With all the new body-altering options there are today, it is clear that all women have things they’d like to change about their physical appearance. From getting rid of bump on the nose to thinner thighs. From the media, to celebrities photoshopping their Instagram pictures to portray perfect bodies, to other women, women are made to feel insecure about themselves. Below is a list of 15 thoughts that most (if not all) women have (or have had at one point) about their bodies. If a woman claims to not have any of these thoughts, then you better call the fire department because her pants will be on fire.
15. Thigh Gap
Let’s just get this one out of the way. Every female on the planet has stood in front of the mirror to see if there was any hint of a thigh gap. When you become discouraged with the lack of thigh gap you start to spread your feet a little more apart and tilt your hips back to make that thigh gap appear!
The reality television star Kim Zolciak, is obsessed with attaining the coveted thigh gap. If you scroll through her various social media accounts you will see her in all sorts of awkward looking poses. There are literally hundreds of pictures of her arching her back while thrusting her right hip and chest forward.
“Why are my veins so blue?!” When you’re pregnant you might notice your veins get darker in color. It’s common with the increase in blood volume from the pregnancy. However, blue veins can show up on everyone and they are normal. Sometimes though, if you stare at something long enough you will end up getting an inaccurate view of it. Suddenly that pulsating vein on your thigh or hand starts getting darker and more noticeable. You will even notice people noticing it from across the street!
If it’s really that bothersome get a spray tan or apply some self tanning lotion. If it’s really, really driving you crazy there are medical procedures available that might be able to help.
13. Mermaid Hair
Long flowing hair that covers your breasts. If you’ve watched The Blue Lagoon chances are you attempted to grow your hair out afterwards. How freeing and fabulous would it be to walk around without a shirt on but still have your modesty protected by your flowing mane.
After The Blue Lagoon came out in 1980, sales of hair growth serums and potions skyrocketed. Women needed to have the Brooke Shield goddess hair for themselves. It makes you feel like Eve in the Garden of Eden to have such long locks. Sadly, the majority of women just can’t get it to that mermaid length and end up getting frustrated with the daily upkeep and chopping it all off.
12. Cottage Cheese
The backs of your thighs look like they should be put in a container and refrigerated. How disgusting! The cottage cheese on the backs of your thighs is absolutely hideous and definitely is showing through your pants. Everyone must be looking.
Again, if you stare at it long enough it’s only going to get worse. If you catch yourself looking at it and thinking something negative about yourself, immediately tell that voice inside your head to ‘SHUT UP!’. Everyone has it. EVERYONE. Look at the rest of you! There’s more to you than that bit of cottage cheese that NOBODY notices but you!
11. “I Look Like My Mother!”
It finally happens. You look in the mirror and see your mother staring back at you. When and how did this happen?! You must be the last one on the planet to notice. When you were a teenager it drove you nuts when you would hear, “You look so much like your mother!” then they would always turn to your mother and say “You two could be sisters!”. You would’ve rather heard nails on a chalkboard than hear that!
Now that you are older and more mature you remind yourself that your mother is a beautiful woman and your resemblance is a good thing…or is it? Oh the inner turmoil. You will dye your hair! That must be it. It’s the hair color. Wait—it’s the thighs! It has to be the thighs. You’ll start Pilates next week and a gluten free, sugar free, carb free— heck, just make it a food free diet immediately.
10. Cut the Fat Away
If only it were as easy as just taking a pair of scissors and trimming off the fat. The thought has crossed your mind, hasn’t it? You’ve pulled the skin flab and thought how great it would be to just hack it off. Sadly for the fastest results you really do need a big fat wallet, a surgeon, and a tolerance for pain.
For results that won’t come as quickly but will save you thousands of dollars…is surprise…exercise! Join a gym. Buy some workout videos. Cut back on processed sugar and soda. Give yourself 30 days to make some changes and you WILL see a difference.
If I suck in my cheeks just a half inch I have the most incredible cheekbones. Wow. These would be considered cheekbones, right? I can never remember where they start and end. Are these cheekbones or is this area just called the back of my cheek?
Where is the contouring powder? I will really get these cheekbones to stand out! No contouring powder? I’ll just swipe on some extra dark foundation. There! Mwah! I feel like Gisele Bundchen. If I suck in my cheeks really hard, I really do have Gisele’s cheekbones! Is this what I would look like if I lost weight? Cha-ching! Diet starts tomorrow.
8. Uneven Eyebrows
Is there some unwritten rule that says eyebrows can NEVER be even? Where do you even begin to draw the eyebrow? When you go back to touch one eyebrow up, you see that the other one is now looking quite ‘off’. So, then you have to touch that one up. The cycle continues until you find yourself looking like you have one giant unibrow!
