A lie is a lie is a lie; growing up can be chalked up to just a bunch of lessons we have to learn in order to be functioning members of society, and one of those lessons happens to be that our parents lied to us a lot, mostly to protect us. From telling tales of Santa Claus and the boogeyman, to the half truth that our teeth would fall out if we didn’t brush and floss them every night. However, because all this is generally done out of love and protection for their little ones, they can get somewhat of a pass. As a parent you must have an arsenal of tricks in order to deal with your curiously touchy children and over the years parents have found that a little white lie here and there never hurt anyone. These lies were mostly used to keep us out of trouble, keeping us from hurting ourselves or others and even from being fearful of things that life will throw our way. It is as if parents around the world united to make up the lies that have become universal answers to all the basic questions that your kids are bound to ask. These lies are so common to us that they quickly became comical and when we grow up, we unconsciously used those same lies on our own kids that we once cursed our own parents for.
How many of these lies did your parents use on you? And how old were you when you actually stopped believing them? Read the list and refresh your memory on some of the childhood non-truths that mommy and daddy told you.
15. Drinking Coffee Will Stunt Your Growth
Mommy and daddy would tell us that something with such a sweet, sweet taste would stunt our growth and then turn around and drink it right in front of this. This lie was one of the more believable ones especially if you had a short parent who used themselves as an example. Coffee actually has nothing to do with your height but when you’re a parent and your kid wants to drink coffee, you have to come up with a good reason to say no or you get bombarded with “why?”. Well now that we are grown up, we can drink it all we want.
14. You Have To Wait 30 Minutes To Swim After You Eat
This lie ruined a lot of pool parties for a lot of kids; it sucked watching your friends splash around in the pool while you watched from the sidelines because your hunger pains led you down a path of wishing and waiting. Fortunately for us, as we grew older we took risks, wised up and realized that our parents had been lying to us; in fact, we now eat while we swim. What a life! Where did this lie stem from? There was probably one kid who threw up in a pool after eating and the rumor spread like wildfire. Special shutout to that one kid who ruined it for all of us.
13. Cracking Your Knuckles Will Give You Arthritis
This is still news to most people; cracking knuckles does not actually give you arthritis, but it can leave you in a world of pain. So they were kind of right there, but to go as far as saying arthritis, come on; that is a bit of a stretch. However, be warned that excessive knuckle cracking (which seems to be a bad habit for many people) can irritate your fingers. Apparently this myth was dispelled by a relative of the doctor that initially made this rumor popular (he won a Nobel peace prize for his research). If your own family is throwing you under the bus, you know it has to be a lie.
12. You Face Will Get Stuck That Way
To stop you from annoying your siblings with those scary, contoured faces you make, your parents would tell you that if you kept making that face it would stay that way forever. Aahhhh, can you imagine your face staying in the same shape as some of your favorite cartoon characters or contortions of your own design? Deep down we assumed this was a lie because our face always bounced back to the cute shape we started with, but when an adult who is bigger, better and knows more than you says your face is stuck that way, what else are we to believe?
11. You Are A Princess/Prince
No, no we are not. The only people who get that lovely title are actual royalty and no, that does not include the princes and princesses in Disney films (because surprise, they are also fake). It is a nice thought as a child to be seen as some type of royalty and of course, to your parents you are their little prince or princess. In the real world though, you are just another brat kid who asks too make questions, ingested too much sugar and are driving people crazy as you bounce off the walls. The Disney titles quickly fade as you realize that in the real world people do not care who you are.
10. Watching Too Much TV Is Not Good For You
Uh, yes it is. Especially in this day and age with TV shows geared specifically at teaching your kids new things (Baby Einstein, This is Daniel Cook), kids are learning earlier than before. Parents used this lie to prohibit their kids from sitting in front of the TV all evening (agreed no kid should be watching that much TV) but we learn so much from TV now, that it is hard to tell your kid no, they cannot watch that documentary or no, you are not learning life lessons from Arthur. Even as an adult now, TV has become a hub of useful information; it is not just for sitcoms anymore.
