The Duggars are among the strangest of the reality television stars in the world. They also happen to be among the strangest of the fundamentalist Christian families in the world. They get pretty damn close to matching the Westboro Baptist Church in their odd systems of beliefs.
Now to be fair to the Duggars, they don’t go around spreading hate for homosexuals (at least not in as obvious a way). And they don’t go around picketing the funerals of American soldiers. However, the Westboro Baptists have not yet come out about molesting their own siblings…so it’s up to you to decide which family is the worst.
But hey, we’re not here to compare…not this time. What we’re here to learn about are the many weird and wacky rules that the Duggar family members are…compelled to follow. Some of them maybe make sense with regards to a regularly pious Christian, but there are rules these guys follow that are downright Puritan…and pretty ridiculous.
20. Only Side Hugs Allowed
This is just a mighty strange rule to have to follow in this family. Apparently, when you have a significant other in the Duggar family, you are not allowed to give a “full frontal” hug. Why is this? Why because breasts should not be pressed up against a man’s chest. After all, that might cause them to be aroused, and this could lead to naughty, sexual activities that are apparently forbidden by God until marriage. This seems like a rule that Jim Bob and Michelle maybe should have employed for between their children as well. And just why is that? Well because then maybe their oldest son Josh might not have had molested his sisters. For all we know, it was a “full frontal” hug that started the whole sordid mess. Either way, that’s still no excuse. And side hugs can certainly still be sexually charged…trust me.
19. No Beach
It’s interesting that, for almost every rule that is present in this article, there is an example of the Duggars breaking the rule. Here we have a set from the Duggar family, at the beach, just like they are never to be. Though they are covered up well enough for the Duggar standards. Surely Jim Bob and Michelle would have given them their heavenly version of Hell if they had been topless and bikini-clad. To the rule, the Duggars are not allowed to go to the beach. They have their own conservative swimwear for around the family pool, but the Duggars boys apparently cannot be trusted at the beach. It’s just all too tempting for the boys to ogle all of the skin wandering around. Of course, that didn’t stop Josh Duggar from having a go with his own sisters…so maybe they should consider stricter dress code at home? Or an occasional release at the beach?
18. No Co-Ed Hide And Seek…Just In Case
Apparently the Duggar children are not allowed to play co-ed hide and seek. I don’t know about you, but that sounds just a little suspect to me. I wonder if it has anything to do with josh Duggar having diddled three of his little sisters. Though I am curious to know if this rule was implemented before or after mom and dad found out. As it happens, co-ed babysitting is also banned from the Duggar household as a rule. Now surely Jim Bob and Michelle are crazy enough to have come up with these rules right out of the gate, for fear of the temptation of incest…which is really messed up to think of. But what’s even worse is that they wouldn’t have been wrong to worry apparently. In the case of their strange family anyway. It sort of makes sense though. This family is so restricted from the outside world…it’s no wonder they go to each other for those desires…disgusting as it is.
17. No Hand-Holding
Oh what a faux pas! How dare a dating couple hold hands! In the Duggar household, this is strictly forbidden. Hand-holding can only occur once a Duggar couple is engaged. The idea is that holding hands is a serious escalation of physical contact. And this could result in an intense sexual drive. And you know what an increase in sex drive does? Well it leads to sex, of course. How could anyone assume otherwise? Apparently there is some special sexual charge in hand holding, and it is a wonder of nature that must only affect fundamentalist Christians. But seriously imagine what it must be like to go to the Duggar house, when dating one of their kids. Surely they just can’t wait to get out of the house to have some fun with their date…but they’re still watched all the time anyway.
16. No Private Social Media Accounts
Private social media accounts are only things that Duggar siblings can have one they leave the homestead. Their texts are monitored, their calls are monitored, their whereabouts are monitored, their internet history is monitored…they do nothing without mom and dad’s knowledge. And there is only one official Duggar social media profile for the whole family, that Jim Bob and Michelle take care of. And there are all sorts of great lesson to be had on that page! Some great…otherworldly reading. Apparently it’s totally ok to discriminate based on sexual orientation, gender, and race. Which you might not expect from an incredibly heartwarming, and loving Christian family like the Duggars…and that has painted the entire family in a very negative light. All stemming from the singular social media f*ckeries of mom and dad Duggar.
15. No Booze!
Alright, so they wouldn’t have been the first Christians to ban alcohol from their families. But this is something that has always confused me. After all, Jesus turned water into wine…rather famously. But that makes no difference to the Duggars. Not even at dinner do they both break bread, and pass the wine. And that doesn’t just extend to their children while they are underage. If you’re living under their roof, you are not drinking a dram of alcohol. And they certainly frown on it, even once the children move out. But of course, in the case of Josh Duggar, he’s guilty of far more than just drinking and drugs. But that’s for another story, for sure. The moral of the story is that apparently it is immoral to drink a single drop of booze. It lets the Devil in you…or out of you?