You wish you would have listened to your mother and not touched your beautiful, natural eyebrows because once you start plucking you can’t ever stop! Why oh why couldn’t you just listen to your mother just this once and left your eyebrows alone?! I wonder what tattooing eyebrows on would cost? Nah. Scratch that. Totally afraid of needles.
7. Double Chin
You accidentally take a picture of yourself while holding your camera at an upward angle. You have a great shot of the underside of your chin and up your nose. What the heck is that extra line under your chin— is that a double chin?!!
The dreaded double chin has caused many Facebook un-friendings when so-called friends tag you in a picture that totally showcases your double chin! What were they thinking? Did they purposely do that so that they would look better than you?!
6. “What’s That Smell?”
Is this smell normal? You might find yourself asking such a question various times throughout the month. Your body goes through a hormone roller-coaster over the course of a month and with hormone changes come certain smells.
Those women out there that are self-conscious about the way they smell are not alone. It happens! Between hormones, medication, food and fluid intake, these things can all change the way you smell. When you are dehydrated you might find your urine has a strong smell to it. That’s a very common side effect of dehydration. Medication can cause your sweat to smell differently. If you eat too much Indian food or Italian and super garlicky foods your body can get a certain scent to it. Again, common. Hormones cause a female to emit certain smells to attract the opposite sex during certain times of the month, now the pheromones are technically not supposed to have a noticeable scent other chemicals/scents are emitted during these times that do have an odor.
The obvious things you can do are to bathe more frequently, use douches/feminine sprays, change your diet, or just learn to live with the fact that all women have this and it’s perfectly natural and fine!
5. Abs of Steel
You suck in your gut and parade around for a minute before you let it all back out again. Oh boy. Well as long as you hold your breath you look pretty darn good! You do see some slight definition of either rolls or abs. Probably abs. Yes, that must be abs. You are just that much closer to attaining the coveted six pack! Score!
You envision spring break and busting out your brand new yellow polka dot bikini. Back to the real world. To go have a Downton Abbey marathon while stuffing your face with pita chips and hummus or…do some crunches? Compromise! You will watch Downton Abbey while doing crunches. Win-win.
4. Sexy or Silly?
Posing in the mirror to see if you can pull off the sultry look but you end up laughing at yourself. You definitely don’t see how you could EVER be seen as sexy. Silly? Yes. Sexy? Never. How on earth will you be able let your significant other ever see you like this? How did Anastasia do this for Mr. Grey?!
Tussle the hair. Apply an extra coat of lip gloss. Invest in a push up bra or some great new lingerie. There you go. Sex kitten. Don’t feel silly. You are a woman! Own it! There are other things you can do such as turning on some great music, lighting candles, dimming the lights. To quote Nike, “Just do it!”.
3. I Want to Be A Supermodel
Move over, Gisele! I am looking hot! Nylons make a girl feel like a supermodel. There’s something about putting these very unattractive undergarments on that make you feel like a million bucks. They firm your thighs and butt and give your legs a radiant tan glow. They suck everything in and in doing so they give you a nice confidence boost!
The only thing that absolutely sucks is having to put them on and peel them off! When you’re putting them on you feel like a giant sausage being stuffed into its casing. As you’re taking them off you feel like a giant overflowing blob. But for those few hours that you’re wearing them, you get to prance around feeling on top of the world!
2. Don’t Touch Your Nose
The more you hear about celebrities getting plastic surgery on their noses, the more you start to look at your own nose and wonder what’s wrong with your own nose! Stop doing that! You don’t have a pig nose. Everyone looks better with their own nose! Case in point, do you recognize the woman in the picture above? It’s Jennifer Grey! See what happened to Jennifer Grey’s career after she got a nose job after being pulled out of the corner by Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing! Post-nose job her career tanked!
Learn to love your nose. It’s perfect. If you ever start thinking about getting plastic surgery on it or wishing for someone else’s nose, remind yourself of Jennifer Grey.
1. My Butt Could Not Hold a Champagne Bottle!
You’ve seen the picture. It’s ran through your mind. You’ve maybe even arched your back to try and get that perfect arch. You then came to the conclusion that Kim Kardashian is a freak of nature and there is no way any normal human being could get a champagne glass to balance on their butt like that!
The picture isn’t sexy, it’s definitely more playful and fun. Even if you’re not a fan of Kim Kardashian the picture makes you kind of want to borrow her butt for a couple hours to try and accomplish this gravity defying feat! Not sure how to go about spraying the champagne. I wonder if there’s a YouTube how-to video for that?