You’ve been looking forward to a night out all month. Finally, a well-deserved break from the screaming and crying of your kids. You love them of course; they’re your children, but sometimes you just need to get away from it all and leave them in the care of a stranger for a few hours.
Date night only comes once in a blue moon, and you’re going to make the most of it! You’ve got reservations at a great restaurant, you pre-ordered your movie tickets online, you even ironed your shirt. Everything’s going to be perfect and then…
Bad news. Your sitter called at the last minute to cancel, stress levels are rising, your date is a weird mix between furious and devastated, the kids are bouncing off the walls, and you’re really, really desperate to get out of the house.
No matter how desperate you are for some last minute childcare, however, you should definitely keep these people off your shortlist. Seriously, if the choice is between leaving your kids with any of the celebs on this list or just staying home… stay home. It’s not worth it.
15. R. Kelly
R. Kelly was in (ahem) hot water after a video surfaced which allegedly showed the singer performing lewd acts with an underage girl, including urinating on her. Police searched his home and found a digital camera wrapped in a towel which contained images of the same girl from the video, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.
The reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times, Jim DeRogatis, said that he interviewed roughly two dozen women who all admitted that they had been sexually abused by the R&B singer. He’s been sued numerous times, however all of the civil lawsuits were settled outside of court. Police were also unable to convict him for the adult entertainment involving underage girls that they found in his possession; a judge tossed it out because he claimed the evidence was obtained illegally.
At the end of the day R. Kelly had his day in court and was found not guilty (at least for the charges that weren’t settled outside of court…), but you’re still probably not in a hurry to drop off your daughter at his place now, are you? R. Kelly is also one of two men on this list to be famously parodied on Chappelle’s Show.
14. Vincent Margera
Vincent “Don Vito” Margera rose to prominence for being the slow-but-lovable uncle of Bam Margera on MTV’s Viva La Bam. His persona can be summed up by the fact that the show would often have to give him subtitles, even though he speaks English.
Well, things took a darker turn after Viva La Bam was finished. Vincent took advantage of his new-found wealth, and the fact that a lot of teenagers that watched MTV knew who he was. Unfortunately, he took his newfound swagger way too far when he was arrested for inappropriately touching two twelve-year-old girls.
His lawyer, the same lady that represented Kobe Bryant, said that Margera was just acting like his “goofy, outrageous and vulgar” character from Viva La Bam, and that his “signature arm movement” could have been mistaken for breast fondling.
The jury didn’t see things that way, and they found him guilty. He received ten years of probation, and was ordered not to portray the “Don Vito” character in any capacity. Vincent Margera passed away in November of 2015 due to kidney and liver issues at 59 years old.
13. Tim Allen
Most of us know him as the grunting every-man from Home Improvement’s “Tool Time,” but before he was clumsily entertaining millions, he nearly served a life sentence for trafficking in cocaine.
Tim Allen had a lot of drugs on him, and would have been locked up for life under a very stiff law that was created to act as a deterrent. He was able to get a much more lenient sentence because he cooperated with police, which means that he snitched on other drug dealers to protect himself.
In many cases, snitching will get you stitches, but in this case it got Tim Allen a second lease on life and a starring role in one of the biggest sitcoms of all time.
12. Roman Polanski
Roman Polanski is a movie director. Some of his notable films include Chinatown, Macbeth, The Ninth Gate, and The Pianist. In 1969, his second wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered by members of the Charles Manson family. A tragedy like that would mess with a lot of people, but it’s no excuse for what he was arrested for doing eight years later.
While hanging out by the pool at Jack Nicholson’s place, Polanski was arrested for sexually assaulting a thirteen-year-old girl while he was taking photos of her for Vogue magazine. Polanski was indicted on multiple charges, and ultimately pled guilty to “Unlawful Sexual Intercourse with a minor.”
11. Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson is a lock for any “Don’t leave your kids with this person” list. Despite that, many parents did leave their kids alone with Michael Jackson. According to the courts of law, Michael Jackson is innocent. According to the court of public opinion, he’s a total creep who did all sorts of terrible things, which many people are happy to overlook because he gave us Thriller.
