Every family has their own drama. Certainly, none of us can escape the crazy cousin or the comical old grandfather. But in the world of celebrity and entertainment, family matters are quite different. Let’s take a look at the Kardashians for a moment. It all started with a well-known attorney who gained even more fame due to his friendship with OJ Simpson. But the family needed a catalyst to gain fame and notoriety. That’s when a sex tape hit the quickly expanding World Wide Web and the Kardashians knew exactly how they could exploit the world.
We all know we like to keep up with the Kardashians whether we like to admit it or not. Their endless drama is enough to fill the E! Channel all by themselves. No one even remembers what they are famous for (posting half-naked pictures of themselves and one epic sex tape, actually) but they are sure hard to forget. Let’s see, there is Kim’s famous sex video and her marrying Kanye West, Khloe marrying Lamar Odom and divorcing him after his sexcapades and drug binges and then there was that little sex change thing. It’s easy to say drama follows this family everywhere. We (and by “we,” we mean just a few people here and there) would all love to see what 2017 brings for the Kardashian clan, whether good or bad. With that said, let’s make some bold predictions about what the Kardashians may do in the future. These are 15 fearless predictions for the Kardashian clan in 2017.
15. A Jenner Poses Naked
Here we go again! That’s right, Kendall and Kylie are up to bat for the next round of the game show, Which Kardashian Will Pose Naked Next! This time it’s the younger Kardashian girls who are in the crosshairs. The youngest girls in the family have taken a liking to the spotlight. Each are as active on social media as their older sisters. The Kardashian brand is predicated on exposure. Their success has been built on the Web and exposing their bodies for attention. By staying relevant and active online, it has fed into their businesses and allowed them to become one of the most successful brands in the world. However, the youngest Kardashians have failed to separate themselves from the pack and a big leap forward would be to put one of their beautiful young bodies on display beyond the tiny bikinis and underwear poses they have done thus far.
14. A Death In The Family
Tragedy may very well strike the family in the near future. It would not be shocking to see the former patriarch (Bruce, now Caitlyn) possibly have some health concerns this year. In dealing with both his transformation and his age, the eldest Jenner of the family has looked worn down over the years. Prior to his “change,” he was stressing over the life he was living. There is no doubting that the stress has accumulated during Caitlyn’s life and built up. The former Olympic athlete has become an interesting, if not puzzling, figure at best. As opposed to an activist you want to hang your hat on or a progressive who stands for something greater than themselves, Caitlyn just looks like the same spoiled version of her former self, Bruce Jenner. The once proud Olympian continues to whine in the same fashion now as she did as a man. Time is working against her and a sudden health issue wouldn’t be shocking.
13. Rehab Alert
We all know about Lamar Odom and his many issues. But he is out on this one, being that he is officially divorced. And we aren’t going Scott Disick here who is the easy choice, being a regular at rehab facilities. We are going with Kendall Jenner and Rob Kardashian. This year will bring not one, but two rehab visits. Kendall will struggle with the stresses of modeling and her cheating boyfriend. She will pop pills, get caught having an issue, and then bail to rehab to save her image and get sympathy. Meanwhile, Rob’s explosive marriage to Blac Chyna will only get worse as their baby wears on them. Things will get ugly and end up with Rob seeking help for numerous issues including drugs, depression, and alcohol. We double-down on this category with confidence and certainly wish the best for all involved.
12. The Divorce Judge Arrives
Rob and Blac Chyna go down! The difficulty Rob encounters dealing with being a father and husband on top of his own issues will lead the explosive relationship to implode. If you have watched their reality series, and not many people have, then you know they put on quite the show. He is an immature spoiled brat unable to deal with life and she is a leech looking for a leg up. The combination is fatal to any relationship. Throw in the spice of a reality show and you have a recipe for disaster. This Titanic is going to hit the iceberg very soon. And when it does, their marriage will sink deeper into the Atlantic than that famous ship from long ago. It is looking like this marriage is going down. Stay tuned. A close second is going to be the failing marriage of Kim and Kanye, but we’re guessing she gives him quite a bit of rope due to her family situation with him.
11. Wedding Bells
Certainly, wedding bells could be ringing. We’re calling for wedding bells to be ringing loud and proud for Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. We are betting on a wedding that will finally bring an end to their on-again off-again drama. After numerous rehab appearances, the cheating scandals and all the craziness that has haunted their relationship, these two will finally find a way to find what matters most, their children. That commonality has brought them together, again and again. Despite their rocky past, it is clear that they both still love one another and want to make it work. Recently, the two have been spotted vacationing together and the word is out on their relationship reconciliation. Whether you love him or hate him, you gotta always root for a family to stay together. Hopefully these two can make it work.
10. Domestic Abuse
I know what you are thinking. Domestic abuse alarms. We all go to the angry men in the women’s lives and they are easy targets. Of course, we have some athletes and rappers to choose from who could be in play for this category. But none of those men have ever warranted such an accusation. Instead, we are betting on the dysfunctional Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian to come through here. But it isn’t Rob that is going to do the beating. Chyna will get so annoyed with her weak-willed husband, that in a fit of rage, she is going to knock him senseless. Rob will be high and drunk and deserve the whooping. But his sisters will once again come to his defense and Chyna will draw the cuffs. This isn’t as far-fetched as it seems. Chyna has been known to have a temper and Rob has been known to be weak and whiny. The combination could lead to an ugly confrontation that Rob will most certainly lose.
