Passing judgement is a part of life; we have all been there. Maybe some of us pass judgement more often than others, and maybe there are some of us who feel guilty when a judgmental thought flies through our head, but even still, we all judge. Everything from a person’s looks, to their talents, to their attitude and yes, even to their bikini body. Sadly, it’s true, and it’s no more evident in the media, where judging celebrities is a sport on every entertainment website, gossip rag and ‘insider’ blog.
In a world of hyper-sexuality and the hyper-fetishism that embodies the public’s fascination with the celebrity, comes immense scrutiny that follows a celebrity’s every move. Judgement is impossible to avoid, and while we give credit where credit is due and judge celebrities positively, we more often than not judge them negatively, for things as comical as their bikini bodies.
That said, no one’s winning a Pulitzer Prize for exposing the worst celebrity bikini bodies, but people read it. As the old adage goes “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” So, without further ado, here are 15 of the worst celebrity bikini bodies hitting the beach.
15. Lena Dunham
Lena Dunham has become quite the controversial figure in the entertainment world as of late, and for good reason. The writer and creator of the HBO show Girls, for which she’s won a few Golden Globes, has taken gender norms and traditional views of beauty and sex and turned them on their head. For that, Dunham should be commended, but let’s be honest, Lena Dunham is by no means attractive to most people, and in a bikini, as witnessed in Girls, she’s in no way a model candidate for what most perceive as spokeswoman of the year for the bikini body. Traditionally, stereotypically and popularly, Dunham belongs on this list for her bikini body.
14. Kelly Ripa
Ok, by most accounts, Kelly Ripa doesn’t look terrible in a bikini. Many gossip columnists seem to think she looks ‘splendid’ sporting a bikini. While that may be true for some, hell, maybe even most, television personality and brand spokesperson Ripa has been snapped by the paparazzi looking incredibly skinny in a bikini as well. Actually, often times she’s being lauded for looking great, she still looks too skinny, with visible bones everywhere. When your head looks far too big for your body, you might be taking working out a little far. To each heir own, but if the entertainment world thinks Kelly Ripa, and others on this list, look great as tiny as possible, what are we really saying about our vision of the feminine body?
13. Patricia Krentcil
This example may very well be the lowest form of celebrity, but Patricia Krentcil, known as the “Tanning Mom” first came to the public’s attention after she was accused, and ultimately reprimanded for taking her five-year-old daughter tanning. The media attention that surrounded the case and Krentcil’s tanning addiction, which she apparently kicked for a while, prompted her to become a D-list celebrity, with the media interested in her enough to actually snap pictures of her in a bikini. And it ain’t pretty. At 45, years of tanning up to five times a week make the “Tanning Mom” look about as good as a 100-year-old saddle.
Plenty of people find rapper and actor Ice T’s wife Coco attractive, but in reality, Coco looks like a bunch a disparate body parts put together in some sort of attempt to create what a toy maker may find sexy. Chest heavy, and bottom heavy, and always wearing a bikini way to small for her, Coco would be attractive, if there was anything remotely natural left of her. Clearly, Ice T is a happy man, and if Coco truly is happy with the augmentations she’s had performed to ‘enhance’ her body, good for her. It hasn’t kept her off many lists similar to this one though.
11. Aubrey O’Day
Former P Diddy protégé Aubrey O’Day is a singer, fashion designer, and television personality. She’s actually not an unattractive woman either, but her choice of bikinis leaves much to be desired. Seriously. A spider web would cover up more than O’Day does when she hits the beach. And, though she’s by no means a ‘plus sized’ woman, O’Day’s always wearing at least three sizes too small, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. Maybe after you pose for Playboy it doesn’t matter what you wear on the beach when it’s pretty much all out there online anyways?
10. Leann Rimes
Leann Rimes has a new television show! Excited? Probably not. The vocalist, best know for her earlier country music career and for not being able to stop the moonlight has been snapped in some seriously unflattering bikini pictures lately, most commenting on her weight, or lack thereof. Some gossip columnists went so far as to suggest she had a serious drug problem, so skeletal she looked. A drinking game of the knee bones connected to the hip bone, the hip bone’s connected to the rib bone is a big hit at college parties nowadays with all of the Leann Rimes bikini pictures floating around the web. The game just seems so easy though.
