While most of the time you watch TV during normal hours, you know, when buying ads are expensive for companies, every once in a great while you might be up watching TV late at night. Maybe your girlfriend just dumped you, maybe you are having severe money problems, or maybe you just can never stop worrying about the meaning of life. Well, whatever your issue is, you can’t sleep and you are watching the tube. That’s where the fun starts.
Because while you are sitting there watching the tube some commercials come on, and these aren’t commercials for normal products, oh no, these are commercials for some of the most bizarre products that you have ever seen. In fact it is a bit of a mystery as to who is odder; the people who buy these products or the people that made them in the first place. I mean, did these people really think that their products are good ideas, or do they just think the American public is so stupid that they will buy anything. One thing is for sure, and that’s that someone is out of his mind. I mean who would buy these things? Who would make these things? Who would make these things and then buy ads on TV for them? Why, I ask you, does this insanity continue? Are people even awake when they hit “purchase” for these things.
So many questions. Let’s try and answer them, if we can. Here is our list of 15 worst products people bought from infomercials. If you have more than one of these in your closet, you might want to seek professional help. Or at the very least cut the cord and throw them out.
15. Sauna Pants
As you can see here Sauna Pants “provide the benefits of a heat sauna in the area you need it most – the stomach, waist, butt and hips. So simple to use, just wear it and turn the dial on to your desired temperature. Within minutes, Sauna Pants will make you sweat quickly in the areas where you need it most – abdomen, waist, back and hips, helping you shed water and potentially lose weight.”
Wow, that sounds like a great idea. So I can put on these pants, and they will make my back sweat? And then because of that I might lose weight? Sign me up! Also these things plug in. So to sum it up, if you want to plug yourself into a wall and sit there while you make your back sweat, then you may have found your dream product. Check out the amazing commercial here.
14. Talking TP
While some of these products are just horribly designed and a complete waste of money, others are jokes. Really, really bad jokes. A good example of this is Talking TP. Basically there is a mini-recording device inside the roll, you record something, then when the person pulls the toilet paper off of the roll it activates the device. So for example, your husband could be going into the toilet after watching football all day, and you could have recorded something like “Hey you lazy clown, go out and mow the lawn.” Which he will, of course, hear when he pulls out the toilet paper roll. See how funny that is? Oh, you don’t? Well, that is because it is not funny. At all. Not ever. Who thought this was a good idea? Who invested money to make this? Who buys this? These are all big mysteries.
13. Fat Magnet
Wow this sounds great, right? According to its page on Amazon, the Fat Magnet “removes excess fat from greasy food! Fat Magnet absorbs fat floating on the surface of foods. Make meals healthier. Simply FREEZE, then skim the surface and fat is gone! Removes fat, cholesterol and calories…Instantly. Perfect for stews, soups, gravies, chili and more.” I don’t even want to get into how silly this is. If you wish to know more then please read all the reviews from the same page that I linked earlier- most of them say the product is awful. But the thing is, like all of these other products, someone actually had to buy it to review it in the first place. Why? If something like this actually worked do you think you would have to find out about it on late night TV? Wouldn’t it be a bit more popular?
12. Fanny Bank
All right, this is awful. Check out the description here. It says: “this hilarious Fanny Bank will be a hit in your home or office or just about anywhere. A plumber named Manny is exposing his fanny, laughs at the tickle of a shiny new nickel. So just drop some loot to hear the fanny bank toot. The Fanny Bank is fun for the whole family. Buy Fanny Bank today!”
Okay, one more time. He “laughs at the tickle of a shiny new nickel?” What? I don’t think I will ever be the same after reading that product description. I might need therapy right now. Again. Why? Even if you were the kind of person that thinks stuff like this is funny, and for your sake I hope you are not, don’t you think you would get tired of this after just a few times?
11. The Kush Breast Supporter
So this one is just classic. Let’s just say you have some really big breasts. Good for you. But hey, you have to go to sleep at some point, right? And when you do, sometimes you sleep on your side. So what, you might say? Wrong attitude. You need something to keep your breasts supported while you sleep. This is where the Kush Breast Support comes in. Basically you jam one of these babies in between your breasts when you sleep, which in theory keeps your breasts from being wrinkled. Do you think I am making this up? I assure you that I am not. The commercial is pretty awesome though, especially if you like watching women with big breasts struggling to get to sleep, and let’s just be honest about this. Who doesn’t? Not me.
10. Booty Pop
Hey ladies. Is your butt flat? Does that make you incredibly ashamed? Do you want it to be way bigger and rounder? Please say yes. Well, if you do, there is no need for expensive butt implants like folks like Kim Kardashian are rumored to have had. If you have never seen this commercial it says you can turn a “droopy derriere into a youthful looking, head-turning, bootylicious booty” by using Booty Pop. In fact if you have never seen the commercial please click the link right now. Basically, this product is like a padded bra for your butt. I mean I don’t know, I would just suggest eating a few more cheeseburgers, but hey, what do I know? I do know one thing, and that is that the Booty Pop makes this world a better place.
