So the person that you have been dating seems just a little bit off. At first everything seemed great but lately things have been going on that make her seem just a little bit strange. And by a little bit I mean a lot. I am a guy so I am going to call the psychopath “she” throughout this, but believe me there is no gender stereotyping when it comes to being a psychopath. Bad sh*t crazy knows no boundaries.
Things keep happening that don’t add up. She keeps doing all sorts of totally messed up things, she lies, she sleeps around, and she manipulates, but no matter what she does she never seems to feel guilty about it, not even a little bit. Well, it could be that you just picked another loser to hang out with, or maybe, just maybe, you are dating a psychopath.
The Psychopathy Checklist was developed by Canadian psychologist, Robert D. Hare, and it is commonly used to identify psychopaths. What follows are 15 of the things on the checklist which should help you identify whether or not you are dating one. And that is the thing; it is actually kind of hard to tell with these types if they truly are crazy, because most psychopaths are darn good at what they do.Of course, the person you are dating could have just a few of these and just be a garden variety loser that you should dump immediately. It’s always possible, although it’s also probably wisest to make sure. Because maybe you really are dating a psychopath. Here are 15 ways to find out.
15. Glib And Superficial Charm
The whole “Glib and superficial” thing is the key here. If you don’t really get what glib means, look it up. Hey, this is a top fifteen list not a vocabulary lesson, step up your game; one has to be careful when one goes on the hunt to find psychopaths. I am not saying that someone who is charming is going to be someone who is going to sleep with your best friend, steal your wallet, and donkey punch your dog. Far from it. This is more that type of person that is charming for the sense of being charming, usually in a very calculated way. While it is hard to quantify in words we all know this person when we see them, and when we do see them they are usually trying to get one to either sleep with them, or give them a loan.
14. Grandiose Sense Of Self Worth
Most, if not all psychopaths, have a very inflated sense of themselves- being grandiose is just part of the package. There are a lot of people out there that have a good sense of themselves. That is cool, confidence is important, but then there are also those that just think they are simply the best. I am not talking about in a “Boy, I sure am good at my job” kind of way either. I am talking more like “Look at all these morons around me. It is pathetic that I have to deal with these simpletons. Man, I am so much smarter than anyone else, and better looking too.” Of course psychopaths do not come right out and say things of this nature, unfortunately. If they did people would realize just how insane, and potentially dangerous, they actually were.
13. Need For Stimulation & Gets Bored Easily
If there is one thing that a psychopath pretty much never is, that would be boring. They have a constant need to take risks. If you are dating one of these types then I can tell you two things that are true without a shadow of a doubt. One thing is that you are in a bad relationship, and two is that there is pretty much never a dull moment. You ever read the news and hear about some guy that got arrested for doing something just so incredibly crazy, and wonder why, or even how, they did it? Well, the guy was a psychopath. They just don’t want to be bored; in fact they look at us normal people as boring and beneath contempt. I mean why work in some boring call center job when they can just use your ATM card when you are passed out?
12. Pathological Lying
All psychopaths lie, every single one of them, and not only that, but some of them are really good at it. Which does not mean that every liar is a psychopath, but it does mean that every psychopath is a liar. Here is a pro tip- if you are dating someone and she tells you that she has a college degree, makes a good living, and spent a summer working at an orphanage in Africa, and then a few weeks later you find out that she is a high school dropout who just got fired from Arby’s, and has never even been out of state – run like crazy. I don’t care how hot she is. Run. In fact, even if she lies about small things get out as fast as you can. There is no one that can cause more damage to your life, or your reputation, then a pathological liar.
A true psycho will cheat and con you for personal gain. You ever go out with someone and you find yourself doing something that you did not want to do and you are not sure why? I knew a guy that used to tell me that, if his girlfriend caught him cheating on her, by the end of the conversation she would end up saying that she was sorry to him. Why? Because he was so good at manipulating people. You ever see that couple where she has a good job, has some cash, is totally hot, but she is hanging out with some guy who is unemployed, drinks a ton, cheats on her, and spends all her money? How does this happen? I will tell you how. It happens because the guy is manipulating her. In fact he does have a job- it solely consists of manipulating his girlfriend.
10. Lack of Guilt
If there is one thing that a person with this issue does not feel, it is guilt. A true psycho is not going to feel bad about anything, and I mean ever. If you are dating someone who has zero feelings when she does something that hurts you, then you might be dating a psychopath. In fact, quite often when one of these people does something to hurt others they can’t even understand how, or why, the victim is even upset. Some people even get off on it. So, if you are dating someone and you cheat on her, you might feel super guilty, but if a psycho cheats on someone, they not only do not feel guilty, they get off on what they are doing.