MJ paid beaucoup bucks to settle all sorts of allegations outside of court with the families that accused him of misconduct with their children, and he also had a highly publicized trial that was a huge media spectacle. Despite all of the great and influential music Michael released, there’s always going to be that massive doubt cast on his career and his character.
10. Paul Reubens
If the name of his most popular character, Pee Wee Herman, isn’t enough to raise any red flags about Paul Reubens‘ child-care credentials, perhaps the fact that he was arrested for pleasuring himself at a theatre will. To his credit, he was at an adult cinema, so at least he wasn’t watching one of his own children’s movies when he was busted.
“The three of us were in a scene together. I said: ‘Is anybody here not on probation?’ We were like the Community Service Players. Johnny Depp says, ‘What did you do?’ I said, ‘I set The Tonight Show on fire. You smashed up that hotel in New York.’ We looked at Paul Rubens and then we said… well… er, anyhow…”
9. Woody Allen
You’ll start to notice a trend on this list where a lot of the people that have been involved in questionable situations also happen to be absolute geniuses at their craft, whether that’s music, sports, or in this case – film.
Woody Allen started off as a comedy writer and a stand-up comedian in the 1960s, before going on to become one of the most iconic directors in American cinema. He’s known for classics such as Annie Hall, Manhattan, and Hannah and Her Sisters. He’s also known for being very prolific. He’s written at least one movie every single year for decades, save for the very occasional year which he skipped (often because he did two either the year before or the year after).
Despite Woody Allen’s workhorse attitude towards filmmaking, he hasn’t really been able to pull it together in his personal life. In 1980, Woody Allen started dating Mia Farrow, who went on to star in thirteen of his movies in the ’80s. They lived separately, were never married, and Mia Farrow adopted several children. Two of them were later adopted by Woody Allen as well, but instead of adopting the third child, he married her instead. Yikes.
But it doesn’t end there. Woody Allen was accused by his daughter, Dylan Farrow, of molesting her when she was a kid, right after Mia and Woody split up and were involved in a very rough custody battle. The charges were dropped, with the judge stating that Dylan Farrow’s statements sounded like they were rehearsed.
8. Rob Lowe
Rob Lowe was a big teen heartthrob in the ’80s and won his way back into America’s heart with roles in hits like The West Wing and Parks and Recreation, but near the end of the decade he was blazing all the wrong trails when he had one of the first commercially sold celebrity sex tapes in 1988.
That, in and of itself, isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things… the problem is that one of his co-stars in the tape was a 16-year-old girl. The age of consent in Georgia is sixteen, so he wasn’t legally in trouble for that part of it, but the fact that the acts were recorded was still a problem.
Rob Lowe has a family now, and we can only assume he’s a great influence and role model, but if you’re ever warped back in time to the 1980’s, need a sitter for your daughters and Rob shows up with a video camera, maybe just stay home.
7. Dr. Dre
Straight Outta Compton is a very successful movie that highlighted Dr. Dre and NWA’s rise to prominence in the late ’80s onwards. The stain on the film’s success was criticism that it was whitewashing history and leaving out some pretty big and awfully shameful moments, namely Dr Dre’s proclivity to physically abuse women.
Dee Barnes (who was referenced in the Eminem/Dre track “Guilty Conscience” with the line “You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes?”) used to host a show about hip hop for FOX. She was confronted at a party by Dr. Dre (after airing an interview with NWA where they didn’t come off very well) wherein he threw her to the ground and shoved his knee into her chest. Dre has also been accused of assaulting his former girlfriend Michel’le, and singer Tairrie B.
Dr. Dre recently issued a public apology to the women he has assaulted over the years. Dre went on to say that he drank a lot in his younger days and lacked structure, but that neither of those facts are valid excuses for what he did to those ladies.
6. Chuck Berry
Chuck Berry is one of the pioneers of rock and roll music, but the good stuff ends right about there.
