Normally, when you see a beautiful woman (or man depending on your preference) you can envision all kinds of carnal thoughts. When you see a sexy individual flaunting their goods, fantasies erupt. When you see a hot celebrity showing off their body, those thoughts go ten-fold. There is something special about imagining yourself mounting (or being mounted by) a beautiful celebrity. And when you delve deep into your thoughts, when you imagine yourself with that perfect 10, never does the idea that you could be contracting a STD come creeping into your mind.
We look at pictures of beautiful celebrities, their perfect airbrushed bodies, and never do we think about genital herpes. Disgusting bumpy sores spread like landmines throughout their pubic region isn’t exactly what anyone wants to envision when staring at a perfectly seductive body. Although that is always a possibility with someone you don’t really know, it is not the first thought when we stare at scantily-dressed beauties posing in bikinis and lingerie. But it is a fact of life that some celebrities have STD’s. STD’s come in all kinds of forms and it can be devastating when you are with a partner who doesn’t inform you they have an STD (See Charlie Sheen as “The Current Rule”).
So now, we break the terrible news of 15 Hot Celebrities You Don’t Want To Sleep With.
15. Jessica Alba – Herpes
It can be crushing to learn that a beauty of the stature of Jessica Alba could be inflicted with some sort of STD. Alba reportedly has the gift of herpes. She supposedly got the STD from ex-boyfriend Derek Jeter (this will not be the first or last Jeter sighting on this list). That’s right, The Captain supposedly gave her the gift that keeps on giving. The news comes via one of Alba’s former assistants who was regularly spotted at the pharmacy refilling her prescription for Valtrex. Valtrex is the medicine that no celebrity wants to be spotted with but is taken as often as Xanex in celebrity circles. Valtrex helps treat herpes and their outbreaks.
14. Paris Hilton – Herpes
With drinking and cocaine under her belt, it’s clear Paris Hilton is a party girl. And when you have all the money in the world and you party like her, something bad is bound to happen. This story is the equivalent of a celebrity sting. Apparently, Hilton used to have a storage locker. She hadn’t visited the locker in a while when two people “bought” the locker and its contents. It was opened up and a prescription bottle of Valtrex was tallied amongst the locker’s contents. A website was dedicated to the discovery called ParisExposed.com by leeches Nabil and Nabila Haniss. Team Haniss then tried to sell the contents on the website. Of course, Hilton sued and stated that she was “appalled to learn that people are exploiting me and my sister’s private personal belongings for commercial gain.” The defendants claimed they paid $2,775 for the contents of the locker. The end result of the story is that Hilton reportedly has got the herp. No surprise there.
13. Scarlett Johansson – Herpes
In a terrible twist of fate, Scarlett Johansson is also reportedly inflicted with herpes. Jessica Alba had dated Derek Jeter during the summer of 2004. Later that year, the New York Yankees short stop moved on to super A-list hottie, Scarlett Johansson. Jeter gave Johansson the holiday genital gift that will always keep on giving. No bueno, Derek! Johansson’s herpes are supposedly well under control, but her issues could have been avoided had Jessica Alba just picked up the phone and gave a girlfriend a call. With all that said, just hearing that Scarlett Johansson has been corrupted in any way whatsoever is a terribly sad event for all of humanity to endure. This is just crushing news for all.
12. Britney Spears – Herpes
It can’t be a surprise that Britney made this list. Anyone who has ever been to Vegas and ended up “accidentally” getting married, and then had that marriage annulled, clearly is out of control. In addition to that, Spears has been pictured numerous times entering public bathrooms barefoot. So hygiene may not be a priority for Spears (or child safety for that matter). Spears was caught heading into a drug store buying Zovirax, another well-known herpes medication. Of course, if she had an assistant do it on her behalf, then maybe she could have gotten away with it. But alas, Spears, in her infinite wisdom, had to get the meds herself for her reported genital issues. Hit me baby one more time? I’ll pass.
11. Jessica Biel – Herpes
The sexual terrorist by the name of Derek Jeter has struck again! (Seriously, it’s like a Jeter-demic! Before Justin Timberlake, Biel was a hottie on the prowl. She fell for the stud in pinstripes and thousands of male fantasies got flushed down the toilet. Despite ruining one Jessica for us (in Alba), Jeet strikes again with Jessica Biel. You would figure at some point these A-listers would talk to one another and share some inside info. It’s a sad day for many of us to learn of the herpes epidemic racing through Jeter’s women. Men around the world don’t have to worry about Biel while she is married to JT, but still, it’s a sad state of affairs. We liked Jessica quite a bit.
10. Pamela Anderson – Hepatitis-C and Herpes
This is a well-known story but doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking. If you look at some of the great bikini shots of Pamela Anderson (or even Playboy for that matter), you are envisioning something very different than reality. Ex-husband Tommy Lee was the man who married Anderson with his STD drama. He reportedly passed on the very serious hepatitis-C while sharing tattoo needles with her. Anderson had this to say about the issue to People Magazine: “Sixteen years ago that was [presented to me] as a death sentence. I think it really worked on my self-esteem. Even though I may have looked confident on the outside, I think it really was a dark cloud that lingered over me.” In addition to hep-C, it is rumored that Anderson also has herpes (shocker). Either way, never fun to see beautiful women with issues “down there.”
9. Mariah Carey – Herpes
Another Jeterite. Long before Mariah Carey was with Nick Cannon, she was out on the town and tearing up the music charts. Mariah was on fire for a great deal of time. She spent the 1990s and early 2000s dominating the music charts. During her reign of success, Mariah, like every beautiful woman walking the face of the earth, reportedly slept with Derek Jeter. To say DJ gets around would be a massive understatement. And his trail of success is quite impressive. The only thing as equally impressive as the sheer number of beautiful women Derek Jeter has slept with is the trail of STD’s he has left behind. Mariah is a massive diva and this probably is not one of the facts that she will include in her memoirs.
