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15 Talentless Celebs Who Could Be Pole Dancers If Their Careers Fail

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15 Talentless Celebs Who Could Be Pole Dancers If Their Careers Fail

via youtube.com

Being outrageously good looking isn’t a prerequisite for becoming famous in modern society, but it certainly helps. If you happen to be gorgeous and love taking your clothes off, people aren’t even going to care what else it is you’re doing with your life so long as you keep looking great and dressing down while you do it. More than a few celebrities have caught on to this fact and started posting pictures of themselves practically naked on their social media sites in order to garner attention. Fans might not always be aware of what the celeb is up to these days, in relation to whether they’re promoting an album, or a movie, or a new TV show, but we do notice what these ladies are wearing—or rather, what they aren’t wearing.

We’re not saying these women are necessarily untalented at what they do. Some of the greatest pop stars in the world have made their art in varied states of undress, and that might have even been a part of what made their art so easily palatable. However, we are saying that if these women decided to quit their day jobs, they’d definitely have a backup career ready for them with stripping. They already take their clothes off and share their bodies with the world on a daily basis anyway, so why not just take away the pretense and take to the poles? If you want a list of male celebs who could be strippers, Magic Mike already exists, and we don’t feel any need to share that film’s cast list with you. If you’re looking for female celebs who have a hint of exhibitionist in them, keep reading, and learn which 12 celebrities we think would make fantastic strippers.

12. Britney Spears

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Britney Spears entered the pop culture consciousness as a teenage idol buying into both slutiness and innocence to create a new type of pop starlet for the modern era. Her career has seen ups and downs both personally and professionally, and although there have been times where public opinion soured on her, Spears has proven that if nothing else, when she puts her mind to it she’s always capable of making her body look fantastic. Spears hasn’t had a truly massive hit in years, but still takes to her Instagram and other social media accounts to show off the fact she maintains a rocking bikini body into her 30’s. Her career may take an upswing with the rumors of a new album beginning to take wind as of May 2016, but if the new album falls flat, Spears is always welcome to star in an entirely different type of Las Vegas show.

11. Madonna

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Madonna is pushing 60 years old, and most of her musical contemporaries are probably considering retirement if they’re even still alive, but this hasn’t caused her to slow down on her exhibitionism in the slightest. Madonna still incorporates actual stripping into her live concerts, and regularly wears revealing outfits to any function she gets invited to, even if said function is a fundraising event. Given her longevity and outrageous success, Madonna is quite unlikely to need to resort to stripping for financial reasons. However, given her personal attitude and history with ripping her clothes off and making a scene, it wouldn’t be too shocking if her next big move was to become the world’s oldest stripper—and plenty of guys (and gals) would probably still rush to check her out.

10. The Bella Twins

Via WWE

Via WWE

Brie and Nikki Bella are twin sisters, best known for their dominance in World Wrestling Entertainment. Nikki is still an active wrestler, while Brie retired in April of 2016. The sisters are obviously knockout gorgeous, but we place them on this list as representatives of virtually the entire cast of Total Divas. Just recently the professional wrestling world has made an effort to take their women seriously, but until literally a few months ago, they were hiring whatever beautiful women seemed willing to stand in front of thousands of fans in their underwear and work a facsimile of a wrestling match. While some talented women shone through, the Bella’s were prime examples of looks and a love of the limelight being more important than actual talent. With WWE now looking to focus on actual women’s wrestling, maybe the Bella’s and the other divas hired only for their looks can start dancing around in their underwear on a smaller stage.

9. Audrina Patridge

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Audrina Patridge was one of several California teenagers chosen seemingly at random to become famous as the stars of the MTV semi-reality show The Hills. Many of the cast members of the show have gradually accepted their fame was fleeting and superfluous to begin with, allowing society to thankfully hear less and less from them since it ended in 2010. However, a few of the women whom MTV decided to make superstars were unable to let go of their fame, and that certainly includes Patridge. She’s starred in a series of direct-to-DVD and low budget comedy films, and continues to appear on increasingly low rated reality shows focused on her own uninteresting life. Even now that she is expecting her first child, she constantly posts photos of herself in bikinis or less to her Instagram account, and if motherhood doesn’t suit her there’s a chance she could end up like plenty of the teenage mothers who loved her vapid TV shows and need to support her poor children from the strip club.

8. Iggy Azalea

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Iggy Azalea seemed like she was poised to take over the hip hop and pop world with the release of her massive hit single “Fancy,” but she very quickly started to stir up the dreaded “controversy” that can kill a young starlet before her career takes off. Azalea seems insistent on forcing herself into every conversation about women in pop music despite the fact her songs are generally considered pop fluff without much substance. It’s a pretty basic tactic for getting attention when you don’t have the artistic chops to back it up, and we think Iggy should just go big or go home with the “look-at-me” antics by simply taking her clothes off at making it impossible for us to look away.

