The idea of billionaire businessman Donald Trump running for president of the United States seemed like fiction once upon a time. I mean, he owns rights to 17 golf courses, hundreds of hotels across the world, casinos, talent management, the Miss America pageant, the list really goes on… and yet Trump has made a successful run for presidency – despite his MANY set backs. Whether you’re a Trump hater or “Make America Great Again!” fan, you have to admit, he isn’t the first person to come to mind when you think of America’s president.
Donald Trump would be giant leap from America’s current president, Barack Obama, who ran a successful 8 years with little backlash (well in comparison to his predecessor that is). However, the thought of Donald Trump becoming president has upset some Americans enough to consider immigration to their country’s northern neighbour, Canada. So step back Trump supporters, because you might not like this one, as we announce 15 fictitious characters better fit for presidency than Donald Trump:
15. Dexter Morgan – Dexter
A serial killer for president? Better than Donald Trump? You’re kidding, right? No… I’m really not… because this isn’t just any serial killer. This is a serial killer with a certain moral code. A moral code that could quite possibly have higher standards than the competitor, Donald Trump. Morgan’s code is a simple one: only kill the bad guys. Along with this, Dexter Morgan has proven to have steady judgement – often spending hours, days, or even weeks perfecting his research so he’s absolutely sure he’s killing the right perpetrator. Dexter has never strayed from his “code” of only killing serial killers – he has, however, successfully wiped out hundreds of dangerous killers, saving many more vicariously… more than one could say about Donald Trump, huh?
14. Ned Flanders – The Simpsons
Ned Flanders might just be the most annoying “neighboreeno” in The Simpsons universe (or just ever). But what Ned Flanders does have going for him is his extravagant love of God, the Bible, and a Christian’s good will (among his cheesy catch phrases). Which, more often than not, involves “the Christian doctrines of charity” as stated in his biography. So how does this coincide with Donald Trump? Well both may consider themselves “ardent philanthropists” but one is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Donald Trump is reportedly one of the least charitable billionaires in the world – only donating $3.7 million to his own charity (ouch!). Whereas our boy Ned, is Springfield’s most adamant volunteer: contributing to Church events, donating when possible, and spreading a Christian’s good will.
13. Diana Prince – Wonder Woman
This one’s pretty self explanatory – after all, she is THE Wonder Woman. Diana Prince is the total package: power, grace, and wisdom. The Amazonian is a feminine icon who can kick arse, works with the best superheroes in the business, and delivers justice in a fair way. Not only is Wonder Woman quite possibly the dream girl with both brains and beauty, but she’s often seen teaching mankind more gentle, educated, and justified decisions. Ms. Prince believes although one must use violence when necessary, it shouldn’t always be the only option and often promotes the disposal of such weapons as guns and tanks. Donald Trump may believe in the same mantra… but I think more women would trust their life to Wonder Woman than the “pu**y grabber” himself.
12. Brian Griffin – Family Guy
Donald Trump’s best argument seems to be: “You know it; I know it; We all know it.” Which is why Liberal smart-mouth Brian Griffin has made it on this list. Brian Griffin is the voice of reason to his idiotic human counterpart, Peter Griffin. In a sense, Brian even watches out for Peter; counselling and teaching him when he does wrong. Donald Trump’s kids may have turned out alright but with such videos as this surfacing, one can only question what type of morals Donald Trump himself instilled in his children. Oh, and then there’s always the fact that Brian is the politician of the Griffin family, always adding his two-cents of knowledge… pretty much whenever he wants. Such as when Brian explained the real cause of the 9/11 catastrophe which left us laughing and cringing at how brutally accurate the satire is.
11. Elsa – Frozen
This snow Queen may have had a rebellious year but she has nowhere near as many controversies to her name – even though she runs an entire Kingdom – than the competitor, Donald Trump. So what makes Elsa better fit for the job than Trump? She’s selfless. Whereas Donald Trump is the polar opposite, in what he calls “business” (which to be fair, is the name of the game). Donald Trump might make a great businessman but when it comes to putting others first Elsa takes the cake. The Queen of Arendelle spent years locked in a tower, isolating herself from her only kin, to protect her Kingdom from the possible backlash one could receive with such powers as she. It was through time and correction that Elsa learned to control her powers to better serve her people.