He once owned a restaurant and, according to a former waitress, installed hidden cameras in the women’s washroom. Hundreds of patrons were recorded while using the washroom, but charges were dropped for an undisclosed sum of money.
Another time, Berry was arrested when he hired a fourteen-year-old girl to accompany him across state lines for “immoral purposes.” However, Berry said that she was simply hired to work in his nightclub. Berry was creepily quoted as saying, “She was anything but innocent.” After multiple trials, Berry would spend a couple of years in prison.
5. Victor Salva
Victor Salva is the final movie director on this list. Salva was obsessed with horror movies growing up. When he was eighteen-years-old, he came out to his family and they disowned him.
His films include Powder, Jeepers Creepers 1 & 2 and the upcoming third installment in the series, and Clownhouse. Salva was convicted and sent to jail for sexual misconduct with a twelve-year-old boy on the set of Clownhouse. He loved directing so much that he even videotaped the encounter with his victim. He completed his parole and was forgiven by the film industry in 1992, which was nine years before he’d go on to make Jeepers Creepers.
You’ll notice that in a lot of these cases, whether it’s the music industry or the film industry, they seem hard-pressed to ever take a stand against any of these people.
4. Rick James
Funk singer Rick James was messing with a lot more than just couches. This notorious party animal was very, very addicted to drugs in a huge way. He was spending hundreds, if not thousands, a night on getting high. In 1991, he and his then-girlfriend held a young woman hostage in their home.
They allegedly met her at a party and offered to let her crash at their place for a while, but she ended up being held against her will and tortured for days. Rick James even burnt her with his crack pipe, and ultimately went to jail for kidnapping and torture.
3. Lou Pearlman
Lou Pearlman, also known as “Big Poppa,” was a record producer and a manager for a ton of Boy Bands from the 1990s. His acts included NSYNC, The Backstreet Boys, LFO, O-Town, Take 5, and a handful of others.
Lance Bass, former member of NSYNC, has spoken publicly about “somebody” close to the band that would touch them inappropriately when they were just starting out, when Bass was around seventeen-years-old. He didn’t reveal the name of who he was talking about at this time, but in the past he’s gone on the record to discuss creepiness involving Pearlman and band members.
Lance Bass said that Pearlman would touch the boys’ muscles, saying things like ‘Hey boys, you workin’ out? Yeahhhh!’”
In an interview on Howard Stern’s show, Rich Cronin (deceased singer of LFO) revealed that Lou Pearlman never expected any of these bands to succeed, and that managing them was just an excuse for him to have young boys around him at all times. Cronin confirmed rumors that Lou Pearlman would behave very creepily towards his clients.
Here’s the kicker. Pearlman is currently serving a twenty-five year sentence in prison for running a massive Ponzi scheme worth hundreds of millions of dollars.
2. Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan is the quintessential party girl of the 2000s and probably not the first person you’d want to be looking after your kids, even in a pinch. She doesn’t have any particularly creepy stuff floating around her like some of the people on the this list, but trouble just seems to follow her nonetheless.
She’s no stranger to the courtroom, the bottom of a bottle, a powder-covered mirror, or negative headlines. She’s had a lot of chances, a lot of special treatment, and just can’t seem to get it together. Not somebody that you’d want your kids looking up to. Or ever meeting.
1. Bill Cosby
This former host of “Kids Say the Darndest Things” was trying to convince people that the countless women coming forward to accuse him of drugging and raping them also were saying the darndest things, but as more and more women started coming out of the woodwork, things were looking worse and worse for the formerly beloved TV dad.
Near the end of 2014, stand-up comedian Hannibal Buress brought to light to some of the accusations against Bill Cosby, which many people hadn’t heard of before. This particular stand-up set started a wildfire, and to date over sixty women have come forward with various claims against Bill Cosby for all sorts of creepy things.
None of the allegations against him involved children, but knowing that he was allegedly a creepy guy to so many women, and then watching him interact with kids on his various TV shows, will definitely give you that sinking feeling in your gut.