Most pictures that involve pop star Kesha at the beach are of her in a one-piece bathing suit, and those pictures truly are awkward. Apparently, Kesha shouldn’t be sporting a bikini either. Again, a woman’s body is her own, and more power to them if they wear whatever thy want, but as a celebrity you know you’re going to get compared to Kate Upton anytime you put a bathing suit on. It’s really not a fair comparison, but it’s one that’s made nonetheless. And being compared to Kate Upton negatively in the media must be crushing for many celebrities, especially younger ones. Many famous people have shown they don’t have the thickest of skin. Maybe Kesha’s awkward bikini body pictures can be attributed to her alleged hard partying lifestyle, but either way…
8. Rachel Zoe
The fashion designer and stylist best known as Rachel Zoe seems to be able to get it right for the rich and famous, so much so that she’s even landed her own reality show, but like others on this list, after you see the successful fashion mogul in a bikini, one has to wonder at the state of the media for even commenting positively on a woman so thin and unhealthy looking. There have even been reports that to lose weight gained during pregnancy, Zoe survived on 600 calories a day. Judging by the bathing suit pics floating around the Internet, she can afford to add another zero to that 600.
7. Lisa Rinna
Lisa Rinna is an actress best know for her role on Melrose Place and the Celebrity Apprentice. Apparently, she’ll be on some housewives show this year as well. Rinna is also known for her plastic surgery and Botox injections, particularly in her lips, which she corrected a few years ago after she was left in a constant pout. Not that her lips got any smaller, mind you. Though only 51, when sporting a bikini Rinna often times appears as though she’s been crumpled up like a newspaper and folded back out. Other times, she looks toned and her skin looks tight. Photoshop? Lighting? We’re not sure, but Rinna hits this list based on the former photos.
6. Heidi Montag
Reality ‘star’ Heidi Montag is a self-professed plastic surgery addict, at one point having TEN procedures done in ONE DAY, and it shows. When she first debuted on MTV’s Laguna Beach, and subsequent spin-off The Hills, Heidi Montag was a cute young blonde, who really didn’t need to worry too much about her looks. Girl next door if you will. Whether in an attempt to bolster her post-The Hills career in music and on reality television, Montag went under the knife and literally transformed herself into a walking, talking Barbie Doll. In her bikini shots, and abhorrent music video, Montag looks utterly ridiculous with her F-cup implants. Though she’s had a breast reduction, when you look unrecognizable to your former self due to surgery, your bikini body and all lands you on lists like these.
5. Courtney Stodden
Courtney Stodden probably takes the desire for celebrity to extremes. At only 20 years of age, Stodden has already tried to tackle acting, pop music, modelling and reality television. Oh, and Stodden has become a tabloid sensation. It would be a relief to say that Courtney is a headline grabber solely for her Barbie Doll looks and massive breast implants sitting aloft her tiny body, making her look like incredibly disproportionate in her bikini, but no, Stodden is most known for marrying her 51-year-old manager in 2011 while she was only 16. While some may love the body she wears a bikini over, the fact that many of the pictures taken of her include her frolicking with her husband seals her inclusion here.
4. Tara Reid
Poor Tara Reid. It’s just too easy. The once up-and-coming star of American Pie probably could have had a promising career in Hollywood. She was pretty, kinda funny, maybe even endearing. Then partying and plastic surgery ruined all that and turned Tara into the butt of most bikini body jokes. From her infamous wardrobe malfunction that revealed a botched boob job, it’s only gotten worse for Tara, with photo after photo of her far too skinny, leathery and poorly augmented body hitting the internet every beach season. To Tara’s credit, as bad as she may look to the media in a bikini, she really doesn’t seem to care.
3. Janice Dickinson
Whether Janice Dickinson was the world’s first supermodel or not, every star in every profession knows when the sun is setting on their best assets, be it in sports, music, or modelling. The sun has been going down on Dickinson, and at only 59 years of age, a myriad of plastic surgeries as well as an extremely thin figure make her look much older, particularly when she’s strutting around in her bikini. Janice doesn’t seem to mind the negative press her bikini body gets her though; she’s as fierce and unapologetic as ever.
2. Courtney Love
Another hot mess, Courtney Love almost made a respectable name for herself in Hollywood, albeit in a film about Larry Flynt, and then some substance abuse relapses happened, there was that creepy photo outside of a fast food joint, and lots of plastic surgery. Now Love looks like a skeleton roaming the beach, pale, and skinny, and always in a tiny bikini that leaves far too much skin exposed for anyone’s liking. Courtney Love is a good actress, has written some decent music and has been accused of playing a role in killing her husband, so maybe taking heat for her bikini body is merely a drop in the hat for the controversial star.
1. Donatella Versace
Donatella Versace is only 59. If you did not know any better, you would be forgiven for thinking that the iconic fashion designer was about 100. Whatever her impact on the fashion industry, Versace has just ruined herself with massive amounts of plastic surgery mishaps, looking unrecognizable from the way she once appeared. When she throws a bikini on and hits the beach, it only gets worse. Whatever the reason, Donatella’s skin is as much a mess as the rest of her, looking leathery and much older that 59; too much tanning perhaps? Maybe somewhere someone actually looks at Versace in a bikini and is actually thankful for their eyesight, but not here.