9. Portable Sauna
This product is designed to be marketed to a very select group of people. First, they need to want to use a sauna regularly. Next, they need to be too poor to buy a real one. They also need to be people who either don’t have the money, or the time, to go to a health club where they might be able to use a sauna. Lastly, and this is possibly the most important thing, the person that uses a portable sauna must also like to buy bad products on TV, and be willing to look totally stupid while using them. Seriously? Will you look at these things? And those little armholes so that you can read a magazine? This thing looks more like a torture device than a sauna.
8. The Better Marriage Blanket
This is an absolute classic. As you can see in this video, on the outside it looks like a totally normal blanket, but in reality it is made with the same material that the military uses to defend against chemical weapons. It protects against “flatulence molecules”. So basically when you and your old lady just went out to Taco Bell and are getting ready to sack out, when you use one of these blankets you can let them rip with impunity and no one will be the wiser. I know, that sounds awful. But hey, don’t get mad at me, it is not like I am the one that came up with this thing, I am just explaining what it is. Who buys this? I mean seriously, someone please explain to me who does?
7. The Pootrap
Does your dog spend a lot of time releasing hostages? All right, now this is just awful. This commercial is amazing. It is footage of dog after dog dropping a deuce while an announcer yammers on and on about how awful is is to pick up your dog’s poo. And you know what? It is awful. I have had numerous dogs and it is no fun at all. But you know what is worse than picking up your dog’s poo? Strapping a plastic bag to its butt for it to poo in. Who thought of this? The commercial features all sorts of dogs crapping into a bag, while happy dog owners easily dispose of their waste. It says the product is “easy to install on your dog, and makes your walking experience fun.” It also lets us all know that the Pootrap is available in 8 sizes. This is information I did not need to know. Ever.
6. The Slobstopper
The Slobstopper is basically a bib for adults. As you can see in the commercial, we are all a bunch of total dubs who spill things on ourselves all the time, which can be totally embarrassing. The only thing in fact that might be more embarrassing than spilling food or drink all over ourselves would be actually wearing an enormous adult bib. Because that is the whole problem with this. If that hot chick at the office sees you with a few spots on your shirt from that time you spilled some coffee it is way less embarrassing than if she sees you wearing a bib. The best thing about this commercial, like many of them, is the commercial itself. It is a constant mystery to try and figure out who they are actually targeting these products to.
5. Pajama Jeans
We all know about Pajama Jeans at this point, but if for some reason you don’t, well they are exactly what they sound like. They are pajamas that look like jeans. So you know, you can go out in your pajamas, because they look like jeans. I suppose I could write that about five more times, but I think you get the picture. From their website: “We kept asking ourselves why women and men sacrifice either comfort or style. The answer: they didn’t have a choice. Operative word: didn’t. Pajama Jeans changed that. Comfortable by design, with zero sacrifice to style, Pajama Jeans gives women and men the comfort they need and the designer details they crave.” Wait…men can wear pajama jeans? I have to check that out.
4. Cami Secret Cleavage Cover
Okay, so all of these are weird and none of them make a whole lot of sense, but this one is just so useless that it is bizarre. Check out this commercial in which you see a woman wearing a low cut shirt. She is quite bothered by it, until she starts to use Cami Secret, which is basically nothing more than something that clips on and covers her cleavage. This is all great of course, but the thing is, why didn’t she just buy a different shirt in the first place? Was she forced to buy a shirt that showed her cleavage? This is the biggest thing about all of these products- no one actually needs them, and I truly do mean no one at all. They serve no purpose that couldn’t be fixed with some common sense. Now if only I could come up with a useless product to sell. Email me if you have any ideas. I’ll credit you.
In the commercial for Chillow it says “some nights you feel like you are on fire.” Well, I hate to break it to you, but no, I don’t actually ever feel like I am on fire when I am trying to sleep, and if I did, I would have a lot bigger problems than needing a Chillow. As you see here, the website says “Chillow, the amazing new pillow pack that transforms your pillow into a Chillow! Chillow pack, as seen on TV, keeps your head cool and dry. The secret is Soothsoft technology, the water cool memory foam that keeps you cool for hours. Chillow cradles you in memory foam cooling comfort.” Seriously? Stop saying Chillow! I can’t take it anymore.
2. Head Wedgie
This one actually could be worse. Although the product itself certainly is not very important, it at least could have some uses. As you can see, the Head Wedgie is something that is used to make things like long car trips more comfortable. Basically, it keeps your head in place and acts like a pillow while you drive. The problem with this product, of course, is obvious. The name “Head Wedgie” is just simply awful. We all know what a head is, and we all know what wedgies are, and imagining a head wedgie is just not pleasant at all. Who was the guy that came up with this name, and who were the people that did not tell him that he was crazy? These are the things that tend to keep me up at night. Or at least they did until I got a Chillow.
1. The Mattress Shot Gun Rack
How cool is this, right? Check out this commercial with serious music playing in the background while the announcer explains to us how normal it is to attach a gun rack to your mattress. And hey, the sheets come down over it so no one can tell it is there. I mean, having a shotgun under your bed is not nearly enough, you have to attach it to your actual bed. As the commercial says “it’s enabling access to your gun from the lying position in your bed.” Yay! It isn’t that it is such a bad idea, I guess, if you are into guns, it is more that if you are that into guns, do you really need some weird TV commercial to make you buy something like this? This does not seem like an impulse buy kind of thing. At least I hope not.