Sex is awesome and weird and sometimes even competitive. There are even records kept, keeping track of size, duration and numbers related to sexual acts and the products of sex (children). This list looks at the weirdest sex records of all time.
Breaking down which to select wasn’t easy. Okay, some of them were easy. Obviously we must know largest gang bang and penis, right? Those are givens. However, what about largest vagina? How is this measurement being taken, is this why you had to take geometry in school? Before we get to all of that, there are a few honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the list.
For the romantics, the longest kiss was over 58 hours long. That’s great and all, but that’s not sex so it doesn’t make this list. The longest recorded masturbation was at the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon by Masanobu Sato. He masturbated for almost 10 hours. He came from Japan and beat his own record. Okay, enough fun with that. Lots of people are having children later in life, but it was Nanu Ram Jogi, an Indian who was a father at 90 years old. The “when I was your age” stories would be brutal…
We’ve got orgasms, prostitutes, adult movie stars, fake breasts and much more to cover. Here is a list of the 15 weirdest sex records.
15. Most Orgasms in 1 Hour
If you were trying to guess this record you would probably think 30, 40 or maybe even 50, right? Definitely not a 100 – people would surely die if they were capable of such pleasure. At the Center for Sexual Studies in California, a team of doctors monitored a woman who had 134 orgasms in an hour, yes that’s over two every minute. For men, the record is only 16. It’s too bad men and women couldn’t meet in the middle on this one. Interested in more orgasm records? The longest official orgasm lasted for 45 seconds. This record-setting orgasm (set in 1966) had 25 contractions.
14. The Longest Ejaculation
Meet Horst Schultz, he can shoot his orgasm a long ways. Schultz holds the record for furthest ejaculation at 18 feet, 9 inches. How does someone realize they are better at this than everyone else? I don’t want to know and just assume windows are washed often and wallpaper is a no-no in his household. If that’s not enough he also holds the records for height at 12 feet, 4 inches and also the speed of semen. Schultz is like the (insert favorite multi-sport Olympian here) of male orgasm. How he can apply these skills to anything useful is beyond even my deviant brain.
13. Most Children (Mother)
Valentina Vassilyeva, a Russian during the 18th century apparently gave birth to 69 babies. Granted some of them were twins (16 pair), triplets (7 sets) and even quadruplets (4 sets). Clearly Vassilyeva was put on this earth to make babies and wash bottles. My God, can you imagine a world where the bottles never stop? Anyway, the owner of the modern record is Leontina Albina. She is in her sixties, apparently has 64 (or more) kids and lives in San Antonio. I don’t know how they confirm the number of kids. Guessing someone comes by, starts counting, one kids starts crying, two start crying… “Okay, just tell me how many kids you have.”
12. Most Children (Father)
It’s good to be king, but for Moulay Ismail Ibn Sharif, king of Morocco apparently wasn’t enough. He was king from 1672 to 1727, but that’s not his most impressive feat. Sharif fathered 1,014 children. Oh, and this comes with an “at least” disclaimer. That’s powerful stuff! There was a time that if you were a female within a mile of Sharif you probably got pregnant. That’s not fact, but I’m trying to crunch the numbers and can’t figure this one out. Obviously Sharif wasn’t a hands-on father because there is no way you are managing that many birthday parties, it would be impossible, even for a king.
11. Largest Penis
Jonah Falcon is an American actor with a penis 9.5 inches in size when flaccid and 13.5 inches erect. This gives him the largest penis on record. It’s so large he once got stopped by security at an airport due to his bulge. He has refused adult films, rather focusing on a legitimate career in acting. Food for thought; the largest penis for mammals belongs to the blue whale, they average about 8 feet long. They also average 1 foot in circumference. So if it makes you feel better, even Jonah Falcon feels inadequate about his size when he’s with blue whales.
10. Most Bras Removed In One Minute
Unfortunately I didn’t have a record keeper with me in high school; if I had I could possibly own the record for longest time to remove one bra (20 minutes?). Chris Nicholson does not have this problem. He is a magician that holds the record of removing 20 bras in just a minute. Best part? He does it with one hand. Let’s hope he doesn’t say the word “abracadabra” each time he removes a bra because that could really ruin the moment. Not sure what’s happening with the other hand, but I’m guessing it has something to do with his magic wand.
9. Oldest Adult Actor
This is a very strange story. Shigeo Tokuda was a travel agent in Japan. He retired and at the age of 60 decided that instead of sitting on the porch yelling at the neighborhood kids he would start his adult film career. Tokuda is now over 80 years of age and has starred in over 350 adult movies. Other interesting facts about Tokuda: 1. He works often with one other star, Fujiko Ito, age 75. 2. Apparently his wife (of 45 years) was not aware Tokuda was going off and starring in movies. I guess she thought he was going fishing every day. Actually, that would also explain why there were no questions when he returned home.