7. Lindsay Lohan

Via Tristar Pictures

Via Tristar Pictures

Lindsay isn’t the only woman on our list to have suffered some mental issues in her life that lead to some dark days, but somehow it’s still actually pretty surprising she didn’t just outright become a stripper somewhere in the midst of her downward spiral. She certainly came closer than anyone else—Lohan portrayed a stripper in the universally panned 2007 thriller I Know Who Killed Me. The film was a mess in every sense of the word, but if there was one minor highlight, it was seeing Lohan swing around on the poles like an absolute pro. Lohan’s career has only further waned since then, and with attempts at stage performance and TV work both blowing up in her face, it might only be a matter of time before she heads back to the clubs for real.

6. Amber Rose

Via Twitter

Via Twitter

Amber Rose was a small scale model who made minor appearances in hip hop music videos, eventually catching the attention of Kanye West. Kanye found himself infatuated with her unique beauty, and quickly attempted to turn her into a star. That dream ended when their relationship did, but Rose rebounded with Wiz Khalifa almost immediately afterwards. She and Khalifa were briefly married, but divorced less than a year later. Outside of her high profile relationships, Rose is mostly famous for her efforts towards equality and women’s rights. She has been speaking out against the idea of slut shaming, spreading the word about misogynistic slurs shouted at her throughout her life and her time as a former stripper, while attempting to curb such hateful behavior in the future. We think it’s great she’s trying to send a message for equality—but maybe that message would hit even harder if she gave up whatever illusion of fame she has and kept campaigning while returning to stripping full time.

5. Blac Chyna

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Blac Chyna is one of the best friends of Amber Rose, and as such has a very similar story of how she became famous. Chyna was a model who appeared in small roles for a series of hip hop music videos before getting noticed and name-dropped by rappers like Drake and Tyga, thereby becoming a star in her own right. One song that earned her such a name drop was 2 Chainz and Nicki Minaj’s “I Luv Dem Strippers,” which is appropriate since she met Tyga while working as a stripper in Miami. Despite leaving stripping behind to run a makeup and beauty product empire, Blac Chyna continues posting pictures of herself in skin-tight and revealing outfits to Instagram, and it would be hard to deny the photos are far more popular than the eyelash extensions she sells. Blac Chyna recently announced she was pregnant with her second child, her first with boyfriend Robert Kardashian. Some families might take this as a sign to slow down, but considering the Kardashian family’s reputation, this could actually be a sign Chyna will start stripping shortly after giving birth.

Since we brought them up, we might as well keep it Kardashian for a second…

4. Kylie Jenner

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There are certain arguments to be made that the entire Jenner-Kardashian family could find themselves on this list, and yes, that includes Caitlyn (we don’t want to see that one, but we know it would make headlines). Kylie Jenner is the baby of the family and only turned 18 a few months ago, so demand is probably highest for her to rip her clothes off on a public stage. Not that she’s exactly waited to do so—possibly more than even the other members of her own family, Kylie is constantly posting photos of herself to her Instagram account in various states of undress. Rarely a day goes by without two or three new photos of her hitting the Internet, and she’s usually wearing a bikini or less in at least one of them. If she and her sisters ever find themselves falling out of the public eye and feel the need to shoot themselves back into it, a family strip show wouldn’t be a bad idea. So, on that note…

3. Kendall Jenner

Via YouTube

Via YouTube

As Kylie’s slightly older sister, Kendall Jenner has had a bit of a leg up in terms of conquering the modeling and social media worlds. Only in her early 20s, Kendall is one of the most in-demand and highest profile fashion models in the world, and part of how she became so was constantly posting model-grade pictures of herself on her social media. Just like most of her family, it seems like more photos exist of Kendall on the Internet in bikinis or underwear than exist of her fully clothed, so she’s already made the more difficult mental leaps related to become a full-time exhibitionist. The family might not need the money, but they’ll never get enough of the attention, and odds could be on the young entrepreneurial Kendall to lead the lemmings to strip. Although, Kendall isn’t the prime candidate…

2. Kim Kardashian

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Her younger half siblings could no doubt fill the clubs with adoring fans, but the reigning queen of male attention remains Kim Kardashian. Although she’s given birth to two children and is married to Kanye West, Kim continues to be one of the most gazed at and fawned over models in America today. And despite all that, she loves taking her clothes off and showing the world a mother of two can maintain an incredible body, posting pictures of herself to her Instagram and countless other websites on a daily basis. It might be too late with her and Kanye somehow becoming more and more of a normal domestic couple as their lives continue, but then again, this is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West we’re talking about. It’s always possible Kim could make her debut as a stripper as part of Kanye’s next album release party.

1. Miley Cyrus

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Miley Cyrus went from a virginal pop princess to a lewd adult-themed pro-drug ad so quickly it’s almost amazing she didn’t take a quick detour as a stripper in between. In fact, if she weren’t famous and rich enough to have shed her childhood image so succinctly as she did in the video for “Wrecking Ball,” there’s a good chance she would have, since the video wasn’t far from a striptease. After years of appearing under so much pretense she literally was known by a different name for the first few years of her career, Cyrus made her re-debut into the music scene as a confident adult, and she was wearing next to nothing while she did so. That song and album were obviously huge hits, but Cyrus has been struggling creatively since. If her spiral continues, maybe it won’t be too long until she finally gives up and lives out her true dream as a stripper…or at least uses stripping to bring herself back to the top.

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