14. No Birth Control
This one might not surprise you at all. Especially if you’re at all familiar with the reality television show that this family was originally made so well known for, 19 And Counting. There is absolutely no discussion regarding the use of birth control in the Duggar family. What’s the reasoning? Well, Jim Bob and Michelle started out their married lives with the use of birth control. Not too long into this process, Michelle managed to become pregnant all the same. However (like many people when they first become pregnant), Michelle miscarried. Sad though this is, they began to spread the lie that birth control will still get you pregnant, but then will make your body miscarry. Birth control is a preventative measure. It’s not Plan B. So they have preached the horrors of birth control to not only their family, but to the world…but only their family has to obey.
13. Regular Pregnancy Testing
It’s anyone’s guess as to just why this is a thing that Michelle Duggar does, but apparently as rule she keeps an unhealthy stock of pregnancy tests. Apparently this is to have at the ready for her married daughters. It seems she might be quite eager to ensure that her wedded daughters are doing their wifely duties in order to start a gigantic family of their own. I’d have thought that such a stock of pregnancy tests would be kept on hand for regular testing of her un-wedded children. Just to ensure that they were not engaging in any carnal, and sinful activities. Of course, mom and dad Duggar keep such a tight leash on the kids there’s no way an outsider could get in bed with them…so maybe the tests are actually there to guard against family member mingling? That’s right Josh Duggar, we’re talking about you.
12. Have Sex Whenever Your Husband Desires It
This is perhaps one of the most disturbing rules of the whole household. And it has to do with Michelle Duggar essentially condoning domestic rape. And I’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter what you put in front of it, rape is still a pretty heinous crime: domestic or not. Her whole strange, and awful idea is that “Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. When you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.” So make sure that when you’re married off, let him take you whenever he wants…that’s messed up.
11. Pants Off For The Duggar Ladies!
That’s right, there are no pants allowed for the Duggar ladies. Something about knowing their role in the world as women, I guess. And making sure that they don’t get any sort of strange idea that they can choose a life for themselves. And of course no pants does not mean just underwear. Only dresses and skirts are allowed for these ladies. Though it has to be pointed out that Jinger Duggar went out of her way to be seen in photographs wearing pants and shorts on several different occasions. Now this doesn’t necessarily mean that Jinger was expressing her individuality as a woman. Oh no. It turns out that once married, she is owned by her husband, who seems to have allowed her to wear the more “masculine” clothing. Some think it was a purposeful middle finger to Jim Bob Duggar, who Jinger’s husband hasn’t always go on with.
10. There Is No Such Thing As Divorce
So there might be some mention of Josh Duggar throughout this article. And why is that? Well the short version of his story goes as follows: he molested four young girls (three of whom were his sisters). He routinely cheated on his wife, including a score with a former porn star who accused him of overwhelmingly rough sex. It then came out that he held two accounts on the adultery website Ashley Madison. Then he went to rehab. The Duggars have an interesting rule: there is no such thing as divorce. But the most interesting thing about this is that Josh Duggar’s wife wasn’t held by any blood bond to never divorce…but she is living as a “good Christian” and refuses to divorce. This is the mental grip that the Duggars hold over the people close to them. No matter the abuse, they must remain married.
9. Learn To Save All That Money
There’s nothing wrong with being told to save your money. Nothing at all. It seriously is a good rule. But there’s an interesting addition to this rule when it comes to the Duggars. It has to do with the allowance that the kids get. They get paid so little that, in Canada, this wouldn’t work. For every chore a Duggar kid does, they are allotted three cents. That’s it! I have to say that I would sooner do the work for free, and find my own way out than work for three cents per job. That’s like tipping a waitress your nickel and dime change after having a good meal with wonderful service…except the waitress is your child, and they don’t have a base pay on top of that. What a strange family. I suppose such payment does keep the kids from spending money for a good number of years…or it has them only spending money on candy because at least they can afford some after doing a week’s worth of chores.
8. No Markings In Your Flesh
Given that the Duggars aren’t allowed to drink, or smoke, or hold hands, or give full-frontal hugs, it should be no surprise at all that there is a rule against getting tattoos. After all, being “marked in [your] flesh” is biblically a bad thing (depending on what verses you read, and how you interpret them). Jeremy Vuolo, who married into the Duggar family happened to have a tattoo on his arm, which is usually hidden. This must have been a point of contention at one time or another. But allegedly it’s a bible verse. How sweet. In much bigger news though, the “Cinderella” Duggar, Jana has purchased a tattoo shop. And that’s got to be some interesting news for her parents. Of course, she’s the oldest Duggar daughter, and given that she’s miraculously still not married, nearing 30, I guess she thought it the right time to take her life into her own hands. Good for her!
