It’s not hard to imagine what goes through Kim Anami’s mind at any particular time of day. Her directive is fairly simple, and her follow-through is remarkably consistent. Kim Anami lifts things with her… lady parts. This is purposefully vague, as it becomes readily apparent after a quick rifle through her Instagram that Kim Anami will lift just about anything she can find with her ‘special place’. Though, perhaps it’s not the range of objects that is so surprising, so much as the action itself.
Kim is a spiritual guru of sorts. A sexual instructor who, on the front page of her website, asks, “What if you can have soul-stretching, bed-shaking, neighbours-complaining sex— all the time?” You can, she says. With her undoubtedly unique educational approach. What is soul-stretching love-making? You’ll have to ask Kim. But her lessons are hardly the reason to look into Anami. More interesting and, admittedly, confusing, is her fascination with using her privates to lift random objects on a string. Achieved through a strict regimen of vaginal exercises, Kim promises to teach women to shoot ping pong balls from their nether regions. Or something along those lines.
And ping pong balls are arguably the most normal object to come in contact with Kim Anami’s vagina. We found fifteen more that are infinitely stranger.
Not just any donuts. Gluten-free, coconut-sugar sweetened organic donuts. Because your V-string deserves more than just Krispy Kreme. Kim’s donuts are far less interesting than her description, though. And even that loses the spotlight to one particular bit of phrasing: “suspended from the depths of my vagina.” This is the way Kim Anami speaks about herself. It’s almost scary, but mostly it’s just awe-inspiring. Kim’s “V” has depth. What does yours have? If you could walk inside Anami’s “V”, you would see a reflecting pool to your left and a fancy staircase in front of you, leading further into Kim Anami’s immaculately described inner sanctum and vaginal cavity. Where there would be donuts. Also, there’s a joke to be made here about nuts dangling from between your legs, but we’re classier than that.
14. Moroccan Hexagonal, Hand-Carved Cedar Box
Thank god she clarified that it was hexagonal. Any other shape would have been just plain weird. This particular hexagonal box was lifted as part of Kim’s “Morocco Series.” This is presumably part of a long stretch of running around Morocco in an effort to lift their most uniquely shaped receptacles. After this, she lifted a rhombus shaped tea kettle. We’ll avoid the obvious joke here involving the word “box,” but do know that there was some self-control involved. The only question left here, among the many unanswerable queries, is what’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX!? If Kim Anami’s consistency is to be trusted, most likely something that she will lift with her v—.
This is a relatively normal thing to lift with your privates. “Relatively” being the operative word here, because it’s really not normal to lift anything with those parts. But Kim Anami has little patience for normalcy and, as it were, acidity. These lemons were, thankfully, still contained in their skins. Hell, they’re still on the vine. Assuming she kept them lifted, they can probably go right into some unsuspecting tourist’s glass of water. Peel them, take away the leaves and Kim Anami herself could dip the lemon slice into your water for you. With her vagina. If that doesn’t sound appetizing, you’re probably in the majority. At least the lemons will be clean. Relatively.
12. A Faberge Egg
Let’s dispense with the awe first, to get to the real meat of the hour. Sure, Kim Anami is lifting a priceless object (that’s the point of faberge eggs, right?) with her womanhood. Sure, she’s doing it on a bridge called the Bridge of Sighs in the middle of Venice. Sure, Anami gives you the confusing command of “shake that money maker” while dangling a priceless object from hers. This is all fine and interesting. But what’s more interesting is Anami’s musings on eggs. Namely the jade one that she carries inside her and with which she evidently lifts things. This jade egg has a hole drilled into it and a string attached to it. This is some major plot development, and it answers a lot of questions. But it also raises hundreds more. If not thousands.
11. This Pineapple
Pointy. Very pointy. And close to tender flesh. This is what should be running through your mind when you look at this picture, because it’s what’s warranted. Pineapples hurt to touch when you’re doing it correctly. No doubt it hurts even more when you accidentally sit down on one, legs spread. More importantly, though, Kim woke up early to watch the sunrise and pose with her dangerously prickly counterpart. Which means one of two things: Kim sets an alarm every night to wake up with the sun and dangle pineapples from her nether regions, or Kim wakes up early and decides, in the moment, that now would be an excellent time to dangle a pineapple from her hooha. Either is valid, and both are insane.
10. Miniature Statue Of David
Michelangelo was known for a great deal of art still celebrated today. The Sistine Chapel, David, probably some other things. But his crowning achievement will go down as the miniature statue of David that someone made and then tied around a string that hung from Kim Anami’s you-know-what. This is art in its truest, rawest form. According to the Instagram caption accompanying this sexy(?) photo of Anami, she is in Venice and both her underwear and the statue dangling between her legs is Italian. Okay. But so is, arguably, spaghetti. Now there’s something Kim should dangle between her legs. Let’s start a petition.
9. A Surfboard
Nothing says “vaginal power” like lifting a surfboard with your nether regions. Have you ever lifted a surfboard with your arms? They’re quite heavy. So it’s all the more impressive that Anami was able to lift one using only the power of what’s between her legs. Though Anami swears by this power, both physically and spiritually. This is the crux of her argument: your “V” can do anything, and you should test its limits at every turn. This includes tying a string around a surfboard numerous times until its secure enough to dangle from your inhuman vagina. Kim does not provide pictures of her lady parts (for obvious reasons) but there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that it has abs. It can probably kick your ass. It can at least out-surf you.