9. Money Isn’t Everything
Even if your parents were in debt, they would never let you see them sweat; so debt kind of always looked like it was something you could climb your way out of and while it is, your parents unfortunately made it look easy and shield you from the huge downfalls of bad money management. This is partially because as a child, their money is none of your business and also because no one wants to seem like a failure in front of their children. Now that you have all those student loans, don’t you want to know how your parents did it? Also having no money means missing out on some useless yet good times.
8. You Can Be Whatever You Want
Every parent wants to uplift their child, and to do that they shower them with positive affirmations every day; one of those positive affirmations is telling them that they can be anything they want in life. Yes, it is a nice thought but it is sort of not the truth. When you look at some of the professions out there it is like a one in a million chance that they will SUCCEED in a profession like the entertainment industry or even being an author. We have all these majors to choose from in University but when it comes down to it, there are only a select few that guarantee a job at the end of it. Choose something practical not a hobby.
7. Chocolate Gives You Acne
In all fairness, this is not something only parents lied about, a lot of people believed that acne stemmed from eating too much sweets (in particular chocolate). We have all wised up and realized that acne is a combination of several things; genetics, chemical imbalances and to an extent one’s diet, but it is not the fault of chocolate milk. This was a very successful tactic that parents used to get their kids to consume more than chocolate. Little did they know that dips were on the horizon and they could no longer complain about us eating chocolate as long as it was coating a “healthy” granola bar.
6. Your Grades Are Important
The only time your grades count is in high school, and that is only if you plan on pursuing a post-secondary education (which you should) but besides that when you go look for that ideal job, there is a great chance that they will not ask for a transcript or your degree (if you even get a job where a degree is required). The threat of bad grades following you your whole life is a way for parents to keep you in line and make sure that we are finishing every spec of homework, and chances are we will use that on our children as well.
5. I Didn’t Bring Money With Me
How convenient was it that every time we saw something we liked, mom and dad did not bring money with them? If we had the capacity to over analyze anything at that young age we could have asked follow up questions. “Why are we here then?”, “What are you using to pay for all the stuff in your cart?”, “Why would you leave the house without money?” Just admit you did not want to spend your hard earned dollar buying us toys we would play with for maybe an hour and forget all about, or candy that was going to rot our teeth anyway.
4. Santa Sees Everything You Do
Uh, how creepy is it to tell your children that an old fat man is watching everything they do? Would it not be healthier to just tell us who is really buying our presents and who is really eating those cookies and drinking that warm milk at night? So yes, for the tradition if anything it is great; but you have to admit the fictional character thing is a bit creepy and let’s be honest, some of us were scared of the idea of a man or a giant bunny coming into our house even if they were leaving us treats and presents.
3. I’ll Be Right Back
Ugh, that stunt your parents pull when they want to hang out with just each other. I’ll be back is a standard lie that comes with the parent handbook, what “I’ll be back” really means is we are going out for several hours or even going on a trip for a week but I’ll be back don’t worry I won’t be gone forever. It is meant to soothe our jarring nerves but it only makes us more anxious as we most likely do not like the babysitter you left us with, we have to go to bed while you are not in the house and if we want something we know we can’t have it because you are not around for us to ask for it. Come home already.
2. This Is Not For Children
One of the most used default lies has to be “this is not for kids”, no matter what it was. If you did not have a good enough lie you could always say that something was not for kids and usually they would shut right up OR make them ask a lot of ‘why’ questions like; “why can’t we have that?”, “when will it be for children?”, “How do you know it is not for us unless we have tried it and tell you?”. Parents underestimate the cleverness of their children and usually end up giving in and handing over whatever they claimed the kids couldn’t have.
1. I Would Never Lie To You
This is the ultimate lie and you cannot knock your parents for having to lie about lying. Parents always want what is best for us and if they have to lie to make sure that we get the best, well, they will. Hence why we have imaginary beings that bring us gifts and money, why we have to eat our vegetables, or not eat so much junk food. They do it because they love us and know what is going to benefit our mind and bodies; so cut your parents some slack here, you didn’t turn out so bad, did you?