Some people have an obsession with sleeping stars. Jork Weismann’s Asleep at the Chateau is a collection of photos of celebrities caught napping at the famed Chateau Marmont on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. Kanye West organized a photoshoot of “famous” people pretending to be asleep in imitation of Vincent Desiderio’s Sleep. Surreptitious snaps of sleepers appear regularly on Instagram and Twitter.
In the meantime, Scarlett Johansson has claimed that Chris Hemsworth is hotter asleep than awake. How can this be? Most people look terrible when they’re sleeping; pale, dishevelled, mouths hanging open like baby birds waiting to be fed. For someone to have access to a sleeping person, that sleeping person probably isn’t minding her business in the way that we poor slobs mind our business. Such persons might be in uncompromising positions or might be somewhere they shouldn’t be with someone they shouldn’t be with. Or they are doing performance art. We don’t know for sure but we assume that they may not look their best.
On further investigation, though, it appears that Johansson has clued into something. Below is a collection of photos of people who might be better looking unconscious than when they walk around more or less tuned into the waking world. With a nod to Kanye, I have decided it doesn’t matter if the person in the photo is really sleeping or just fake-sleeping. We’ve all pretended to be asleep when we’ve really been awake so I’ll count it. Of course, sometimes we pretend to be awake and in the process thereof actually fall asleep.
So all right, ScarJo, I’ll bite. What does Hemsworth look like asleep?
15. Jenna Dewan
Jenna Dewan started life as a model and as a dancer who worked with the likes of Janet Jackson and Missy Elliott, then starred in Step Up with Channing Tatum, then married Channing Tatum, then appeared in American Horror Story as Teresa Morrison, and now plays Lucy Lane in Supergirl. Career-wise, things look up for the woman born in Hartford, Connecticut, and raised in Grapevine, Texas. Jenna Dewan has little to complain about when it comes to her looks, either. When she sleeps, she is somehow even more attractive. Perhaps it’s the tussled locks, perhaps it’s the black-and-white photography showing off her rich complexion against the dark of her hair and the white of her pillow and shirt. Whatever the reason, the effect is difficult to describe, but there it is–she is a real Sleeping Beauty.
14. Emma Roberts
Her aunt Julia Roberts could very well be on this list, but Emma has a lovely sleeping picture that might not get the proper appreciation within the spotlight of her mega-superstar relative. Her other superstar relative, by the way, is her father Eric Roberts. With family in all aspects of the Hollywood business, her career trajectory comes as little surprise. Roberts took to the screen early as Johnny Depp’s daughter in Blow. Later, she became a solid teen property in the Nickelodeon program Unfabulous, where she played a singer in a girl group. More recently, she has tackled adult material in American Horror Story. Currently she stars as one of the Chanels in Scream Queens alongside Jamie Lee Curtis, Lea Michele, and Abigail Breslin. The pix of Emma Roberts in dreamland has a tweenie fantasy bedroom’s cotton-candy color palette that emphasizes the actor’s girl-next-door allure.
13. Olivia Wilde
Olivia Wilde has much to be praised for. She is willing to take on tough roles like she did on her recent HBO drama Vinyl. She championed the cause of shame-free public breastfeeding by circulating photos of herself nursing her son. She amuses in comic roles–witness her recurring part as rich-girl activist Brit in Portlandia–and she has lovely blue-green eyes. The cheekbone/chin combination, though: I just can’t. Nevertheless, when she is properly positioned (chin and cheekbones down), Wilde is an astonishingly lovely woman. With her eyelids closed, the high arch below her eyebrow mirrors the curve around her nose and lips when her face is in profile. Current partner Jason Sudeikis is a lucky man to be able to lounge next to her in bed, or, as the photo above suggests, in a large bird bath.