7. Don’t Dare Help Unwed Mothers!
Let me just go out of my way to say that Michelle Duggar is actually, objectively, a horrible human being. What makes me say that? She has infamously pulled her children away from coming to the aid of unwed mothers; commanding them not to help them. Her justification for this has got to be completely batsh*t of course. But I suppose her idea is that she doesn’t want her daughters to see a strong, independent woman, who has had to forge a way for her and her child on her own, or with a boyfriend instead of a husband! Why ever would Michelle want to give her daughters the idea that they could be independently strong? That’s a very interesting, and inconsiderate way to keep her daughters in line with her biblical views. Because after all, once there’s marriage, and kids, there is only forever…no matter what. Just ask Anna and Josh Duggar. And certainly no bastards allowed!
6. No Dancing Or Modern Music
Oh of course, you say the rule, and there’s a Duggar breaking it. The Duggar kids are forbidden from dancing, or listening to any sort of modern music (unless of course it’s a healthy enough Christian group – but they mainly stick to gospel tunes). The dancing rule is held for basically the same reason that the “no hand-holding” rule exists. And the same reason the “no front-hugging” exists. There could be some sort of sexual urge that might emerge. And what a horrible thing that would be to have to deal with before marriage. I think Jim Bob and Michelle have forgotten a little thing called puberty. Their kids are sexual creatures no matter what they do. Which they clearly found out in the case of Josh Duggar’s molestation of his sisters, and consistent cheating on his wife.
5. No Worldly Reading…Like Tabloids Or Harry Potter
There is no reading of anything so-called “worldly” in the Duggar household. Which essentially means that reading revolves predominantly around the Bible (which was written on this Earth by people from this Earth). Sure, church bulletins and certain Christian kids books are likely allowed as well. But nothing like tabloids, for sure. Which is sad because that means the kids will never get to read about just how the rest of the world views their backwards thinking. And these kids have grown up without Harry Potter, or Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings! So deprived of culture. But of course there is only one source they need for every answer to every question in life, and that source is the Bible. I wonder if any of these kids ever made deals with their siblings when they were sitting on snitch watch while surfing the internet…of course mom and dad check the history often enough anyway.
4. Dates Must Be Chaperoned
This looks like a wonderfully cute photo, doesn’t it? But I’m imagining that the person taking the photo isn’t just some random passerby, or customer at the cafe. And there’s a good reason for imagining that. In fact, I’m almost certain that the photo was taken by either Jim Bob, or Michelle Duggar personally. You see, there’s a rule in the Duggar household. All dates must be chaperoned. Which means there’s no going to the movies without mom or dad. There’s no sitting by the lake, and having a romantic picnic without mom or dad. There’s no sharing an Archie-style milkshake without mom or dad. It’s a wonder that romance even can occur within this family. The only people who didn’t have such intense monitoring are both mom and pop Duggar. They even admit to have gotten hot and heavy earlier in their relationship “than they should have”.
3. Every Text Is Monitored
This is an absolutely paranoid, and crazy rule. In order to make sure that their children are not engaging in any single act of impiety, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar make sure that their kids CC them on every single text they send. The idea is, apparently, that this way there will be no sexual, or otherwise explicit content contained in any electronic communication that the kids engage in. Surely they must all try to work around this at some point or another. But the Duggars do run a pretty tight ship in their household in so many ways. But imagine every text you’ve ever sent in your life…now imagine sending each and every one of those texts to your parents at the same time you send them to friends and…special friends. It seems pretty obscene, no?
2. Halloween Is For Demons And The Pagans
Oh, and here we have a set of Duggars breaking yet another rule. How shocking is that? So, it seems that Halloween is nothing more than a demonic festival reserved for those evil pagans, and fallen people in the world who just haven’t found their saviour yet. So there’s no trick-or-treating at all for the Duggar kids. Which, if we’re being realistic, is probably for the best. They would clear out every single house they came to. About 20 strong, these kids would empty people of their candy right quick. But still, let’s be honest here: no kid deserves to be deprived of the fun of Halloween because of some absolutely ridiculous belief in devils and demons. But hey, apparently when they leave home, they get to do whatever they want…though I’m willing to bet these guys got a firm talking to by Jim Bob and Michelle.
1. Phone Monitoring At All Times
There is absolutely no phone sex in the Duggar household. Not by any means. How is it that they stop this from happening? Well, for starters, the children are not allowed cellphones for quite some time. And once they do acquire one, there are severe restrictions placed on them. Then when it comes to their landline (because yes, there are still households who have landlines), all calls are monitored. Hell, this even comes to the usage of the internet. There is always someone in the room. If not Jim Bob or Michelle, then one of the siblings is there to act as a snitch, in case the conversation gets a little hot and heavy in some way shape or form. Or in any other way immoral. Imagine essentially living with an FBI wiretap in your home…until you finally get the chance to leave home.
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