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15 Garbage Films We Watched For Other Reasons

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15 Garbage Films We Watched For Other Reasons

Hollywood has released a lot of great movies over the years. While there hasn’t been an overwhelming number of recent productions that have had overly-interesting story lines, there have been a few. A lot of people just want to be entertained when they go to the theater. They are satisfied to sit through the latest Marvel superhero movie that is loaded with cool visual effects, lots of action, and a plot that’s easy to follow. They don’t want to have to think too hard to figure out what the heck is going on. Anyone who has seen Mulholland Drive or Donnie Darko had to use their brain to follow the twists and understand the movie’s meaning.

There are a few basic elements to a good story. You have interesting characters, a setting, a plot, and a certain amount of conflict. Some movies lack fascinating characters and the plots are rather shallow. Nevertheless, many of these bombs find an audience. One thing that is sure to draw a few more viewers is the addition of sex and nudity. There are countless films that rely solely on bouncing body parts to distract viewers from noticing that the story stinks and the acting is bad. Some movies even go a little overboard with it to the delight of teenage boys everywhere. Here are 15 garbage films that show a ton of skin.

15. Hostel

Paxton and Josh are traveling through Europe with their other buddy Oli. They are told about a hostel full of good looking and promiscuous girls that are located in Slovakia. Naturally, the three fun-seeking young men make their way to the hostel where they find their share of comely lasses that don’t mind getting naked in front of strangers or baring it all in the coed sauna bath. First Oli goes missing, then Josh does, then Paxton discovers the awful truth about what’s really going on. The movie is loaded with gratuitous violence and a ton of T&A. Except for the torture and murder, those Slovakian women sure know how to show a guy a good time. Paxton is also pretty good at getting revenge. The ending is actually quite good but not as entertaining as the nudity.

14. Eyes Wide Shut

Eyes Wide Shut was the last film Stanley Kubrick ever made. While it does give viewers a lot to think about, the story is rather slow to develop at times. Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise play a couple who have their fidelity tested. Not only do viewers get to see a whole lot of Nicole Kidman’s features, they also get to see several other nicely proportioned ladies in the buff. It’s a memorable feast for the eyes that almost makes it worthwhile to suffer through the rest of the movie. There’s just something appealing about shapely women wearing nothing but masks. Those who have seen it have likely forgotten what the movie was about but they probably remember the wild sexcapades that went on during the secret gathering at that mansion.

13. Showgirls

Elizabeth Berkley was hoping that she’d make a name for herself when she landed the leading role in the box office MOAB, Showgirls. The film was award-winning material. Too bad those awards were Golden Raspberry Awards. This film was so bad that it set the record at the time when it received 7 Raspberry nominations. So, if it was so bad then why is it that so many people have seen this skid mark of a movie? Was it the awesome plot? No. How about the great acting? Definitely not. The nudity? Ah yes. All that skin kept us glued to the screen as we dreamed of our next trip to Sin City. Waiting to see if Berkley’s character, Nomi, gets her pound of flesh is like watching paint dry except that paint doesn’t bounce as much.

12. The Demoniacs

On the surface, the plot of this 1974 French film is decent enough. Two hot chicks are viciously raped and brutally murdered by a group of depraved sailors. The girls make a deal with the devil that allows them to come back to life in order to seek vengeance. It’s like a lighter version of I Spit on Your Grave except you have two naked hotties slaughtering their tormentors instead of just one. Unfortunately, the film loses its legs after about half an hour but the flaws in the story line are quickly forgotten because of all the sex and nudity. This movie is a little more tolerable than some of the others on this list but it is still a terrible film and all the nudity in the world couldn’t save it.

11. Friday the 13th

We’re not talking about the original film or any of the gory sequels. There wasn’t too much nudity in those movies. Instead, we are talking about the 2009 remake. Jason Voorhees sees his mother get her head cut off and he takes his anger out on those who holiday at Camp Crystal Lake 30 years later. There is a little more depth to the story than the original but it still boils down to being another slasher film. One of the differences in this version is the amount of sex and nudity. Audiences obviously approved as it quickly became the second-highest grossing instalment in the series although its popularity waned after a couple of weeks in the theater. Let’s face it. Friday the 13th stinks and the nudity doesn’t make it much better.

10. Piranha 3D

If you like blood and gore movies that feature Ving Rhames then you might be able to sit through Piranha 3D. This film is about a bunch of very toothy prehistoric piranhas that invade a lake. They prey on the local beach goers as well as the fun-seeking spring breakers. Nothing salvages a clichéd and predictable movie like a good solid dose of clichéd and predictable nudity. You know what spring breakers do in the movies right? All those bikini-clad babes and testosterone-fuelled college boys were having a great ol’ time until hordes of vicious fish crashed the party with a fury. At least audiences had a lot of bouncy things to distract them during this 88-minute bloodbath. We should give the movie makers some extra credit for delivering those bouncy things in 3D.

9. Caligula

The movie Caligula got tongues wagging around the water cooler when it was released in 1979. In fact, people still talk about this raunchy piece of cinematography that was produced by the good folks over at Penthouse. Caligula is often referred to as an erotic historical drama but there’s not too much historical content other than the main character being Caligula and the actors are dressed in togas. Come to think of it, the characters aren’t even wearing their togas through most of the movie!! It’s really a borderline adult entertainment film that has a classic Roman feel to it. All of that skin might be pretty tame by today’s standards but it was cutting-edge for its time. This movie is certainly a reminder of how hot Helen Mirren was back in the day.

