With all of the recent attention given to airline incidents, there has been quite a bit of coverage afforded to those pesky airline employees. However, we realize that we, ordinary travelers, are a bigger pain in the butt to the airlines than the airlines are to us.
We have done our homework to compose a list of 15 items that the feds have discovered on planes, or in possession of those trying to board airplanes. Any sane and reasonable person should know better.
We are omitting boring old handguns on this list since TSA reports uncovering close to 1,000 firearms, 70% of which are said to be loaded with bullets. Although, a list of the odd places people try to hide their guns while boarding a plane would be interesting and include places like potted plants and stuffed animals. We also won’t mention an Air Marshal leaving his loaded service revolver in an airplane lavatory.
While this list will bring up actual instances of actual items that actual people tried to carry on to actual planes, we will also poke fun at them and make jokes about it.
Please be aware that carrying any of these items onto a plane is a very serious matter and you should always check with TSA and review a list of their prohibited items if you have doubts about a particular object.
With consideration to Charlie Sheen‘s private plane recently being forced to land for a federal drug search, we were inspired to bring you this list. Let it be known that nothing illegal was found aboard Sheen’s plane, other than a gallon of tiger blood. The controversial actor is buying a home in Mexico. Please put your seats in an upright position and restore all tray tables to closed and locked positions. Fasten your seat belts, look for the nearest exit, and there is no smoking permitted. You may leave your electronic devices on so you can enjoy this fun list. Get ready for takeoff. It’s going to be a bumpy flight.
15. Riding That Plane, High On Cocaine
In April of 2015, Christian Dupre Arroba, Marco Cannizzo Gaona, and Manuel Weisson all pleaded guilty in court to the charge of “conspiracy to import cocaine.” The would-be Pablo Escobars tried to hide close to 500 pounds of the white powder in a corporate jet. They removed seats and floorboards, hit the drugs, then replaced the fixtures over them. The street value of the illegal narcotics was over $6 million. The flight was traveling from Venezuela to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The trio each got just under six years in federal prison for their efforts.
The very plane pictured here was smuggling people. The Air and Marine division of Border Protection reports that they seized a private air carrier with seven illegal immigrants aboard in Texas. The plan was to smuggle the illegals beyond U.S. checkpoints and into interior portions of the nation. We must admit that people disguised as people is ingenious and most inconspicuous. The only problem is that they were all wearing Sombreros and shaking Maracas. That, and none of them spoke English. That is what gave them away. Frankly speaking, they missed their golden opportunity as new laws are being enacted to cut down on illegal Mexicans entering the United States.
13. Diet Coke
The Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office sniffed out seven bricks of cocaine inside an American Airlines Boeing 757. The flight originated in Bogota, Columbia and was headed to Miami, Florida for scheduled maintenance. Work delays in Miami caused the plane to be diverted to Tulsa International Airport. A worker noticed the insulation looked brand new, so he moved it aside, saw the drugs, and notified local authorities. This has to be an inside job as drug smugglers do not typically have access or the skills required to work on commercial planes belonging to major airlines. This shipment was much lighter than the multi-million-dollar one we mentioned earlier. It had a modest value of $200,000 which is why we labeled it as Diet Coke.
12. Royal Highness High In The Skies
Ibrahim Mahama is the brother of The President of Ghana, John Mahama. Along with a third brother, Alfred, the trio of male siblings is worth a collective $4.2 billion. Since there are three of them, they must share the wealth, so it’s not that much when you consider that equals an average of $1.4 BILLION per brother. Prince Ansah was aboard the plane, along with two tons (4,000 pounds) of drugs. His royal highness asserts that he is a special aide to the vehicle’s owner, Ibrahim, who was not on board. The Prince and three other unnamed men were taken into custody. The drugs have an estimated street value of more than $250 million. Ansah should not be looked upon as a drug mule but more of a jacka**.
11. Batman Throwing Bat Stars
This was obviously not the real Batman traveling from San Diego back to Gotham City. Bruce Wayne, Batman’s true identity, has his own private jet and does not need to use commercial modes of transportation. If he did, he certainly would not be flying in coach. Seriously though, our best guess, since the flight was originating in San Diego, and they were Batman items, the traveler may have been coming from Comic-Con. That is an annual convention dedicated to comic books and other forms of entertainment, but we probably didn’t have to tell you that. Much of our material on TheRichest is comic book-friendly. Chances are, you already know what Comic-Con is and may have even been there or plan to attend in the future.
10. Knife Mounted On Walker
The real life Bad Grandpa was leaving New York’s JFK when he was stopped with a knife fastened to his walker. Some old folks secure tennis balls or stickers to their mobility devices to quickly identify them, muffle annoying sounds, or rig to make operation easier for them. This pop was carrying a weapon. We can’t call it a concealed weapon because he had it visible. In his day, he was allowed to bring military tanks on a plane, and he didn’t complain. He embraced it. When he was your age, he didn’t have the luxury of flying machines. He had to walk from New York to California, uphill, in the snow, against the wind, barefoot. He didn’t enjoy modern technological advances, like sunlight. Give the old fellow a break. It appears to be a dull knife that would best used for buttering toast.