12. Chris Hemsworth
Well, ScarJo was apparently right. We all know that the studly star of Thor and the Avengers flicks has always been a hottie. But did you know what a big softie he was? In this pic he looks every inch the resting god as he cuddles with his kid on a long plane flight. Hemsworth may be playing the part of a great dad but you can’t hide hotness like that, even when he is caught in such an innocent moment. Then again, when it comes to the relative hotness scale of celebrities, we have to say he looks pretty darn good either way, actually. Hemsworth’s comfort with himself is evident in his relaxed facial muscles whether he is asleep or awake. Note that “relaxed” doesn’t mean “slack-mouthed and drooling.” His ability to keep his mouth closed while sleeping is key to his somnambulant success.
11. All Of Fifth Harmony
The members of this composite X-Factor girl group aren’t exactly hideous, but they aren’t gorgeous, either. They are rather more like people that you went to school with who did a little bit of modelling on the side. The focus-grouped slickness of their pop presence doesn’t add much glamour to them. When Ally Brooke, Normani Kordei, Dinah Jane, Camila Cabello and Lauren Jauregui are dead to the world, however, these young women revert to their high school sweetness. They look human, in fact. Roboticism may be attractive for those who dream of visiting a real-life Westworld, but true hotness requires a body temperature above freezing. Being the ages that they are, they revel in posting pictures of their singing pals on social media so we’re sure to see more sleeping pics of them any day now.
10. Tilda Swinton
Tilda Swinton won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her awesome performance in 2008’s Michael Clayton. But her best piece of performing might just be the random ‘art’ installations called “The Maybe” that she has been participating in since the ’90s. Basically our gal Tilda shows up unannounced at hip sleeping spots like New York City’s Museum of Modern Art and puts on a show by sleeping in a glass box. Her grace and presence, even asleep, seem to steal the show, every time. This gifted performer of stage and screen is coming soon to a theater near you in Doctor Strange as the mystic who trains the good doctor to superherodom. When the British thespian is asleep and curled up in a cozy shirt and pants, her face softens, and the curve of her shapely brows highlights the sensitivity of a visage that, when Swinton is up and about, conveys a range of emotions that most traditionally gorgeous actors cannot convey.
9. Lady Gaga
Not everyone goes gaga for Lady Gaga. Some find her nose too sharp, her lips and smile too lopsided, her design sense too bizarre. Lately Gaga has adopted a visual style more reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe than Marilyn Manson. Her Emmy award for American Horror Story and her musical collaborations with Tony Bennett may have affected her. Don’t count on Gaga to fall asleep at her career’s wheel anytime soon, however; she likes to keep her brand fresh by changing things up.
8. Bella Thorne
This young actor comes to us by way of the Disney Channel’s musical comedy series Shake It Up (2010-2013). She starred as CeCe Jones, who, with pal Rocky Blue (played by Zendaya), reveled the backstage melodrama of two school kids trying to make their mark in show business. Thorne is all grown up now and has made her mark in the television series Big Love, among other projects. The gingers of the world don’t always get positive attention, but she seems to have managed to turn some heads. If the wide-awake Thorne doesn’t do it, check out the napping Thorne, all tuckered out, it seems, after a shopping trip. She is another example of the all-American girl that has graced the screens and dreams of many a full-blooded man.
7. Amy Schumer
We all know Amy Schumer is better known for her comedy than her looks. The hero of the film Trainwreck, the Comedy Central series Inside Amy Schumer, and the HBO stand-up special Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo certainly tries her best with the smoky eye makeup and the skin-bearing fashion. Perhaps her best side, however, is the one with her butt sticking-up in the air and one cheek pressed into the mattress. With the camera looking at her from above and with her hair pinned back, she does have a cute little ear. Her dog certainly seems to appreciate the situation, and who are we to question the taste of that handsome brute at her side? The information security company McAfee recently named Schumer the Most Dangerous Celebrity of 2016 because of how frequently an Internet search of her name leads to websites that spread malware. For those who find badness hot, then, Schumer may just be your gal.