9. Lack of Empathy
This is a good one. Empathy is the kind of thing that good people feel, and bad people don’t. I know that might sound a little simplistic, but it is true. Say your neighbors down the street just lost all their possessions in a fire. You feel awful for them, while the person you are dating could care less. They simply do not have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes, and when bad things happen to other people they simply do not car. Even more so, quite often they feel that it is the victim’s fault that something bad happens to them. If you find yourself dating someone who does not have the ability to empathize when someone else is having a hard time in life, that is a huge red flag that you might be dealing with a psychopath.
8. Parasitic Lifestyle
Ahhh, the parasite. This is truly one of the really big signs. We all know these people. I know a guy who was married twice- both women had way more money than he did. He charmed them into hooking up with him, then he just sat around and sucked them dry. When the divorce went down, he was the one who got paid out, because both of his wives had more money than he did. Now he is living with yet another woman who is paying his way. Why is it that ladies fall for guys like this? It really is not hard to figure out. It is not that women like bad boys, I already spelled it all out. If you are charming, manipulative, and a good liar, you can hook up with pretty much anyone you want. As long as you don’t look like Shrek, of course.
7. Poor Behavior Controls
This one goes right up and down the line. It could be that she drinks too much, does too many drugs, has anger issues, is violent, I could go on and on. If you are dating a woman who drinks like a fish, then gets mad and throws things at your head during an argument, it does not mean that she is a psycho, but it does probably mean that you should bail on the relationship. You may be saying to yourself, “Well yeah, no kidding!” but the thing is, there are all sorts of people, men and women, that are in relationships right now with psychopaths. Remember the whole charming, lying, manipulative thing? These people are good at what they do, and it isn’t easy to get away from them, even if they are violent.
6. Promiscuous Behavior
Well yeah, I am sorry to say it guys, but this one is also a big red flag. I know, I know, of all the ones on the list this one is the most disappointing. Here you were thinking that she really liked you and only you, and that when she went home with you it was because you were just so darn charming and good looking. Nope. Sorry to break it to you, but she does that with pretty much everyone, and by everyone I mean everyone. The true psychopath, if single, is going to have sex with a whole lot of people, and if you are in a relationship with one of them, she is going to cheat on you, and she is going to do it a lot. And when you catch her, here comes the charm, the manipulation, and the lies. You see these people really are good at what they do. In fact, they are way better than you are at catching them.
5. Early Behavioral Problems
While most of us, at least those of us that were lucky, had fairly good and uneventful childhoods, guess what? Not so for the psychopath. While you were watching Sesame Street and playing tag they were lying, stealing, cheating, vandalizing bullying, using alcohol and drugs, and running away from home. Once again, it is important to note that all kids who had a rough time and did these kinds of things are not psychopaths, it is just a way to identify who might be one. So if you are dating someone and they let you know they had some of these issues, and they have a lot of other things on this list it might be a big warning sign. Of course a true psycho would not let you know.
4. No Long Term Goals
Now, I am not saying that everyone that you might be dating is a psychopath because they do not have their life all planned out, but it is another big sign. These people tend to lack direction in general, they go from job to job, from place to place, and from relationship to relationship. They don’t make any sort of plans in large part because they simply do not care a whole lot about the things that the rest of us do. They are not in this to have a family, a picket fence, and a retirement plan. They pretty much never make any long term plans, because they don’t care at all about the long term. All they are looking for is satisfaction when it comes to their immediate needs, and they usually find that just fine.
This type of psychopath is particularly unnerving. There is something called Impulse Control Disorder, and pretty much all psychopaths have it. It might go like this: say you are dating a woman who is not a psychopath- she is probably not going to steal your wallet and then have sex with your best friend, because you might call the police on her, and you might dump her for having an affair. But if you are dating a true psycho, guess what? She does not care, not even a little. You can call the cops, you can dump her, you can throw her out on the street, it does not matter to her, not even a little bit. She is going to go with whatever impulses that she has, no matter what the consequences. Try and steer clear of a person like this if you can.
We all know this person. The one that never lives up to any of their commitments. They say they are going to meet you out and then they don’t show up, they don’t pay their bills, they default on loans, they always do as little as possible at school or work, and they are often late to work, or call in sick. So listen, first of all why date someone with these qualities anyway? It doesn’t sound like you are dating a real winner here. But more importantly, if you are dating someone with this quality and a lot of the other qualities on this list too, then you might be dealing with a full-blown psychopath, and hey, don’t do that. Aren’t you paying attention?
1. Won’t Accept Responsibility
Most of us have been unlucky enough to date this type of person. If they are broke they blame it on the government; if they get fired they blame it on their boss; if they get mad at you and throw a vase at your head, it was because you did something so bad that you made them do it. This type is totally bad news. If you are dating someone that is constantly blaming everyone else in their life for all of their problems then two things are pretty likely. One thing that is totally likely is that you are dating a complete idiot. The other thing, which is less likely, but only slightly, is that you are dating a psychopath. Look, it really is not your fault that your girlfriend acts the way she does, you did not make her do it. The simple fact is, she is a psycho. But it will be your problem if you keep dating a psychopath. End of story.