remained entirely devoted to one woman for two decades. That woman is Crystal Maurisa Goins and she can be seen here, posing with her husband during his time home from work. The fact that the two have managed to make their marriage last so long deserves to be applauded, as professional wrestling and successful marriages generally don’t go hand in hand.

Goins has two children from a previous relationship, but Jacobs took on the role of their father after marrying Goins and has, by all accounts, done a stellar job of raising them.

7. Reunited

7. Reunited -

Via englishxmuffin.deviantart.com

Kane and Edge had some pretty heated on-screen rivalries over the years, but Glenn Jacobs and Adam Copeland – the man behind the Edge character – couldn’t be closer in real life. In fact, when Edge bid his emotional farewell to Smackdown in 2011, he thanked Kane for making his time on the road so enjoyable.

In this picture, taken a year or so after Edge’s retirement, the former co-workers are reunited and appear delighted to be so. It looks as though either Edge or Kane paid the other a home visit, as they are clearly standing in somebody’s yard, which speaks volumes about their relationship outside the ring.

Of course, there are other people in this photograph, but when two of the people in a picture are legitimate WWE legends, you can’t expect anyone to pay too much attention to the others.

6. You Shouldn’t See Me

6. You Shouldn’t See Me -

Via fuckyeahbrosofdestruction.tumblr.com

This picture was taken just after Kane returned to WWE under a mask. Obviously, he used the fact that he no longer had to show his face on television as a chance to explore a new look for himself. However, his comical appearance is not why WWE fans should not be seeing this picture.

During this time, Kane and John Cena were embroiled in a heated rivalry which saw The Big Red Machine encourage The Face That Runs The Place to “embrace the hate” (spoiler: he didn’t).

Shortly after this picture was taken, Jacobs disappeared and reappeared in his Kane outfit and had a kayfabe acrimonious exchange with Cena. The encounter resulted in Cena giving Kane an AA through a table, which would have been far more impressive had this picture not been leaked beforehand.

5. Family Man

5. Family Man -

Via youtu.be

I noted earlier that when Glenn Jacobs tied the knot with Crystal Maurisa Goins in 1995, he became the stepfather of two little girls. Those kids, now all grown up, can be seen in this picture alongside Glenn and his wife. The Jacobs family looks to be on vacation and is gathered on the curb of a carpark. There is no way of confirming the identity of the young child in the picture, but we can assume it is the child of one of Kane’s stepdaughters.

Given that much of Kane’s career has focused on the fact that his half-brother The Undertaker killed his mother, it is nice to know that Jacobs has a real and loving family outside of professional wrestling.

4. Traveling Light

4. Traveling Light -

Via reddit.com

It is widely known that WWE Superstars have a hectic, often times ludicrous travel schedule. In fact, a professional wrestler signed to WWE is said to spend the majority of their year on planes and buses or waiting to board them. In this picture, Kane can be seen hanging around an airport, decked out in a Cartman t-shirt and light blue jeans.

The fan who snapped this picture has described his encounter with The Big Red Machine as being extremely pleasant, claiming Kane took the time to ask him his name and where he was traveling to. The pair ended up being on the same flight, with Kane, who was in The Authority at the time, traveling economy class, just like a normal person.

3. Fake Diesel

3. Fake Diesel -

Via mtv.co.uk

As mentioned already, Glenn Jacobs had some pretty outlandish characters before he was finally given one that stuck. Perhaps the most infamous of those characters is Fake Diesel.

When Scott Hall and Kevin Nash left WWE for WCW in 1996, Vince McMahon was infuriated to lose Razor Ramon and Diesel, two of the company’s top names. However, it at some point occurred to McMahon that he still owned the rights to the characters of Hall and Nash and so he decided to recast them. The role of Diesel went to Glenn Jacobs.

Unsurprisingly, fans saw right through fake Diesel and the character was retired within a couple of months, leaving WWE with a gaping hole in the main event and hundreds of unusable promotional “Diesel” shots like this one.

2. The Christmas Creature

2. The Christmas Creature -

Via youtu.be

Another one of Jacobs’ failed pre-Kane gimmicks can be seen in all of its glory in this picture.

As The Christmas Creature, Glenn Jacobs came to the ring decked out in a green top and tights, which were covered in tinsel. His arms were covered with red and white sleeves, presumably with the intention to make them look like bulging candy canes. Rather than looking like the terrifying monster he was supposed to portray, Jacobs looked more like the front of a child’s handmade Christmas card.

Jacobs has left The Christmas Creature in the past and has rarely made any reference to it in the years which have elapsed. Perhaps the greatest Christmas present he could receive is the wiping of The Christmas Creature from the history books.

1. Isaac Yankem, DDS

1.Isaac Yankem, DDS -

Via canyongatedental.com

Isaac Yankem was probably Jacobs’ most successful character before he was given the black and red mask which would make him famous. That being said, the character was still a resounding failure.

Isaac Yankem was introduced to wrestling fans as the personal dentist of Jerry “The King” Lawler. For some reason, Yankem wanted to become a wrestler but was obviously not confident enough in his abilities to change out of his dentist’s coat.

Most of Yankem’s time in the then WWF was spent as a jobber to the stars, and he even had a forgettable but nonetheless historic encounter with The Undertaker. In this picture, Jacobs can be seen as Isaac Yankem, DDS, just waiting for something better to come along.

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