By now, everyone is aware that Walmart brings out some interesting characters. The reasons for this are many, but it’s possible that there’s something very straightforward at work. On the one hand, Walmart is a store that has nearly everything at decent price points. For that reason, when it comes to the clientele, you get a mixed bag. You get some upper-level shoppers and loads of lower-level shoppers. Now, if we had to guess, we would say that the majority of the pictures we see of the weirdos of Walmart come from more financially-challenged neighborhoods. We’re not saying that all destitute people wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes, like many Walmart shoppers, but we are saying that the odds of seeing someone wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes goes up dramatically in the Walmart’s of those destitute neighborhoods.
There’s also a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy going on here. Since it’s become advertised that you don’t need the social graces of an aristocrat to shop at Walmart, people feel at ease shopping there no matter what they look like. There was a time that the question “Hey Ma, you think you should maybe throw some pants on before you go out?” would make mom turn around and dress herself properly like a human adult might. But, it is not this time. In these dark times, mom just says, “Nope. It’s just Walmart.” She feels fine about walking into Walmart half-dressed because she knows she’ll probably be more dressed than some of the people in that store. Walmart has made people stop caring. “Walmart. We care, so you don’t have to.” Here are 20 Photos of Walmart Shoppers That DGAF.
20. The Sheet, The Table Cloth, And A Wardrobe
Listen, we understand being in a rush. Hell, sometimes, we forget to wear our glasses or leave our wallet in the car. But it takes a special type of person to forget primary items of clothes. On the left, we have a woman who was in the middle of a Netflix and Chill session when she remembered that she didn’t even have Netflix. No worries, though, because the local Walmart has a Redbox outside. Should I put clothes on? Nah, too much work. Honey, get off the bed, I’mma wrap this sheet around my entire body and go get rent us a romantic comedy. On the right side, we have a similar situation. This time, the lady just cut a hole in the middle of a table cloth and threw it over her head. We’ll give her points for ingenuity, but we’re gonna have to dock those some points for the lack of underwear. Wait, could it be possible that she is wearing underwear?
19. The Sasquatch
For many years, a hairy chest has been the mark of a true man. Thick and lustrous hair is something many of us wish we had. Now this guy is clearly proud of his hair. His ponytail is pretty cool and the beard looks alright from this angle, but that back hair, man. We appreciate that the Minions have made it so people can wear overalls without shirts again, but they’re cute and yellow. This guy looks like Chewbacca and Jabba the Hutt’s lovechild. Toss on a shirt, man! If this was the Cincinnati Zoo, you’d have been shot already.
18. Cooling Down
Shopping can be tough work and sometimes you need to cool off. Some people grab a refreshment from the fridges and drink it while they shop. It’s not stealing if you pay for it. Apparently, other people, when they’re hot and sweaty from a long day of Walmart savings, jump in a goddamn ice freezer. Granted, we’ve only ever seen one guy do it, but we’re willing to bet that this happens regularly in some Walmarts. Check out the employee walking away from the freezer. She’s seen this act before. Ha! There goes Chuck cooling his nuts on the ice bags again. There’s a question we have about this. How the hell did that beast of a man fit through that tiny door?
17. Kids Hate Walmart
In this combo, we have a great look at shopping with kids. These rascals are using two of the less common shopping cart seating areas. Instead of the little seat that carts are built with (are these seats still a thing?), we have one kid laying out on the bottom rack, a new fan favorite, and another sitting inside the cart, an oldie but a goodie. Amazingly, these two photos also document the side effects of your parents shopping too long. The kid on the bottom rack has resorted to using his forehead as the cart’s front brakes to impede their forward progression. The other one’s parents have been shopping so long that they forgot they even have a kid. They’ve just been piling copious amounts of soda on this little one’s head.
16. A Beautiful Ballerina
Sometimes, you just gotta show the world how frickin’ fabulous you are, and even if that means putting on your sexiest ballerina tutu and thong sandals, then that’s what you have to do. This can be alarming for people. Check out the Asian lady who just walked by our ballerina. What The F!? The strangest thing in this photo might just be the fact that the Pedobear’s face seems to be coming out of this person’s back like Voldemort on the back of Professor Quirrell’s head.
15. Digging for Deals
Even though this is a list made for shaming Walmart shoppers, we felt it was necessary to shame the employees at least once. Here we have this guy’s elbow deep in his pants ready to cash out the next customer. Listen, it’s cool if you want to scratch your bellybutton on hard mode, but wait until you’re at home. Sadly, the people that meet this guy next are not going to know what he’s been up to for the last 25 minutes. That one apple they just bought to eat in the parking lot is going to be touched with fingers they don’t want to be touching the apple they’re going to eat.
14. You’re Aware Those Aren’t Pants?
You know that saying, “You never know what someone is going through?” Well, we know exactly what this woman is going through. We know that she loves sleep. The underwear that she’s wearing as pants tells us so. She also loves comfort. We know, because even if she can’t afford pants, she can afford those comfortable slippers. So, this woman woke up from the sleep she was enjoying so much and ran over to Walmart to pick up a quick bite to eat, which we also know she loves. Even if she does own pants, there was no point to throw any on when she’s going to get right back to sleeping. So yeah, we know exactly what this one is going through.
13. The Hidden Shirt
We have a lot of questions about this photo, but none are more pressing than, “Is this lady wearing a shirt?” Now, at first, we came to the conclusion that she was most likely wearing a shirt but her breast-like back rolls had just slid over the top material and hiding it. Then we thought, what if what we’re seeing is actually her front? What if this lady is really riding that scooter backwards and those breast-like back rolls are really her breasts? Well, then that would mean that her head is turned 180 degrees. She’s probably wearing a shirt.