Trump may not have a superpower he needs to conceal from his hierarchical Kingdom, but he did own a university, leaving him accountable to thousands of students. This “university” ended up being a scam offering 1 hour seminar presentations in lieu of classes. So what did Donald Trump do when caught by his own students? Not a damn thing. Instead Trump is currently going through a lawsuit filed against him. Elsa 1 for accountability. Trump 0.
11. Jack Dawson – Titanic
Jack Dawson gave his life up for a woman he only knew for 5 days. Some may call that puppy love, infatuation, or just plain stupidity but Jack’s love Rose Dewitt Bukater has more to say about her 5 day romance than Melania Trump has for her 11 years of marriage to Donald Trump. I mean, how can you defend your own self respect when there’s a video of your husband boasting over improperly touching another women after being recently married? Doesn’t the Honeymoon period exist in Trump’s world? Sure, call it “locker room talk” but your husband had a responsibility to respect you behind your back. Whether Jack Dawson has the leadership skills needed for Presidency is up for debate, but same goes for Donald Trump.
10. Elle Woods – Legally Blonde
Elle Woods in the perky bombshell from Legally Blonde that taught us you can’t always judge a book by its cover. Elle Woods may have been given the same lifestyle privy to Trump, but that’s made her anything but spoiled. Elle’s infinite amount of confidence in herself to succeed in anything she puts her mind to helped her achieve her goal of shutting down the animal testing done by a medication company. Her upbeat attitude helped her ace the Bar exam which now enables her to fight for her passions of injustices against animals, women, and the underprivileged. Elle also possesses the ability to make friends with almost anyone, dubbing her much more likeable than the competitor, Trump. Oh and Elle’s motto “you must always have faith in yourself” is sure to out beat Trump’s “make America great again!”.
9. Michael Scofield – Prison Break
There’s no other example more fitting for brotherly love than the story of Prison Break. Michael Scofield is a young and ambitious architect who robs a bank in hopes of imprisonment in the same prison as his older brother. Scofield’s brother is guilty for a crime he didn’t commit and has less than a year to live under the death penalty. Michael’s brilliance helps him devise a plan of escape for him and his brother (and a few others who get wrangled in along the way). So how does this make Donald Trump look bad? Well, it appears Donald Trump doesn’t have the same relationship with his family members. According to the Daily Mail, Trump admitted to cutting his brother’s children out of Trump’s father’s will. Oh and Donald’s nephew was sick with cerebral palsy. The reason? Donald Trump’s brother has been battling alcoholism for half his life. Such an addiction is justifiable to be cut out of an inheritance, but his children too?
8. Sherlock Holmes – Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes is a man that needs no introduction or explanation. However, for those of you living under an uninteresting rock: Sherlock Holmes is a bada** detective who pays attention to such little details that lead him to grand assumptions (of which he’s usually correct). Sherlock spends his time solving mysteries with his sidekick Watson who’s always there to keep him in line. Donald Trump has also made many friends during his career, one of whom is Jeffrey Epstein. The man who Trump describes as “a lot of fun to be with” is currently serving a 13 month sentence for soliciting a 13-year-old girl for prostitution. Since Donald Trump’s advocacy for the convicted rapist was made public, his ties to the criminal have been questioned. The most recent controversy is Trump’s alleged rape of a 13-year-old girl which reportedly happened in 1994. Looks like Trump has some dirty secrets Mr. Holmes could peg out in under 10 seconds.
7. Francis Underwood – House of Cards
Francis Underwood may be a corrupt borderline psychopath but he does get things done. The congressman, depicted by Kevin Spacey, is on a similar road to Donald Trump – only he actually wins. Mr. Underwood undermines many of his opponents and uses any means to acquire his goal – only he does it because politics are his life. It’s his area of expertise much like Trump’s area of expertise is in business, where his nose belongs. Donald Trump doesn’t have any political background or experience. If Donald Trump doesn’t win the 2016 presidency race, he won’t have to go home to a disappointed State or cabinet – he’ll go back to being the raunchy businessman he knows how to be. Trump and Underwood may have similar personalities but one has an idea of what they’re doing whereas the other… does not.