9. Grenade Launcher
This Seattle resident was caught with a grenade launcher, which was confiscated and probably not returned. His traveling partner carrying the grenades must have missed their connection. The projectile creating weapon was not loaded, and the man did not have any grenades. Nonetheless, this is still considered to be a dangerous thing to bring onto a plane full of people. He could fill it with peanuts and put someone’s eye out. A soda can would surely leave a nice mark on a person’s noggin. There’s so much nonsense going on in the not so friendly skies. Keep in mind that this list only covers 15 bizarre and illegal items that the Feds uncovered before the would-be smugglers could implement a course of action that could have caused damage.
8. Live Grenades
It seems like most of the weirdos either come from or travel to Texas. Federal Agents found a live 40mm grenade in one man’s luggage. This incident or the person involved is not related to the moron who was caught carrying a grenade launcher. In fact, this guy was an active military soldier and simply made a mistake that he owned up to. In the end, no charges were pressed against the soldier. It is, however, unclear if his mistake was trying to carry the live explosive on board or if the error was having a live grenade in the first place. For the sake of argument, let’s just say they were both cases of poor decision-making on Rambo’s part. This sure does give new definition to the term, “Going commando.” We understand he is one of the good guys and protects us from the real threat to our freedom and way of life. We thank him for his service.
7. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The strange thing about a chainsaw is that it is not illegal to travel with a chainsaw, as long as it is part of your checked baggage. This “stunod” not only tried to carry the woodcutter on board an airplane, but there was still gasoline in it. The flight was set to begin at Elmira, New York. The traveler was wearing a mask that had a leather-like look and feel to it, so we will call him Leather-face. He was traveling to Texas to use his chainsaw to massacre people. Okay, not really, but what else would his reason be for trying to bring a chainsaw onto an airplane? We don’t believe this was intentional stupidity on this man’s part. It was clearly unintentional stupidity. Next time, he won’t try to bring a chainsaw with him. He will just bring a smaller handheld hacksaw.
6. Spear Gun
On a flight set to originate from Raleigh-Durham North Carolina International Airport, the meddling Feds uncovered a spear gun. If his final destination were Amity, New York, we would have figured he was hunting Jaws. However, we believe he was trying to get the weapon on board to use as a tool so he could get his own blankets or pillows from the flight attendants. Not only that, but he would have had to wait on long baggage claim lines. He could have just shot his suitcases and reeled them in. These were all theories, of course. He told us to call him Ishmael, so he was apparently hunting Moby Dick. In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon, what an ignoramus, what a nincompoop.”
5. Smart Phone Stun Gun
This phone gives new definition to the classification of a smart phone. This vacationer should have requested private tutoring from his phone because it is more intelligent than he is. The phone was a disguised stun gun. Where was he going that he thought he might need a stun gun and what was he planning on getting involved with? It would be really cool if there were an app where you could stun Facebook users who post pictures of their morning coffee, followed by their daily gym visit. Then they finish their day with pictures of themselves watching Family Guy and snacking on ice cubes with their profanity speaking parrot or other pet which they refer to like their child. At least he wasn’t carrying a deadlier phone. The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 would have been akin to carrying an explosive device aboard a commercial flight.
In Philadelphia, a man tried to smuggle several explosive M-80s onto an aircraft. Additionally, he was carrying a water bottle, wrapped in black electrical tape, and filled with a flammable powder. This coo-coo-ca-choo clearly knew he was in the wrong. Otherwise, he would not have tried to conceal the contents of the water bottle with black electrical tape. Maybe he was just embarrassed that the bottle was a Walmart-brand bottled water and he wanted other flyers to think he was carrying a bottle of Voss water. It wasn’t even close to Independence Day, either. Oddly enough, this man was apprehended and charged with a criminal act. We cannot comment on the actual charges as we are unsure. We do know that conducting one’s self in an irresponsible way due to idiotic thinking is not a real charge in any state.
3. Bazooka Round
Dallas officials discovered a bazooka round in a passenger’s bag. They formed a 100-foot perimeter around the dangerous item, not knowing if it was live or not. Other travelers and luggage were evacuated from the immediate area. Eventually, after multiple flights were delayed from taking off or landing, it was determined that the round was NOT live ammunition. In defense of this foolish man who scared hundreds of people, delayed the lives of those people, tied up crucial law enforcement resources, and wasted money, he was just trying to be a good father. His little boy asked him to bring home a piece of Bazooka Gum, and he misunderstood the child as having asked for a piece of a bazooka gun. What a good father! (We are kidding about that last part.)
2. Foot-long Machete On Whole Wheat
An 11-inch, razor sharp machete, with a jagged blade for extra slicing and dicing power, was found in San Diego. It truly is amazing how many stupid people there are in the world that just lack the ability to exercise common sense. Does anyone reading this actually think they would be allowed to bring a machete on an airplane? If you answered yes to that question, dial 617-726-2000. That is the number for Massachusetts General Hospital. They have one of the most advanced mental health treatment facilities in the United States. That is unless you are Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th. If you are, then you can just tell TSA you need the machete for work.
1. Unconnected Detonating Device
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, authorities discovered that a passenger was carrying a detonating device. The potential terrorist did not have a bomb, and the equipment was not connected to anything resembling a bomb or anything at all for that matter. Still, this is not a good idea in today’s post 9/11 world. You would have to be a real dummy even to try to carry this on a plane. Why would you even have something like this or have a need for something like this, unless you were up to no good? The passenger claims he was at a conference and the items were given out as a souvenir. This raises more questions, like what kind of conference were you at? Why would they give out detonators as souvenirs? Why would you want one or accept one? This whole thing wreaks of bad decision making.