These days, the majority of average singletons use some sort of dating site to facilitate socialising in an increasingly connected world. Online dating is a great way to meet a potential partner, but it’s also a great way to meet up with some seriously strange people. A few minutes looking around any online dating site will demonstrate that not everyone – in fact, the minority – are rich, sexy, intelligent winners. Sure, you’re perfectly likely to find a few decent prospects and even a long-term partner – studies show that currently, a third of married couples in America met online – but the chances of encountering more than a couple of unwelcome creepers are also unappealingly high.
Of course, we’ve all been warned about stranger danger. Fortunately, with online dating comes transparency and a whole world of social media on which to check up on that potential date. ‘Blind’ dates are no longer blind, and we can usually reliably vet the object of our romantic interest before it gets to the point of a face-to-face meeting. It’s a good way to avoid awkward moments or even, at worst, some seriously dangerous encounters. On the other hand, some poor folks might be perfectly harmless but their online presence is so wildly misguided that they’ll never get through the vetting process. The following online daters would have been much better off trying to make a first impression in person rather than utilizing their abysmal digital communications on these eight horrific dating profiles…
8. With a picture like that, you’re staying single
How hard is it to get a semi-decent profile pic? Really, must you cover yourself up with a blanket and look like a little kid while fretting about being alone your entire life? Think about the message it sends to potential dates. It doesn’t make you look like a winner, that’s for sure. And even if you really do fear remaining single forever, stating it on your online profile screams a level of desperation that’s sure to scare off any potential date.
7. Yes, some things are too private to admit online
When the OKCupid team ask for the most private thing you’re willing to admit, they probably don’t imagine you’d really give away TMI, but apparently they have misguided faith in their demographic. Ooph, that’s so cringey it’s painful.
6. The blurb + photo = nightmares
A word of advice guys – we don’t necessarily begrudge you your neverending quest for sex, but though it may be tempting to brag about your sexual interests, your skill, or even your size, just don’t. Unless you’re doing the bragging on an adult dating site where that is the norm, it just comes off as – well – creepy. And the brag certainly isn’t going to redeem a less than flattering photo (apparently taken in front of your grandmother’s wallpaper).
5. The guy who tells us more than we need to know.
I can see you rolling your eyes as you read through his list of requirements for a woman – and then you get to the end and totally laughed out loud, didn’t you? Is it any wonder this man remained inexperienced, with such a lengthy list of requirements for a partner? Not to mention that updating the status of his sexual experience status isn’t likely to endear him to many women; it’s a step away from installing a ticker to tell the world just how many women he’s slept with.
4. Rule #1 of online dating? Don’t joke about sexual violence
Okay, like they say, honesty is always the best policy. And it’s good that he’s willing to be open about his past mistakes – especially because some people really can change. But making such an unbelievably tasteless joke like that is not the way to show the world you’re a changed man.
Yes, it’s already kind of, sort of creepy meeting a stranger from the internet. No need to make it even scarier by looking like a psycho, even if it’s a joke. You have one chance and one chance only to impress a future date, and posting a photo with two other girls chained up in your basement isn’t likely going to attract the type of attention you’re looking for.
2. The “I will not be ignored” creep
One benefit of chatting with someone online before becoming an official couple is that you’re under no obligation to chat with them if they bore you to tears or creep you out. Of course, if you meet them and you discover you’re not interested, they may already have your cell number – then, things can get pretty ugly.
Take this guy for instance, who – Jezebel reported – wasn’t satisfied with how quickly this girl got back to him. He through a massive tantrum without giving her a chance to explain her lack of response. Not quite the way to win a second date. Nobody wants a bunny boiler.
1. The guy who put his bank balance as his Tinder profile pic.
Tinder takes all the fluff out of online dating; it lets you base your interest in someone on first impressions. You like the look of their profile photo, you swipe right. Simple.
One guy decided to take things a step further, and instead of a photo of his face, he posted a photo of his bank account. Of course, while this is a reasonable sum of money, you may notice that this is a business account, not a personal bank account. And depending on the size of the business, it might not be all that impressive really. Even if this number was much higher, and even if it was a personal account, it’s still a seriously trashy move. So much so, that some people are doubting this screen shot’s veracity; is anyone really that much of a douchbag? If it is a real thing, maybe there should be an app for that – “Check My Balance” could be a new dating app that allows men and women to share their account balances, and once you find someone whose bank account matches your lifestyle, you could hook up. It’s really only one superficiality step away from Tinder, after all…