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20 Dirty Secrets Revealed By Teachers

Shocking
20 Dirty Secrets Revealed By Teachers

Moulding young minds can be gruelling, exhausting and at times, thankless work. Think about that kid that was in every class you had, K through 12. Sometimes, for the unluckiest of teachers, there was more than one. You remember those kids who made it their mission in life to give the teacher a hard time. Maybe you were that kid! *Pause for the guilt trip to set in.*

Teachers have it tough because they’re not expected to be human. As kids, we idealize them unrealistically. Have you ever run into a teacher at the grocery store and have your mind explode right there in the cereal aisle? Sure, you did. It’s a hard concept to grasp, especially for the younger set, that teachers are regular earthlings like us. Moral of the story here? At the end of the school day, teachers are just people, too. Sometimes they cave to less than perfect human behavior and need to blow off a little steam. Nothing wrong with that as long as it’s not illegal activity. Good things these twenty scandalous teacher confessions that we rounded up for you are anonymous because some of the steam they blew off is illegal. Now, quiet down, spit out your gum, open your books up to the page marked “shameless” and let’s begin the lesson, shall we?

20. Flirt Accepted

We imagine that this not so professional educator probably blasts “Scandalous Scholastics” by Gym Class Heroes and of course, “Teacher’s Pet” by Venom every day on the ride to work… and obviously loves every moment of it, imagining walking in through the door in slow-motion like a rock star to a room full of adoring groupie-like students. Ick. Though if any credit can be handed to this teacher, it’s for the fact that at least he finds it hard to resist and doesn’t immediately act on the urges of confused and hormone-crazed teens. Hopefully, he keeps right on resisting. But if he really does listen to those songs on the way to work, well, he should probably stop and turn on some good ol’ oldies instead. Or the morning news.

19. Teacher On Teacher Tryst

Well, at least this scandalous tryst wasn’t with a student and with someone of consenting age instead. Crazier things have unfortunately happened. But this is still pretty bad considering that a student could have easily walked in on this “live health class demonstration” and seen something that young eyes should not that would call for mandatory sessions with the school counselor until the end of the school year. Talk about traumatizing. Some things just can’t be unseen. For that reason, we say that scandalous teacher on teacher secret romances be carried out the way it’s always been done, at seedy motels like respectable people. If this teacherly affair didn’t work out with a happily ever after ending, can you imagine how awkward the next staff meeting was?

18. Boxer Fan

Yep, not a boxing fan but a boxer fan… a fan of boxer underwear… a fan of boys’ boxer underwear… on boys. We wish that this teacher would have chosen briefs when given the choice of boxers and briefs and not have debriefed the world with her anonymous confession of enjoying seeing boys showing off their boxers. We’d also like to know when this confession was confessed because who shows off their boxers these days? Sagging is a thing of the past and that’s a good thing. What respectable adult would “love” seeing a teenage boy’s pair of boxers peeking out from his pants? None is the correct answer here. We’d have to wager a guess that perhaps this teacher lady is stuck in the past and is suffering a case of arrested development. And if she keeps this up, she might just be simply arrested.

17. “Coming To The Stage, It’s Mrs. Jones From Fourth Period Algebra!”

A rite of passage for 18-year-old males is usually to visit the local gentlemen’s club. Imagine the shocked peach fuzz sporting baby faces when they hear, “Coming to the stage, it’s your teacher who gave you a D- on your latest essay!” Well, of course, they wouldn’t say that but the boys wouldn’t hear anything else once they saw the face of their teacher on the body of a stripper. We bet a pep rally fundraiser ticket that in this kind of situation, the group of boys would make certain to sit in the front row, be sure to be seen and the following Monday, that D- would be changed to an A+ with the understanding that loose lips sink ships. For extra credit, can you name the song that’s always played during this teacher’s performances? If you guessed Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” then you’ve scored yourself some bonus points!

16. Hello, Awkward

High school is a tough time no matter who you are. Acne breakouts, body changes and peer pressure don’t seem to discriminate. Teenagers have enough to deal with without this added level of cruelty. Having a crush in high school is either heaven or hell – a total gamble. Take a leap of faith and if the stars align in your favor, a love match is created and suddenly, you’re floating on clouds. But act on it without first laying down the proper groundwork and you could face the nightmare known as rejection followed with the accompanying shame. This evil teacher knows that and gets her kicks by observing nervous, twitchy boys turning beet red when the pretty captain of the volleyball team looks his way and by watching the anxious girl check her hair in her compact for the millionth time while manically applying multiple coats of passion fruit lip gloss when the hunky star of the track team isn’t looking. It’s wrong and amusing at the same time. Hey, they’ve got to learn about rejection sooner or later anyway, right? And if they don’t get rejected, the teacher is basically a match maker… just pushing fate along.

