Ever heard the expression, curiosity killed the cat? It’s a fair question. Many of us are curious souls when it comes to matters that are private in nature. And what can be more private than self-satisfaction?
If you have ever seen the movie American Pie then you know all a teenage boy wants to do is practice on something warm and soft that could simulate the act of having sex. It is based on a curiosity that we have where we begin to aimlessly search for things that will help us receive pleasure. And when you are young, you really don’t know better. As you grow up, you also become more adventurous. So you end up doing things that you would never even think about as a youngster. This is where women get a little bit crazy in regard to what things they use to pleasure themselves. Women, especially young women, become adventurous as doing the same thing day in and day out does not meet their excitement level. And there’s always the possibility that a woman needs to store something in a hidden place and what better than her privates? So there could be a dual purpose for a woman’s vagina.
Women’s vaginas are in a lot of ways like the ultimate Dolce purse that can be used to store things and also can be quite exciting at the same time. So let’s get to it. These are 15 Strange Things Women Have Stuck In Their Privates.
15. Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend
When you want to pull off the perfect crime the key is to steal something and disappear like a ghost. You don’t want to get patted down and Johnny Law to find out you’ve got the goods on you. So one lady thought that she could steal one family’s heirloom rings in Las Vegas. This misguided masseuse attempted to hide the $35,000 worth of jewelry in her hoo-hoo. She was hoping no one would be the wiser and she would escape. But the family knew something was up right away and called the police. The police came and searched the woman and at first did not find the goods but it didn’t take long for them to do a second, deeper search. That is when they found the true jewelry box. The woman was arrested.
“More cowbell! There can never be too much cowbell!” for those who are SNL fans, a little Christopher Walken. Moving past the talented Sicilian, we come across another young couple who wanted to be adventurous. This duo wanted to see if a cowbell would fit into her privates. And of course, the man naturally wanted to ring the bell. So they used a small cowbell and he inserted it into her body. After ringing the bell a few times, the young man got to work and the two enjoyed their unorthodox love making session. Now that’s a moo-ving story.
13. Xbox 360
Who doesn’t like to play Xbox? A little video game playing is fun and when you have the better remotes, those suckers can vibrate along with the non-stop action. Well, one horny young woman decided that the constant vibration she felt from one game could make for an interesting vibrator. So naturally, she stuck her Xbox remote inside over private zone and let the vibrations do the work. It all sounds well and good but in the end she did not receive the pleasure she was hoping for. And on a side note, guests no longer use her black Xbox remote.
12. Concealed Weapon
If you’re about to get caught dead to rights by the popo and you have no idea what to do, you need to figure out a Plan B. You are in a situation where desperation becomes your best bed fellow. This was true in the case of a woman who was being tracked down by authorities and opted to stash away her drugs and loaded gun in the oddest of places. The woman, named Christy Dawn Harris, was arrested with a loaded gun in her vagina and a bunch of meth in her rear end. The woman went to jail when authorities realized where she had hid the goods.
11. Call Me Later
For some reason women believe if they steal something and they hide it in their vagina no one will go check. They don’t know the police all that well. That comes into play in the case of a woman who attempted to steal a cell phone. She shoves the cell phone into her vagina the same way you shove a cellphone into the pocket of your jeans. This one gets even funnier because the woman was face to face with the police and after an initial body search they found nothing. But the person who the woman stole the phone from gave the police the phone number and when the latter dialed, the ringtone was set off. Talk about making your vagina sing! This woman had Beyonce blasting and the next thing she knew the cuffs were slammed on her wrists. The lesson is, if you steal a cell phone put it on silent before you shove it into your vagina. Write that down.
There’s no real etiquette for stuffing a pork loin into your privates. Although it sounds like the punchline for a great joke, this one is all true. This confirmation came from a woman in her early 20s who states that she had an insatiable libido. She wasn’t a big fan of toys and she didn’t have money for the best pleasure items, so she went with the raw meat to satisfy her cravings. She triple-wrapped the pork loin and went to town. I guess this was the female version of “beating the meat.”
9. What’s Up Doc?
A normal carrot brings about visions of Bugs Bunny. But this carrot was not about to be consumed – at least not orally. The woman in this story thoroughly wrapped her carrot in plastic wrap. She took the carrot to town and by the end of it all, she had difficulty parting ways. “I would always feel guilty about throwing the carrot away afterwards, like I’m throwing away perfectly good food.” Yeah, I’m thinking that perfectly good food is no longer “perfectly good.”