8. The Berlin Wall
Not the whole wall, just a chunk of it. Which is still more of the Berlin Wall than you’ve lifted with your privates. Presumably. Please let us know if the opposite is true. Anywho, this is Kim’s most powerful statement. Her coup de grace of v-lifting philosophy, aiming to break down barriers of all kinds by, in her words, “opening the genitals.” Those of us that can’t open our genitals weep. But all kidding aside, she ends her post with the relatively agreeable notion that everyone should know themselves and thereby love themselves. That’s a hard message to disagree with, even if the messenger is dangling a piece of the Berlin Wall from between her legs.
7. A Venetian Mirror
This one is interesting. Which is saying something considering the contents of this list. But this one involves Kim standing in a stairwell precariously. It’s almost candid, but the mirror dangling from between her legs betrays the shot. It also has fascinating implications. Mirrors and lady parts have a special relationship. They let the owner of both get a better understanding of what’s going on below. One might call it a symbiotic relationship, but one would be wrong because there’s little proof to suggest that mirrors need vaginas for any reason. Aside from the occasional prevention from falling down a stairwell à la the aforementioned photo. But this is clearly a special case. This is all one giant special case. Where is the precedent for any of this?
6. Bowl Of Paella
Undoubtedly the most remarkable aspect of Kim Anami’s whole schtick is her utter unwillingness to regard what she’s doing as, forgive the language, batshit insane. Rather than focus on what is assuredly the focus of everyone’s attention, Anami elects to see the beauty around her. As opposed to what’s dangling from her. Which, in this case, is paella. What is paella? Evidently something Spanish as Anami finds herself in Barcelona in this picture. Rather than dwell on the relatively impressive feat of not only dangling a bowl of paella from between her legs, but balancing the whole dish without spilling it, she instead admires Gaudi’s architecture in Barcelona. She also muses on the notion of originality in creative work and concludes that if you believe that there’s nothing original being done, you’re just not creative enough. Bless Kim Anami for showing us otherwise.
5. A Murano Glass Chandelier
It’s best not to dwell on the purpose of things. Life is chaotic enough as it is without a million existential crises going on at once. But there is something to be said for a good head-scratching every now and again. Especially when it pertains to the dangling of chandeliers from one’s secret place. Sure, it’s awfully silly to focus on this particular instance halfway through a list of confusing instances, but it just begs so many questions. Why blue? Also, Anami goes to great lengths to give detailed descriptions of the objects she lifts. Why? These questions and more are sure to be left unanswered, but to not question is to leave the brain stagnant.
4. Lime Green Urn
Kim’s quest to lift every container in Africa is off to a good start. One day a Moroccan Hexagonal Hand-Carved Cedar box, the next a lime green urn. Also from Morocco, by the way. This time, lifted in a far more remote-looking location. Maybe the townspeople saw what she was doing and chased her out? Whatever happened, Anami was taking no chances, and she brought her own object to lift. Just in case the desert proved less than fruitful for things that might look good on the end of a string that’s attached to her “V”.
Actually, this picture comes with a story that Kim provides on her Instagram. It involves an insane mixture of driving through the desert, yelling at your driver and following your ‘womanhood’. What if you don’t have one, follow someone else’s? She’s unclear on this point. The real takeaway is that you should always have a lime green urn on hand. Just in case.
Meringues are already pretty weird and grody. It’s like they shaved off the overly sugary frosting of a birthday cake and called it a separate dish. But more than their general, overall peculiarities, meringues don’t really beg to be put anywhere besides your mouth. Or the trash, preferably. Thus, it’s remarkably unsettling to see them, in all their rainbow-colored glory, dangling from between Kim Anami’s legs. In Venice, no less. It’s very hard to see, but there’s one woman in this photo stopping to take a look at what’s going on. Although it’s difficult to say exactly what she’s thinking, it’s certainly not, “That looks appetizing/hot.” One wonders which you’re going for when you lift food with your privates.
2. A Christiano Ronaldo Doll
Saying you want Christiano Ronaldo between your legs is probably not that uncommon of a sentence. After all, he’s a talented soccer player and attractive to boot. But saying you want a miniature sized doll of Christiano Ronaldo between your legs errs on the side of creepy. Unless you’re Kim Anami. Then it’s just another day on the job(?). Kim loves soccer, as evidenced by the picture above. Her accompanying caption does little to dissuade this evidence, stating that soccer is soft porn for women. This is disputable, but one assumes that arguing with Kim Anami is an exercise in futility. She gives a vivid, if slightly too graphic, description of soccer men and why she loves them before writing out the word, “Sigh.” Because she is Kim Anami and when she sighs, she wants you to know.
1. A Jar Of Pesto
Did you know that pesto was born in Riomaggiore in Italy? Now you do. Whoever said that social media can’t teach you anything has clearly never met Kim Anami. Or her special place. From which a jar of pesto hangs in this photo. It’s funny. Pesto was born in Riomaggiore, and now Kim Anami is standing there, dangling a jar of it from her lady parts… almost like some sort of recently birthed child. The implication here being that every dangling object from Anami’s hooha is a stand-in for the children she has so clearly not birthed (this is clear because no mother could get away with embarrassing her child this much). We also learn that Anami is gluten-free, a fact that neither surprises nor interests anyone.