People who identify as Objectum Sexuals say that object sexuality is a real sexual preference. People who are objectophiles do not just have sexual encounters with cars, trucks, trees – whatever, but also they have feelings of intense attraction and love for these objects. Sometimes they have commitment ceremonies or marriages to the object of their affection – they have long term relationships that span decades and continents. They have breakups and find new loves.
Happily, in a world that seems hostile to people who love so differently, sometimes they find each other.
There are multiple television shows and documentaries that explore the lives of objectum sexuals, or OS as they refer to themselves, and some of them make the stories of these people into a kind of freak show. I mean, yeah, its different – but who is it hurting? No one.
Objectum sexuals often find acceptance in the company of each other and also through loving neighbors and friends. While it seems to me that more of the OS community are women than men, there are also men who love objects more than people, some of them quite prolifically!
Men seem to be drawn strongly to cars, and there are two men in this list who love cars a lot more than you probably do, and refer to themselves as ‘mechaphiles’. For these mechaphiles, it is not all about love – there are also endless opportunities for one night stands with cars all over the world!
15. Amanda Liberty
Amanda Whittaker loves the Statue of Liberty so much that the last time she visited it, it gave her an orgasm just by touching it.
Amanda is English but she visits her long distance FLAME (haw haw) to spend time with her beautiful ‘Libby’.
Amanda shocked onlookers by being visibly, erm, moved by the statue, and stays by her side for hours on visits.
With a previous lover who was a drum kit, Amanda also identifies as having OS, and fills her home with replicas of her lover.
Amanda is also attracted to flags.
She has plans to marry Libby in the future.
Amanda is friends with another self proclaimed OS woman, Reighner Deleighnie and they are able to offer each other a bit of support that is very much needed in a world that maybe isn’t so tolerant of a sexuality that, after all, harms no-one and makes people happy.
14. Edward Smith
Edward Smith was a key feature on the doco My Car is My Lover, which is quite possibly one of the best 45 minutes of viewing I have had for free anywhere.
Edward Smith is one of the mechaphile men who are interviewed and taken on a road trip to a car show and swap meet for the purposes of the film.
Edward writes spoken word poetry about his favorite lovebug, Vanilla. He counts as an ex lover the helicopter Air Wolf.
Generous with his ‘seed’, Edward sneaks out in the middle of the night and shares some special moments with cars that he meets, including the film maker’s car AND the car belonging to the other mechaphile in the documentary.
Interestingly, Edward personifies his cars as female while his travelling companion has a male car called Todd.
Davecat is an interesting person who has decided not to have relationships with ‘organic women’ (i.e. humans) and has decided instead to marry a life size doll and keep another life size doll as a ‘mistress’.
Davecat and his synthetic wife have been married for 13 years. Her name is Sidore and she cost $5,000.
Quite the philosopher, Davecat finds it difficult to reconcile the ideal person that you fall in love with (with a real human) and the person that they really are. Davecat has had experiences with ‘organic women’ (his term) but not relationships.
Davecat looks forward to the day when there are synthetic humans who we can have relationships just like ‘organic humans’. See, now I’m saying it! Davecat should write books.
Davecat finds sex with his dolls very satisfying. The dolls are made so that men can have sex with three orifices and apparently doing so creates quite the suction. Maybe this accounts for the popularity of Real Dolls among the men who have sex with them.
12. Maria Griffin
Maria married her truck on Valentine’s Day and they have great sex. Not sure how. Not my business.
Maria is another woman who is not attracted to humans at all. They leave her cold, and her heart only beats for metal and chrome.
And apparently bricks and mortar because she experienced her first orgasm thinking about the Chrysler building. Before this she had thought she was asexual and was apparently relieved not to be, which I can’t see why because I would love to be asexual and still have all that money I spent on other people at bars and buying overseas husbands etc.
Maria is partial to Ford Trucks, so she bought one she fancied, married it and went camping, where there was lots of sex and hopefully some cuddles.
11. Erika Eiffel
Erika Eiffel is a high achieving superhero with skills for days and a fascinating history. While in the US army academy, Erika fought off an attempted rapist with an actual sword. She then developed emotional feelings for the sword and was dismissed from the armed forces.
Erika then became a world class archer and entered into a relationship with her bow, who she called Lance.
Erika eventually married the Eiffel Tower, but her relationship with the tower was sullied by a documentary that she felt misrepresented her sexual relationship with the tower and made it look like she was having a sexual encounter when she wasn’t.
Erika turned to the Berlin Wall for comfort, and now, as a tower crane operator, is enjoying the promise of a new relationship that might ease the pain that was caused by her breakup with the Eiffel Tower.
10. Lee Jin-Gyu
Lee is a Korean man who ordered, dated for six years, fell deeply in love with and finally married a pillow – a Japanese dakimakura pillow that you can buy that is kind of body sized and often printed with a picture on it.
The particular picture that Lee married had a picture of Fate Testarossa from the anime series Mahou Shujo Lyrical Nahona.
The pillow bride wore a dress and Lee takes it about with him, dining and hanging out. They were married by a priest who clearly was fine with the union, although he did go to Japan to have the wedding ceremony, so maybe the local clergy weren’t so accommodating.
Just as an aside, I would worry that a pillow would get mouldy and gross. You don’t keep ordinary pillows too long because pillows have a used by date – what happens when this pillow ‘dies’? I hope the bridegroom bought a replacement!
9. Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer
If there is anything that I have learned from writing this list it is that relationships with really famous or controversial monuments are difficult and plagued with problems, the most obvious being in this case that the Berlin Wall was pulled down and no longer exists as it used to.
Swedish woman Eija-Riitta first fell in love with the Berlin Wall when she was seven and saw it on TV. She then began a lifetime of visits, having a commitment ceremony in 1979.
Eija-Riitta has enjoyed a full, physical relationship with the wall, and has never been interested in other humans or had other sexual contact.
After the removal of parts of the Berlin Wall Eija-Riitter never returned and is now pursuing a relationship with a garden fence, because she likes long and slender things.
8. Amy Weber
Amy, who is a church organist, married a fairground ride and they are very happy.
After a courting period of 20 years, Amy and the ride tied the knot and enjoys a full spiritual and sexual relationship with the ride.
The ‘Weber’ part of her name honors the maker of the ride.
Amy says that her family and friends are mostly supportive of her relationship, but that she does experience some discrimination for her sexuality, and later reports have named her as ’unemployed’, so I hope Amy is doing all right for herself and that she gets back on her feet.
Amy has ridden her husband thousands of times, but does not get upset about other people riding him.
7. Val Theroux
Val hails from Kamloops in Canada, which is an interesting town that is really fun to go out drinking in (not that I remember much of it). Val is a 64 year old Reiki practitioner who travels to the UK annually to hold workshops. She uses these trips to visit an Oak tree in the New Forest, Hampshire.
Theroux loves the tree very much and wakes up early to spend time with it.
Whether her love is of the physical sort or not is a bit in question, unlike others who identify as Objectum Sexuals (Val does not), Val is married to a human man who is fine with her love for the tree.
Val has always loved and talked to trees, which is good because trees are great and they let us all breathe, so good for trees!
6. Reighner Deleighnie
Englishwoman Reighner Deleighnie, a name which I do not want to type more than once because it is confusing, is a carer from London who has forgotten real flesh and blood men after she took up with a three foot statue of Adonis, who was the ancient Greek god of beauty, fertility and renewal, and was seen as representative of the supreme male beauty.
Which Reighner definitely agrees with, as she shares her life with the marble statue and prefers him to human men.
This particular statue, however, is named Hans and while Reighner shares her life and home with Hans, she is not faithful because he is clearly not the only statue in the shop.
5. Joachim A.
Joachim took what he loved and made a career of it – he adores all things mechanical so he became a repair man. His adoration is, however, a little unorthodox.
Joachim married a steam train. However the size and majesty of his partner have not stopped him from having affairs in his career as a repair man – I mean it takes him away from the house and he meets all sorts of mechanical objects that are just begging for a firm but gentle touch.
What I can’t figure out though is if the train is a real, full sized train or a model train. I mean, I am in no way judging or being size-ist, I simply am logistically wondering how anyone can get any privacy with a full sized steam engine. In a shed maybe? Who has a shed that big?
4. Jordan Witham
Jordan Witham is the ‘other guy’ in the My Car is My Lover doco, and whether or not it is by comparison to Edward, he seems inherently likeable.
Jordan is not sexually interested in humans at all, he is just there for the metal. He has multiple cars and likes to practice (careful) penetrative sex with the tailpipes of at least one of them.
His words end the documentary with an accusation “Did you jizz on my car?” to Edward Smith, who definitely did jizz on Jordan’s male car Todd.
Jordan seems like such a nice guy, and while he has been slammed as being creepy and dysfunctional (and he uses the word rape a bit too freely in the documentary) he isn’t hurting anyone, and he is happy and content.
3. Bill Rifka
Bill, an intelligent man who has studied psychology and who is by all accounts well adjusted, is in an exclusive homosexual relationship with his iBook computer.
I get this. I love my computer. It pays my bills. Do I ever think that it is flirting with me? No.
Bill finds some computers that he views online quite flirty and at times it is hard not to have a wandering eye.
But how does one make love to a personal computer? I imagine that the answer is “with great care”, as they aren’t really very good with pressure or liquids.
There is not much information to be found about Bill or his iBook, but I wonder if the rapidly evolving tech world is a hard place to remain faithful, if that is the direction in which your love takes you. All that shiny newness and colors and chrome……. I couldn’t say I am in love with it but my iPhone makes me happy.
2. Robert Stewart
Robert Stewart, bike enthusiast.
In Scotland, a man has been put on the sex offenders register for performing a lewd act with a bike.
Despite the fact that Mr Stewart was behind a locked door, with no pants on, making love to a bike, he was still charged and found guilty of a sexual breach of the peace.
Two cleaners came into his room to find him pantsless and grinding on the bike, only pausing to say “what is it, hen?” before turning his attention back to hump the bike.
The cleaners say that they had repeatedly knocked on the door and been ignored before entering with their own key and being shocked out of their minds.
Mr. Stewart claims that he did not have sex with a bike, he was simply trying to be funny with the cleaners.
1. Sandy K.
Sandy is a German woman who had the unfortunate experience of being able to watch the objects of her love and devotion be destroyed by terrorists (or [insert conspiracy theory]) over and over again on TV in one of the most widely televised events in the history of the world – we are of course talking about the Twin Towers.
Sandy fell in love with the Towers when she was eight years old, and loved them, seeing them as very male, strong, and sexy.
Sandy K. had a model made of the towers of the same aluminum that the twin towers were made of (or not [insert conspiracy theory]) and she sleeps with and presumably has a full adult relationship with it, if you catch my drift.
Sandy has not ever been attracted to humans, only objects, and she is happy with that.