15. Pupil Crush

This is one of those cringe-worthy confessions where you’re automatically grateful that nothing has happened since it’s just a crush and we can assume that nothing inappropriate or illegal happened with a student but at the same time, the thought of a teacher actually having a full-fledged crush and romantic feelings for a student is more than cringe-worthy, it’s disgust-worthy. Not only it is immoral but it’s very disturbing to think of a teacher sitting in class, distracted by her crush on a student, so much so that she isn’t focused on teaching but lusting after a teenager… we’re hoping the crush is not younger than high school aged. Teachers? No crushes on students, please. High school boys were hot when you were in high school, sure, but as soon as you reach adulthood, high schoolers are pimply-faced, sweaty, awkward kids and there’s a very good reason for that.

14. Smoke Buddies

This tokin’ teach decided to just roll with it when he or she caught a female student getting high on school property. While we are not sure if this teacher was looking for a popular vote with the student body or just truly didn’t care that a teenager was smoking weed at school and decided to take a “smoke break” with her, what this teacher did was truly scandalous. There have been quite a few teachers, teacher’s aides and “narcs” that have made the news for throwing parties with alcohol and drugs for the kids they are supposed to look after therefore making them the most popular school staff member alive. This teacher is on that level and we can’t help but wonder if any other students caught wind of their little smoky secret when after lunch, the teacher and student acted like Cheech and Chong for the rest of the period.

13. Filthy Breaks

Time for some quick facts. Did you know that twenty-five percent of all search engine requests in total for a twenty-four period are “other industry” related? Frighteningly enough, it’s true. That is a whopping 68 million searches per day. With those stats in mind, we suppose it’s not too outlandish to believe that a teacher would be just one of those searches while they have some downtime. But ew… knowing that little kids are out on the playground nearby innocently jumping their way through hopscotch games and tetherball championships, a teacher is watching “Debbie Does Davenport” or some such video… well, that’s just pretty gross. While it doesn’t involve children, it’s still the setting that makes this scenario disturbing.

12. A, B, C, Zzzzz….

We all get tired at work, especially if you didn’t get a good night’s sleep the night before or right after a big lunch and you’re suffering from a bad case of food coma syndrome. But being a teacher means that you’re “always on.” You can’t just put your head down at your desk and masterfully arrange your plant, computer and desk toys in such a way that your secret power snooze is under wraps. Nope, you’ve got anywhere from twenty to thirty sets of eyes pointed in your direction and watching you yawn and stretch. At least this teacher seems to have found a loophole of sorts by taking “free period” to mean “free to nap as you please.” Period.

11. G Is For Graffiti

Ohh, things just got interesting. We can practically feel the drama unfolding once a pack of girls arrived in the bathroom first thing in the morning to see the new art addition on the wall. Imagine the scandalous rumors that raced down the hall with this information. What twelfth-grade girl has a crush on Mr. Smith, the science teacher/girls’ basketball coach? Tiffany? Naomi? Hannah? The rumors go wild especially since both Naomi and Hannah are on the school’s basketball team. Which one will win Mr. Smith’s illegal affection? Bets are made. Snickers are snicked and whispers are whispered while all along, it was the chem lab teacher, Ms. Ryan who graffitied the girls’ room. She didn’t say if she really thought Mr. Smith was hot or she was just looking to give the kids something to talk about.  We like to think the rumor got back to Mr. Smith who figured it out and in turn wrote a message about her in the boys’ room and while the rumor mill was running at peak capacity, he finally asked her out on a date, ruining bets and rumors throughout school. Or something like that.

10. Lesson Plans With A Shot

Nine in the morning is a bit early to get the party started but in the wise words of one, Mr. Jimmy Buffett, it is five o’clock somewhere. Instead of being a bundle of nerves, which let’s face it, the kids would have seen right through and given her nothing but hell on her first day, she took matters into her own hands (and bottle) and probably had the best first day ever. The kids likely thought they had scored the teacher jackpot with the most relaxed, funniest and nicest teacher ever. All of the things kids do to test new teachers were met with instant and carefree gratification. “I need to get a drink of water – again.” “Take your time!” “Hall pass?” “Take the whole pad!” “You know this school doesn’t believe in homework, right?” “Oh, thank God!” Score! Until the very next morning when the students were met with a grumpy teacher who drew the blinds and tried miserably to teach around a hangover.

9. Formula For The Day: F = I Hate You

Ouch. It doesn’t seem that teachers should be allowed to do this, does it? Though there are those kids, the Ferris Bueller types of the world, who try their hardest to make life difficult for teachers so maybe it is fair after all. But tossing away their work? That’s pretty harsh even for the worst kid. This teacher seems to be on the war path since there are five kids in one class who have made it onto her “Oops, Where Did Your Homework Go?” list. She’s likely making them crazy in the process since they can’t figure out what keeps constantly happening to their work. She should have just gone the noble route and messed with their permanent records instead.