12. Sexy Diapers
There’s this expectation in our society that only skinny and fit women get to dress sexy. There’s no rule book stating that if your upper body is built like a linebacker and you wear a diaper, you aren’t allowed to just throw on a shirt and a thong and go get yourself a new set of silverware. She can do what she wants. In all seriousness, the combination of diaper and thong is a weird one. The worst part is, that diaper is already sagging and this lady just started shopping. By the time she fills her cart, her diaper will be filled as well. That thong won’t have a hope in hell of supporting it. It’s all fun and games until someone’s poo diaper starts leaking in Walmart.
11. Nice Ponytail
We don’t fully understand this subculture of dressing up like animals, but we’re pretty sure this is connected to Furries. This guy here looks like a magical unicorn or horse or pony or centaur or something. We’re impressed by the level of dedication it takes to walk on hooves like that all day long (assuming that’s what he did). He’s also got a tail. Did you notice that? He’s got a normal ponytail and a creepy ponytail. Well, these are both kind of creepy, actually.
10. Locked Up
You see it in the movies, when a spicy s*xual activity like adding handcuffs to the mix turns more sinister and someone takes the keys. When this happens, most of us would say, “You know what? I’m not going to go out shopping today.” There are those who refuse to let a small thing like having your hands cuffed behind your back get in the way of them picking up beef stroganoff for dinner. Still in you hooker outfit from the night before? Who cares? Walmart certainly doesn’t have a dress code just as long as you buy their products. It’s all about the money, money, money!
9. No Pants Party
The fact that this poor old-timer has his pants around his ankles shows that he’s at least more prepared than most of the other Walmart shoppers on this list. But still, we gotta ask, how the hell hasn’t he noticed his pants are already around his ankles? Now, we’ve all walked with our pants around our ankles (haven’t we?). Anyone who’s ever run out of toilet paper while on the toilet knows the difficulty of this trek. But it seems that this guy’s just doing it because he can. What a show off!
8. The Titanic
Just admit it. If you had an a*s so big that one of your children could actually stand on it, then you would let it happen, wouldn’t you? We would. We might, however, stop just short of letting that kid pretend he’s flying like Jack Dawson and Rose Dewitt on the front of the Titanic, though. Now you’re just asking for comparisons to be made between you and a large passenger ship. We wouldn’t do that though. That would be much too cruel.
7. Bean Bag Chair
Without being able to touch it, we’re not sure if that’s just a*s spilling out the sides of that seat or if that’s a normal-sized person sitting against a really big bean bag. The fact that the colors are so well-coordinated makes us believe that’s butt fat. Now, clearly, this poor old gal has a medical condition, but we’ve got to hype these pants she’s wearing a little bit. That pants company should use this picture as an ad. Besides the fact that it would be horribly humiliating for this woman and her family, it would be super effective as an advertisement; almost as effective as the stretch in those pants.
6. Sitting Hard
At first, we thought it was pee. But that ain’t pee. No. That’s sweat. When we CSI-enhanced the image, we noticed that the particular sweat pattern and the freshness of these markings indicated that this sweat was caused by sitting down long and hard. Since this woman is at the checkout, we have to guess that the sitting took place in the building. The angle of the sweat marks also suggests that this lady got her lean on a little. That led us to conclude that somewhere in this Walmart, there is a very, very wet chair that is super comfortable.
5. Never Trust A Fart
Yeah, both of these people are overweight. That’s not why they were here, though. We’re here looking at this photo because this boy didn’t bother to change the pants he sharted before he went shopping. Yeah, there’s a chance that he sharted whilst in Walmart, but we doubt it. Reason being, if he sharted in-store, he would have recognized it and tried to cover it up or maybe untucked his shirt from a back roll. Nah, this little big guy sharted those pants so long ago he forgot he sharted them in the first place. Hell, by the marking on those pants, it appears he’s been wearing those pants long enough that they have fused to his buttocks.
It’s a strange world. If these girls were massively overweight and visibly unattractive, we would be making jokes about avoiding apples or washing your fruit. Instead, we have attractive women and, we’re pretty sure that if we didn’t mention there were apples in the picture, you wouldn’t have even noticed there were apples in the picture. Y’all disgust us with your double standards and objectification. We are curious about the profession of these women. Are these dance outfits of some sort or just leisure wear?
3. The King Is Alive
Impersonating Elvis Presley isn’t a gig or something you do for fun. It’s a lifestyle. For many of these impersonators, you don’t just impersonate Elvis during their own prime years and they don’t just impersonate the King from his prime years. They cover the whole gamut. This guy’s probably been impersonating so long that he’s more Elvis than the real Elvis. He’s still dyeing his hair once every year or so, still working on the later life Elvis figure and still rocking those sweet a*s shades indoor and out. His wife’s probably had more than enough of his sh*t, but he’s the King, baby.
2. A Thousand Words
This is a weirdly s*xual picture. High heels, a cowboy hat, a onesie with a bear on the butt, and magnum c*ndoms. This girl’s got all she needs. Truthfully, even though there’s a lot of strange things going on here, there’s a lot to like. This girl clearly DGAF what anyone thinks and she’s just rocking herself as hard as she can be rocked. She was just chillin’ at home in her onesie when she realized she was out of massive c*ndoms. Her hair was a mess, so she threw her hair up and put on her cowboy hat, took the only shoes she had, and she’s on her way.
1. Tell Us How You Really Feel
They say that clothes can tell us a lot about the person wearing them. Usually, our underwear is shown only to people who know us best. When it comes to novelty underwear, we tend to buy some for a laugh and keep it to ourselves. But not this woman. Sure, maybe she didn’t know that her see-through pink pants were see-through, but we doubt it. We think she had something to say and she said it. She may not have wanted it to get on the internet and go slightly viral, but she’s just going with the flow.