6. McGruff – The Crime Dog
In response to a crime epidemic during the 1960s and the concern for public education, the United States government created an ad campaign in 1977 featuring McGruff the Crime Fighting Dog. Due to McGruff’s success with children and adolescents, a television series was devised, targeted towards younger youth when they begin to be most at risk for wrongful behaviour. With sidekick Scruff (his younger nephew), the two teach their community how to stay safe and keep out of trouble. McGruff is also a tough crime dog and catches criminals and juvenile delinquents to teach them the hard lessons of life. More than one could say for Donald Trump who has 3,500 pending lawsuits under his name. Maybe Trump needs a little McGruff talking to?
5. Shrek – Shrek
Shrek is one of the more misunderstood characters in the DreamWorks universe. His sarcastic humour is a little standoffish but as the four instalments will show, deep down Shrek has a heart. He’s also one of the few selfless beings in Duloc to take on the quest of saving Princess Fiona from the fire-breathing dragon. Oh and he did it for the little price of keeping fairy tail creatures off his land. Please give me an example when Donald Trump has done anything for his country for free. Not to mention, Shrek eventually marries into the Far Far Away royal family, giving him a heap of experience with unhappy villagers and evil Princes trying to steal his throne (even if he didn’t want it in the first place).
4. Gandalf the Grey/White – The Lord of The Rings Trilogy
Gandalf has led many expeditions with Elves, Humans, Dwarfs, Hobbits, Wizards – you name it! In fact, he led an expedition with an estimated 17 year span in the Lord of The Rings trilogy. Oh and he lived to tell the tale. Gandalf’s decisions as a leader can, at times, seem shaky but he stands as a symbol for many of his fellow adventurers to adhere to. Gandalf risks his life in many instances for the sake of the cause… even if that means jumping in front of a dragon to distract it from Frodo Baggins. Much like Gandalf, Trump is a sort of symbol too. Rather than symbolizing strength, knowledge or bada** wizardry Donald Trump represents bigoted businessmen and the catchphrase “You’re Fired!” The facts speak for themselves.
3. Professor Charles Xavier – X-Men
Founder of the X-Men who use their superhuman abilities to counteract the evils of the world, Professor Charles Xavier would be the perfect candidate for presidency – with the exception of his age. The Professor chooses physical confrontation only when it’s necessary, opting out of negotiation tactics (which usually don’t work). Xavier is the headmaster and creator of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning which has taken in homeless, afraid, and discriminated against super-humans in hopes of teaching them to use their powers for the good of mankind rather than evil. Due to the Professor’s success with mutants, the world became more educated and accepting. Whereas Donald Trump has a habit of stereotyping certain individuals in society and certainly doesn’t promote inclusion. There’s also the leadership skills which Professor Charles Xavier undoubtedly succeed at.
2. Bruce Wayne – Batman
Bruce Wayne has a net worth of $6.9 billion according to Forbes magazine in 2012. Donald Trump has an estimated net worth of $3.7 billion, still impressive but not considering what each man does with their gold. Donald Trump chose to maximize his potential profits by working on the forefront as CEO of his own company (eventually handing it down to his children). Bruce Wayne may be a chairman of his own company but the billionaire playboy chooses to fight crime in an effort to clean up his home city of Gotham. Wayne spent millions establishing the fortress, tools, weapons, vehicles, and technology needed to keep the crime-riddled city’s most notorious criminals at bay. Bruce Wayne’s resume outweighs Trumps in almost every way – with the possibility of leeway when it comes to owning failing universities, U.S.A beauty competitions, and foreclosing golf courses. We understand there’s “no time for compliments, Robin”, but really Batman, you’re a winner!
1. Buddy the Elf – Elf
Will Ferrell’s representation of a cheery, upbeat, super social Elf on a quest to find his forgotten father left us with the Christmas classic we’ll never to forget: Elf. Buddy the Elf pretty much doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. In fact, Buddy’s whole world revolves around Christmas day, spreading Holiday cheer and maple syrup! Buddy’s most deviant moment? Exposing the truth about a fake Santa Claus in a New York shopping centre (which he took full responsibility for via his termination *cough cough*). While Donald Trump is battling law suit after law suit, along with damaging video footage of his lewd behaviour, it would take years to find dirt on Buddy the Elf. In fact, we challenge you to even try!
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