8. Known As The Coolest Teacher Around

Who likes to fail kids by the dozens? Whether it’s dreams of staying on the football team, keeping up that perfect average that colleges just love or maybe just the dream of moving on the next grade, we’re pretty sure that being in charge of killing dreams like these isn’t a very fun task. Yet, it’s a part of every teacher’s job. It’s in the basic description. The teacher teaches. If the student learns, they pass. If they do not learn, they fail. But this teacher seems to have found a way around all that dream-killing and negative part of being a teacher. She threw away all of her red pens and just decided to make things easy. The principal must love her as it shows she’s doing her job to perfection and obviously, the kids adore her as well. Win-win-win!

7. When A Teacher Becomes The Customer

Is anyone else getting a major Breaking Bad vibe from this confession? While it’s unlikely that a real Walter White and Jesse Pinkman combo exists out there, at least not in total Heisenberg blue crystal mode anyhow, we sadly find it completely likely that a teacher could turn to a student to feed their bad habit. We are not sure what is the saddest aspect, the fact that a teacher is slowly turning into an addict or the fact that this teacher failed their student so much that they decided to turn to a life of drug dealing rather than continuing their education and getting a respectable career. But then again, maybe the teacher was an economics teacher and had a “nothing but the truth” policy which seriously depressed the teacher who turned to drugs while the student, on the other hand, was simply inspired to find a way to make a living in this tough economy. The truth hurts.

6. Parking Lot Problems

We hope that this teacher was courteous enough to at least use window washable markers while making her anonymous feelings known. But then again, being a teacher who presumably writes on papers, wouldn’t some students recognize her handwriting? Maybe while blowing off steam, she realized that she was so fed up, she didn’t care if she was found out or not. The only thing we regret from this confession is not being able to see the actual messages she left on students’ cars. We can just imagine a high school junior returning to his beat-up Honda Civic at the end of a long day to see the message, “There IS such a thing as a stupid question!” scrawled along his back window.

5. Why Is Movie Day Always The Day After Mardi Gras?

We have a feeling that this teacher’s reputation preceded her. “Oh, you got Ms. Larson for English lit? You’re so lucky! I hear that after every Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo plus most Mondays, it’s movie day!” Mr. Larson has to be one of the most beloved teachers on campus and it has nothing to do with her near-constant state of lethargy and crankiness. The confession says that she “makes” the kids watch movies. News flash. Kids don’t have to be “made” to watch movies in school. That’s called manna from heaven. Except for that one kid who’s always demanding more challenging homework assignments and begging for extra credit. That kid hates movie days. And we bet this teacher hates that kid.

4. Why Even Bother?

This disheartening confession is mighty depressing and likely would bring a slow rolling tear down the cheek of any passionate educator and probably inspire a lot of anger in this teacher’s principal… if only they knew how little confidence the teacher they hired had in the current curriculum. We can’t help but wonder if this glum teacher always felt this way, has gotten emotionally beaten down over the years and reluctantly came to this conclusion or is just a pessimist by nature? The ones who would probably be the most upset to hear this confession are the students of this teacher who had to stress over homework, projects and essays – all for a useless bag of nada. Thanks for nothing.

3. Private Pity Dancer

Girls going through their teenage years have a rough go facing them for a few years. Body issues, all kinds of weird shame, peer pressure and lots of other unfun stuff thanks to Mother Nature and the media in pretty much equal parts. So… how nice, some might say, that someone would give young girls who faced the humiliation (with total courage, though) of showing up to their prom sans date something to smile about with a dance partner. But… how utterly creepy, many others would say, that a history teacher would secretly dance with the dateless girls who presumably thought he was an admiring fellow student. The whole masked factor just makes it all the cringier. Imagine a teenage girl, filled with vulnerable emotions, thinking that a boy in her class likes her only to have the mask fall away and reveal the face of forty-something Mr. Beasley from history class. Existing teenage issues… instantly magnified.

2. Playing Favorites

Favoritism may not be fair but it is a part of life, isn’t it? We’re always picking out our favorite things… favorite flavor, favorite color, favorite sports team. So it kind of makes sense that teachers would choose a favorite student or two from each class. That’s not something they should advertise out loud or add to their resumes but at the same time, we all kind of know that it happens. Besides, evidence exists through actions and though students may want to come off as aloof or preoccupied, they are observant and smart under those layers of teenage gruff. They notice things like teachers making exceptions for certain students and not for others and being nicer to certain students while laying down the law with others. We think that the lesson here is that while favoritism exists, teachers should make sure not to make their favorites too obvious. Teenagers have feelings, too!

1. Not A Field Trip

We’re taking this as that it’s not clever word play and is a true confession and all that we can say for this one is that the teacher must have plenty of experience dropping acid during chemistry class for the class not to notice any differences with their teacher pre-acid versus post-acid. For all of the high school classes to be under the influence for, chemistry class is one of the most dangerous ones. It’s right up there with shop class and auto. We’re not saying dropping acid is an okay idea for an English lit class but if a teacher is going to do it, please try to avoid taking a psychedelic adventure while students are handling potentially dangerous substances. Hopefully, he just crawled under his desk until his personal science experiment was over.

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