Amy Lee, or Ailee as she is known in the music business, is a K-pop singer raised in New Jersey but a resident of South Korea since 2010. Typically, she looks like that cheerful girl with the locker down the hallway from yours in tenth grade but whom you never talked to. She still sort of looks like that. When she is asleep, though, Ailee appears downright transcendent. No dropped mouth and drool for this sleeping beauty. She is all composure and self-assurance. Her hair drapes around her as if aware of its role in making her so attractive. After some social media missteps, Ailee is making a comeback with an upcoming album. She released “If You,” a single from that album, in August 2016.
5. Miley Cyrus
Although she has not been in the spotlight so much recently, few can forget her insistence on being in the spotlight. She made twerking a thing, and her provocative clothing rarely leaves much to the imagination. Her face veers towards the homely side, in part because of poorly applied mascara and the prominent gums and teeth inside her large mouth. When the former child star sleeps, however, she reveals a different side of herself. Her mouth, which normally is not an asset, becomes a plump set of luscious lips rather than a sneering maw. As well, the little beauty mark on her cheek gives her an air of sophistication that Cyrus tends not to display in public. These days she is on public display as a coach on The Voice alongside Blake Shelton, Adam Levine, and Alicia Keys.
4. Nicki Minaj
Her visual signature has altered over her career. Gone are bubblegum wigs and snakey accessories. One thread common to all her looks, however, is an emphasis on her curves. As much as Trinidadian-born Onika Tanya Maraj tries to bring the focus to her chest and booty, many starwatchers have failed to be overwhelmed by her overall beauty. Still, when she is asleep as she is in the photo above, Minaj reveals a profile that in the past might have caught the eye of an ancient Egyptian king or a Renaissance painter. She also manages the “sleepy girl” gaping mouth the best of all the people on this list. Not only is her face shown to best effect, but her breasts and legs draw the eye as well.
3. Kristen Stewart
Doesn’t she always look asleep? Perhaps. However, she has made enough films requiring her to lie down to provide some proof that an awake Kristen looks different from a sleeping Kristen. In Snow White and the Huntsman, for example, Stewart had substantial screen time as the bewitched princess waiting for her knight in shining armor to free her from her permanent repose with a pure-hearted smooch. When Stewart lies comatose, her youthful girlishness shines forth, and her usual stolid stare and skeptical smirk disappear. Stewart skipped the Snow White prequel, so to see her, members of Team Bella must make do with Personal Shopper and the upcoming Ang Lee film Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk. Chris Hemsworth stars in the Snow White prequel, though, so fans of attractive REM stagers may want to check out The Huntsman: Winter’s War.
2. Kourtney Kardashian
Some people might argue that all the Kardashian/Jenner ladies should appear on this list. But physically Kourtney Kardashian constitutes a mashup of the physical attributes of all the Kardashian clan, so she is an effective representative sample. When Kourtney is asleep, as she is shown above napping with her son, she is not so much beautiful as peaceful. The Kardashians always seem to be trying too hard, and the resulting anxiety manifests itself in tightness around the eyes and inauthentic half-smiles. In the bliss of lalaland, however, Kourtney becomes a normal person, free from the frantic gong show that is the life of a KK. Her sister’s recent home invasion and robbery in Paris may be giving Kourtney bad dreams, but the world wishes them well.
1. Lena Dunham
This actor and writer courts plenty of media attention for her public forays into identity politics. She might possibly hate the very idea of this entire list. I don’t want Dunham to hate me, but sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, as she knows full well (win=Lenny, lose=Odell Beckham Jr). In any event, Dunham is no classic beauty, at least usually. When she sleeps, however, and when the lighting is right, her voluptuousness, pale skin, and readiness to strip down leads to some sexually enticing images reminiscent, say, of a post-Renaissance painting. Dunham is known for her willingness to parade around naked on her HBO show Girls, and since it is her show (she created it, produces it, writes for it, stars in it, and sometimes directs it), her participation in female nudity comes willingly. In short: I hope she likes this list.
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