8. Light The Way
Who hasn’t wanted to play detective every now and again? Well, a couple in their 20s decided to go ahead and use a flashlight as a prop; and by a prop, we mean a sex toy. The woman was curious what she could shove into her privates that was readily available. Naturally, a small LED flashlight, sitting on her dresser, came to mind. The boyfriend explored while she enjoyed. This game of detective clearly ended well as the woman claimed to have a great time with her man. Either way, we recommend a headlamp next time so both hands are free!
7. Freezer Burn
There are a lot of things people have put into freezers as funny pranks. The list is long and illustrious, from bras, to boxers, to sex toys and socks. However, this was the first time that we’ve heard of freezable lube being put into the ice box. Now, once I hear “freezable lube and freezer” the image of a phallic piece of equipment immediately comes to mind. And if you guessed that is what she was doing, you would be correct. The big benefits are: 1) this freezable lube toy is cheap and disposable and 2) the melt rate for freezable lube is less than for ice chips (it’s true…we looked it up). So this little ensemble can make for a very fun evening for a young couple who want to experience something different. This woman definitely gets points for effort here.
6. The “Chain Trick”
I guess when you think about sticking something up inside you and then slowly pulling it out, there can be some residual pleasure for certain people. That is the big selling point with the chain trick. Much like how anal beads go in and slowly come out, the chain goes inside a woman and is slowly pulled out causing pleasure with each link that emerges. The sensation she gets is supposedly quite positive and has yielded strong results for certain women. The key is to pull the chain out quickly right before the big finale! So break out the chain gang!
5. The Screw-Driver
One young man remembers the time in his early teenage years when he and his girlfriend used to hang out in his basement. Whenever he periodically left her alone his father’s tool box would be left open. The screwdrivers we’re being removed one at a time. His father was curious what was going on. The boyfriend found out his girlfriend was taking the screwdrivers periodically and then swapping it for another so that she can go home and pleasure herself with the handles of the tools. Definitely an odd story, but as she went through the drivers, the size increased as she grew older. I guess there’s nothing like starting early and realizing that size does in fact matter.
Certainly, there are some requirements to maintaining your marijuana. If you allow your green to dry out it’s a harsh smoke. A woman ended up with a dual purpose for storing her marijuana when she went on a flight. She was traveling and didn’t want to leave her green behind. So she wrapped it up and stuck a plastic bag full of drugs into her private cavity. Now this is what we call a dual-threat. Not only is she a drug deal for herself but she is also having her pot at the perfect temperature keeping it fresh and humid for when she needs to smoke it next. This one has a happy ending because she didn’t get caught with the drugs in her hoo-hoo but she did catch a pretty bad case of the munchies the very next day.
3. Glow Stick
Oh, I remember when glow sticks were fun. Now if you’re a regular raver then you see glow sticks about every weekend. But those of us that don’t hit the raves anymore will finally remember glow sticks from when we were younger as awesome shiny objects that we played with in the dark. Depending on the size of the glow stick you could really have a swell time with it. That is exactly what one woman was thinking when she looked around her bedroom for anything she felt like she could use to pleasure herself. She invited her boyfriend over, turned off the lights and in went the glow stick. This could be fun on a variety of levels as obviously the glow stick is a great instrument to use under the dark covers as it provides ample light and pleasure simultaneously. Another point scored for creativity. Although the size of the glow stick does matter and you might want to make sure you don’t bend that sucker and break it because then you have a whole other kind of problem down there.
2. Butt Plug
Well, a Swiss army knife is special because it could be used in many ways. And a lot of times when people use a particular product they find they can use it for other things. For instance, I bring home a box full of stuff from work and once that box is empty my cat plays in the box. That’s making the most of something. So when a woman decided to take a butt plug and stick it in the wrong end, she wanted to see if she could get the same joy from the front as she had in the rear. She used a butt plug as a pleasure device and at the end of the day she found it didn’t quite do for her what she wanted it to do. That is certainly often the case when you go off the product label. The key is, when something has “butt” in its title, let’s assume it’s not meant for other ends.
1. Hot Dog
Obviously, one of the most phallic foods out there is a good old American hot dog. It is even referred to as a wiener so we really shouldn’t be surprised by this one. What one young woman did while going through puberty was quite interesting. She took a nicely warmed hot dog (presumably boiled) and wrapped it in plastic wrap. After she finished wrapping it, she put the hot dog in the roll, so to speak. This is definitely an interesting one. The warmth, the originality and the fact that you can buy them in bulk makes them the perfect disposable “go-to” pleasure toys. Hey, if it works for ya, then go for it. And don’t forget, they come in all different sizes ladies, including footlongs!
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