8. World’s Biggest Orgy
Leave it to Japan to deliver great products, great television and great orgies. Japan set the record by having 500 people have sex in the same place, at the same time. Coordinating this gave Japan the all-time record for World’s Largest Orgy. That’s the juicy part, the boring details are that there was a warehouse, a camera crew and that the 250 couples only had sex with the one they brought. Worse yet? It was choreographed. Call me old-fashioned, but I like my orgies with a little surprise sprinkled in. You can buy this record setting event on DVD, I’m guessing it’s rated R. My orgy would totally be rated NR-17.
7. Largest Penis Collection
It’s really cold in Iceland. To beat the temperature you can drink hot liquids, cuddle with your loved ones or collect penises. There is an Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik, Iceland where you can see on display the world’s largest penis collection. There are over 300 penises on display. There is even a human penis. This is the record for known collections of penises. Apparently in 1300 B.C. some Egyptian pharaoh ordered all penises to be amputated after he won a battle against Libya. There were 13,000 collected, no word if they were kept as a collection to display or other personal use.
6. Largest Vagina
This isn’t official, but pretty sure the world’s biggest vagina belonged to Anna Swan. She was a giant (actual; 7 feet, 8 inches) who lived from 1846-1888. Her story reads like fiction, but here’s the summary (and how we get to the payoff of the world’s largest vagina). She met Captain Martin Bates, also a giant over 7 feet tall. They were the tallest couple in the world. In 1879 Swan gave birth to the largest baby of all time, weighing in at 26 pounds and 34 inches. Unfortunately the child did not survive the birth, but a cast was made. The head is measured at 19 inches so there is an assumption of dilation and other stuff, but let’s face it. There is not doubt that Swan clearly had the largest vagina in the world.
5. Oldest Prostitute
It’s only fitting that there would be a record for oldest working prostitute in a job known as the world’s oldest profession. Police in Tai Pei claim there is an eighty-something-year-old, named Chiu, known as “Grandma”, working as a prostitute. The story is that she started turning tricks after the man she lived with died and has been “hooking” for almost 40 years. She gets her business by charging a lot less than the other girls. There aren’t a lot of other details, but I’m just guessing there is a specific market looking for her services. People will buy anything these days.
4. Largest Breasts (Natural)
Natural big boobs are not all that common, but if you have them you might as well use them. Annie Hawkins-Turner isn’t afraid to let everyone know about and see her world record natural breasts. Using stage name “Norma Stitz” (say it fast, get it?) she proudly bares it all to those willing to pay to see. Her breasts come in at a whopping size of 102ZZZ, easily the largest breasts in the world. Although I’m sure there are pros and cons in having such a large chest, I’m sure the question she is most sick of hearing is whether they help her float in water. Okay, that’s probably not the question she is most sick of hearing, but it’s probably top 5.
3. Largest Breasts (Enhanced)
So if I’m making up the rules here, I say that if you are going to go all in with the biggest boob job of all time, you better have a good name to go along with them. Meet Maxi Mounds, yep; you can check the “awesome name” box. Mounds holds the Guinness Book of Records for largest US size bra, coming in at 42M. You guessed it, that M is for Mounds! Sorry, no, unfortunately, the M is not for Mounds. For those that are curious, Mounds’ official title is ‘American Nude Big Bust Model, Stripper and Occasional Pornographic Actress.’ That’s quite a business card right there!
2. Most Sex in 24 Hours
It’s not where you start, its how many guys you finish off. You could also refer to this as “biggest gang bang”, but hey, we’re trying to keep it classy here. Lisa Sparks (who gets extra points in my book for going by Sparxxx) had sex with 919 dudes in less than 24 hours. Don’t hurt your head trying to figure out the math, it comes out to 94 seconds a dude. This was of course at the 2004 World Gangbang Championship. She didn’t just break the record; she slammed the previous record of banging 757 dudes set in 2003.
1. Strongest Vagina
Tatiata Kozhevnikova is a Russian woman who at 42 years of age lifted 31 pounds with her vagina. Of course the record she broke was her own. The interesting part of this is that she had been training for this record for 15 years. After giving birth to her child she was weak and needed to rebuild the lower regions, hence the training. Anyone else picture Tatiata waking up before sunrise, cracking a couple raw eggs and swallowing them whole before starting her pelvic routine with “Eye Of The Tiger” playing in the background? Just me? Oh, well then, carry on with your kegel exercises then, nothing to see here.
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