8. David Beckham – Herpes
We’re not going to just pick on the beautiful ladies here. David Beckham pops up on our STD radar. His soccer skills and abs are legendary. He is one of the greatest soccer players to ever come out of England. David Beckham is not only a superb athlete and a soccer icon, but he is a successful businessman and model. In fact, Beckham’s ads drive women insane and we see more midriff out of him than in a Britney Spears video. Beckham has won soccer titles in England, Spain, France and the United States. However, one thing he also reportedly carries with him is genital herpes. Prior to getting married to the best Spice Girl, Beckham was a legendary ladies man. We may want to bend it like Beckham, but that’s about where it’s going to end from now on.
7. Alyssa Milano – Herpes
Alyssa Milano slides in on the list. The medically-enhanced Milano made quite a comeback on television in the show Charmed. The child star isn’t exactly a “hot” star at the moment. She makes occasional film and TV appearances, but she clearly is past her prime. Rumors also have Milano contracting her genital herpes from Derek Jeter, although she has made the rounds. Milano is no stranger to dating baseball players. Brad Penny, Barry Zito, Carl Pavano and Tom Glavine comprise a long list of athletes Milano has slept with. In 2007, she was so annoyed with the attention it got (and the herpes she caught) that she denounced dating baseball players for all time.
6. Kristanna Loken – Herpes
This is a very sad fact indeed. Loken is a bonafide hottie. She was a hot fashion model before turning to acting. Kristanna Loken is a bisexual fox who appeared in Terminator 3. The actress married her former co-star Noah Danby in 2008. She didn’t reportedly have the herp prior to her relationship with Danby. After her divorce she started dating a woman. Soon after she reportedly contracted herpes. Was it Danby or the random female encounters Loken partook in? There isn’t evidence as to who exactly gave Loken the herpes virus, but this beauty has been marked by it and she will have to find a way to coexist. Unfortunately for her, there is no way to terminate the herp.
5. Lindsay Lohan – Herpes (at minimum)
Well, this isn’t very shocking. Lindsay Lohan is a party girl to the extreme. And this former Disney star also allegedly contracted herpes to go along with her partying ways. From cocaine to alcohol abuse, Lohan has admittedly been wasted off her ass so often, she tanked her sure-fire A-list career. The news came from one of Lindsay’s ex-boyfriends who said he was given the gift that never stops giving by the red-headed bad girl. Of course, Lindsay, during her cocaine and alcohol haze, suddenly turned bisexual and began partaking in the female species. There is no word whether it was one of the many male stars that visited her trailer on set, the night-time flings, or the women that popped up in her life, as to where exactly her herpes came from. Odds on, Lindsay doesn’t even know. And one thing is for certain, it ain’t leaving anytime soon.
4. Derek Jeter – Herpes
Ah, here we are. The epicenter of the herpes world. Derek Jeter. The Captain. The Yankees icon is reportedly the epicenter of ground zero for many starlets and their herpes afflictions. We have already mentioned Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Alyssa Milano and Scarlett Johansson receiving the party gifts from DJ, but who knows how many other women across the tri-state area Jeter has dumped his pleasure disease with. Certainly, the list of models and beautiful actresses who he has bedded is enough to make any man shed a tear.
3. Trey Songz – Crabs
Trey Songz got the crabs! The R&B artist constantly enjoys taking his shirt off and showcasing his chiseled abs. But much like many who have unprotected sex, you’re going to get parting gifts. Songz received the itchies for his effort. He publicly discussed the issue on a radio show. He stated, “It was the most uncomfortable sh*t in the world. I was so confused because ain’t nobody know I was having sex. So I was like damn, what the fu*k is going on? I even had to cut all my hair off and I had to eventually tell someone.” To Trey’s defense, he was 17 at the time. He tried to conceal the crabs as long as he could, but couldn’t stop scratching himself, and we’re not talking about the normal rappers grabbing their crotches syndrome here. We’re talking mad itching to the point of Songz getting medication and getting rid of his little unwanted friends.
2. Magic Johnson – HIV
So, we arrive at the most epic STD announcement of all time. Many Lakers and sports fans remember where they were the day Earvin Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. The news of Johnson having the disease and initially retiring sent shockwaves throughout the sports world. It also was a loud call for protection in the fight against the disease. Johnson slept with one of the many women waiting for players at a hotel and didn’t use protection. He got HIV. In an awkward and thankful twist, his wife, Cookie, avoided the disease. What’s amazing is how Johnson has lived with the disease. With all the money and medicine in the world behind him, it’s almost as if the disease doesn’t exist inside his body. Johnson is now part owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers and his businesses are all thriving.
1. Janet Jackson – Herpes
A Jackson finally makes an appearance on the list. The embarrassing nature of this is that Janet is easily the hottest female Jackson and back in the late 80s and early 90s was killing it. She was pumping out hit after hit and was on top of her game until she let Justin Timberlake expose her boob on live television during the Superbowl halftime show. The stunt caused all kinds of problems. It also seemed to put a fork in Jackson’s career which nosedived from that point on. She just hasn’t been the same since JT pulled her pasty off. As for her STD? Jackson was so embarrassed by contracting herpes that she was getting prescriptions for her medication under her chef’s name. When her chef found out, he sued her. The legal issues were cleared up, however, Jackson won’t be so lucky with the herp. That’s forever.