9. Jail Cell
Who is going to win the award for most likely to get put into the slammer? Well, we are going with Kanye West. Still part of the Kardashian plan, we are thinking Kanye is going to continue his self-destructive nature and get pulled over while driving under the influence. We aren’t sure how much longer his wife, the Kardashian queen herself, Kim, is going to put up with his unstable ways. But he is her baby daddy. So Kim is going to most likely be pushed to the edge with news of Kanye going to jail and being found under the influence of multiple substances. He will, of course, head to rehab and vow to use the time to better himself and recover from the addictions that are plaguing his life. A cooling down period will occur after and we will most likely get a new reality television show out of it. We’ll talk more about that at #5.
8. “Accidental” Photo/Video Leak
Here is the call on one of the Jenner girls. Each already have such a following and are so popular despite doing so little. They are doing a bit of modeling, but in reality, neither have established themselves as a real force just yet. They have business ventures they are working on expanding with each other and it is just a matter of time before a naked photo or sex video emerges of one of them. Why? Well, it worked for big sister, Kim, so why not recycle the success and act shocked when your naked body is spread all over the Internet? It is a two-fold win with a massive amount of attention and name recognition while at the same time crying foul and playing victim. It has worked before, so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
7. A Baby Is Born
That’s right! Wedding bells will be a ringing! Kourtney Kardashian will be welcoming a baby along with her wedding bells. She will be four months pregnant and walk down the aisle with Scott Disick. The happy couple will complete their family and vows all at the same time. She will deliver right up against the holiday season at the end of the year. Kourtney was quoted this past summer (2016) stating that she hasn’t ruled out having more children. When a woman opens the door for something like that, you can bet it is pretty easy to kick in. And with her and Scott getting it going again, odds are this family will expand by one before the end of 2017. Time and age will start to work against Kourtney and as fit as she enjoys being, we’re guessing she would want to close out the baby factory sooner rather than later.
Kanye or Rob? This is a toss-up of two men who are clearly heading toward a disastrous personal crash. It’s the worst kind of reality show possible, except that they are both unwilling participants. Their self-destruction is almost a guarantee at this point. Kanye has already had a breakdown at the end of a bizarre 2016 and Rob sounded almost suicidal for his part at the end of the year as well. Both are prime candidates for this, but we’re guessing Rob just gets beat on and kicked out of his home. Kanye is going to win this prize and be rushed to the hospital. He is going to pull through and vow to take his recovery and life more seriously. Kim will stand by her man for the time being and…
5. A New Television Show
The Kim and Kanye Show will arrive by the end of 2017, chronicling their lives together and their challenges of raising a family as Kanye attempts to maintain his newly found sobriety. That’s right, a new show will be launched around this circus. The Kardashians have been pretty consistent on using their brand to branch out and the television world has been more than happy to cash in at the same time. The pseudo-reality shows keep the lights on for the Kardashians and add mansions to their portfolios. The destruction of Kanye West will be complete as he attempts to become a victim of recovery, turning his new-found role as villain into the second coming. This second chance will rejuvenate him to produce a new album that he dedicates to his family and their television show will capture it all.
4. Kardashian On Kardashian Brawl
Oh, yeah. Let’s get it on! Rarely have we seen such things on the show. There have been threats made toward Rob by Lamar Odom when he came after big sister Khloe. The insults were flying and Odom nearly took Rob’s head off. Now is the time we see Khloe stand up for herself in one major brawl with her brother in which a drugged and drunk Rob is out of control and Khloe will get physical. He will flare and attempt to fight back but Khloe will get a couple of licks in. Kris Jenner will be there to yell and scream and act as if the Kardashian world is ending. But she will also put an end to the sibling fight. Khloe will end up with a bruise from a fall and Rob with a split lip. He will also enter rehab right after.
3. Suicide Attempt?
Kanye West will attempt to kill himself this year. Kanye’s continued downfall spirals even further out of control when he takes way too many pills. This is the final straw that gets him hospitalized and finds him on the doorstep of death. The suicide attempt will get him the help he needs and lead to recovery (and our predicted new reality television series chronicling the recovery), but this is just the final straw in his personal demise. Kanye’s erratic behavior started last year when he attempted to beg on Facebook for Mark Zuckerberg to spot him many millions. Pleading poverty, Kanye’s misguided pleas were laughed at by the public who found him more a spoiled ignorant brat than a man looking for investors. It was an odd display that only continued through the end of the year when he had a nervous breakdown, blamed on exhaustion, and ended up in a hospital. With his tours canceled, one must wonder when Kanye will hit the bottom. We’re guessing his fall continues in 2017 until he slams against the basement floor.
2. Going Broke
Rob Kardashian is going to also continue his slide. The one Kardashian who is seemingly getting cut off from his family will suffer the fate of a nasty divorce and his continued self-implosion. His eating habits are out of control, his depression is catastrophic, and drugs and alcohol are coming into play. Rob is going to submarine whatever favors he has left with his family and with his reality show on the way out; he is going to find himself in the strange position of having to be a man. This reality check and the lack of funding from the rest of the Kardashians will lead him into debt and needing to claim bankruptcy. Of course, he won’t truly be broke, being that the Kardashians are worth millions upon millions, but he is the least successful (if we can even call him that… he literally has done nothing). Thus, Rob will be going broke this year.
1. Kris Jenner Robs The Cradle
Kris Jenner arrives to rob the cradle! The mother hen of the Kardashian clan enjoys keeping up appearances. She is going to forge a relationship with a young man in his early 20s and enjoy every second of it. She will be seen rarely with him, but photos will surface of the relationship when they are in an exotic location and a snapshot is taken of the two getting cozy at a Mexican resort on their balcony. He will naturally be ripped, with perfect abs, and she will be wearing her bathing suit onesie. The Kardashian matriarch has the skills to pull this off and the money and power to execute the classic GILF role. With money and opportunity being no issue, Kris will flawlessly execute this behind closed doors until TMZ blows the doors off. At that point, the fling will quietly come to an end. But God bless the mother hen for getting hers! We are all for it.