8. Emmanuelle

It doesn’t matter if we are talking about the original Emmanuelle that was released in 1974 or if we are talking about Emmanuelle 2, Goodbye Emmanuelle, Emmanuelle 6, or Carry on Emmanuelle, these films were total garbage and would be completely unwatchable if it wasn’t for the nudity. While this series of films is a lot more conservative than other sexploitation flicks, they still raised a lot of eyebrows at the time. Masturbation, rape, and cigarette smoking vajayjays are just a few of the subjects that these films cover. In between those scenes, the producers did a good job at cramming in even more free love for the viewing audience. Whatever storylines are in play take a back seat to the constant barrage of nudity which is why so many people have sat through this tripe.

7. Summer Lovers

This movie is about a young couple that goes on vacation to Santorini, Greece. Nudity abounds. The guy has an affair with another woman but his girlfriend, Daryl Hannah, doesn’t seem to be too upset about the whole thing. The love triangle eventually turns into a ménage a trois which opens the door for even more nudity. Not wanting to deal with the sadness of the young tourist’s imminent departure, the other woman decides to disappear. Don’t worry; there is still plenty more nudity. The other woman shows up at the airport just as Daryl Hannah and her boyfriend are getting on a plane. The two decide to stay for a couple more weeks and the audience is treated to more nudity. Daryl Hannah was smoking hot in the 80s.

6. Striptease

It is listed as an erotic comedy but the comedic element of it probably wasn’t intentional. Demi Moore’s career was doing just fine before she took the role of Erin Grant in the 1996 movie Striptease. She’d been in Ghost, A Few Good Men, Indecent Proposal, and The Juror among many others. This film was the perfect platform from which to show off her recent breast enlargements but after she did this dumpster fire of a film she found herself tumbling down the Hollywood A-List ladder. The unnecessary nakedness didn’t even save Striptease because it wasn’t really all that exciting. The movie’s story line revolves around manipulation, dirty politicians, betrayal and all the other things that we’ve seen on screen a hundred times before. This one just happens to show a heck of a lot more skin.

5. Flesh Gordon

If you combined sex rays with a phallic rocket ship and added them to a mix of Amazonian lesbians and power pasties then you would have the 1974 not-so-classic, Flesh Gordon. This loose take on Flash Gordon was heavy on the cheese but it delivered us an over-the-top amount of ongoing gratuitous nudity. In the movie, sex rays are pounding the Earth so Flesh and company head to planet Porno in a spaceship that is shaped like a sex toy. It’s kind of like Star Trek meets Superman and then they both meet Debbie Does Dallas. In the end, the sex ray is neutralized and our planet is saved. A sexed-out Flesh and buddies head back home where they probably ordered a bunch of Chinese food and then went for a long nap.

4. Flesh and Blood

Those that were disappointed that Jennifer Jason Leigh didn’t show her stuff in Fast Times at Ridgemont High just had to wait a couple more years until she took the role of Agnes in the 1985 movie Flesh and Blood. The film is about a group of soldiers led by Rutger Hauer who are double-crossed by their leader. They cross paths with the virginal Jennifer Jason Leigh and lots of sex and nudity ensues. This is another film that many people have seen but can’t remember much about besides the black plague-riddled meat getting catapulted into a castle and all of that skin that is so prominent throughout the film. This movie wasn’t too successful at the box office but it is considered somewhat of a cult classic. In other words, a lot of teenage boys rented it and watched it on VHS.

3. 9 ½ Weeks

Millions of people have seen the movie 9 ½ Weeks. This erotic drama hit the theaters in 1986 and put Kim Basinger on the map. It’s a typical story delivered in a not-so-typical manner. Mickey Rourke lusts after Kim Basinger and the two finally engage in a very steamy short-term affair that involves blindfolds, masturbating at work, and a bit of sadomasochism. The movie also put a new spin on eating fruit. 9 ½ Weeks made MGM a healthy sum of money but people didn’t watch it for its unoriginal premise. Aside from oodles of wild and innovative sex scenes, most people can only remember Kim Basinger performing a sensual strip tease to Joe Cocker’s “You Can Leave Your Hat On”. Other than that, it was a forgettable piece of cinematography.

2. Promises! Promises!

Way back in 1963, a 30-year-old Jayne Mansfield’s career was falling apart at the seams and she was looking to recapture past glory. She was still considered a sex symbol so she made the bold decision to get naked in the movie Promises! Promises! to get back into the spotlight. The story is about a woman who wants to get pregnant but her husband is too busy and oblivious. They go on a cruise, hook up with another couple, and end up doing the wife-swap thing. It’s a terrible movie but seeing a naked Jayne Mansfield is definitely something to write home about. There’s not a lot of nudity involved but the movie was the first Hollywood film to feature a mainstream star in the buff. Considering the times, Promises! Promises! showed a lot of skin.

1. Last Tango in Paris

This film shook up the industry when it was released in 1972. Last Tango in Paris is about an American widower who spices up his life by engaging in all sorts of kinky sexual activity with a young woman. One of the key elements to this film is that both characters vow to remain anonymous. They don’t even know the other person’s name. One of the most memorable scenes involves a stick of butter and rape while several other scenes portray graphic sex. There was a lot of hype and controversy surrounding this film but the movie wouldn’t have been so successful if it didn’t have so much sex in it. If you want to see Maria Schneider bare all and watch Marlon Brando get a finger inserted into his backside then have at it.

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